She put her purse down on a red and white striped sofa.
Seth watched her. “Do you want a beer, wine, something?”
“I’m driving. Do you have any coffee?”
“Sure. I’ll put some on.” The all-white kitchen was in a corner alcove of the apartment. Seth prepared coffee in a white coffee maker. He took out two white mugs and put them on the counter. “Do you take anything in your coffee?”
“No. I drink it black.”
“Good.” He smiled slightly. “’Cause I don’t have anything to put in it.”
When the coffee was ready, Serena sat down on the couch and Seth perched on a red leather footstool. “So what is the new show about?” he asked.
“It’s a weekly program, consisting of documentaries and news commentary.” Serena sipped her coffee. “For the first week we’re going to hit the streets and ask the people what they would like to see. And we thought some good music would be in order to add some drama to the piece.”
“We?”
“Me and my co-host. It’s not John Duncan anymore. He’s sick, and I have another co-host.”
“Who?”
“His name is Nick Fraser.” Serena felt herself fill up with emotion when she spoke Nick’s name.
Seth’s look implied he guessed how she felt about Nick. “I do believe I might have seen him on TV.”
“Possibly. He just came back from overseas.”
Seth shook his head. “I wondered what it was. He’s a field journalist.”
“Yes.” Serena felt she spoke the word far too succinctly. But then why bother hiding what Seth already knew?
“Aren’t things going too well?”
“He’s a strong personality.”
“So are you. That shouldn’t be a problem.”
“It’s just that I hadn’t really got a handle on this show ahead of his coming in to take over. John was so loose, and I realize now that was probably because he was ill.”
“Will me supplying the music help?”
Serena met his intent gaze. “Let’s put it this way. If I don’t get you, then I might feel that Nick thinks I’m pretty useless.”
Seth frowned. “Is that how he makes you feel?”
“I feel like I need to overachieve with him. You might not understand that because you’re a man.”
“No. I understand. It’s the same way we both feel with mother.”
Serena nodded. “Yes. In some ways. So please, Seth, I’d appreciate the favor. If you’re not playing a gig.”
“Happens we’re free tonight, but—you know we’re not everyone’s choice.”
Serena looked into his face. He was so like her father now he was older that she felt a heavy sensation in the pit of her stomach. But she also wanted to reach out to touch her brother and hug him. “It might give you wonderful exposure, and it would put the show in a central spot for us. We need to carve a place in the market. Right now it’s hanging out there unproven.”
“We’ll come down and see what it’s about.”
He surprised her with his capitulation. “You mean that?”
“I always mean what I say. I’m willing to help you out. I also want to meet Nick.”
“Why?”
Seth grinned. “Because he’s got you in a flap. Is he like Dad?”
Serena cupped her mug. “Actually, he is. Very much like my father.”
“My father as well. Even if I never knew him. Even if he was never mentioned in the family. I read his book, by the way.”
Seth had always been bitter about the absence of his father from his life. He knew he was dead before he was born, of course, but he hated the way Serena and her mother never mentioned him or acknowledged him. “Did you learn anything?”
“I learned a great deal. I wish I’d known him.”
“Even if he hadn’t died you’d never have known him. He was never darn well here.” She placed the mug down on the floor, as there were no tables, and stood up. She picked up her purse. “Well, if it’s okay with you, I’ll see you at Steel tonight. I’ll meet you in the foyer at six-thirty. You can’t get in without a pass.”
“Why won’t you ever talk about him? Why don’t you tell me something about him?”
“I don’t know much. He came, he went. He.”
“He what?”
“He’s not my idol, not by a long-shot. He hurt us all. He came home and made mother pregnant, then went away and got himself blown up. What kind of guy would do that?”
“Someone dedicated to his work.”
“Is that what you’ve learned from his book?”
“Yes, it is.” He stood up to join her. “I wish you and mother would talk about him, that’s all. I wish she’d tell me things.”
“Well, she won’t. He hurt her. He hurt me. It’s too deep. The wounds are still there.”
“I can see that, with you anyway, and I find it damned annoying. I think mother’s over it. She’s just too bloody busy all the time.”
Serena heard bitterness. “I thought you liked getting on with your own life.”
“To some extent I do. But it would be kind of nice to have a family get-together once in a while. A little acknowledgment that I do exist.”
Serena hadn’t known he felt neglected. “I’m sorry.”
“You can be sorry.” He touched her shoulder. “I’ll see you at six-thirty in the foyer with the other guys. All right?”
Serena reached up and touched his hand. “All right. Thanks for the coffee.”
Seth walked her to the door. He surprised her. He put his hand on her hip and leaned down and kissed her cheek. “From Dad.”
“What do you mean?”
“Read his book and you’ll find out.”
“I don’t think I’m ready.”
“What has to happen to make you ready?”
“I don’t know, Seth. I just know that I can’t open the wound.”
He patted her hip. “Ah, Serena. You know what you should do?”
“What?”
“Go get yourself a man of your own, and then you’ll relegate Dad to where he’s supposed to be, a memory. You can’t keep running from pain, you know. You have to face up to it.”
“How do you know this? You’re younger than me.”
“I was born old.” He grinned. “Now go. I’ll see you later.”
Impulsively Serena kissed her brother’s cheek. “Thanks.”
In her car Serena sat for a moment before starting the engine. Seth had been wonderful today. She realized how much she liked him, how good he was. She was definitely going to have to talk to her mother about this new insight into Seth’s feelings. She would certainly try to see her brother more often. Staying away because he reminded her of Stuart Redding Brown was a silly reason. If she faced Seth long and hard enough then she might even get over her father’s desertion. In turn that would mean she wouldn’t be so hung up over men like Nick Fraser. She might even begin to appreciate men like Nick. Maybe, as Seth suggested, even have a love affair.
As she drove back to the Steel Tower, Serena couldn’t believe how good the decision to take positive action actually felt.
Chapter Six
When Serena introduced him to her brother, Nick thought, He’s his father’s double. There was no doubt of Seth Brown’s heritage. As they shook hands he almost told the young man that he admired his father, but he wasn’t sure what Seth’s position was on Redding Brown.
Nick glanced at Serena, who was chatting to one of Seth’s band members. She wore her khaki pants tonight, with a sweater the creamy color of French Vanilla ice cream. Her hair was loose, less sleek and more ruffled than usual. She looked delightful, sexy and confident. Rob, the drummer she was talking to, was very good looking with a mane of golden brown hair. He was obviously smitten with her and Nick felt a dark sensation he recognized as plain old jealousy.
He hid his feelings by rounding up the band to play their music. He stood next to Serena while they listened to Lite, inhaling
her perfume and trying to concentrate on the job at hand.
Luckily the band was good enough to sway his mind to their music, and Nick heard just the sound he was looking for. He specifically liked a cut called The Darkest Hour and thought it would be a perfect musical accompaniment to their show.
He whispered to Serena. “They’re great.”
“I didn’t realize they were so good.” Her eyes were shining in a way he hadn’t seen them shine since he’d met her on Wednesday evening. He realized then that there was a great deal of pain down deep inside Serena. Pain he would like to bring to the surface and erase. With her eyes shining with pride for her brother she was so beautiful she made his heart ache.
He moved his shoulder closer to hers. “Haven’t you ever heard them?”
“No. I don’t see Seth very often.” Then she stood up and walked over to the band. “You guys are excellent.”
Nick went with her, making sure he stayed by her side. “I thought so as well,” he said.
“You’ve got a gig,” Don told Seth. “Do you want to come up to my office and we’ll discuss finances?”
Nick thought for a moment Seth seemed to hesitate, and he understood why. The man had messages in his song-writing that could possibly be diluted, even overshadowed, by a TV show.
Nick said, “Why don’t you give him the weekend to think about it, Don?”
But the other band members were enthusiastic. After glances all around, which proved they were close to one another as friends and artists, Seth agreed to go to Don’s office.
“I think it’s a great opportunity for Seth,” Serena said to Nick as they walked out of the building together later.
“Certainly a talented man.”
“I always knew it, I guess, but I’d never had it confirmed.”
They reached her Porsche. Nick had parked the rental car a few vehicles down.
“See you at Don’s,” he said.
She stood with her hand on her car door handle. “Do you know where it is?”
“Don gave me an invitation with a map, but I’ve no idea how to get there.”
“It’s not far from my place.”
“Then why don’t I pick you up?” He wanted to be with her. “Save you driving. You can show me the way.”
She tugged on the door handle and opened the car. “It’s not necessary.”
“No. But it might look good for Don to see us as a united front.”
“Well …”
Nick’s heart actually lurched with excitement as he saw her succumbing to his plan.
“All right. It will save taking two cars, and it means I can have a glass of wine or two.” She smiled.
“Absolutely.” Nick wished he didn’t feel quite so thrilled about the thought of an actual sort of date on Saturday evening. Excitement meant more than casual involvement. Dates were for kids falling in love. But then so was jealousy and wanting to erase her pain. All these feelings were new to him, new and exciting. “Tell me where you live.”
She explained where in West Vale she lived then he watched the Porsche leaving the parking lot before he turned to his own car. He looked forward, with a soulful yearning, to tomorrow evening when he would see Serena once more.
•
Her mother had phoned four times and left messages on the answering machine. Reeva never used cell phones. While she slipped out of her clothes, Serena pushed the automatic dial on her cordless phone and listened to the phone ring at the other end. Gerry answered. She asked Gerry for her mother. She’d never been very close to her mother’s latest husband. Or any of her mother’s men for that matter. She was just pleased that her mother had seemed to settle at last for one man. Gerry Carstairs adored Reeva.
“Serena, where have you been? You left me a message, so I called Steel and they said you were in the studio. And also that you have moved offices.” Reeva possessed a beautiful accent. She enunciated every word. She was a very popular local politician and had been elected in two terms in a row. Serena was never quite sure of her mother’s platform. Sometimes it seemed geared for the ordinary Joe or Jane, other times for the upwardly mobile couples.
“Yes. I moved offices for my new show, Neon Nights.”
“Did you have to move far? Up or down?”
Serena smiled as she wriggled into a cotton night shirt. “Up, naturally. This show is a step up, Mom.”
“As long as it is up. Never go down, baby.”
Serena spoke the words her mother would want to hear. “If I go down, I quit.”
“A positive attitude. That is what I like. I will be seeing you soon anyway, sweetie. Don Steel sent us an invitation to his soirée tomorrow evening and Gerry thought it might be a good idea for us to drop by your place and have a little drink with you. We’ll drive over in the Lincoln, which will save you driving yourself.”
Serena pulled the shirt down around her thighs. Why did life have to suddenly become so complex? “I’m not driving myself.”
“You mean you have a date?”
“Not really. But Nick Fraser, my co-host, has never been to Don’s before because he’s just joined Steel. He’s coming by to pick me up.”
“That’s fine. No problem. We can all have a drink and easily squeeze into the Lincoln.”
Serena knew she had no choice. The Lincoln was large enough to accommodate them all. Besides, her mother ruled. “I suppose Nick won’t mind.”
“Of course he won’t mind. We’ll all go together. It’ll be fun.”
Fun, Serena thought, as she hung up the phone. How was she going to have fun stuck between her bossy mother, meek Gerry and sexy Nick? She wondered if she should call Nick to inform him about the change of plans, then decided against the call. He’d find out when he arrived what the plans were, and he’d also discover you didn’t argue with Reeva Brown-Carstairs.
Her mother hadn’t always been that way. The mega-strength had evolved from the mishaps and tragedies in her life. In some ways Reeva and Serena had grown up together, and her mother had excelled in adulthood beyond the boundaries.
Not wanting to think about all that tonight, Serena walked moodily around her house. The weather was humid and sticky, not at all as one would expect in September, and her body felt entirely unhappy burdened with the emotions circulating through her in the past few days.
She stopped in the kitchen and poured herself a big glass of cranberry juice from the container in the refrigerator. Pascal hovered around her legs. She drank, put down the glass and squatted to pat him.
“What am I going to do, Pascal? I’ve never really been in love. Yet sometimes I wish I could fall in love. Just for the hell of it.”
Pascal flopped on to the floor and Serena settled beside him for his nightly rub down. She began with his ears and he purred loudly. “Like that? You do, yes. I wouldn’t mind someone rubbing me this way tonight.” Nick Fraser’s face came into her mind, and for a second she let herself feel his touch. Her imagination left her hot and trembling, proving that it was definitely Nick who’d placed all this uneasiness inside her.
Pascal eventually got bored. Serena rose to her feet and began the routine of locking up the house for the night. This predicament was all her own fault. She should have let herself fall in love years ago. But she’d never met anyone she felt she could trust with her inner self. She ran like a frightened rabbit whenever she’d felt herself falling in love with a man. Now she was hung up with dissecting every relationship that came along. Even the thought of falling in love brought on a mini-anxiety attack. She knew all about the hurt and pain love brought with it. She’d lived with her mother’s suffering.
Serena finished the lock-up and walked into her bedroom to find Pascal already settling down in the middle of the floral green and pink duvet. He was licking himself expansively.
She laughed and tucked herself into bed beside him. “What guy would put up with you every night on the bed?”
But even having Pascal with her tonight didn’t stop her feeling l
onely and full of longing. She rolled over on to her stomach and pressed her face desperately into the pillow. Tomorrow evening she would see Nick Fraser in a social situation. Maybe he’d get drunk, or obnoxious, like a lot of men she knew. Anything so she wouldn’t fall in love with him.
•
Nick missed the corner store landmark the first time, and then wasn’t sure which road he was to take, so he went into the store to ask the way. When he saw the bunches of pink and white asters, he purchased a bouquet for Serena to accompany the bottle of wine he’d slipped into the car on the way out of Toronto. He made himself feel like a guy on a first date, when in reality this wasn’t a date at all.
He took the flowers to the counter. “Do you know where Serena Brown lives?” he asked the woman.
She began wrapping the flowers. “Yes. Just down the road. She’s famous around here. I took one of her courses once, on television journalism. She doesn’t teach them anymore, but when she first came here, three years ago, she taught two evenings a week at the West Vale High School.” She handed Nick the bouquet and gave him his change. “Have a nice evening.”
“You too,” he said. He thought it interesting that Serena should teach journalism. It was really even more interesting that she’d followed her father’s career. But then he was discovering that anything about Serena interested him.
Nick found the narrow laneway he’d missed the first time and located Serena’s house. A broad white Lincoln in the driveway was parked in front of a double garage. As the luxury car stood in the center blocking both doors, he had no choice but to pull in behind it. He felt disappointed that he might not be alone with Serena, unless she also drove a Lincoln.
Carrying the wine and the flowers, he tried to decide whether he should approach the front door or go around the side of the house. When he heard voices from the back, he ducked beneath the wooden trellis and walked around the brick house to where there was a low octagonal wooden deck that led out from one of those sunrooms with curved windows. Upon the deck was a pine table shaded by a dark green umbrella and some matching pine chairs with seat cushions in green and purple. Two people sat talking and drinking. The man in trendy white cottons wore glasses, and was slim with smooth, dark brown hair. The woman, in a flowing exotic print dress was blond, stunning. Both were probably in their early sixties.
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