Skulduggery Pleasant: Last Stand of Dead Men

by Derek Landy

  Wait. No. That wasn’t right. She’d pushed at the air. Ajuoga had run at her and jumped and Valkyrie had pushed at the air.

  No you didn’t.

  She’d pushed at the air because that’s what she did. She’d needed to keep Ajuoga away from her so that’s what she did. She’d used Elemental magic because that’s what Skulduggery had taught her.

  You killed her.

  “Valkyrie,” Skulduggery said, speaking quietly.

  “Mm?”

  “Valkyrie, look at me.”

  She looked at him.

  “Put her down, Valkyrie.”

  She nodded, and the shadow laid Ajuoga on the ground next to the circle and then it sank back into the darkness of the room, like it was never there.

  Murderer.

  Fletcher’s eyes were wide. He said nothing. Skulduggery was looking at her. He stood perfectly still. His head was perfectly straight.

  “Valkyrie,” he said. He liked using her name. “I need you to break her necklace now. Can you do that? Break her necklace and we can get out of here. Come on now. We don’t have much time. Someone will have heard. They’ll be coming.”

  Killer.

  She walked over to the woman

  that you killed

  and looked down at her. Despite the blood, she was beautiful.

  “Valkyrie, I can hear them,” said Skulduggery. “They’re coming. Break the necklace. Valkyrie. Valkyrie.”

  “Look out!” Fletcher cried.

  She turned and a Bride came through the door with her hand already lighting up.

  think we should talk.

  It’s OK, you keep doing what you’re doing. I’ll say what needs to be said. Don’t let me distract you. Hit her again, though. You need to hit her again. OK, good. I think you broke her jaw. Nice one.

  Skulduggery. I have to help Skulduggery and Fletcher.

  They’re fine. Skulduggery’s managed to snag Ajuoga’s cape. Look at him. He’s pulling her into the circle. He’ll break the necklace and they’ll be free. We don’t have to worry about them. We have to get you out of here. Let’s run. Go on. Run.

  Good girl.

  I know things haven’t worked out the way you wanted when all this began. You wanted fun and adventure and all these exciting things. Of course you did. That’s nothing to be—

  Duck.

  Now throw a shadow at her. Throw a – oooh, nice. Now where was I?

  Nothing to be ashamed about.

  Yes, thank you. Wanting a life less ordinary is a perfectly natural wish to make. Everyone makes it. The only difference is, for you it came true. You’re one of the lucky ones.

  I should have stayed where I was.

  What do you mean? Back in the room with Skulduggery or—?

  I should have stayed normal. I’m sorry now I pestered him to take me along.

  No you’re not. You can fool most people, but you can’t fool me. I know you’ve missed your parents and I know you regret not seeing your sister’s first steps with your own eyes, but sacrifices had to be made. You made them, in exchange for the extraordinary. And you’re not sorry you did it. Not one bit. Take this left.

  The way’s blocked.

  They’re only Devoted. They won’t be able to stop you.

  I can’t hurt them.

  Of course you can.

  I don’t want to.

  What am I going to do with you? Just push them aside. Use the air.

  See how easy that was? Keep running now.

  The Brides have seen me.

  Of course they have. And they’re gaining. They are quite fast for belly dancers, aren’t they? They probably hate being called that. Shout it back to them, see what they say.

  No.

  I swear, Valkyrie, you are no fun any more. Better duck. Woah. That was a close one. You realise, of course, that if one of those energy streams hits you in the head, we’re both toast, right? I’m not going to have time to swoop in and save the day. Maybe you should throw a fireball or two, just to distract them. That’s it. Just click aaaaand … throw!

  Huh. I never noticed before. You have terrible aim.

  I wasn’t trying to hit them.

  In that case, you’ve succeeded admirably.

  Just wanted to slow them down.

  Suuuure. Hey, did you know that you’re missing the top of your ear?

  She bit it off.

  That cow. That horrible, horrible cow. I wish you’d done worse to her now. I wish you’d made her suffer. There’s someone up ahead. Did you hear me? There’s someone up—

  Oh, this is brilliant. Oh, this is just great. Rolling around on a cave floor with another psychotic belly dancer is exactly what you want to be doing right now. We should have sold tickets for this. If you want, I could help. Just step aside and I’ll—

  No.

  Your choice, of course.

  These skirts don’t exactly allow you to keep much of your dignity, do they? Better hurry up. The others are almost here. You have her arm. Break it. All you have to do is break it and you can get up and keep running. Stop trying to look for another way to finish this and just break her damn—

  Yowch. She’s a screamer, isn’t she? You never can tell, I suppose. OK, back on your feet.

  The thing is, Valkyrie, you didn’t ask for this. I know you didn’t. Wanting a life of adventure is one thing – wanting a life where the fate of the world rests on your shoulders is something else entirely.

  Run in here. Hide.

  Hold your breath. Hold it or they’ll hear you. Hold it …

  Are they gone? Take a peek. Are they gone? They’re gone. See that ledge up there? Use the air.

  Wheeeeeee.

  OK. I’m pretty sure I know the way out from here. Proceed with caution, though. I’ll fill this awkward silence with words of great wisdom and passable wit. You never asked for the burdens you’ve been given. At the start you were a victim of your own bloodline, and by the time that passed you were already in too deep. You’d developed a taste for the life these sorcerers led, and you were proving yourself, again and again. Much was asked of you, and you stepped up, Valkyrie. You understood that with great power comes great responsibility.

  That’s from Spider-Man.

  What?

  It’s what Uncle Ben said to Peter Parker.

  No it’s not. I made that up right there. We just have to go down this little tunnel here and we should see daylight.

  We should have waited for Skulduggery.

  He’ll be fine. He’s probably already waiting for us at the car. Then we can all drive away and – you’re slowing down. Why are you slowing down? Are you crying?

  I can’t do this any more.

  You don’t have to. Valkyrie, you’ve been through so much. Too much. The reflection has taken over your life. You’ve been tortured. You’ve lost your uncle and your cousin. You lost Kenspeckle Grouse. You lost Tanith to that Remnant. And now you’ve lost Ghastly. One by one they’re snatched away from you. You can’t be expected to keep going through all that. You’ve risked everything to save the world, again and again, only to wake up one night and realise that you’re the one who’s going to end it.

  You’re going to end it. Not me. You.

  I am you.

  No. You’re twisted and evil and wrong.

  That’s hardly a healthy attitude to take to your own psyche. I’m part of you. When you let me take over, you don’t go away, do you? You’re still there. Every thing I’ve done and every life I’ve taken, you were there. You remember it all. You tell yourself that I’m the wicked one and you don’t have any choice in the matter. That’s how you sleep at night. But it gets to you. Of course it does. You have so much blood on your hands.

  Walking quickly won’t change that. Wherever you go, you take me with you, remember?

  You kill people. Not me.

  You’ve forgotten Caelan already, have you?

  I didn’t kill Caelan. The saltwater did.

  And who pushed him in?
Who held him under?

  He was going to kill Fletcher. He was going to kill me. I had to do it.

  I agree. But let’s not pretend. His death is on your hands. But, of course, he was a vampire, wasn’t he? He was a thing, a monster. It’s easier to justify killing a monster. Easier to ignore, too. But Ajuoga wasn’t a vampire.

  She wanted to kill me.

  So you killed her first.

  It was an accident. I didn’t mean to.

  Valkyrie, please. I’m inside your head. You wanted the fight to end. Your conscious mind, the civilised part of you, wanted to use Elemental magic to keep her away. But what did you actually do? You used Necromancy, a discipline Skulduggery has warned you against so many times in the past. Why has he warned you?

  Because it’s easy.

  Exactly. Because it’s easy. Because it obeys your more primal nature. Necromancy isn’t civilised. It’s power. It’s easy power. And you embraced it, because you like easy power. Power that doesn’t take years to master.

  I still didn’t mean to kill her.

  It wasn’t about killing her. You just wanted the fight to end, so you ended it. You chose the simplest, most direct option. The easy option. As usual.

  What are you doing?

  Ajuoga. A beautiful name, isn’t it? She’s the first Ajuoga you’ve ever met, the only Ajuoga you’ve ever known, and you killed her.

  What are you trying to do?

  Keep going. We’re almost there.

  Are you trying to make me let you take over?

  Of course.

  I won’t do it. I can’t.

  You can and you will. You’re about to. You’re ready to give up. You want all this to be over, don’t you? So choose the easy option. You know you want to.

  You’ll kill too many people. You’ll kill my family.

  Our family. And I have no intention of killing our family. You’ve already seen how Cassandra’s visions can change. You saw Ghastly kiss Tanith – that’s not going to happen any more, is it? Because the future was changed. And it can change again. I might not destroy the world. I might have a change of heart.

  No. Leave me alone. Leave me—

  Oh, dear.

  Ooooh, now I remember. Yes, we should have taken a right where we took a left. If we had taken the right, that would have brought us to the surface. Instead …

  They’re everywhere.

  They look mad.

  I have to get out of here. I have to—

  And they’re blocking the way back. Between you and me, these are some angry-looking belly dancers. I don’t think I’ve ever seen belly dancers look as angry as this.

  You led me here. You led me into a trap.

  That’s a terrible thing to say. It’s quite true, but terrible. Watch out, I see a hand lighting up. If I were you, I’d—

  Too late.

  That … OK, that is gross. That was one of my favourite legs. Could you stop screaming, please? Could you pay attention? They’re closing in. Another hand is lighting up. Valkyrie? Stop screaming and look—

  Wow. That was a good shot. I know, I know, we no longer have a left arm below the elbow, but did you see that shot? Textbook.

  Help.

  Sorry? What was that? I couldn’t hear you over the sound of your own screaming.

  Help me.

  Sure. Let me take over.

  Heal me.

  I will, absolutely. I’ll reattach that leg and regrow that arm and I’ll even regrow the chunk of ear that cow bit off. Just step aside and let me at the controls.

  For a moment. Just a moment.

  No, no. I’m sorry, Valkyrie, you can’t just use me when you want to and then push me aside. Not any more. My time has come. Our time has come.

  And there goes the other arm. These belly dancers are a sadistic lot, aren’t they?

  The pain …

  Is pretty bad, I have to agree. Let me shut it off. I can do it. You know I can. You like it when I do that. You love being me. Admit it.

  Please.

  Just say the word. Let me come in and take over. For good, this time. No more sharing. Not any more. We’re way past that now. This is what you want, Valkyrie, deep down in your twisted little heart. Just say the word and I can make all your pain and doubt go away. I can erase your confusion and regret. You’ll never have to be afraid again. Just say the word. One little word …

  Yes.

  Good girl. Good girl.

  Now watch these witches burn.

  tephanie was working her way through a book – The Stand, by Stephen King – when Fletcher teleported into her room. She shrieked and bounced off her bed and stumbled against her desk, the book falling to the ground with a thud.

  Eyes wide, she stared at him. He had an armful of black clothes, with a pair of boots, a gauntlet and a stick on top. Valkyrie’s stick.

  “She’s gone,” he said in a hollow voice.

  Stephanie frowned. “Valkyrie?”

  “She’s …” Fletcher gave a little laugh. “What am I doing, tiptoeing around it? You know she’s Darquesse. Of course you do. Well, now she’s Darquesse full-time.”

  Stephanie straightened up. “What happened?”

  “A lot of stuff. She was captured, did you know that? She had a psychic poking around in her head. And then she and Skulduggery came looking for me and it all went wrong. She was surrounded, she was going to be killed. We went after her, but … you should have seen it. There must have been a hundred of them and she – she killed them all. The amount of blood …”

  “But she might recover,” Stephanie said.

  Fletcher shook his head. “Skulduggery said that Darquesse had slipped out a few times before, but it was never for more than a few minutes. But she’s been Darquesse now for two days. No one knows where she is, no one knows what she’s going to do …”

  “How did the others take it?”

  “What, you mean the news that Valkyrie’s the one they should have been fighting all along? They don’t know yet. He hasn’t told them. He’s going to tell them today.”

  “Does he know you’re here?”

  “Skulduggery? No. Why should he? I just thought you needed to know. If you see her, you call me, OK?”

  “OK. You brought back her clothes.”

  “Yeah.”

  “That was nice of you.”

  She took them from him and he sat on the bed. “I didn’t know what else to do. Skulduggery’s just gone really quiet and … I don’t have anyone else to talk to. I mean, I just found out yesterday that Ghastly was dead.”

  “Oh, God. Fletch, I’m sorry.”

  “I’m not sure that he ever liked me, but he talked to me, you know? He always had time to talk.”

  “And I’m sorry about Myra as well.”

  “Ah, yes, Myra. The girlfriend who tried to kill me. I suppose I should be flattered, actually, that she went to the trouble of starting a fire in her dorm hoping that I’d teleport in and save the day. That shows dedication, right? That shows commitment. Not to me, or the relationship, but to her career as a hired killer. You’ve got to admire that. But what a track record, eh? You cheat on me, the next girlfriend tries to kill me …”

  “I didn’t cheat on you.”

  He blinked at her. “Hmm? I know that. Did I say that? Oh, God, I did. Sorry.”

  “How about you call me Stephanie?” she said gently. “It might make a difference if you know I have a name.”

  “Yeah, sure. Sorry, Stephanie, I didn’t mean you.”

  “That’s quite all right, Fletcher. So what’s the plan now? What’s the next move?”

  “The plan is to teleport into Roarhaven and shut off the Accelerator, then take down Ravel and find some way to beat Mantis’s army and then the Warlocks, who are on their way. Easy, right? It’s just that Skulduggery’s going to tell the others that Valkyrie is Darquesse. I don’t know how they’re going to take that, or the fact that he kept it from them for all this time. Gordon will be there, too. How’s he going
to react?”

  “He already knows. You’re meeting at his house?”

  “We were over at Finbar’s place, but we have to switch. Y’know, for security reasons. Stephanie, what will Darquesse do? I mean, what does she want?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “All the psychics say she’ll destroy the world and kill everyone. But Valkyrie wouldn’t do that.”

  She sat beside him, and held his hand. “When she’s Darquesse, she’s different, Fletch. To her, it’s not about who she hurts or who she kills, it’s about the feeling she gets when she does it. It makes her … happy.”

  “Happy?”

  “In a way. It’s kind of freeing, not to be held back by laws or rules or conscience.”

  “But she loves her family. She’d never do anything to hurt her family.”

  “Fletcher, I can’t think like Darquesse. I can only think like Valkyrie. And you’re right, Valkyrie would never hurt her family, just like I never would. But Darquesse is different.”

  “She’ll find a way to beat it. Valkyrie will. She’s strong. She won’t let herself hurt anyone she loves.”

  Stephanie turned to him fully. “Valkyrie’s confused. She’s always been confused. She has all these conflicting thoughts and feelings. I’m afraid she mightn’t know what she’s doing.”

  Fletcher raised his eyes to hers. “Did she ever love me?”

  Stephanie hesitated. She wanted to lie. She wanted to make him feel better. But she couldn’t. “No,” she said. “But she cared about you. She still does.”

  “But she didn’t love me.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  His eyes grew colder. “What about the vampire? Did she love him?”

  “No. She barely liked him.”

  “Then why was she with him?”

  “Because she’s confused. She thought she wanted someone dangerous.”

  “What did they—?”

  “Oh, Fletcher … what are you trying to do? Are you trying to torture yourself? You’re an amazing guy. You should be with someone who sees that. You should be with someone who appreciates you and … and your cool hair.”