Soon, the comforting turned to something else, and his pulse picked up as his body remembered the feel of hers wrapped tight around him.
If he was to keep that promise to himself, he had to put a stop to this now.
He released her and stepped back, reaching for his hat to keep his hands from grabbing her again. “I’m sorry things didn’t work out for us, Kerri, but I want you to know it was in no way your fault.” Bending slightly at the knee, he caught and held her gaze. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It was my entire fault and my problem. What you said to me that night at the fair is starting to make a whole hell of a lot of sense, but I’ll be honest with you.” He shoved a hand through his hair and shook his head. “I’ll be damned if I know what to do about it.” Guess he had some major soul searching to do. A slight smile tugged at his lips. “Anyway, I also wanted to congratulation you on tonight. It was a huge success.”
She blushed. “Thanks. I’d forgotten just how much I missed the crazy, wonderful, madness of a busy kitchen.” Her smile brightened the whole room with a radiance that reached into his hollowed gut and warmed some of the chill.
God, she’s so damn beautiful.
Connor shoved the hat on his head and his hands in his pockets to keep from touching her. “Well, you did good.” He smiled one last time. “Guess I’d better say good-bye, Kerri.”
He searched her face to make sure she’d gotten his meaning. Some of her light disappeared as comprehension dawned in her big brown eyes, which, heaven help him, filled with tears.
She blinked them away and nodded.
It was best for both of them if he bowed out of their...relationship. She’d have a chance to find someone who would treat her with the respect and trust she deserved. Twice now, he’d shown her that person wasn’t him.
With an ache in his chest, Connor touched his hand to his brim, then exited the kitchen, leaving his heart in the hands of the sweetest woman he’d ever known. And the only one he’d ever fallen in love with.
The realization only strengthened Connor’s resolve to leave Kerri alone to enjoy a normal life that didn’t include him and his inability to trust.
Now, he had a few things to say to Duke Carver.
It was hard to believe it had been a whole year since the McCall’s anniversary party. This year, they were having a family dinner with the Masters as the only guests. Mrs. McCall had asked Kerri to make her famous roasted vegetable orzo—a favorite of Mr. McCall’s—and told her Emma would manage the rest of the dinner. So, Kerri was at the market, squeezing zucchinis, picking out the perfect one when a shadow fell across her cart.
“Kerri,” a familiar voice said from behind.
Alarm raced down her spine in a stiffening move. Great. Duke. She hadn’t seen him since the fair two weeks ago. She tightened her grip on the zucchini should he even think of trying something again, and slowly turned to face the jerk, only to be shocked speechless by his appearance. Dark glasses did little to disguise the tape on his nose or the bruising under his eyes.
She’d connected with his jaw, not his nose. And, although she’d knocked him around a little and he’d even crashed to the ground, she didn’t recall him landing awkwardly on his arm, so the sling was as new as his broken nose.
“I just wanted to apologize for my behavior at the fair,” he said before giving her a curt nod and walking away.
Okay weird. She glanced around, expecting to see Connor, or Cole, the Daltons, even Jordan putting the realtor up to that, but a young mother and her two children were the only other customers in the small store. Yeah, really weird. She shrugged, paid for her purchases and headed back to the apartment to cook.
It wasn’t until later that night, when Connor walked into the celebration with bruises on his knuckles that her mind recalled her meeting with Duke. Her heart rocked into her ribs. She’d tried hard not to think about him the past week, but seeing him again brought all the longing and hurt to the surface again. Mostly longing. And just the thought of him searching out Duke to punish the jerk, made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It shouldn’t. She should be appalled at the Neanderthal behavior, but she wasn’t. Nope. She really wasn’t.
Her gaze strayed to him often, and even though she was at her normal seat, right across from the cowboy, she couldn’t catch his eye. All evening, the bugger avoided her gaze and direct conversation. If she hadn’t known the reasoning, she probably would’ve been hurt or annoyed, but instead, she felt bad. Really, really bad. So much so, she cornered him the minute he left the room.
“Connor, wait.” She rushed into the hall after him.
He stiffened and slowly turned to face her. Jeez. Her heart constricted and a small gasp escaped her throat. His jaw was bruised, too. Without thinking, she reached up to touch it, but he backed away.
“What do you want?” he asked, gaze as weary as his tone.
You, was the first thought that came to mind, but she curbed her tongue. Slowly lowering her hand, she hugged herself and drew in a breath. “I wanted to…I saw Duke today.”
His chin lifted and gaze hardened. “Did he apologize?”
“So, you did have something to do with his injuries,” she stated and opened her mouth to thank him, but he held up his hand in a stop gesture.
“I know what you’re going to say, I shouldn’t have. It was stupid, Neanderthal behavior, but I don’t care. The bastard deserved it and much more.”
“I agree.”
“And if it…what?” He frowned down at her. “You do?”
She nodded. “Yes. Thank you.”
“Christ, Kerri.” He shoved a hand through his hair and cursed. “Don’t thank me. You shouldn’t have to thank me. In fact, I should’ve whipped his ass that night at the fair. You should hate me. I wouldn’t blame you for hating me. I left you there. I failed you in the worst possible way—”
“Whoa. Wait a minute, Connor.” She grabbed his arm and held him in place when he made to leave. God, the reproachful look darkening his eyes, sucking the life from his features made her physically ache. “First of all, you did not fail me. You were upset. You have a history of women disappointing you. I understand that’s where you’re mind jumped—”
“Stop it. Just stop it, Kerri.” He shook her off. “That’s just it. You shouldn’t have to understand. Or thank me. I should’ve known right then, but I didn’t.” He let out a long breath, then turned to face her fully. “Look, I appreciate what you’re saying. And I get it, darlin’. I really do, but I don’t deserve it.”
She grabbed his hand. “Well, that’s where you’re wrong, cowboy,” she said, lightly brushing his bruised knuckles with her lips. “You need to stop beating yourself up. It’s over. In the past. I forgive you, now you need to forgive yourself and move on.”
His gaze softened, and he touched her bottom lip with his thumb. “You’re something else, Kerri Masters.”
She smiled and shrugged, warmth finally finding her heart for the first time in weeks.
“You deserve someone as understanding and open-minded. Someone who isn’t...me,” he said, sucking that newfound warmth from her heart. “Thank you for your forgiveness. It means a lot to me.” He dropped his hand and stepped back. “But there’s no way in hell I’ll ever forgive myself.”
With a curt nod, he twisted and walked away, similar to how Duke had left her in the store. Guilt ruled both of the men’s actions.
But the two men were very different. One was honorable and one was not. Her chest tightened. That wasn’t the big difference. No. The big difference between the two men who had fought because of her was the fact only one held her heart.
The novelty of the town’s new restaurant hadn’t worn off yet, and Kerri and Jordan were kept busy. The days had turned into weeks, and before she knew it, more than a month had passed.
She’d simply traded one torture for another.
She missed him, darn it.
Every night, Kerri found herself scanning the crowd for Connor’s sexy, lop
-sided grin, and went to bed with a longing she knew only he could satisfy.
He’d surprised her with that apology opening night, but what surprised her most was that he hadn’t asked her if they could try again. Instead, he’d said good-bye and wished her well.
He’d ended it.
Boom.
Done.
She’d been dumbfounded, and if truthful, a little disappointed.
Despite his lack of trust in her, if Connor had initiated it, if he had crooked is little pinky at her, Kerri knew she would’ve given him another chance. Of course, it inevitably would’ve ended in disaster again—because without trust you can’t have a relationship. Luckily, Connor had the hindsight to see that, and walked away. Which he did again at the anniversary dinner. She as much as gave him a second chance, but he didn’t take it. Just insisted she could do better and walked away. Again.
That was over three weeks ago, and now as she drove to have lunch with her sister and the McCalls, Kerri couldn’t help but wonder if she would get a glimpse of Connor today. She shouldn’t want to see him. They’d left it in a good place. Amicable friends. A clean break. She shouldn’t rock the boat. But…dang. She missed him. The uncontrollable urge to see him burned through her every day. What was with that? It was because of that urge she hadn’t been to Wild Creek in weeks. Not since the anniversary dinner. Need would only cause her to do something stupid, and these days, it didn’t take much.
Today, Jordan had enticed her over with the promise of one of Emma’s famous enchiladas. She hadn’t had the pleasure of one since childhood, and her taste buds were heightened in anticipation.
When she pulled up at the McCall Ranch, she noticed her sister and Mr. McCall standing by the fence of a corral where there was a lot of commotion. As Kerri neared, the excitement of a new horse being broken in explained the uproar.
She greeted her sister and Mr. McCall before turning her attention to the cowboy, noting with relief it wasn’t Connor, and ignored her increased pulse as her gaze found him on the other side of the corral.
Dang, the man was gorgeous. Tall and lean and perfect. He wore a denim shirt with the sleeves rolled up, tucked into a snug pair of faded jeans. His confident, easy-going presence was commanding, and she couldn’t tear her gaze from his face as she watched him concentrate on the horse and rider.
Excitement and pleasure emanated from him, announcing to others that he loved what he did. Kerri recognized that immediately, because she held those same feelings for cooking for other people. There was nothing better than doing what you loved for a living.
As the beautiful gray stallion bucked the rider off, Connor quickly ushered the cowboy out of harm’s way. She recognized the young man as the one who’d taken third place at the rodeo.
Then her heart bucked. Dear God, Connor was going to try to get on the demon. Kerri watched mesmerized as he circled the horse to try his luck.
Only a moment ago, she’d thought the animal beautiful with its gray coloring and black flowing mane. Now, with Connor as the rider, her outlook changed. Big time. This was a wild beast. Huge, and snarling.
Holding her breath, she watched Connor use his magic to get close enough to the horse to grab the horn of the saddle and pull himself on. The massive beast wasn’t pleased, and she watched in fear as he was tossed forward and backward while it reared and kicked. His hat fell off and the horse stomped it mercilessly with its deadly hoofs.
Kerri gasped, and noted her sister’s glance, but she didn’t care. She refused to take her eyes off Connor. With skill and determination, he stayed on the bucking horse.
As much as she wanted to leave because she couldn’t bear to see him get thrown or hurt—or worse—Kerri stayed rooted to the spot. There was no way she could go until she knew the man she loved was safe.
The man I love?
Where in the world had that come from?
Kerri gripped the fence with white knuckles and slumped against it as her mind raced to understand what her heart had just revealed.
Holy smokes. When had that happened? And how?
Sure, she’d always loved Connor, but more as an older brother when she’d been growing up.
Kerri realized with a start that all that had changed last year. Her visit had opened up her mind to the fact he was an incredibly attractive and sexy male—who was not her brother.
When she’d arrived here last December and they’d kissed again, Kerri had started to see him clearly. The more time they spent together the past few months, the more she realized her heart had always known him, and their spirits were one in the same.
Wow…that was deep. And true.
Kerri did love Connor McCall, but was darned if she knew what she was going to do about it. There were several things she could do, but since he was the one who’d halted their relationship, there wasn’t much of a point.
Finally, after what seemed like a millennia, Connor brought the horse under control, and Kerri breathed again. He was safe. The stallion’s bucks had lessened in strength and height. She could leave…provided her legs were strong enough to carry her to Emma’s kitchen.
“Well, I don’t know about you, but I need a cool drink after all that.” She tried to make light of the situation.
Jordan nodded. “I agree. That was some riding.”
Kerri glanced one more time in Connor’s direction and was startled to see him grin at her, then wave as he kept the horse moving under his commands.
With a tentative wave, she swallowed hard as she watched him through new eyes. Her whole body was warm and tingly and alive. She drew in a ragged breath and fought the urge to cough as dust entered her mouth.
I’m in love with Connor McCall.
Nope. Still sounded strange in her mind. But not her heart. No. In her heart, it made sense. Perfect sense. And felt good. Felt right.
Hoping Connor hadn’t read her thoughts, Kerri turned to walk toward the ranch when her cell phone started to ring. She fished it from her pocket and frowned at the name on the screen. Lance.
Why was he calling?
“Hi, Lance.”
Unsure if taking the call near the corral was smart with the unpredictable horse, Kerri decided to move toward her car. A few minutes later, after finding a pen and paper, she wrote down the number Lance told her then hung up, promising to let him know her decision.
Holy smokes. Kerri walked back to her sister in a daze.
“What’s up?” Jordan touched her arm, dark eyes full of concern.
Kerri shook her head to clear it, then focused on her sister. “That was Lance.”
Jordan grinned. “We already knew that. What did he want? Are you okay? You’re standing there like you’re in the fog.”
“I guess I am.” She shook her head again, then smiled. “He gave me Rene Bastille’s phone number.”
Jordan straightened and raised a brow. “From Pierre’s?”
“Yes.” Kerri nodded, heart beats increasing. “It seems Rene’s head chef is leaving in a month, and he wants to know if I want the position. I’ve got one week to decide.”
There. She said it and still couldn’t believe it. Top Chef at Pierre’s…
“Wow, Kerri, that’s great!” Jordan pulled her into a hug.
“What is this Pierre’s?” Alex McCall asked, still frowning.
“It’s only the most posh and prestigious restaurant in Southern California. Kerri has always hoped to work there,” her sister boasted.
“Oh. That’s great, Kerri, but we would hate to see you leave. I thought you liked it here in Texas.”
Mr. McCall turned an intent gaze on her. A gaze so strikingly similar to the one on Connor, who’d dismounted and was leading the horse around the coral, she was at a loss for words.
“Sure she does. It’s just that this is something she’s wanted most of her adult life.”
Once again, her sister came to her rescue. Kerri blew out a breath. “Yes, and I do like it here, Mr. McCall, but I can’t ignore the opportun
ity either.”
“I guess you’ve got a big decision to make, then,” he said.
She nodded and sighed. Guess she did.
“Wow,” Hannah said, still trying to digest the news about her daughter’s job offer earlier that day. The McCall’s had come over for supper and an emergency strategy meeting. “That was a major development. Kerri has always wanted to work at Pierre’s.”
Leeann let out a sad sigh. “What are we going to do?”
“Not to worry. I have an idea.” Alex sat back in his chair and grinned. “All those two need is to be thrown together for a spell.”
“Yes,” her husband agreed. “They were doing pretty good there for awhile. But lately, they’ve been apart.”
Hannah nodded. “Now, with the restaurant up and running, Kerri’s busy there.”
“And Connor’s stuck at Wild Creek with his duties,” Leeann said, turning to look at her husband. “Alex, the two of them are so busy right now. How are you going to manage that?”
“Not to worry, my dear.” Alex patted his wife’s hand reassuringly. “I’ll take care of it.”
Kerri took a five minute break at her family’s table Saturday night at the Texas Pub. She watched them come in, and of course, her gaze was immediately drawn to the tall cowboy, then held fast. He looked tired and weary with slumped shoulders and a frown creasing his normally smooth brow. She could no more stop herself from approaching than she could stop cooking. Dropping into the chair across from him, she greeted everyone and asked him what was wrong.
Frustration clouded his gaze as he glanced at her. “Teddy, my cook, has an emergency in New Mexico and can’t make the drive on Monday. I’ve called all my backups,” he said, shaking his head, disbelief crowding his face. “It’s strange. Not a one is available.”
“I’ve struck out, too,” Mr. McCall said. “Tough time of year, I guess.”
From what she’d gathered, Connor couldn’t post-pone the drive either. These were the cattle he had to bring in for his scheduled spring auction next week, and he already had buyers lined up.
“How big’s the heard?” Jordan asked.
Her Unbridled Cowboy (Harland County Series) Page 27