“I know, and I swear I will do better. I don’t want to lose you, and I know that if I can’t figure out how to let you in more I might.”
“That’s all I needed to hear,” he reassured me. “I didn’t want to ruin your big night, but I needed to know that you’re in this for the long haul with me. Because I’m in it with you, Kaylie.”
“Even if it means a long-distance relationship?”
“Yes, sweetheart. Even then,” he murmured. “I already broke all my other rules. Why not this one too?”
CHAPTER 16
Jackson
It was like the flood gates had opened between us when Kaylie and I spent the whole night after her showcase talking. She finally started sharing more of what was going on inside her head with me. Thank fuck, because I’d felt like an idiot asking my girlfriend to talk to me. I was probably the only guy in the world that had to practically beg his girl to talk to him when most other guys avoided serious conversations like the plague. I couldn’t help but wonder how the hell I’d gone from being the one-night-stand guy to being so serious about Kaylie that I wanted to know everything about her.
It was pretty damn scary to think about the importance she had in my life now. My feelings for her were just so fucking intense. She had the power to crush me, and I didn’t think she even realized it. I’d waited a long time to let a girl into my life, and now that I had, I’d gone full fucking throttle straight from the gate. No pussyfooting around for me. And the plan I was currently considering sure as shit showed how much Kaylie had come to mean to me in the short time we had been together.
Kaylie had dreams that meant a lot to her. They seemed to be the last tangible thing tying her to her parents. She worked damn hard to make those dreams come true, and there was no way I could be a roadblock to them for her. I wanted her to have every fucking good thing she wanted in her life. When she’d told me about the offer the dance company in New York had made, her eyes were shining so fucking bright that it was impossible to miss how much she wanted to go. But she was still considering her other options and had talked about possibly going to Chicago because it was closer to me. She was happy about that option, but she was thrilled about the idea of going to New York.
I hated the idea that she might miss out because she was factoring me into her decision just as much as I loved that she was thinking about my place in her life while she was considering her options. So I needed to find a way for her to be able to take the New York offer without worrying about our future as a couple, and I thought I’d finally figured out just how to do it. But I needed to talk to my dad about it first because it would completely change our plans for me after graduation. I was on my way to his office to do that right now, and I was nervous as hell that he’d tell me I was fucking crazy. I just might be, but I still wanted his support anyway.
I headed straight to his office as soon as I made it to the bank. Dad’s secretary waved me in since I had called ahead.
“Hey, Dad,” I said as I walked in and spotted him sitting behind his desk, working on his computer.
He stood up to walk around his desk and gave me a quick hug. “Hey, Jackson. Your call was a nice surprise. I don’t know how long it’s been since you popped into the office to see me during the workday. Don’t you have a class or something? Or are things already winding down with graduation just around the corner?”
“I needed to talk to you and wanted to do it here, away from home, so it could be just the two of us.”
My dad cocked his head and considered me for a moment. “That sounds pretty serious. Everything okay? Anything I can do to help?”
That was so like him, offering to jump in and help me before he even knew what was going on. “Things are good, Dad. But I do need your help with something.”
He moved to the conference table and pulled a couple chairs out. “Well, come on. Sit down and let me know what you need.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat at the thought that Kaylie didn’t have this kind of support system behind her. No matter what I did or where I went, I would always have my parents’ backing. That knowledge just made my decision even easier.
“I know you’ve planned on me coming to work for you here this summer for just about forever, Dad,” I started. “I hate to disappoint you, but I want to wait before doing that.”
“What would you do instead?” he asked, waiting to pass judgment until he had more information.
“I’d like to try to get a job at one of the bigger banks in New York.”
“New York? That’s certainly a big change of plans when you’ve always talked about staying in town,” he pointed out.
“I know it is, Dad. But it will give me some valuable experience. I’ll learn a lot because I’ll have to start from the bottom without any favoritism out there. And I can bring that knowledge back with me when I return.”
“You could start at the bottom here if it’s favoritism you’re worried about,” he offered.
I took a deep breath before delivering the part of the news I figured would shock him the most. “Here’s the thing, Dad. Kaylie got an offer to dance there, and I know she wants to accept it. But she’s considering a different offer that would let her stay closer to me so it would be easier for us to see each other more often.”
“Jackson,” he sighed. “How did I know this was somehow connected to Kaylie?”
“Trust me, I know it sounds crazy that I want to move halfway across the country to be with my girlfriend, especially when we haven’t been together that long. And I don’t even know what she’s going to say about this idea because I haven’t talked to her yet. I wanted to make things right with you first.”
“Why do you think this is the right decision for you?” he asked.
“I think she could be it for me, as girly as that sounds coming from me. She has come to mean a lot to me in the time we’ve been together. We might be able to survive a long-distance relationship, but what we have between us is so new that I’m just not ready to test it that way yet.”
He nodded his head as I was explaining, as though he got what I was saying. “I understand why you might have those worries, but have you considered maybe trying it out at first instead of jumping into this decision? I’d hate to see you make a life decision out of fear.”
“Yeah, but that’s only part of why I think this is right. I also want to be there for Kaylie. This is a huge change for her, and she doesn’t have anyone else to support her except her friends. They won’t be in New York with her, but even if they were, I’d still want to be there for her. No, that’s not strong enough to explain it. I feel like I need to be there for her.”
“It means that much to you? Being able to support her from there instead of here?” he asked.
I stopped to think for a moment. This was the moment of truth. No hiding from my feelings. If I was going to get him on my side, I needed to lay it all on the line. “Yes, Dad. It means everything to me. I think she needs me there with her instead of here. And that makes it pretty damn simple for me. If Kaylie needs me, then I am going to find a way to be there for her. Because that’s what I was made to do. Make her world a better place.”
At my words, my dad’s face broke into a beaming smile. “Then that’s what you’ll do, son. All your mom and I want for you is happiness. That’s what I was trying to tell you back over Christmastime. You needed to find someone who makes everything else seem less important because they mean everything to you, like your mom does for me. If you need to go to New York for now so she can dance, then we’ll figure it out. I’ve still got some contacts there, so I’m sure we can find you a job. But you need to live your own life, son. Don’t worry about your mom and me or the bank. We’ll all be here waiting for you if or when you want to come back.”
That right there was why my dad was still my fucking hero. He was one of the strongest men I knew, but he still had no problem letting us know how important we were to him in both actions and words.
“Thank
s, Dad,” I muttered, relieved that I’d managed to explain this to him in a way that he understood why I was changing my plans so drastically.
“Don’t thank me yet, Jackson. We still have to explain this to your mom,” he reminded me. “And it sounds like you need to have a serious conversation with Kaylie, too.”
I wasn’t too worried about my mom. If my dad was already on board with the plan, she’d come around eventually. But I wasn’t sure how Kaylie would take my news. I hoped she’d be excited, but it wasn’t something we’d talked about at all. She hadn’t asked me to come with her. The idea was all my own, but I wasn’t going to wait around to see if she was going to ask me to go with her, because if I waited too long, she might do something impulsive and accept the Chicago offer. It might be ballsy of me to barge into her new life, but I was going to do it anyway.
CHAPTER 17
Kaylie
The decision for where to go after school ended was so damn difficult. This was a time when I should be thrilled that my dreams were coming true. Instead, I was so unsure of what to do because I knew that whatever I decided would impact Jackson almost as much as it did me. When we talked about it, he’d assured me that I needed to go with whatever was best for me and we would figure out our situation after. But how was I supposed to do that when I knew that I could take us down a path that meant the end of our relationship?
I hadn’t been looking for a relationship, but I guessed these things happened when they were meant to instead of when it was convenient for us. This was probably one of the worst times in my life for me to be worried about a boyfriend, but it just didn’t matter. Jackson was a part of my life, and I wanted to keep him there, which meant I was going to go with the decision that would let me have my dream and still give me the best chance to keep him in my life. I was going to accept the Chicago offer. It might not be what my heart was telling me to do when it came to my dancing, but it was definitely what I felt I should do because of Jackson.
It wasn’t that I thought he wouldn’t support my decision to go to New York. I knew that he would back me up no matter what I chose to do. But the extra distance and the frantic pace of New York City meant that I would get even less time to build our relationship. As solid as things felt between us right now, I had to remember that this was still relatively new and needed time to grow deeper—time spent together, not apart.
I planned to tell Jackson my decision tonight. We were going to spend the night at the cabin again, so it was perfect timing since we would have some extra privacy we wouldn’t get if we were at his frat or my dorm. He had plans for most of the day, so I was just meeting him there. With the school year almost over, I went ahead and quit my job at the bar so I’d have extra time to make sure I was ready to go when the time came. I also wanted to have extra time to spend with Jackson so that I could save up some memories for when I left. I finally had some flexibility in my schedule with the showcase being over and not working anymore.
When I made it to the cabin, Jackson’s truck was already parked in front and there was a flickering light coming from inside. I hurried in because I didn’t want to waste a minute of the time I had remaining with him. When I stepped inside, I saw that he’d gone all out. Dinner was on the table, candles were lit, and Adele was playing in the background. Jackson had really shocked me with how romantic he could be sometimes. I hadn’t expected it of him, but I loved that he was willing to show his sensitive side to me on occasion. He always made sure I knew how much I meant to him. He worked hard to ensure I had no reason to ever doubt my place by his side.
“Hey, sweetheart,” he greeted, walking towards me so he could pick me up and twirl me around before giving me a quick hello kiss. “Damn, I missed you today.”
“Jackson,” I sighed. How the hell was I supposed to be okay with losing the chance to have this in my life every single day? I had always respected Char for how she handled herself being so far away from Shane these last four years, but I never really understood how difficult it had been for her until now. No volume of phone calls, text messages, or Skype calls could possibly make up for not being able to touch Jackson whenever I wanted. We could talk a thousand times a day and I still didn’t think it would be enough.
“No sad faces tonight, Kaylie. I swear to you it will all work out,” he promised, easily reading my thoughts on my face.
How I wished he could make everything okay, but I just didn’t see how it was possible. It was either dance or seeing him every day, and I just couldn’t say no to my dream when it came knocking on my door. I tried to shake off this melancholy feeling so that I could enjoy this time I had with him now instead of wasting it by being sad. I hugged him tight, swallowing down the sudden lump in my throat.
“I know it will, Jackson. No matter what,” I agreed, stepping back to move to the table. Jackson pulled out my chair, helping me get settled before sitting down himself. I couldn’t help but think that it was these little things I might miss the most.
“I hope you’re in the mood for Japanese. I stopped off to grab some carryout on my way over and got your favorites,” he said, dishing food onto my plate from the containers in the middle of the table. He’d gone to the restaurant he’d taken me to for our first date. It was so fucking sweet. He really was pulling out all the stops to make my last days here as special as possible.
“It looks wonderful,” I replied, suddenly feeling famished as I realized I had skipped lunch today. I quickly dug into the meal, enjoying every bite.
We were both fairly quiet while we ate, a comfortable silence hanging between us. We just enjoyed our food and being together, knowing we’d have time to talk once we were done. I appreciated that we could be together like this without it being awkward.
Once we were both full, we quickly cleaned up the mess and moved to the living room to sit on the couch. I was looking forward to some cuddle time with him, just hanging out.
“There’s something we need to talk about,” he said in a serious tone of voice. My smile must have slipped a bit at his words because he sat down and pulled me onto his lap. “It’s not anything bad, Kaylie. In fact, I hope that you think this is something really good.”
I cocked my head, trying to think what he could possibly be talking about but coming up empty. “Okay,” I replied cautiously. “You’ve got my full attention. And there’s something I wanted to discuss with you tonight too.”
He tightened his grip on me, almost like he was afraid I was about to bolt. “I know you’ve been struggling to decide between going to Chicago or New York. When we talked about the different offers, you looked so excited about the idea of dancing in New York. It’s what you’ve always dreamed about, and I want you to go for it.”
“But, Jackson, that would mean I’d be even farther away from you. And the demands on my time would be so much more if I danced there,” I worried, not telling him anything I hadn’t already shared before.
“Not if I come with you,” he argued.
My heart stopped at his words as I literally lost my breath for a moment, positive that I must have heard him wrong. “Come with me?” I repeated.
“I know it sounds crazy, but just hear me out before you say anything,” he pleaded with me. “This thing between us might be pretty new, but I know that you mean a lot to me and I don’t want to risk losing you with the distance that would be between us. It’s not that I don’t believe in our relationship, because I do. But I don’t think it’s worth the gamble when I have too much to lose. You.”
“Jackson,” I whispered, incredibly touched by his words.
“Not done yet,” he said as he touched a fingertip to my lips, stopping me from saying anything else. “And it’s not a bad idea for work either. I already talked to my dad about it, and he’s making some calls to put feelers out with banks where he knows people. I could learn a lot about the industry from working at a bigger bank and bring that knowledge back with me when I’m ready to come back home and work with him in the future.”
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“You talked to your dad already?” I gasped, stunned that he’d put so much thought into this plan before talking to me about it.
“Yeah, today,” he replied.
“And he’s really okay with this?”
“I know. I was pretty damn shocked that I was able to make him understand why I feel like this is the right decision. But I’ve got his support, and he’s going to talk to my mom tonight. So I guess the only real question now is what you think about the idea.”
I took a moment to really consider the idea of both of us living in New York. It was clear he’d put a lot of thought into this, and I didn’t want him to think I wasn’t taking it as seriously as he obviously had.
“Well—“ I drew the moment out. “I think it would be pretty damn fantastic to have you there with me, as long as this is really what you want to do for yourself—not just for me.”
“I don’t think I’ve ever been more sure of anything in my life, Kaylie.”
“Hot damn!” I shrieked, jumping off his lap. “I’m going to dance in New York City, Jackson!”
He watched me with a wide smile stretched across his face, his eyes lit from the inside as I danced around the room to celebrate this moment. It was like a huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders.
“I take it that means you’re okay with the idea?”
I ran across the room and tackled him on the couch. “Okay doesn’t even begin to describe how I’m feeling right now. I feel like I could take on the whole fucking world right now and win. I get to live my dream with you by my side. Did you really think that I wasn’t going to jump at the chance for that?”
He chuckled lightly. “I’ll admit I was a little worried you might think it was over the top, even for me.”
“Not at all! I can hardly wait. I get to spend my days dancing and my nights in bed with you. How awesome is that?” I asked before a thought crossed my mind. “I do get to spend my nights with you, right? I guess I kind of assumed that this meant you wanted to live together.”
Hit the Wall (Blythe College) Page 16