Tempting Auzed: The Clecanian Series Book 4

by Victoria Aveline

  Next, Alex found Relli and Jut exchanging heated glances in a corner and paused, wondering if she should interrupt.

  Relli spotted her before she could decide. “Alex. Are you leaving?”

  “Unfortunately.” She sighed. “Thank you both so much for everything. I want you to come visit Tremanta as soon as you can, okay?”

  Jut grinned. “We’ll have to wait until winter to avoid the sun.”

  Alex tipped her head, “Huh, that’s right. Well then, I can’t wait until winter.” She clutched Relli’s biceps with both hands. “And you. You are an amazing, spectacular unicorn of a woman, and you really need to find another job.”

  “Tell me about it. Though I don’t know what a unicorn is.” Relli chuckled. “The problem is I love being a ranger. And at least if I’m a ranger, I can make sure people like me aren’t treated poorly. Fierad is difficult to work with, but I can manage him.”

  “Good.” Alex pulled Relli into a big hug and said her final goodbye, then moved toward the porch. She took in a steadying breath before walking outside. At the sight of Auzed fuming on a travel platform, a shudder rolled through her. She didn’t want to have this conversation. As soon as they did, whatever they had between them would end.

  He angled his body on the board to make room, a silent request for her to get on. As soon as both her feet were on the board and her hands touched the handle, he took off.

  The warmth that usually radiated from his body and into her back felt different, like a thousand small pricks against her skin. “Auzed, about what I said…”

  “Which part?” he rumbled.

  She sighed. “Nothing I said was untrue, Auzzy.”

  As soon as the nickname had left her lips, he twisted the platform, heading to a nearby nest still being built, judging by the half-finished roof. Pulling up to the curb, he leapt onto the wrap-around porch and paced, hands on hips.

  He refused to even look at her.

  She swiped her sweaty palms on her shorts and searched for the right words to say. “We were talking about the future, and she asked me about you…about us. I didn’t know what else to say.”

  “Because we always knew this was temporary?” he spat.

  Alex scanned the smooth wood he paced over. “Well…isn’t it?”

  “How long have you been planning on returning to Earth?” he fumed, halting and facing her.

  Alex blinked. “Is that what you’re mad about?” She’d just assumed her jabs at his personality were what had sparked this anger in him.

  “Why else?”

  A spike of irritation shot through her worry. “Auzed, that’s not fair. You can’t be mad at me for wanting to return to my family. I don’t understand why that comes as such a shock to you. You have your job back in Tremanta. What did you expect me to do, sit around and be alone forever on an alien planet until you decide to retire?”

  His chest heaved, but he said nothing. Yet his gaze was still accusatory, pushing her to say more.

  “And what then? Get married for three months?” She raised her brows at him. “I may have said it a little more harshly than is true, but you do have a problem with demskivs and breaking with traditions and all that. You care what other people think. I don’t want to have a temporary relationship…not with you.”

  His eyes softened, and he took a step toward her. “What if I quit? We could move outside Tremanta and be married.”

  “And extend the marriage indefinitely?” Alex couldn’t believe her ears. Was he really offering this?

  “Yes.” He took her hand with both of his. The sincerity in his expression was genuine, but there was something else there. Uncertainty? Fear, maybe?

  An image of her family gathered together at Easter, unable to be happy because she’d gone missing without a trace, popped into her head. “Auzed…” Her voice broke.

  His mouth thinned, and he stepped away. “You’d still want to leave, wouldn’t you?”

  “My family…I can’t just abandon them.” She lit on an idea. “You could come back to Earth with me.” Her voice wavered even as she said it, knowing he couldn’t.

  He shot her a humorless smirk. “Oh sure. I can try to inhabit Earth as soon as they learn aliens exist.” He shook his head. “I’d be captured and locked away in an instant, or I’d put you and your family in danger.”

  Alex wanted to argue, but she’d seen too many movies and knew what humans were like. He could almost pass for human, but he was just different enough that it wouldn’t be long before someone caught on.

  “Well, that’s it, then.” He shrugged, an aggressive hike of his shoulders.

  What else could she say? He’d offered her everything he was able to offer, but she couldn’t take it. The guilt would eat her up inside. If she stayed with him, she’d spend every day thinking about her family, imagining their suffering.

  When she remained silent, he rushed past her and boarded the travel platform. Alex’s eyes were glued to her feet for the whole ride back. Her heart seemed permanently lodged in her throat, and she didn’t dare say another word for fear of dissolving into tears before they came face-to-face with the king.

  Two guards and the king were waiting for them when they arrived. Inside the house. Not outside like any other respectful guest. She reminded herself that despite how it felt, this wasn’t their home, though. This was temporary lodging provided by the regents. He had every right to be inside.

  “Sir,” Auzed greeted.

  She glanced up to Auzed and saw his disposition was passive and stony, the same way it had been when they’d first met. Somehow, seeing him like that, as if the warm, grinning man she’d grown to love was gone, sliced through her more than anything else had. This was her fault.

  She barely heard any of the conversation about transportation and timing. All she could do to keep from breaking down was stare ahead and listen to the buzzing in her ears. It could’ve been after minutes or hours of conversation, but at some point, King Bet moved and her attention snapped back to the present.

  “It was wonderful to meet you, Alejandra. Are you positive we can’t do anything to get you to stay?”

  Alex tried for a polite smile. “No, sorry. We have to get back for our…you know…marriage.”

  The mention of their fake marriage had Auzed tensing next to her.

  “Yes. I do hope the events of this week haven’t put a strain on the two of you. Dasa regretted not being here to see you off, but she had to travel to the council seat for a meeting concerning your kind.” The king nodded to both of them and made his way toward the door. “I was informed earlier today that your resignation has been finalized. I hope you two have a very happy marriage.”

  Alex and Auzed both stilled. Had all the air been sucked out of the room, or was she just not breathing? The swoosh of the door closing behind the king sounded, and they turned to each other, eyes wide with disbelief.

  Auzed dug into his pocket for his communicator and walked away. He didn’t need to tell her who he was trying to contact, but his quiet, “This is Auzed trying to reach the Queen,” confirmed it.

  Alex stood frozen as he paced, clutching the communicator to his ear. A sudden weight on her shoulder made her jump, but she quickly realized it was only Wilson. The tuey gripped her face and looked at her with round, worried eyes.

  “Hello, my Queen. The king of Sauven just mentioned something to me, and I wanted to confirm that it was false. It’s about—” He paused, waiting. “Yes, about that.”

  His brows drew together as he listened. His features gave nothing away. He was once again impenetrable.

  “Yes. I understand.” He nodded. “I’ll see you tomorrow, then.”

  He lowered the phone with deadly calm.

  “Wh…what did she say?” Alex forced herself to ask.

  Auzed looked up at her, and his green eyes seethed with barely contained fury. “I’m no longer head guard.”

  ***

  Auzed grappled for control. Liquid fire boiled in his gu
t. Alex’s face had grown two shades paler in the moments after his announcement.

  “Can they even do that? How are they allowed to do that?” she asked in a small voice from behind him.

  He spun. “A ranger brought the fact that I was still listed as the active head guard to Queen Dasa’s attention. She contacted my Queen this afternoon and requested my resignation papers as proof that we are, in fact, getting married. My Queen had no choice.”

  “A ranger? Fucking Fierad. But why would Queen Dasa care when you—”

  “I told you before! She dislikes my Queen. She didn’t have to ask for my resignation to be official. She pushed for it, knowing it’d be a blow since the Queen appointed me herself. It’s a petty, inconsequential power play, but Queen Dasa could’ve argued for you to remain in Sauven if the request wasn’t met!”

  This was Alex’s fault. Never listening. Never caring about their customs. And all the while content to leave him and never return. He’d thought their biggest problem was him. That he was too rigid. Too opposed to leaving his career and settling into an unconventional life with her. He’d thought his fear of her leaving him for another male was the only thing holding them back. How stupid he’d been. She’d never intended to give him a chance.

  Turning away, he crossed to the lift, no longer able to look at her. The female who’d made him fall in love, all the while knowing she’d eventually leave.

  “Auzzy!” She caught his arm.

  The surge of warmth that tightened his chest at the contact made him boil over. “No!” He flung off her hand. “Au-zed. We are nothing to each other anymore, right? So you don’t get to use that name.”

  “I…” She struggled to find words, mouthing as her eyes grew glassy and pleading. “I’m so sorry. What can I do?”

  “What can you do?” He advanced, and Wilson trumpeted at him, pressing herself between them.

  He glared at the little creature, then stalked back to the lift.

  She whispered, “Stay here,” to Wilson, setting her on the ground, then hurried over to him, catching him on the lift just before it rose. Her scent invaded his nostrils, so he breathed through his mouth. “Please talk to me.”

  “Talk about what?” he barked. “How you forced your way into my life and are leaving it a smoking pile of ash?”

  “Hey,” she cautioned, anger coloring her cheeks.

  “You talk about how I’m rigid—what about you? You don’t think anything through. You wanted me, so you had me. You didn’t care how this would end.”

  “Hey!” she said again more forcefully. “This isn’t all on me. You weren’t an inactive participant. And you were planning on leaving me too! Don’t think I didn’t notice your hesitation when you offered to quit your job. You would’ve resented me eventually, resented our life. It’s not what you really want. And all because you can’t see past what you’ve been told to believe. Not even enough to realize that the only time you’ve been happy is when you were with me. I saw it! You changed.”

  Her words settled over him, and the truth he heard ringing back only added to the pyre of flames in his gut. “That was a fantasy. An act. One you provoked. This isn’t real!” He gestured between them. “You want to leave! I fought with myself every second since the day we met not to wrap my arms around you, and I should’ve fought harder! You know why?”

  Alex stood back, crossing her arms over her chest defensively and swiping a stray tear. She bit the inside of her cheek but didn’t answer.

  “Because that’s not how things are done here!” he roared, enunciating every word. “I don’t get to sleep in a bed with my wife. I don’t get to stroke her hair or lose my temper or laugh with her. In three months, she’ll be gone, and all I’ll have to show for it is whatever she’s left me with. I was content in that knowledge! Then you showed me differently. You made me want things I can never have again, all the while knowing you’d leave.”

  Fat tears rolled down her cheeks. He felt pain and pleasure in equal parts because they meant she agreed on some level. Knew what she’d done.

  He crowded her. “And yes, I hesitated, but not because I’d be married to a demskiv. It’s because if we were together, I would worry about losing you every single day. So, thank you. You showed me I was spot on. I was going to lose you no matter what I did.”

  The pain shining on her face tore at his insides until he couldn’t stand it anymore. Forcing his feet to move, he retreated into his room and sank to the floor, head in his hands.

  Chapter 25

  The light glowing from the ceiling in the nest hallway told him it was morning, but it might as well have been the middle of the night. The passing of time no longer felt normal.

  His eyes were swollen and itchy as he stared at her door, working up the courage to hand her the container she’d need to pack up her things. They were scheduled to leave soon. Back to Tremanta. Back to isolation.

  Should he knock? His fists clenched around the soft packing cube. He could just barge in and drop the cube onto the floor. He’d be in and out before she had a chance to say anything, which was preferable. He didn’t feel capable of listening to her voice at the moment.

  He hadn’t slept a wink. Only tossed and turned until his skin was sore from the friction. His boiling rage would occasionally settle into a sour gurgle, but the pain constricting his throat melded with the fury. It was easier to be angry.

  He held on to it for dear life, knowing when the anger subsided, only grief and crushing loss would remain in its place. The worst part of all was that he understood where Alex was coming from. She’d been abducted. Had had her whole life ripped from her. It made sense that she felt an obligation to return home to her family. Her career. Yet he couldn’t stop the bitter jealousy from invading his mind.

  It was selfish and arrogant to a sickening degree, but the knowledge that he wasn’t more important to her than anyone or anything else tore at him. More so because she was the most important thing to him.

  Bile rose in his throat. The most important person, and yet he’d hurt her. The look of anguish on her tear-streaked face from the night before flashed in his mind.

  Her accusations of his hesitancy to quit his job and be with her came back to him. She hadn’t been wrong about that either. But somehow being the one who was confused, the one who needed to make the call about whether or not they could be together had been preferable to this. At least when it’d been his decision to make, his career to sacrifice, his reputation to tarnish, he’d had control. Now he was powerless. If the laws changed and she was allowed to go back to Earth, he couldn’t stop her. Not legally anyway.

  His baser half, the half that was currently reveling in his emotional turbulence, locked on to that idea. He had money. He had knowledge. Hell, he could pilot a small ship and take her off-world if he really wanted to. Settle on some barren planet and hope she’d come to accept it over the years. But he’d never do it. She’d hate me, and I’d hate myself.

  Steeling himself, he pushed her door open without knocking, praying to the Goddess that she’d be asleep. His breath whooshed out of him when her puffy, bloodshot eyes met his. She sat on the bed, stroking Wilson, who was curled in her lap and whose flattened ears and droopy eyes made her look just as tormented as Alex.

  Her gaze widened and brimmed with tears as he walked in. His whole body clenched in an effort not to cross to her and pull her into his arms. He dropped the cube onto the ground. “Pack your things. We need to leave within the hour.” His voice sounded strained to his own ears.

  Her mouth parted, but before she could speak, he bolted through the door, like a coward. His chest rose and fell, not able to take in enough air.

  ***

  Alex choked back her sobs as she packed up her few belongings, mostly clothing. Remorse and shame had battered her until she felt lower than dirt. She knew that everything she’d said was perfectly reasonable, but she couldn’t help feeling guilty for the part she’d played in this situation. Auzed had made some fair
points. If she’d held back instead of flirting and pushing, none of this would’ve happened.

  She’d treated him like a boyfriend on a planet where boyfriends didn’t work. And though she hadn’t been plotting her escape back to Earth like some mustache-twirling villain set on breaking him, she couldn’t deny that leaving was her goal. Not because she didn’t want to stay. She did. The urge to remain on Clecania and forget everything else was so strong, she almost wondered if she could do it. Almost.

  It wasn’t just the pull of her family and all the things she loved back on Earth that kept her from agreeing to be with him, though. It was also this world. A cowardly part of her didn’t know if she could handle being a demskiv. And what if he grew to resent their life together?

  What if he didn’t? How could she ever have a child with him here? Could she watch their child be subjected to the demands of this place? Watch her little boy go to husbandry school or her little girl grow reserved and distant the way they’d teach her to be? She’d always imagined her children surrounded by love and family.

  She’d only known Auzed for a week, and though she trusted her feelings toward him, she also knew intensity like this often fizzled out over time. Going back was the safest option. And if she planned to go back at all, she couldn’t spend any more time leading him on.

  Hefting the cube stuffed with clothing, she waited for Wilson to hop on her shoulders, then took a deep breath. When she lowered to the first floor, she spotted Auzed already waiting on the porch, arms crossed over his chest and shoulders bunched up to his ears.

  A piece of pink bread waited for her on the counter, and her chin wobbled. She clenched her jaw to stop it, then joined him. Her stomach was in too much chaos to eat anyway.

  “Meg and Daunet will be arriving shortly. They went to retrieve a cruiser from the sky stop.”

  She didn’t know what a “cruiser” or a “sky stop” were and couldn’t bring herself to care. His expression was hard again. Impassive and stony. No emotion, good or bad, lit his eyes, and his voice was professional…civil. Was he trying to act like nothing was wrong? Or was he simply trying to become the man she’d met a week ago? The man who didn’t let silly emotion dictate his attitude or his choices.