by Bry Ann
He wraps an arm around my trembling body and helps me to my feet. We spend the next few minutes getting me cleaned up and helping me back into the bed. This time, I lay back and curl up on my side. I just want to cry alone. All of the thoughts of the last couple of days come rushing to the surface.
“Can I sit on the edge of the bed?”
“Why not? What does it matter?”
“Matters to me. Are you okay with that?”
“I guess.”
“Yes or no.”
“Fine, yes! Jesus.” My voice is still hoarse.
There’s a small creak and then I feel his presence close to me.
“You were pretty well off back home, huh?”
My eyes snap to his. “Oh yeah. My dad’s a big deal.”
“You sound bitter.”
“It’s none of your business!” I want to yell, but my voice isn’t capable right now.
“Okay.” He raises his hands, then drops them, eyes focused again. “I have to ask you some questions.”
“I know. That’s why I’m here, right?”
He pauses. “I’m sorry.”
“Yeppp.”
“So earlier, you told me you were kidnapped. That’s how you ended up here?”
“Yep. After being seduced by my ex/pimp, apparently.”
“Right,” Nix eyes me carefully. “You said there were others? How many?”
“Two that I know of, but there could be more. I just don’t know. I was… I was…” Tears seep out. “I wasn’t with them at first,” I whisper.
“Okay, okay,” he whispers. “I have to ask this one last thing. What’s going on in there, angel? What are they making you girls do? I need to know.”
His jaw tightens.
I pull the covers up to my neck.
“Please…” Shame fills me totally and completely. I owe him nothing, he’s not saving me, but he’s halfway decent. I don’t want him to know.
“Are they making you have sex with people for money, angel?” He says it so quietly, like that’ll take away the shame of it.
My face becomes a mask of pain. “Not yet! Oh my God. They did, though. The… three of them. I thought… coming here… I… I don’t know! Oh God, what are they gonna do to me?”
“Shh, okay. Okay. I hear you, brave girl. I hear you.”
I swear he’s gonna break his jaw with how hard he’s grinding it, but I don’t care. I start to hyperventilate. I want to scream.
“I need you to calm down. Try to get some sleep. I’m done asking you questions. I have all the information I need.”
“Sleep!” I shriek, frantically.
“Shh. Shhh. I promise I won’t do anything. I’ll wake you up in time.”
In time for me to be taken back, that is.
“You’re gonna need your sleep,” he adds.
“I don’t trust you.”
“I know, and rightfully so, but you have my word. You sleep, I’m gonna work.”
“Don’t leave!” I gasp, wide eyed, my mind going swirling to asshole #3 hanging around outside these doors.
“I’m not going anywhere. Relax.”
I curl in tighter, eyes already fluttering.
“I shouldn’t fall asleep. Why am I so stupid?”
“You have six hours. Don’t waste it,” he says quietly. “I’ll repeat, I ain’t gonna hurt ya.”
“Talk to me.”
“What?”
“It’ll help.”
“Uh, okay? What do you want me to say?”
“What do you do back at your home? Are you married?”
“I work for my father,” he states, voice cold, “and hell no.”
“You don’t like your job?” I yawn. “Girlfriend?”
“It’s complicated, and no.” His voice is quick, tense, and to the point.
I wince. “So you’re a fuck ‘em and leave ‘em type?”
His face softens. “Consensually, doll. Go to sleep.”
“I can’t.”
He smiles softly. I find comfort in staring at his leather bracelets.
“I’m sure you get this all the time,” he mumbles, standing as I fade away, “but your hair is fuckin’ awesome.”
Despite everything, I smile a little as my world goes black.
Chapter Seven
The chain digs into my ankle, making my skin feel like it’s being torn off. Sty strolls in, calm, controlled, and smug. I’m helpless. Recently raped. Mentally checked out. He holds down my hands as a man places his body over mine, speaking things I can’t, thank God, understand.
I watch from the outside as he pushes inside me.
NOOOO! Get out of her. Get out….
“Fuck, I still don’t know your name. Wake up! Goddamnit!”
I sort of hear the voice calling me, but it’s faint. In the distance. I’m too caught up in reliving my rape.
“Okay, this has to stop.”
I fly forward with a silent scream as a large amount of water is thrown over my legs, which are now exposed as the comforter is thrown off my body.
“No!” I jump back.
“Hey! I don’t know your name, but you need to calm down. That guy out there is gonna hear you and that won’t end well for either of us.”
I try to calm my slamming heart. My racing mind. But I can’t. I just start crying.
“Please don’t send me back. Please don’t send me back. Please don’t send me back,” I keep chanting, eyes closed tight.
“Hey!” Nix snaps his fingers. “Come back.”
I slowly do, shaking, eyes swollen.
“I’m gonna do all I can to help you, but as much as I want to, I can’t right now. I can’t go out shooting and rescue you like some damn Disney film. What don’t you get? I’m not a good guy!”
“Why do you keep trying to convince yourself you’re evil?” I nearly scream.
Nix turns away, whole body tensing. “You have ten minutes. Get ready to his standards so he doesn’t hurt you.”
I glare at him.
“You’re an asshole.”
“I’ve been telling you that.”
“You’re… you’re a coward.”
He whirls on his heel, dark smirk in place. “Get ready, yeah?”
I push out of the bed. My body still hurts, but with the food and sleep, I feel a little better.
“I almost forgot! Here.”
He pushes two water bottles into my hands.
“Fuck, you don’t have time for both. Okay, drink one. Hurry, but don’t puke. We’ll do this again, ‘til I can get you out. Just hang in there.”
“No.”
His eyebrows pull together. “What? Why?”
“There are two other girls with me back there, Tammy and Pamela. Hire them so they can get some food, water, and sleep. I don’t know how long they’ve been there, but longer than me.”
Nix sighs. “You’re kind.”
He says it like he’s unhappy about the fact.
“That’s gonna look sketchy, babe. Me all of a sudden hiring all these hookers. A new one each time.”
“You just found out they do this. Act like you hire hookers all the time. You’re a one and done type guy you said, so that part makes sense.”
He scowls. “I don’t hire hookers.”
“Okay, but for the sake of their sanity, can you pretend? Can you fucking take the hit on your rep for two innocent women? Since you refuse to save me, I can’t go to the cops and get them out.”
Nix rolls his eyes. “You’re so naive.”
Thump! Thump! Thump! “Time’s up!” Asshole #3’s voice rings through the door. “You have thirty seconds to dress before I come in.”
My eyes widen and I turn to Nix. “Promise you’ll help them. Promise you’ll do this for them. I think Tammy’s an addict. Pamela’s really nice. Please. Please.”
“1, 2…”
“Oh God, please!” I shriek.
The lock’s picked. The door slams open.
“You have my wor
d,” he says furiously.
I sigh, for a moment feeling my body go lax. I helped. I helped!
Then asshole #3’s hands go around my elbows. My wide, panicked eyes go to Nix. The look on his face kills me. He’s gone. It’s a face with no body attached. Just a killer with no soul.
“Was she behaved?”
“She was fine,” Nix responds with no feeling.
“Just fine?”
Nix shrugs. I know what he’s doing. He’s setting up to hire another girl, and I’m so grateful.
Asshole #3’s hands dig into my arms. “She’ll get better. Don’t worry.”
Nix’s eyes go to me, and for a moment, his mask falters. But only for a moment. I really should hate his guts for letting this happen, but something’s wrong with me. I’m incapable of hate after someone’s been kind to me.
I don’t even think I hate Sty. Which… that makes me want to rip my skin from my bones and become somebody, anybody different. Graphic, I know. It is the level of disgust I feel, though.
“Eh, she’s just not my type. She’s good, though.”
“You asked for her,” asshole #3 retorts.
I see Nix’s index finger subtly wrap around his bracelet. “She looks great. I meant in bed. Not my personal taste. She’s good.”
“She’s definitely a limp noodle. We’ll work on it.”
So asshole #3 was one of the men to rape me in that room. Oh my God. I was so out of it, it was hard to be clear about anything. Now Nix knows it, too. A choked sob escapes my lips, before I quickly look away. I don’t want to see Nix’s face. I can’t. It’s bad enough that I have to hear this.
After a long pause, Nix just makes a non-committal noise. I’m grateful for the death of that conversation.
I’m dragged away after that. Not another word is said between Nix or I. Secretly, I’d been hoping he’d change his mind and save me. That when he saw me being dragged away, he’d decide I was worth saving.
But nope.
Not worth saving.
I guess it really is true. I’m not lovable. Not to anybody.
… and this is where all the unloved people go.
Hell.
Chapter Eight
As soon as I’m led back to the same hallway from before, I see Pamela. She’s waiting there, fresh cut on her cheek, bouncing on her toes. As soon as she sees me, the bouncing becomes more rapid.
“Can I take her?” she asks asshole #3 quickly.
He thrusts me her way. “Take her. Make sure she’s not a fucking lifeless doll for her next job. I’ll hold you personally responsible for that.”
With that he spins on his heel and leaves us. I hear the sound of a lock at the end of the hall. I think I know what door it belongs to. Is there another door? Can I pick the lock?
“Let’s go. Are you okay?”
Her blue eyes are looking at me so intensely and concerned. She’s such a sweetheart. I’m so glad I asked Nix to give her a day break. Plus…
A smile spreads across my cheeks even though it pushes some of the fresh tears from my eyes.
“I have a surprise for you.”
A surprised giggle bursts out of her. “A surprise? What, did you sneak an extra condom?”
“What? No.” I lean into her ear, noticing how tightly she coils at the action. “I brought food.”
Her eyes go so wide. “Follow me!”
She runs down the hall and starts banging on the last door.
“Tammy! Tammy, let us in!”
“Ughhh!” She throws it open with an eye roll. Hip cocked to this side, standing there in only a bra and panties, revealing a whole lot of otherwise-perfect skin riddled with scars and bruises.
“What’s a girl got to do for some peace and quiet around here?”
I want throw Tammy’s words back in her face. Mock her for saying something like that here, when she mocked me for speaking similarly about changing privately earlier.
But I don’t.
Cause I get Tammy.
I think under all that bitchiness ,she probably has, or had, the biggest heart of us all. But seeing girl after girl come here and break… hardened her. I’m naive, but not naive enough to think there haven’t been girls before me.
“The new girl’s got food,” she whisper-screams, voice full of thrill.
Tammy’s eyes widen. Without a word, she opens the door wider. When it’s closed, she rounds on me.
“Are we gonna have to watch you get beat again?”
Hopefully not. “I haven’t been caught yet.”
Her eyes narrow further. “You sure?”
“Oh, stop, Tammy! You’re making the poor girl uncomfortable.”
“God forbid we do that here.”
“Tammy!” Pamela hisses in a voice so threatening it catches me off guard. Especially from her.
“Okay, okay…”
I study Tammy. She’s itching, more irritable than usual.
“Is she okay?” I mouth to Pam.
She shakes her head and mouths, “Needs drugs.”
Horror. That’s really all I feel. That’s why Tammy’s half naked, twitchy and irritable.
“Oh, I’m so selfish, are you okay? You seem okay, but…” She bites her lower lip.
Nix. She’s thinking… Oh God, that means… they really do pimp us out. Just like that, everything around me spins. I mean, I knew. I already knew, but to have it confirmed…
“I can’t do this!” I shriek.
“Hey, hey, come back. That won’t help. Please,” Pam begs. But I can’t.
“What are they gonna do to me?” I whimper.
“More of what they’re already doing,” Tammy deadpans.
I’m ready to lose it again when Pam grabs my hand. “Hey, how do you not know? Didn’t you just—”
“He didn’t do it,” I whisper.
“Wait, what? Huh?”
“The guy, man, I was just with. He didn’t hurt me.”
“Well, it doesn’t always hurt,” Tammy mutters bitterly.
“I’m gonna kill her,” Pamela groans. “Ignore her and explain to me what you mean.”
“He was nice. He fed me, gave me water, I slept.”
I pull the beef jerky slices out of my top, thankful for the loose overlay of the mesh on my skin. No one noticed. With that one move, both starving women scamper forward and grab their share. For a moment, I’m scared they are going to fight each other for the other’s share, but they don’t. They ensure the other person is fed like family.
“How come there are no other girls?” I whisper, unable to resist asking any longer.
“Oh, there are. They just don’t live here.”
“Where’s here?”
“A place you don’t want to be, but better than the alternative.”
My eyes widen. “What could be worse?” I whisper.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Tammy roll her eyes and mutter, “Idiot.”
“A place that means you gave up.”
Tammy takes in my confused expression and jumps in, clearly miserable as fuck about it. All of it. I swear, the tension she carries makes me worry her small bones are gonna snap.
With a sigh, Tammy cocks her hip to the side. “Okay, this place is temporary. Where new girls go until they aren’t a fuckin’ flight risk, alright? It’s temporary holding.”
“But… but where do we go after? You guys are new, too?”
I can’t help but study their sickly faces and bodies and wonder how that’s possible.
“We’re not,” Pam mutters.
“No, we’re not new, new girl. Pamela here has been here a long time, yet still somehow manages to believe there’s a way out of here. No matter what they fucking do to her.”
Despite Tammy’s mood, physical state, and bitterness, I hear the slightest bit of pride in her voice. Act how she may, she respects Pamela’s ability to maintain hope.
I do, too.
“And you, Tammy?” I whisper.
She hardens. “It’s
my job to make sure you shitheads do what you’re supposed to. Now where the fuck is Z? We have a deal.”
Sweat breaks out along her forehead. I’m actually starting to get nervous now. She grabs the edge of one of the two sets of dingy bunks lined up along the wall and hoists herself up on it. Barely.
“Is she gonna be okay?”
Pamela bites her lower lip, worry etched all over her pretty features. Is it sad that this is the most connection I’ve had with anyone since Amy?
“She has to be. Tammy’s strong. Just think, can you imagine watching girl after girl come here, waiting for them to break, only to see them move on, never knowing what’s going to happen to them?”
Oh. My. God.
“I’m right here!” Tammy groans, hand over her face.
“She needs water,” I whisper.
“She won’t get it. Not now. Soon, I think.”
I bite my lower lip to hold back the confusion and tears. “Okay, I have another question.”
“Of course you do,” Tammy groans. Pamela glares, but there’s sympathy in her eyes.
“Why do you guys get names and I’m ‘262’?” I use air quotes to emphasize my point.
“Oh, sweetie, the main guys here — Sty, Z, and Marcus — use names. They’re just trying to break you. Trying to teach you to respond to your number as well, because the other guys call us all numbers. I fucking hate the number thing, too.”
“Yeah, it’s really the worst, but I guess it’s nice not to have to give my name out to a stranger.”
Like Nix.
“That part is nice.”
Pamela looks down at her feet. “You’re coping well.”
“Now. I feel like my emotions are on a roller coaster.”
“Totally normal. It’s shock.”
“How… how did you end up here?” I whisper.
“It’s okay. You can ask. Tammy and I are both open about it at this point. I was an orphan. I was running away from the orphanage when I was kidnapped.”
She shrugs.
“Cliché.”
There’s nothing cliché about a child getting stolen off the street! That familiar rage boils inside of me.
“And Tammy?” I whisper.
Tammy groans. “Z was my boyfriend. Only not my boyfriend. I was an idiot in love. Next thing I knew I was fucking people for money. Tried to run. Got knocked out and brought here. The rest is history.”