by Bry Ann
I nod.
“Can you tell me what happened?”
My mind whirls fast. I try to get a grip on something that makes sense.
I squeeze the hippo.
Tammy.
Pam.
“I need a promise,” I whisper.
Nix pops up in the doorway.
“Oh, sorry. I’ll go.”
“Stay,” I command.
Both eyebrows raise. I need this done somehow and one of these two can do it.
“I need the other girls free.”
“We’re working on it,” Brad states immediately.
“I need to see Tammy. I need to see if she’s okay. I need to know if Tammy’s back.”
“You have my word, Sage. I promise she’s back. She’s in a safe place.”
“No. No!” I scream. They don’t get it!
Both men bristle.
“Then explain it to us, Ms. Briar-Rose,” Brad says in a soft voice.
Ugh! “Pam made us promise not to get lost. Me. This is my body, but Sage is safe. I need to make sure Tammy’s safe. Not just her body. Do you get it?”
I risk a glance up, teeth gritted.
Both men have their jaws slightly open. They don’t say anything for a very long time. Brad clears his throat first, then Nix starts shaking his head, fighting to keep his usual calm, yet slightly playful, expression in place.
“Who’s Pam?” Brad asks as he pulls out a notepad.
I curl up tight. I shake my head. I can’t talk about it and stay safe inside.
“You’re safe here,” Brad soothes. I can’t help it. I glare at him. “Alright, let’s talk about something easier. Your dad’s outside. He hasn’t left. Same with your mom. The nurse says you don’t want to see them. Can you tell me why that is?”
He’s trying to look kind, but so many nerves in my body are jumping around, I can’t think.
Tears pool in my eyes. “No.”
“You’re still only seventeen, Sage. When you get better, you will have to go back with your parents. They’ve committed to getting you the help you need.”
Seventeen?
I’m seventeen?
I had my birthday there? When did that happen? I’m almost an adult and…
“Fix her fast or she ain’t worth keeping,” Z warns Pamela. Then I hear the sound of him leaving.
“Oh my God, Sage.”
“I’m—”
“No, shhh, don’t talk,” Pamela cries. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.”
She immediately starts sobbing as she frantically flutters around, wondering how to help me.
“Okay, I’ll fix this. I’ll… I’ll fix it.”
“I’m sorry!” I cry. “I never fixed you. I’m almost an adult and I never fixed you. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Sage! Sage! Come on, princess. Come back here.”
“I didn’t help her! I didn’t… I’m seventeen and I didn’t…. She’s gone.”
I hear Brad call for the nurse.
“Hun, I brought your dad, and your mom’s right outside when you’re ready,” the nurse tries to soothe.
I freeze. Everything inside dies. I’m still crying, swelling with guilt. I’m running through too much too fast, but the idea of seeing my parents is enough to make me…
I lean over the side of the bed, and before I can stop it, I hurl.
“Tell him to go,” I croak.
I snatch the pillow and throw it over my face.
“I can’t.”
“Sage…” The sound of my father’s voice is enough to make everything go haywire. Flashes of the past and present swirl but don’t mix.
I grab the hippo and tuck it in to me, rocking back and forth.
Go. Go. Go.
“I’m sorry, Sage. I….”
A gasp bursts out of me before I start silently crying into the pillow.
“Jesus Christ,” — that’s Nix — “let’s try to overwhelm her further. Why are there four people in this fucking room? She’s only been out of there for not even two days.”
“What do you want, Sage?” Brad whispers while the nurse hurries to clean up my vomit.
“Go. I want everyone to go away.”
“Okay. Can we talk later? Would that be okay with you?”
“I don’t know!” I cry. “Can I… do they have medicine? Anything?”
I need drugs! I need them.
Brad straightens. “They mentioned you have heroin in your system,” Brad says slowly.
“Heroin!” my dad gasps. “What hap—”
“Stop!” Nix says in a voice so calm, hard, and controlled that everyone does just that. “She’s gonna end up like Tammy if you all don’t stop. Yeah?”
There’s a long silence.
Like Tammy? What happened to Tammy?
“Nix,” I whisper, face tucked into the pillow.
“Yes, princess?”
“Stay.”
“Yes, ma’am.” There’s a hint of amusement in his voice.
I can almost hear everyone’s protests, but they finally all shuffle out.
“Sweetheart, I’m sorry. I stuck some medicine in your IV that should help. Can I help you get cleaned up?” the nurse asks softly.
The vomit. Right. I’m so used to being dirty, it doesn’t even faze me.
“I’ll do it.”
“Sweetie, I think you’ll find you’re rather fragile right now.”
“Then Nix will help me.”
I’m sort of testing the waters. He lets me boss him around and doesn’t try to scare me out of it or question me. He gives me some control where I’ve had none, so I find myself unable to resist messing with him.
I glance at him through the threads in my pillow. His eyes are dancing, but his lips are tight, revealing his hidden anxiety. The nurse must be looking at him because he nods her way.
“Well, if you need anything, just hit the button.” She looks between the two of us before heading for the door.
“Wait, sorry,” I whisper.
She spins quickly. “No, sweetie! I’m glad you are asking for help. What do you need?”
“Can you help me sit?”
“Actually, these beds are super fancy. Look.”
With a smile my way, she heads to the bed and hits a button on the rim. It sends the back of the bed up into a sitting position.
“Thank you,” I whisper, head bowed.
“Anytime. Anything you need.”
This would be Pamela when she was all grown up. I swallow and nod, hoping the nurse will leave fast before I cry.
Thankfully, she does.
It’s awkward when she leaves with just me and Nix here alone. I tuck up in a ball with the hippo between my legs.
“How old you are?” I whisper.
“Nineteen. You ask me here to get my age?”
“No,” I whisper.
“Mind if I sit?”
I shake my head. Being sure to move slowly, he takes a seat in Brad’s chair, watching me with intense, focused eyes.
“So, brave girl, why am I here?”
“Um, I… how’d you learn my name? I told you I wouldn’t tell you.”
He leans back, lips twisting into a smile. He fidgets with a bracelet before looking back up at me.
“I believe you said you wouldn’t tell me unless I freed you. Which I believe I did.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t tell you it. Did the nurse?”
He winks. “Yeah, sure.”
“You’re lying!”
“That’s my secret.”
I huff. “You don’t get secrets.”
“I have lots of secrets, doll.”
“Well, I want answers. Where’s Tammy?”
He sighs. “I’m not sure you’re ready for that truth. Not yet.”
“I have a right to know. She’s my friend. She had my back.”
“She’s a tough girl. She’ll get through it.”
It? I look down.
“Thank you for meeting
with them like I asked. It meant so much to them.” Tears come to my eyes, but Nix needs to know this. He needs to know the good he did.
“Pam… Pam died really soon after she met with you. You gave the girl who fought the hardest one last good memory. Thank you.”
“Of course,” he whispers. “It was nice of you to give up your time to them. I wish I could have done more. I just…”
There’s another awkward silence. Nix runs a hand over his head, anxiously.
“I asked about you.”
Avoid eye contact.
“Tammy looked away when I asked. Pamela told me to go fuck myself.”
I smile a little. So like them.
“Why did you wait? Why didn’t you help me if you were planning on it all along? I… I’m gonna ask how you knew where I was and what happened to everyone as well.”
“I was waiting for this,” he sighs. When I pick at my nails, he adds quickly, “and you deserve to ask! I just… don’t know how much to tell you. Or how to word it.”
“How about all of it. And however you want. It won’t make much difference to me. I’ll still think you’re a cowardly piece of shit either way.”
He glances up at me. It’s then I notice that the lightness he usually wears is a mask, because right now, he actually looks amused for real.
“That so?”
“Obviously.”
“Why are you so comfortable with me, huh princess?”
Hmmm, good question. “It’s ‘cause you don’t need or want Sage. Everyone else does.”
“Interesting. Explain that to me.”
“Explain what?”
“Who are you?”
My eyebrows furrow. “What?”
He gestures to my curled up, frail body. “Who am I talking to right now?”
I frown. “I… I don’t— I don’t know. Sage had to go away, so this is… um…”
He raises an eyebrow.
“Her voice? No. I don’t know! You’re confusing me. It’s just a voice on a body.”
His frown deepens at that. “First,” he leans forward on his elbows. “You’re no ‘it’. Second, the person I’m talking to has a spitfire personality that likes to come out, but it seems, with the exception of me, prefers to be subtle about it.”
My eyes widen. That’s Sage. No. He doesn’t see that. I scramble back on the bed.
“No!”
“Does that sound familiar? Does it sound like more than a voice on a body?”
“Stop!”
“What else do you like, Sage?”
“Shut up and go away!”
“But you still have questions right, princess?”
I hate him! “Go. Away.”
“Your dad slipped something to me when he left.”
I curl in tighter and snatch the hippo to hug it into my neck.
“Open your eyes.”
“No.” I shake my head.
“Open. Come on, brave girl.”
“I’m not brave. Shut up! Please shut up.”
“Then open your palm. You have to pick one.”
I freeze. The firmness of his voice sounds like a command. I’ve been trained to obey commands.
I slowly extend my hand and peel my palm open. When something rubber and flat lands in my palm my eyes water.
“Close her fingers,” Nix says softly.
I shake my head. The tears are rolling off my face and onto the sheets now.
“It’s okay,” he whispers ever so quietly. He takes my fingers and closes them around the Kindle.
I’d know the feel of this Kindle anywhere. My love for that one device exceeds time and space.
I don’t move my hand in closer. Despite it shaking, I keep my arm in the exact same spot.
“You should get clean. Your breath stinks.”
A choked laugh, mixed with a sob, bursts out of me. “I forgot.”
“That’s sad.”
“Hell is dirty.”
He goes quiet. I throw the Kindle on the floor, push it from my mind, and look at him.
“That makes me wanna do bad things,” he grits out.
I lean forward over the bed toward him. “What bad things?”
“Nothing you should concern yourself with.”
“What happened with Z, Marcus, and Sty?”
He smiles at me. That mask-smile he wears so much. “Up. Clean your mouth. Hell may be dirty, but hospitals aren’t, princess.”
I glare at him. He chuckles.
“Glare all you want. Mouthwash is on the sink.”
“If you touch me, I’ll scream.”
“If you fall, I’m touching you,” he challenges.
“Fine,” I push myself to stand, much weaker than I expected. “Grab my IV.”
He laughs, but grabs it. When we take a few steps, with me struggling immensely, I see him pick up the Kindle from the floor.
“We aren’t done with that Kindle, Sage.”
I snatch the IV from his hand. My mind is way ahead of my body, because standing and holding the pole sends me crumbling to the floor. Before I hit, Nix wraps his arm under my stomach.
I don’t scream.
Why’d he have to catch me?
He slowly helps me to my feet and grabs the pole again.
“It’s not missed by me how you haven’t answered any of my questions, Nix.”
“Fuck.”
I smile a little.
Chapter Seventeen
“You’re doing so well, Sage. Your bruises are healing nicely. Your fracture is healing. I don’t want to get ahead of myself here, but I think your detox is going well. We are all very proud of you. Have you thought about the things we discussed?” The doctor’s eyes bore into me.
The two things he mentioned: speaking with my parents and going to therapy.
No and no.
But I can’t say that. Not yet. I need something from him.
“Please, where’s Tammy? I’ve done all you asked of me. Please, how is she?”
He sighs. “Sage, we’ve been over this. I can’t reveal her medical status. You aren’t related.”
Stupid fucking blood.
“In every way that matters, I am. Ask her. She’ll tell you it’s okay.”
“Sage, Tammy’s not… well. She’s not aware of where she is at the moment.”
“Still? Well, we have to get her back. She… she has to come back.”
“Let the doctors help her. She’s in a safe place. You take care of you right now.”
“B… but…”
“Remember Agent Bradley Ryan?”
“Yes.”
How could I not? He’s here daily.
“He’s working his hardest with the doctors to get the best care he can for her and to stop the people who hurt you.”
I frown. How many are there? How many girls? Nix still hasn’t answered any of my questions. In fact, he hasn’t even been here since he presented me with the Kindle. Which I immediately asked the nurse to give back to my father.
Father.
Mother.
It’s hard to remember I even have those.
But it’s not hard to remember the reason I ended up in Sty’s clutches.
I got no love at home, so when Sty came along and pretended to love me, I fell for it, hook, line, and sinker. Never again.
“Sage,” the doctor sighs. “You probably will be moved to outpatient care soon with recommended additional therapy. Highly recommended. I know someone who specializes in…” He studies me for a moment. “Well, she specializes in what you went through.”
“Okay.” I shut down and stare at the wall, unblinking.
“Sage, also, you may want to see your parents before you go home with them.”
“No.”
“Sage,” he sighs. “It’s not my place, but you will be going home with them. Your parents have been here every single day. They love you.”
It’s like he pulls a string with those words. Years of suppressed rage boil up inside of me.
“Love me? Love me! They love money! They love to look good! The dead last thing they will ever love in this world is me! So, don’t you ever tell me that they love me, because you couldn’t be more wrong. Keeping appearances and reputation are the only reasons they are here.”
“I see you’re still raising hell.”
I look over the doctor’s shoulder with a growl to see Nix standing there, arms crossed over his chest, smirking at me. He’s wearing a green tee with dark jeans and, of course, bracelets.
“Where the hell have you been?” I snap at him.
“I’ll be back to check on you,” the doctor mutters. He checks my monitors once and rushes out.
“You’ve got a lot of FBI hangin’ around here, princess.”
He casually drags a chair to my bedside.
“Me and the feds, yeah, we don’t get along too well.”
I glance at my twisting hands and spin my feet to hang over the side of the bed.
“So I’ve been thinking,” I begin slowly. “Sty and Marcus… I know I heard a gunshot that night.”
“Nope. Look at me directly and ask what’s on your mind.”
I glance at the open doorway. “Close the door.”
He smirks. Is that pride in his eyes?
“Yes, ma’am.”
He does as I ask and then comes back into a sitting position. His eyes are intense as he leans forward, staring into mine.
“Go on.”
“You shot them, didn’t you?” I whisper.
“Yep.”
“Are they, um…. Is Sty alive?”
He studies me for a moment. “You want honesty, Sage?” His voice is quiet.
I think on that before finally deciding to nod. “Yes.”
Nix glances back and leans in further. “You call that dungeon they kept you in ‘hell’, yeah?”
“Yes…”
“Well, that’s where I sent him.” He studies me a moment longer with blazing, cold eyes. “To hell.”
I blink at him. I don’t know how I feel about that. I mean, he’s evil incarnate. I don’t know many women he sentenced to my, Tammy, and Pam’s fate. But… but I did love him once. I gave him my virginity. Egh, that thought makes me cringe and feel nauseous now.
“Oh.”
“How does that make you feel?”
I look at him and I know, despite how hard I fight it, my eyes are wide and vulnerable.
“I should be happy.”
“You should be nothing but what you are,” he responds immediately.