by Bry Ann
So we’re buddies. Who care too much and are incapable of leaving the other.
We’re lost. So we just stay stagnant, hiding away from the world, with the exception of my mom and dad. My dad can barely keep his mouth shut around us for so many reasons: Nix’s “job”, me not leaving, our lack of a relationship with our obvious feelings… But luckily, he keeps his mouth shut and lets his face do the talking.
“We’re here, babe.”
“Right.”
Like always, I wait for him to get out and stand by my door before getting out myself. He takes my hand and we head to the donut place with him leading me. His grip on my hand makes my palm sweat and my heart flutter, but it’s only there to make me feel safe. Not to show affection. I know this.
“Ah, Nixon. Look who brought their phone this time.”
Nix’s body goes completely rigid. His grip tightens painfully on my hand.
“Get behind me, Sage.”
He doesn’t give me time to move before I’m behind his back. His hand on my body. My heart starts to pound. What’s happening? I squeeze Nix’s t-shirt and tuck in closer to him. He’ll keep me safe. He will.
Do I even know if he can?
“Aaron’s been dying to meet the little pet that’s had you so distracted this year, but you’ve been so damn careful. You’re smart. She’s never been with you when your phone is, and when you’re home, your GPS goes wonky.”
I swear I can feel Nix smirk.
“Shame, that.”
“He’ll find out where you live one day, Nixon.”
“I wouldn’t hold your breath ‘til then. Regardless, I’m off work now. Get the fuck out of here, Dez, Rod.”
“First let us meet your lady.”
His grip tightens on me. I whimper and tuck my head into him. He squeezes me once for comfort. These men so remind me of Z and all the other men who assaulted me without a care.
“She’s not my lady. I’m giving you two seconds to get out of here.”
“Just a quick lo—”
“One,” Nix cuts him off in the same voice I heard the night he saved me. “Two.”
With his other hand, he whips out his gun and points it at them.
“Do you trust me, Sage?”
My eyes water as I slowly nod.
“Go to the car. Get in and lock the doors. I’ll be right over.”
“Nix,” I whimper. I’m terrified.
“Trust me,” he murmurs, firm with an attempt at softness.
“They won’t move.” There’s a cockiness to his voice now. “They wouldn’t dare. Go on.”
I don’t give myself time to think. I run like hell. When I get to the car, I’m shaking so hard I can’t get the door open. My hand keeps slipping off the handle. In that time lapse, my panic takes over. I shake rapidly and stare into space, leaning against the side of the car. My body completely shuts down because of the sheer terror coursing through my system. I hear yelling and voices, and then gentle hands land on my face.
“I got you. You’re okay.”
I collapse into him and cry immediately. “I’m sorry I didn’t get in. I froze. I—”
“Sage, it’s okay. All under control. Rain check on the donuts.”
He opens my door.
“Get in.”
I try to get in, but I’m so unsteady on my feet that Nix has to help me.
“Lock it,” he whispers when I’m in. I immediately do so as he gets in on his side. He climbs in and pauses. I’ve been so preoccupied with myself, I didn’t think of him. Now I do. I glance over.
His jaw is tight. His eyes are furious.
“FUCK!” He slams on the wheel. I flinch, trying not to hurt him further with my fear. “Fuck him! Fuck HIM!”
He clenches his fists and takes a deep breath.
“I’m sorry, Sage.” He doesn’t look at me. “I’m taking you to your dad’s. I’m going out. I figure you don’t want to be alone right now.”
“Nix?”
“What?” He throws the car in drive.
“Please be safe.”
He grinds his jaw.
“Please.”
After a long pause, he dismissively says, “I’ll be fine.”
I let us sit in silence. Me trying to work through my tremors, Nix trying to hold in his anger so he doesn’t explode. He’s barely holding on, though. The drive to my father’s mansion doesn’t take long. He swerves the back of the car James Bond style by the front door and parks. Neither of us move.
“Nix,” I murmur, placing my hand on his arm.
His jaw ticks at an increased tempo. “What.”
“I’m okay. Really. Nothing happened.”
There’s a flash of something in him. A coiling of his muscles, a flash of fury, or fear, in his eyes.
“Why don’t you go on in.”
“Nix, I haven’t been to this house since Dad sent me to treatment. Wh-what do I say when he asks why I’m here?”
Nix lets out a heavy sigh. “I’ll go in with you. It’s okay. Come on.”
He gets out of the car, but the way he moves, it’s like his body is heavy. I slowly peel my body out of the vehicle. Today couldn’t be worse. Nix comes around the car and slips his hand through mine. He’s tense, but he’s trying so damn hard to be strong for me.
When we reach the front door, I open my mouth to tell him I left the spare key Dad gave me at his house, but he never asks.
Nope.
He literally picks the lock right in front of me in like, two seconds flat, and opens the door like it’s no big deal.
“Nix! Are you kidding me?”
I swat at his chest.
“You can’t just break into my dad’s house right in front of me.”
He rolls his eyes, smirking, as he gently pulls me inside and shuts the door.
“Do you have your key with you?”
I huff. “Well, no, but still. That doesn’t give you the right to—”
He yanks on my arm, pulling me flush against him. “Shhh, princess. Stop talking.”
Then he slips his finger in mine, puts us at a safe distance, and goes on walking like nothing happened. Meanwhile, I’m left spluttering like a fish, heart hammering, momentarily rendered speechless all because he was so close to me.
And as much as I hate to say it, and I’ll totally deny it if he asks, but he looks pretty sexy like this. I’ll never tell him, though, because one day, when I’m a little better, less stubborn, and have more of a right to, I’m gonna save his soul. I’d accept him however he is, but I see the repulsion in his eyes when he looks in the mirror. It damn sure isn’t his physical looks; it’s his soul, and I’m gonna help him like it again.
But in time.
Lots and lots of time.
“Sage?” my dad gasps, jumping from his desk and placing his glasses on the desk.
Oh, we’re here already.
“Charles,” Nix states, nodding his head.
Immediately, my dad’s eyes narrow.
“Not that I don’t love having you here,” he turns to Nix, “but what happened?”
Nix squeezes my hand so tightly I wince. “Sage wants to be here for a bit. I’ll come and get her in a couple of hours.”
“Nix, should I have Sage’s stuff brought over?”
Both men narrow their eyes at the other, but it’s me who feels like her head is gonna explode.
“I’m right here! And no, my stuff isn’t being brought over, Dad,” I look pointedly at him, “Nix,” I look pointedly his way. “I’m not leaving Nix.”
Nix comes over, moves a strand of my hair out of my face, and looks at me, doing a terrible job of hiding the pain from his eyes.
“We’ll talk when I get back.”
He places two fingers on my forehead where his lips should be and leaves. I stare at his figure as he walks away. No, more like purposely storms through the house, hands fisted.
A man on a mission.
“Sage.”
I faintly hear my da
d, but I’m too focused on the spot where Nix just left. It takes me several minutes before I turn, biting my nails.
“Is he gonna be okay?”
“He’ll be fine, Sage. He was born for this.”
I don’t know what comes over me, but blinding rage takes over my system.
“No child is born and bred to be a criminal, Dad! He didn’t want that!”
His eyebrows rise. “So I take it he told you everything.”
“He told me enough.”
I glance back at the doorway.
“There’s so much I want to tell you, Sage, but I don’t think you’d take well to me giving you advice.”
“Good thinking,” I respond flatly.
He grunts. “And Nix should probably talk to you himself. Are you two still friends?”
“Dad, stop.”
He laughs. “You two are just so ridiculous. I’ve never seen two people in a more strange situation before. You like him?”
“Ugh, stop.”
“I’ll answer for you. Yes. So tell him you want more. He won’t do anything until you say so. He won’t risk hurting you.”
“Stop, okay? I can’t have this talk with you. Nix and I are just…”
Dad raises his eyebrows.
“Just buddies. We’re buds.”
“Buds, sure.” He smirks. “We should tell your mother you’re here. She’s missed you.”
“She knows where I’m staying,” I say coldly.
“Sage, come on. Be nice.”
“I’m going to the pool. Um, don’t let…”
“No one will go in. I’ll let the staff know.”
“Thanks, Dad.”
“I love you, Sage. Are you starting to, uh… get that?”
He winces, running a hand over his head.
“Yeah. You, not Mom.”
He grunts.
“Did you get that hotel? I know you’ve been working on it forever.”
“Good memory. Yes, we purchased it two months ago. Now we’re acquiring staff. Legal shit. All that.”
“Busy as ever, I see,” I mutter.
“Yes, but I’ve also learned to delegate,” he says pointedly.
“I’m gonna swim now. Do you have any swimsuits here for me?”
“We still have your old ones, but, uh, they’re those bikini things you used to wear. I’m not sure you’d feel comfortable...”
“No, no. I’ll make it work. No one comes in.”
“They won’t. But do you want to see your mother first? She’s—”
“I’ll catch her on the way out,” I say dismissively. “Thanks.”
“Yeah,” he sighs. “Be careful.”
“With what?”
“Everything, Sage. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”
I know what he means, and he’s not referring to the pool. I turn away from him, head bowed.
“I can’t walk away from him,” I murmur. “My heart’s involved.”
“I know, Sage. That’s what scares me.”
I nod. “Well, I’ll be in the pool. Knock first if you need me.”
His lips curl. “I’ll be working.”
“Right, I’ll probably need you first. You don’t need me for anything.”
I quickly turn out. There’s an elephant in the room. Dad and I have talked a lot about my childhood in the past year and my time in treatment. What I’ve never discussed with him is the shame I feel about my time in hell and fear of how he approaches that with his friends, colleagues, co-workers. Mostly just the men and women I have been to conventions with. That I met before I was tainted. That’s why I’m going to the pool. I think that’s why I shut down last time. Those exact trains of thought.
I can’t face anyone. It makes that voice in my head that tells me what a whore I am go crazy. Lucinda. Jerald. Marcus, Dad’s CEO. Bill, his new president. Their wives, Jill and Helena. Then there are all the people under him. There are the people he makes deals with.
Faces, faces, faces I remember from the past.
All of them, I’ve not seen since I got out, except Lucinda and Jerald. But still… barely.
I know my case was on the news. I know they know what I was. Am. Could be again. How did Dad deal with his daughter being a sex object?
I glance up at the door to the pool I’ve been staring at. I push the door open and lock it behind me. I slip my shoes off, and, fully dressed, I slip my body into the hot tub.
Aaron’s been dying to meet the little pet that’s had you so distracted this year.
So, Nix’s serial killer dad knows about me. Of course he does. Nix has barely told me anything, but he’s told me enough to know that his dad has ruled his whole life. Of course he’d know about the woman he’s been spending so much time with. I guess I have taken a lot of Nix’s time. He’s mentioned not having friends or anyone before meeting me. Did he work that whole time? How many jobs has he turned down because of me? How much money has Aaron lost while Nix has been with me? That will gauge Nix’s level of safety. Oh, and mine too, probably. Does that bastard know what I look like?
I sink further into the water.
What is Nix doing right now? Is he being safe? Does he get that I need him and he can’t take major risks? Let alone take risks he thinks he’s doing for me?
The water comes chin-high.
Dealing with this today after my dream last night is really throwing me… off. I want to sink in the water and revel in the blackness. See what it’s like for my brain to slowly disconnect from my body in a state of blissful peace.
But no.
Not a choice. Even in the blackest parts of my mind, I know I have people who care and it’d be selfish for me to disappear.
“Sage?”
I spring from the water with wide eyes, heart hammering. Dad said no one would…
“Nix?”
His hair is a wreck. His knuckles are dirty, along with his t-shirt. One of his bracelets is half unbuckled, but more than anything, he looks tired… and resigned.
“You okay?”
He studies me, brows furrowed.
“I was just enjoying the water. I swear I wasn’t trying to drown myself.”
He nods. “Alright.”
Casually, he strolls over and gets on his haunches at the edge of the Jacuzzi. He smiles a little when he sees I’m fully clothed.
“Swimsuits are overrated.”
“Completely.”
He shakes his head. I can tell he’s trying to smile, but it’s not quite reaching his lips.
“We need to talk, Sage.”
My heart drops.
“No, Nix. Please.”
My eyes well with tears. He softly places a finger over my lips.
“Let me talk first. Okay?”
I nod, but can’t stop the tears running down my cheeks and his finger now. He pulls away, throws his shoes and socks off, and climbs right in next to me. Fully clothed.
God, he’s so amazingly considerate.
“Sage, my dad knows about you. He knows I’ve… taken a liking to you,” he says carefully.
His jaw ticks.
“That’s bad.”
“Why?” I murmur, already knowing the answer.
Nix’s jaw clenches even tighter. “Because he’ll stop at nothing to make sure he owns me. And my loyalty is to you, now. You broke through.”
“Broke through what?” I whisper.
I wrap my pinky around his under the water.
“His abuse,” he responds immediately.
My eyes widen. “I—”
“So,” he takes a deep breath. “He’s gonna play games, do what he has to, kill who he has to, to own my soul again. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“I’m in danger.”
“He’s a serial killer, Sage. A brutal, ruthless killer, and if you’re with me” — he turns to look at me, eyes hard — “you’re on his radar.”
My heart stops.
“He’s got goons. You met two of them today. Yo
u’d be surprised the control he has fucking everywhere for a man behind bars,” he growls.
“You said today that your house is safe.”
“It is. I’ve taken extensive measures to make sure it’s safe. To throw off the GPS trackers.”
“So if I stay there most of the time, I’m okay.”
“For now. I can’t make promises when it comes to Aaron. He always finds a way to get me to do what he wants.”
I don’t even pause. Even with the thumping in my heart. The fear in my veins.
“I can’t leave you, Nix.”
His hand encompasses mine. His head falls forward, forehead clashing with mine.
“He’ll try to hurt you,” he murmurs, letting some of the pain out. Letting the broken, lonely little boy use his voice for once.
I pause. “You’re worth it.”
He takes the deepest breath possible. His hands dig into my hips in a bruising grip.
“I love you, Sage. I love you so much. I’ll do anything it takes to keep you safe.”
My eyes water. I pull him closer, not even feeling the water of my father’s hot tub adding weight to the fabric on our bodies.
“I love you too, Nix. So much. Ride or die, right?”
And then he kisses me. His lips tangle with mine.
And I know this is it for me.
This is all I ever wanted. To be loved for who I am.
I’ll fight every demon it takes to keep this. I’ll do anything it takes to save Nix, too. Like he saves me every single day.
… Because I love him.
And there’s no greater strength than love. No greater weakness than being without it.
I wrap my arms around Nix’s lean back, feeling the muscles tighten there.
And then I kiss him back.
And somehow, it keeps the demons away instead of inviting them in.
Nix is my every exception.
My ride or die.
❤
Part two of Nix and Sage’s epic love story coming soon