by Luna Hunter
Every night Dost goes out and returns with a freshly caught meal, which he prepares for me. We eat alien boar, fish, deer — there’s an abundance of wildlife on this planet. I’m waiting for Dost to return from one of these outings, gazing into the jungle from his private quarters, but this time he’s taking an awful long time. The sun has already set, coating the planet in darkness.
This planet has no moon, so only the stars in the night’s sky provide some faint light, but it’s hard to see through the thick canopy of trees.
I hop out of bed, getting more worried by the minute. He explicitly told me not to call him on his com, for the sound could scare away the game he’s hunting, but if he doesn’t hurry I’m going to break that rule.
After pacing around the room I decide to call Trent. He’s Dost’s second-in-command, and while I don’t know him as well as I do Dost, my mate told me he trusts Trent with his life.
That’s good enough for me.
I do feel kind of awkward calling him, because Dost and I haven’t ‘officially’ announced our relationship, or whatever we’re in, quite yet.
It’s too soon for labels. Even though I’m pregnant. I know it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but it’s working for us now. We’re taking it one day a time, and so far, every day is glorious.
I don’t want to screw that up by putting labels on things and talking marriage.
Not yet, anyway.
Instead of announcing things, I’ve just been watching Dost work, staying in his private quarters, and luckily, no one’s asked a thing. The human scientists are much too focused on their work to even notice me, and the Zoran soldiers are so stoic I’ve yet to see them raise a single eyebrow.
I take a deep breath and call Trent.
“Hi, Trent? It’s me, Aria. I was wondering if you knew where Dost is?” I ask the Zoran officer.
“No,” is the curt answer.
“Can’t you like… track him? Using the ship?”
“I could.”
“Are you going to?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
The Zoran chuckles.
“Dost will find his way home.”
“But what if he doesn’t?” I say. He could have gotten lost, or wounded, or attacked by one of those snake-beings, or… my mind runs rampant with worst-case scenarios.
“Then he is not fit to be general,” is Trent’s dry response.
I hang up, feeling more frustrated than before I called, and step outside. I peer into the dark jungle, looking for a sign of life, but I can’t see a thing.
I’m not wearing a suit anymore. The scientists declared that the spores aren’t harmful to us, after we’ve built up a tolerance. Every crew member who travels down to the surface of Delta Y must spend half a day in a pod in which they’re slowly exposed to the spores.
Alone.
No repeats of the show Dost and I put on…
Suddenly, the bushes in front of me rustle, and a tall, dark shape emerges from the leaves.
My heart skips a beat.
Snake-monsters?!
No, this one is too tall, too broad, too… handsome.
The light from the quarters behind me illuminate Dost’s face, and I sigh out of relief.
“Where were you?!” I say. “You had me worried sick!”
He frowns. “Why?”
“Because… you were gone!” I say, exasperated. How does he not get this?
I now notice he’s dripping wet, and carrying a massive bass in his two hands.
“Did you… catch that with your hands?”
“I did,” he says, holding it up proudly.
“Who catches fish with their hands? What are you, a bear?”
“Do you want me to be?”
“No, I want you to be you.”
“This is me,” he answers. “Come, let’s eat!”
I watch with a combination of fascination and horror as my Zoran mate cleans and cooks the fish. He starts a small fire and roasts the fish over it, and I have to admit, it smells pretty damn good.
He heads inside to take a quick shower and wash the river scent away, while I rotate the fish over the fire. At first the jungle scared me, after the attack, but that fear has faded away, day by day, and I can see us starting a life here.
There’s something so natural, so easy-going about this world.
Taking walks through the jungle, feeling actual trees and actual bushes. Breathing fresh, clean air. Eating berries, nuts and the freshest meat possible.
It’s like we’re in complete harmony with this world.
Earth couldn’t be more different. There’s only skyscrapers and polluted air and instant-meals. There are still pockets of nature, but they’re few and far between.
Nothing like the abundance of Delta Y.
“What are you thinking about?”
Dost’s low voice wakes me from my thoughts. He’s only put the bottom half of his armor back on, his beautiful, naked, fire-red chest on display, the flickering flames illuminating his muscles perfectly.
My thoughts instantly take a more wicked turn…
“The future,” I answer truthfully.
“And what do you see?”
I stare into the fire and let my mind wander to a world that could be.
“A world that lives in harmony with nature, and with itself. Humans and Zorans that live side-by-side. Not like now, with the Zorans in their flotilla, and the humans on Earth, but together. This planet feels like a second chance. We can avoid our mistakes, create a better world… or maybe I’m just naive. What do you think?”
Dost tears off a strip of fish and hands it to me. I gratefully accept.
“I think you’re a dreamer,” he answers.
“Is that good or bad?”
“Depends on if you’re a poet or a warrior.”
“I’m neither,” I answer. “I’m nothing.”
Dost’s eyes narrow. “You’re the mother of my child, my mate, my everything,” he growls. “Never say that again.”
“Okay, okay, I take it back,” I laugh. “You always get so serious.”
“I am serious when it comes to you.”
We eat in silence for a moment, just us and the crackle of the fire. I rest my head on his bicep, feeling perfectly safe. I’m so lucky to have found him.
In a way, that tree hitting me square in the face was a happy accident. Without it, I’m not sure I would be sitting here.
“I take it you’re not a dreamer?” I say. “Seeing as you’re a warrior and all.”
“I’d like to be,” he answers, “but I can’t. Calculating risks, accurately surveying the situation… that’s my job. Lives depend on it. I can’t dream, or hope.”
“You can. Maybe not in line of duty, but you can dream. It’s just the two of us here. What do you dream about?”
Dost stares into the flames, brooding, silent.
“Same as you,” he answers. “Peace.”
“So you think that’s a dream? Not something that can actually happen?”
“I don’t.”
“Then what does that say about… us?”
“That it’s going to be hard, to be frank,” he says. “My men don’t care, and even if they did, they know better than to challenge me… but, not all Zorans are as open-minded, or as loyal to me. The Federation might not be aware, but there are elements within Zoran society that outright reject humanity. Does that surprise you?”
“Yes? No? I don’t know. To be honest, I never gave it much thought,” I admit.
I never thought I’d be in love with a Zoran, that’s for damn sure.
“I guess it makes sense, in a weird way?” I continue. “Not that I agree, obviously, but in every society there are those that reject change. Why would the Zorans be any different?”
“Exactly,” Dost growls. “The only problem is that the leader of said movement is my own father.”
“W-what?” I stammer.
That complicates things!
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“Yes,” he says. “He’s an admiral, one of the leaders of our flotilla. The Exon Movement they call themselves, after our home world. A bunch of old men who think humanity is a plague, and the longer we Zorans spend among them, the more we lose what makes us Zorans.”
Dost sounds bitter and angry as he unburdens himself. I listen breathlessly, my hand resting on his knee.
“I know humanity is not perfect, but I don’t think Zoran society ever was, either,” he says. “I don’t believe that. They pretend the world was better in the past, but was it really?”
He throws another log in the fire, and the fire roars and pops, the flames illuminating Dost’s deep frown.
“Sometimes I think they do it on purpose, the elders. As long as they can claim the past was better, that tradition is what matters most, then they themselves are the most important Zorans around. They, the council of elders, the Exon Movement, have all the knowledge, all the power… or do you think I’m being cynical?”
“I-I don’t know,” I stammer. “Perhaps you’re right. Change is difficult. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been for your people to leave your home, your entire planet, behind.”
“Look around you,” Dost laughs. “That is exactly what you’ve done!”
“Ha, now that I think about it, you’re right. I did leave Earth, didn’t I?”
“You are more courageous than you think, Aria.”
His radiant eyes land on me, and my heart flutters when I see him smile. I’m glad I can lift his heavy spirit. I’ve been preoccupied with my own thoughts and fears, but only now do I realize that this sudden pregnancy must be hard on him, too. His own father outright rejects humanity, yet he’s shown me nothing but love… now that takes courage.
“What brings you to this planet, Aria? Why are you here in this corner of the galaxy?”
“W-what do you mean?” I say. “I’m a Federation mechanic. This is simply my duty.”
Dost leans forward and throws another log in the fire. The flames burst back to life, and I feel the heat of the fire on my skin, but that’s nothing compared to how hot I feel inside.
“Come on,” Dost says. “You are my mate. The future mother of my child. You can tell me the truth. You are no duty bound mechanic — you applied for this mission specifically. And on false pretenses, no less. You didn’t graduate from Toronto’s University of Technology. You have no degree in Starship Engineering.”
I nearly fall from the log we’re sitting on in surprise. He knows?!
“So either you’re running away from something, or running towards something… which one is it?”
Heat rushes to my cheek, and I desperately fan myself, which causes the Zoran general to chuckle.
“Oh, you thought I didn’t know? I am the general. It is my job to know. To check everyone and everything. And you were the first person I checked out, of course.”
“W-why me?”
He shrugs. “I don’t have a good answer. It was a force of nature. It can’t be explained. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I was spellbound. To be honest, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I fought it, at first, until that fateful shuttle ride… and from that moment on, I simply knew you were the one, with every bone in my body. That moment changed my life.”
He places his firm hand on my belly. “That moment changed both of our lives.”
“And I’m happy for it.”
“So am I. But that does not answer my question.”
“Alright, alright,” I say. “You’ve caught me. I’m not a licensed starship mechanic.”
“I know. Is your name even Aria Winters?”
“Yes, yes,” I laugh. “It is. I’m here because, well, because I’m an idiot. My sister…”
My voice trails off as I look for the right words.
Where to begin?
What am I really doing here, on this alien planet, light years from home?
Did I really think I’d find Grace somewhere out here, in space? Just floating around some abandoned spaceship, ready to be picked up?
No.
Maybe Dost is right.
Maybe I’m actually running away from something.
Running away from my own guilt.
Running away from the knowledge that if I wasn’t so headstrong, she’d still be on Earth.
And, I realize with pain in my heart, running away from my father.
My poor, grief-stricken father.
Every time I saw him, he’d break out into tears, because I remind him so much of my little sister. And those tears would hurt me in turn, reminding me of my guilt, of my failure.
And that’s why I ran, why I fled, my tail tucked between my legs like a scared pup.
Not only am I a terrible sister, but I’m an even worse daughter.
“I’m sorry I asked,” Dost says. He wraps his strong arms around me and rubs my back. “If you’re not ready to tell me, then it’s okay.”
I only now realize tears are streaming down my cheeks. I let the big Zoran comfort me, resting my head on his shoulder and gazing up into the dark sky. A few stars fill the blackness, but there’s more darkness than light out there.
Grace, wherever you are… I am sorry.
“No, I want to tell you,” I say, sucking in a deep breath and finding my center. “You shared your story, now I want to share mine.”
Dost listens attentively, wiping my tears away with his thumb. Will he hate me once he knows the truth? Once he knows what a failure I am? Even so, he has to know.
I don’t want to live with this secret, this burden anymore.
“You were right,” I start. “I’m running away from something. And towards something. At the same time. I have a little sister named Grace. Or had… I don’t know. When the Nezdek attacked Earth, our city was hit. She was kidnapped. I was on vacation. If she had travelled along with me, she would have been safe as well. And she wanted to, too… but I said no.”
This hurts like hell, but I push through. I’m staring into the flames as I talk, afraid to even look at my Zoran mate.
“I wanted to… spread my wings, be independent… it all seems so stupid in hindsight. I didn’t want to spend my vacation looking out for my little sister. And now… now I never have to look out for her again…”
“It’s not your fault,” Dost growls decisively.
I’ve never heard such power, such ferocity in his voice.
“The Nezdek kidnapped her — not you. It’s not your fault.”
“My head tells me you’re right, but my heart tells me you’re wrong,” I say. “That’s why I came out here. I wanted to do something, you know? I thought that if I travelled into space, I might receive some kind of message, a sign, anything… but I now realize that was just wishful thinking. I even had the fantasy that I’d steal a cruiser and pilot to the Nezdek world myself, bust her out of there, if that is even where she is, but… now I realize how childish those thoughts were. I’m no pilot, no warrior, no savior. I’m Aria. A lousy sister and a lousy daughter. I should have stayed on Earth, with my father.”
Dost places his hand on the small of my back.
“You are much more than that,” he says. “You are courageous. You travelled far, in search for your sister. That is honorable. And you saved my life.”
“Did I really?” I say, wiping another tear away. They won’t stop coming. “Maybe that tree wasn’t even going to hit you. I only got myself hurt. That’s just my life — every time I try to do the right thing, I just get myself hurt in the process.”
My Zoran mate brings my hand up to his face and kisses it.
“I am happy you are here now, with me. You’ve brought me more joy than I thought possible. As far as I’m concerned, you jumping in front the tree was the best thing that ever happened to me, for without it, I’m not sure if we would be sitting here, together, being open and honest with each other.”
I shut my eyes and try to let Dost’s smooth, soothing voice drown out my inner critic. He pulls
me in close, and I let my body curl into his, losing myself in his manly scent.
“Once our mission is complete, we will return to Earth… if that’s what you want, that is.”
“I want Grace back,” I say. “I want to change the past. So as long as you can’t invent time travel… yes, I think we ought to go back home. My dad will be surprised, but also happy to become a grandfather, I think.”
“I can’t wait to meet him,” Dost says.
It feels good to have shared my story, to have unburdened myself. No longer do I have to pretend, even though looking back, it was clear Dost knew all long I had something to hide. I was just too afraid to tell him the truth.
Too afraid to face it myself.
Now, there are no more secrets, no more lies.
Just the two of us.
And the baby.
18
Dost
The Morning After
My hands travel down Aria’s curvy, naked body.
I love her form, her shape, the softness of her skin, the paleness of it.
I love every damn thing about her.
I even love the way she snores, though she vehemently denies doing so when I tell her. Her body is on top of mine, and she is still in a deep, deep sleep.
Considering how long we mated last night, I can’t blame her for it.
Our conversation last night was wonderful. I’ve never been this honest, this vulnerable before… and it felt good. I’m happy Aria trusts me enough to share her own burdens with me.
When I think back to her story, I get angry all over again.
I was there, when Earth was attacked. I was on my father’s ship, watching powerlessly as the humans were slaughtered. My father could have stopped them, could have thrown the full force of the Zoran fleet into the battle…