by Becky Monson
“Right,” I say, feeling suddenly better. She must have morning sickness! I’ve heard it can be an all day thing for some people. Poor thing.
I walk back to the table I’m seated at and grab my purse to pull out my phone. No missed calls or texts from Brown, thank goodness. But I better call her just to make sure.
“I’ll be right back,” I say to Jared and head toward the closest exit to find a quiet place where I can give Brown a quick call and make sure everything’s okay.
“Brown,” I say when she picks up after the second ring.
“Hey,” she says quietly and my stomach sinks when I hear her voice. She’s been crying.
“What’s going on?” I ask, but I feel like I already know the answer.
“I’m bleeding,” she says, and her voice breaks.
“Oh Brown,” I say, my fast-beating heart sinking. “Is it heavy?”
“Not yet, but my O.B. thinks I’m having a miscarriage. I’m going in tomorrow morning.”
“I’m so sorry, Brown. Do you want me to come over?”
“No, Matt’s here. And Anna’s coming over. Plus, aren’t you at the gala?” She asks through what sounds like tears.
“Yeah, but I can leave. I don’t care about the gala,” I say, and I truly mean it. I’m glad Anna’s going over, though. I’m glad we all have each other. No pings of ridiculous best-friend-stealing jealousy this time.
“No, Jules, you have to be there. This is a big night for you. That’s why I didn’t call. I didn’t … I didn’t want to worry you.”
“Are you kidding? You should’ve called me. I would totally drop this night for you.”
“I know, that’s why I didn’t call. Just … just go to the gala, okay? I’ll be fine. Matt’s here, he’s got my legs propped up and he’s rubbing my feet as we speak,” she says through sniffles.
“Okay, but text me if it gets worse, will you?” I ask, feeling tears start to form at the corners of my eyes.
“I will,” she says.
We say goodbyes and then hang up. I head back into the ballroom as I hear things getting started.
“Where did you go?” Jared asks.
“Brown’s bleeding,” I say, feeling the tears creep in again.
“Oh no.” His face goes white. “Is she okay?”
“She sounds like she’s been crying a lot, but that’s to be expected.”
“Right.” He reaches over and holds my hand in his, a very comforting gesture.
Dinner is announced and for the next while we’re served a decent looking three-course meal. I wouldn’t really know, though. My appetite is completely gone. I pick at a few things, but I can’t stomach much. Probably not the best idea, because I downed a five-hour energy before Jared picked me up, and my stomach is feeling all kinds of strange. I could probably use some food to soak up whatever’s going on in there. Although there really isn’t much room with my tight undergarments.
Then it was time for the awards. There were four tables at the front of the room, all representing businesses in the Denver area that were being recognized. One by one, people from the tables were called up and presented with their award by the mayor of Denver—Mayor Hancock. As I’d expected (and feared) everyone is given a little time to give a speech.
The table I was sitting at was next in line, and when they called the first business up, my heart started beating even harder. I swear it was at a runner’s pace at this point. I could feel the sweat starting to pull under my arms, like the room was suddenly a thousand degrees.
“Are you okay?” Jared asks me, searching my face.
“Uh—yeah,” I shake my head like I’m trying to shake myself out of my panic. “I’m just nervous.”
“You’ll be fine,” he gives me a reassuring smile, but I can see the worry in his eyes. I clearly don’t look fine.
I start to feel my breathing pick up pace and realize that if I don’t figure out a way to calm myself, I’m going to start hyperventilating right here in the ballroom, or even worse, on the stage. I start taking large breaths. Inhaling, holding it, and then exhaling out slowly. I have no idea why I’m doing this. It’s not like I have any clue how to calm myself without a paper bag (which I obviously don’t have in my purse—in hindsight, that might’ve been a good idea to bring one along), but this breathing thing just feels like what I need to do right now, and I’m desperate.
I look around the room and see Lisa. She’s in her seat only a couple of tables away from Jared and me, pad of paper in hand as she jots down notes. She looks up at me and gives me a smug smile.
Twitch.
I look back at Jared and he eyes me again with concern and grabs my hand and holds it, rubbing his thumb over the back of it. I wish it was totally reassuring. I wish his hand holding would get me through this, but it’s only partially helpful.
“Next we would like to recognize Julia Dorning,” Mayor Hancock says.
I stand up, feeling almost like I’m having an out of body experience, and start my walk to the stairs on the side of the stage. I wonder if I went to the front and did a little roll on to the stage if anyone would think that was weird. Probably. Plus, there’s no guarantee I’d be able to stand up after that, with my Spanx cutting off my circulation and all. I’d just end up lying there, like a purple beached whale.
The spotlights on the stage make it exponentially warmer up here than down at my seat where I was already sweating bullets. The warmth is definitely not helping the situation. I feel my face growing fiery hot and I know I’m probably as red as a beet. I can see the light from a camera flashing. I’m pretty sure Lisa will try to get this picture in color and on the front page if she can.
Mayor Hancock hands me my award and says a few things in the microphone. I’m not even sure what he’s saying. The words are sort of a blur at this point. He stands back from the podium and motions for me to say a few words.
I stand in front of all these people and look around the room. I feel lightheaded from the heat coming from the spotlights and my queasy stomach is now making an appearance. Oh, please don’t let me throw up. Not that anyone here would be too shocked by that. If they watched Cupcake Battles when I was on, they saw me throw up for the entire nation.
“I—” I start, but then cut off. I look down at Jared, who’s looking up at me. He’s trying to smile a reassuring smile, but honestly he looks a little worried.
“I—” I start again, but can’t seem to find my words. It’s as if my brain has gone completely blank. All I can hear is my racing heart. Thump, thump, thump. It feels hot and cold at the same time and my breath starts picking up again. I start to see stars, creeping in on both sides of my line of vision. Slowly moving until they’re filling up my entire view, and my legs suddenly feel like they might give out.
And then, everything goes black.
CHA
PTER 19
“Julia?” I hear Jared’s voice. He sounds like he’s in a tunnel. There’s a strange ringing in my ears. “Julia?” He says again. He sounds far away, but I can tell he’s panicked. I wonder what’s going on?
I try to open my eyes but my lids feel like they weigh a million pounds. I can almost see when they slit open, but bright light shines through and I’m unable to open them any farther. It hurts my head. My head is throbbing and my heart is still racing and I kind of feel like throwing up.
“Jared,” I try to say, but it only comes out in a whisper.
“Julia,” he says. There’s relief in his voice, I think. I can feel him kiss the side of my head. “You’re going to be okay,” he says and it almost sounds like he’s trying to convince himself. Why wouldn’t I be okay?
“The ambulance is on its way,” I hear someone say.
An ambulance? But why? If I could just open my eyes I could see what was going on. Why won’t my eyes open?
“Julia, the ambulance is coming. You’re going to be okay. We’ll get you to the hospital,” Jared says. His voice is still far away, as if he’s talking to me f
rom across the room.
The ambulance is for me? But why? I’m so confused and so tired. So very tired. And nauseated. Maybe I should stop fighting trying to wake up. I should just sleep. Sleep sounds good.
~*~
The sleep doesn’t last long. In fact people are constantly trying to wake me up. The next while goes by in a blur. I’m being poked, prodded, and tested. I think. I’m pretty sure what’s going on, but at the same time I’m not sure at all.
I know I’ve seen Jared, and I swear I’ve seen my parents too. There’s a throbbing pain in my head that is so horrible, someone says they’re giving me something and it feels so good all I can do is close my eyes and sleep.
When I’m finally able to open my eyes from what seems like the deepest sleep I’ve been in in months, it takes me a while to figure out where I am. Especially because my sight is blurry, but also because nothing seems familiar. There’s constant beeping to the right of me and I can feel something like wires attached to my chest. I can only remember bits and pieces, but I’m pretty sure I’m in the hospital. Either that or I'm in Mexico and someone has stolen my kidneys. Although I have no recollection of going to Mexico, and I doubt someone stealing my kidneys would hook me up to machines.
I feel pretty dizzy. And my head feels like someone might’ve hit me with a sledgehammer. Maybe I finally drove Anna completely postal. I wouldn’t put it past me. Or Anna.
Okay, think Julia. Think. Where was I last? I remember being at my condo, holding Liam. I remember going to the salon and getting my hair and makeup done. Now why would I do a thing like that? Oh right, the gala.
The gala! Oh gosh… it’s all coming back to me. The racing heart, the heavy breathing. The sweating from the heat. It was so hot in there.
I turn my head slightly to the left. It’s hard to move my head. It feels heavy and I’m so freaking dizzy.
“You’re awake,” Jared says in hushed tones. He’s still in his tux; his tie is undone and hanging around his neck, his shirt unbuttoned at the top. He looks ridiculously sexy. Even with a pounding head and some crazy disorientation, I can still recognize a hottie when I see one.
“Your parents just went with Lennon and Anna to get coffee,” he says with a nod at the doorway to the room. “And Brown sends her love, but obviously she can’t be here.”
Brown. I’d forgotten about that. I hope she’s okay.
“What happened?” I ask, still trying to put the pieces together of what transpired tonight.
“You passed out,” he says, reaching over and taking my hand in his. He rubs circles into the back of my hand with his thumb.
“I passed out?”
“Yeah, and on the way down you smacked your head on the podium.”
“The podium?”
Oh dear heavens, the podium. I remember. I was getting my award and I went all crazy panicky.
“Oh gosh,” I say picturing how I must’ve looked going down like that, like one of those fainting goats that go around the internet. And I’m sure people were recording it. Lisa will probably have it as front-page news tomorrow. Huh. I just thought of Lisa and there was no accompanying twitch. I must be totally drugged up right now.
“The doctors say you’ve got a concussion. They don’t think it’s too severe. The CT scan looked okay. And they did an EKG and everything looks fine.”
“A CT scan, and an EKG?” I ask, my eyes going wide and I wince when I feel the pain that comes from raising my eyebrows. I close my eyes so the room doesn’t spin as much. I can vaguely remember the tests, but it’s almost as if it was all happening to another person and not me.
“Jules, what happened for you to pass out like that? What’s going on?”
I let out a long exhale, keeping my eyes closed.
“No, wait,” Jared says, “you shouldn’t talk right now. Just rest, we’ll talk later.”
I let out another breath. “No,” I say after a few seconds. “I can talk … I think.” It kind of hurts my head to think, but I’m going to try. “I’m just really overwhelmed right now. With the wedding and the bakery and then there was the hyperventilating—“
“Hyperventilating?” Jared’s mouth falls. “What do you mean?”
“Oh,” I bat a hand at him like it was no big deal. “I had a couple of episodes where I started hyperventilating. Nothing to worry about.”
“Of course it’s something to worry about,” he says, his eyebrows pulled together. His face is so full of worry, I want to reach out and pull him to me.
“Then there was the heart palpitations and the dizziness. Oh, and the eye twitch and the tingling—”
“Jules—”
“I was going to go to the doctor on Monday,” I say cutting Jared off because I knew what he was going to say. And I actually was planning to see the doctor on Monday. Well, at least I was thinking about it. It’s not like I had an appointment or anything.
“Jules, why didn’t you tell me about any of this?” Jared now has my hand in both of his and he’s leaning in toward me. He’s so close, but not close enough.
“I … I didn’t think it was that big of a deal,” I say. “I mean, I just thought it was because of everything going on. There was too much happening. The bakery has been a major stress with how busy it’s been and then Kate and that drama. And you were so excited about expanding.”
“What?” he says, taken aback by that admission. “You’re stressed because of that?”
“Well, not just that of course, but that’s a part of it.”
He tilts his head to the side. “Why didn’t you say something?”
“You were so thrilled. I didn’t want to let you down,” I say, looking away from his face. The hurt expression he has right now is too much to look at.
“Then we won’t do it,” he says simply, and it’s then that I realize the hurt on his face wasn’t because I’ve disappointed him, it’s because I didn’t tell him how I was feeling. Gosh, I love this man.
“Jared, it’s not that I don’t want to do it,” I say, wishing I could pull him closer to me. “I’m just not ready yet.”
“Then we’ll wait,” he says.
I smile a weak smile. Inside it’s a smile that reaches the sky, but if I tried to actually do that, I’d suffer the head-pounding consequences.
“What else? Is it the wedding?” He asks, his eyes searching my face.
“No. I mean, yes. Sort of.”
“Do you not want to get married?” he asks quietly. His face suddenly looks boyish and utterly dejected.
“No!” I say louder than I mean to, and then wince from the pain in my head. “I don’t know how you could even think that. I want to get married. And I most definitely want to marry you.”
The corners of his mouth lift up ever so slightly at that.
“It’s just that,” I start, but then stop myself.
“It’s just what?” Jared asks, searching my face again with is eyes. Gosh, I love those eyes. They’re so blue, like the ocean. I want to swim in them.
“It’s just that I never wanted a big wedding,” I say, and instantly feel guilty for saying it.
“I know, Jules. And I know you’ve been doing all of this for me and for Bobby.” He leans in and kisses the top of my hand very much like Mr. Darcy, and I kind of swoon a little. Or a lot. I’m not sure I could ever put into words how wonderful just a simple kiss from Jared can make me feel.
“It wasn’t just for you and Bobby,” I say, my eyes move to the ceiling above my hospital bed. “I did it for Anna and my parents and our friends. But what I really want is to be married to you.” I turn my head to look at him. “I wanted to marry you on a beach with only a few friends and family with us. Or in the mountains. But I don’t care—I’d marry you at one of those tacky wedding chapels in Vegas, or the courthouse.” I give him a little smile and he returns the gesture. “But all this hoopla—it’s not me. It’s not us,” I say, giving his hand a little squeeze.
“I know you hate being put on the spot,” Ja
red says, the side of his lips curled up in a half-smile that makes my heart warm.
“It’s not just that. I mean, yes, I do hate being put on the spot, but it’s—I don’t know—everything, you know? It feels so big; so many people will be there. I feel like I have to do my best, say all the right things, be the perfect bride. We both know I’m going to totally mess this up. I mean, I keep having nightmares about it. Even my subconscious knows I’m going to mess it all up.”
“Jules,” he kisses the top of my hand again. “It doesn’t have to be perfect. It’ll be what it is. And if something happens—like you trip and fall on the way down the aisle, it will just be something we can laugh about later.”
“Why would it only be me who could trip and fall? What about you? You have just as much of a chance as I do.”
Jared holds in an obvious grin.
“Okay, fine. Of course it’d be me,” I say, giving him my best pouty face, which only causes my head to throb at the movement.
Jared’s face turns serious. “What can I do, Jules?” he asks with such sincerity I can feel stinging in the back of my eyes.
“I don’t know,” I say and then sigh. “I mean, it’s not like we can elope now.”
He lets out a quick laugh, one that ends almost as soon as it begins.
“Unless,” I say, my mind starting to churn out a thought. A thought that makes me suddenly feel crazy amounts lighter than the heavy feeling I’ve had in my chest all this time.
“Unless what?” Jared asks, eying me suspiciously.
“Unless, we do elope,” I say.
“Jules,” Jared starts, and I know what he’s thinking.
“Just hear me out,” I say, squeezing his hands that are still holding mine. “I’ve been freaking out about this one day—worried that something will go wrong, but what if we got married first?” I look at his face to see what he’s thinking. He looks confused. “What if,” I continue, “we elope—like next weekend. We could go to the mountains or something. Just you and me.”