by Izzy Bayliss
I couldn’t help but thinking about Sam and his eagerness to escape me earlier that morning. We really needed to talk. We couldn’t keep avoiding the elephant in the room.
When I was finished in the window, I went into the kitchen where large sacks of flour and sugar leaned tiredly against one another. A lot of the ingredients were nearly at their use-by dates and I would have to throw them out, unused. I hated the thoughts of such waste, especially when the business was struggling. Had I been insane thinking I could open my own bakery? Every time I mentioned my doubts to Dad he assured me that businesses took time to get established. I knew he was right, but it was so stressful when the invoices were arriving from suppliers daily, not to mention my utility bills, and they all needed to be paid.
I set to making a sticky toffee pudding. I had made it the previous week and it had been a hit – well, if you consider that, of the seven customers I had had that day, five of them had ordered it made it a hit in my book. The benchmark of success was very low these days. It wasn’t long before the air was infused with the intoxicating scent of dates, muscovado brown sugar, and spices as the dark mixture bubbled on the hob. When it was all melted, I spooned the rich treacle mixture out of the copper pot and into tins before popping them into the oven.
I went back out to the front and nearly did a happy dance when the bell tinkled and a man I had noticed coming in the previous two days came in again and ordered a coffee to go.
“I think you have your first regular!” Dad said as soon as he had left. “You see, I told you once people come through the door and try this place they’ll want to keep coming back.”
I had to smile at his positivity. “Dad, I’m going to get you cheerleading pom-poms one of these days!”
After lunch a woman came through the door with a pram. Her eyes were pink-rimmed, and her hair stood in a halo of frizz around her head like it hadn’t been brushed. She looked exhausted, and when I peeked into her pram, I saw the reason was a tiny bundle swaddled in pink.
“Double espresso, please,” she said.
“She’s gorgeous,” I said, smiling.
“She is, isn’t she?” the mum said. “Although she has kept me awake most of last night.”
“Get that into you,” I said, handing her the coffee when it was ready. “And here.” I lifted a generous slice of the toffee pudding and placed it onto a plate with a heavy dollop of cream on the side. “Try this, it might give you a bit of a lift,” I said with a wink.
“Thank you so much, that’s very kind of you,” she said. Tears began to well in the corners of her eyes, and she quickly brushed them away before they could spill down her cheeks. “Stupid hormones,” she said, laughing. “But thank you – you’ve brightened up my day.”
She took a seat on the sofa and fed her baby, and I couldn’t help but notice that as she took a forkful of the pudding her body seemed to relax and the corners of her lips turned upwards with a smile. It was only a small thing, but I couldn’t help but feel lifted. This is what I loved most about my job. Through the magic of cake, I was able to give people a simple pleasure when they might be having a bad day. This was what made me happy.
CHAPTER 5
As I locked the door to Baked with Love that evening, I felt my heart start to ratchet at the thoughts of seeing Sam when I got home. I had been so busy all day that I had managed to push the worries out of my head but now I couldn’t ignore it any longer. The time had come for a frank and honest conversation and I was so afraid of what I was going to uncover.
When I came in the door I was surprised to see that Sam was already sitting up at the breakfast bar. He had been working later and later over the last while, and I couldn’t remember the last time he was home before me.
“Hmm, you smell delicious,” he said, getting up off the stool and taking me into his arms. He kissed me on the forehead and it felt good, especially with the way he had been acting over the last few weeks. Relief flooded through me. Maybe things weren’t as bad as I feared.
“Sticky toffee pudding?” he asked.
“Correct and right! Don’t worry, I’ve brought you home a slice,” I said, fishing around in my bag for the piece I had boxed up for him before I left.
“So how did it go today?” he asked.
“Well, I think I have my first regular! Although the café was still too quiet – it’s a start –” His phone beeped interrupting me, and he went over and lifted it off the island.
“Hmmmh . . . that’s great . . .” he said, distracted by something he was reading on it.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Sorry?” he asked, looking up at me.
“Your phone, what’s so important? I was telling you about my day, Sam!”
“Oh sorry, it’s an email from the New York office.”
I took a deep breath. I had to say this now. I had promised myself after Marc that if I ever felt insecure or if something was bothering me in a relationship that I wouldn’t be afraid to say it instead of brushing it under the carpet for the sake of avoiding an argument. I owed it to myself not to go through that again.
“Look, Sam, I know you’re stressed in work but it’s really affecting your mood, and I’m constantly worrying that I’ve said or done something wrong . . . I can’t keep living like this. I feel like I don’t know where I stand!”
“What do you mean, Lily?” He had the decency to look shocked at least.
“With you – with us. If your feelings have changed, then you owe it to me to be upfront, Sam.”
“Lily, I’m sorry . . .” He seemed shocked. “I can promise you that my feelings haven’t changed. I love you.” He put his phone down on the marble worktop and made his way over to me. “I just have a lot on my mind.” He placed his arms on my shoulders.
“Well, maybe you should let me in, Sam, whatever is going on with you, just tell me because I’m not stupid, I know there is something up.”
He exhaled deeply. “You’re right, Lily. I do owe you an explanation for my behaviour over the last few weeks.”
My heart felt as though it had been replaced with a budgie fluttering around in there. “What is it, Sam?” In one way the validation of being right was good, but now that there was a problem, I was terrified.
“Maybe you should sit down . . .”
“What is it, Sam? Just spit it out!” I said once I was sitting on a chair. I felt like I had opened Pandora’s box. I wasn’t sure I was ready for what he was about to say.
“I’m sorry, Lily, I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you, but I can’t seem to ever get the words out . . .”
I knew it. He wanted to break up with me. My heart crashed to the floor. My worst fears had been realised.
“I’ve been seconded to the New York office,” he continued. “I’ve tried everything to get out of it, and at one point I wasn’t sure if it was even going to happen, but it’s looking like it’s definitely going ahead now. That’s why I was working crazy hours, I was hoping if I could get a load done while I’m this side of the Atlantic, they wouldn’t have to send me over, but Donal confirmed it yesterday – they need me to go. I’m so sorry, I tried my best to get out of it, but they won’t budge . . .”
“You’re moving to New York?” I was aghast. Okay, it was a lot better than breaking up with me, but it still wasn’t good news.
“Only for six months and I’ll be able to get home a couple of times and you can come visit me as well –”
“You sure know how to put a positive spin on things!” I said still in shock.
“Believe me, I’d rather not be going, but they’ve an issue on the team there so two of us have been selected to steady the ship until they appoint a new director. It’s a great opportunity for my career, Lily. If I turn this down I can say goodbye to any other chance of promotion.”
My legs felt as heavy as tree trunks. I was glad I was sitting down.
“Please say something, Lily, I feel terrible about all of this –”
“Well, I wish you had told me sooner. We’re a couple, we should be able to talk about things like this without me imagining all sorts of other stuff going on.”
“You’re right, Lily. I’m sorry, in hindsight now I can see that you must have been worried, but you were so busy with Baked with Love and everything – this is such an exciting time for you – I didn’t want to ruin it.”
“So when do you go?” I asked feeling desolate.
He lowered his voice. “They want me to start in two weeks.”
“Two weeks? Well, I guess it’s all arranged then . . .” A few months ago I could have gone with him, I had no ties. In fact, it would have been a great adventure, but now with Baked with Love I wasn’t going anywhere.
“I’m so sorry, Lily. I really am. I hate this just as much as you do.”
“Look, Sam, I just wish you’d told me earlier instead of now when it’s come as such a shock. I wasn’t expecting this at all.” In some ways I was relieved that things were still okay between us, but the prospect of not having him around for the next six months was awful.
“Have you a place to stay?”
“Work are organising short-term apartments.”
“Well, at least I’ll have free accommodation when I visit.” I tried to force myself to sound cheery.
He bent down in front of me and wrapped me into his arms. “I’m going to miss you so much, you know that don’t you? I really wish I didn’t have to go.”
“I know,” I said, letting my head fall wearily against his chest. I felt so sorry for him because as much as I was going to miss him, it was Sam who had to leave everything behind him and get settled into life in a new city. I forced a smile on my face for his sake. “It’s just six months, the time will fly and it’ll be all over before you know it.” But I wasn’t sure if I was convincing Sam or myself.
CHAPTER 6
The next two weeks flew past. Even though Sam and I only had only days left together before his secondment, I was working long hours in Baked with Love so we didn’t see nearly as much of each other as I would have liked. I had told Frankie about our big heart to heart, and she seemed relieved that that was the reason for his moodiness. She had been very upbeat when I told her the news, saying six months was nothing, but she was a person who liked her own independence. I wasn’t like her; to me six months without Sam seemed interminable. I was dreading it.
The night before Sam was due to leave, he came by Baked with Love and as soon as I had everything ready for the following day, we went for our last meal together. He had booked us a table in Seelo’s. I had always wanted to try it, but the Michelin star meant it was out of my price list. I thought it was sweet that Sam had booked it especially for us. He had ordered the tasting menu, so I knew there would be some culinary surprises and challenges ahead of me. When the waiter served the starter, I eyed up the plate wondering what exactly it was. There was some strange-looking little egg with a spongy brown lumpy stuff sitting on what looked like the world’s smallest piece of toast.
“Go on, it won’t kill you to try it.” Sam laughed as my fussy eating habits.
I closed my eyes and lifted it up to my lips.
“Well?” Sam asked.
It tasted salty, with a slimy, bumpy texture, and I immediately spat it straight back out again onto a napkin.
“Not a fan of caviar then?” Sam asked.
“Is that what that was? Urrgh,” I asked, taking a great big gulp from my water glass. All my life I had heard people raving about it, but having just tried it I couldn’t figure out why. “Why on Earth would anybody pay money for that?”
When the waiter came over to top up our wine glasses, Sam put his hand over his. “I’d better not, I’ve to be at the airport for five.”
I made a downward pout with my bottom lip. “I can’t believe it’s tomorrow.”
“Me neither, it feels like the last supper.” He sighed. “I’m really going to miss you.”
I looked at his handsome face, its angles softened by the candlelight.
“The time will fly, Sam, sure we’ve both been so busy lately we haven’t even seen that much of each other anyway.”
“But at least I get to cuddle into you every night, I’ll miss having you beside me in the bed.”
“I know, who am I going to warm my cold feet up against now, huh?”
He laughed and reached across the table for my hand. “Is that all I mean to you? I’m going to miss you so much, Lily.”
“Me too,” I said and I could feel heavy tears beginning to brim in my eyes.
* * *
The next morning, I heard the beep of Sam’s alarm pulling me out of my deep sleep. I opened my eyes. I couldn’t believe the time had finally come to say our goodbyes. I got up with him, shivering in the cold morning air. I quickly belted my dressing gown around my waist.
While he was in the shower, I went into the kitchen and packaged up some of his favourite Heavenly Orange Cake that I had made especially for him the day before.
He appeared after the shower, dressed in a black V-neck cashmere sweater and jeans. He pulled me into his arms, and I could feel the softness of his freshly shaven cheek against mine. He smelt liked citrus fruit from his shower gel. I breathed in his smell once more and then he kissed me on the lips.
His phone beeped. “Taxi’s outside,” he said, looking down glumly at it. He took me back into his arms and squeezed me tightly. “I better go.”
I nodded as he walked over and picked up his case. I walked over to the door with him.
He stopped and turned back to me. “I love you, Lily. I’ll text you as soon as I land.”
“I love you too.” My voice threatened to break.
He wheeled his case down the hall before stopping to turn around and blow me a kiss. Then he disappeared into the lift and that was it, he was gone.
CHAPTER 7
I couldn’t go back to bed after he had gone. I was too upset. Already I felt lost and lonely wandering around the empty apartment on my own and he had only been gone for a few minutes. I kept telling myself that six months was no time – it was going to fly. I knew this job was important to Sam and it could open up a lot of doors for his career but that didn’t mean that I wouldn’t miss him dreadfully.
When the day had broken, I decided to hop on my bike earlier than usual and head into Baked with Love. There were myriad things I could be doing in there to occupy myself. All I knew was that moping around, feeling sorry for myself, was not going to help me.
“Did Sam get off all right?” Dad asked when he came in later that morning. My early start meant that I was already way ahead of where I would usually be, leaving time for us to sit down with a coffee before we had to open up. Dad put a sticky bakewell slice on a plate in front of me. “Get that into you,” he said.
“I can’t, Dad.” My stomach just wasn’t able for food.
“He’ll be home before you know it,” he said kindly.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
“And you can go visit him. You’ve always wanted to visit the Big Apple!”
“I don’t think I can, Dad. What about this place, it’s only just up and running? I can’t just swan off to New York.” Although I loved what I was doing, I was just starting to realise what a big commitment owning your own business actually was. Until things got properly established, there was no way I could go anywhere.
At nine o’clock we both hooked our aprons over our necks and got ready to welcome the day’s customers. I was glad to be kept busy all morning in a blur of coffees to go and takeaway baked goods. We still had far too many empty tables, but it was better to have a few customers than none at all. I could make a latte or cappuccino with speed these days, tapping the portafiller expertly and frothing the milk and I was beginning to know my customers’ habits; on Fridays people wanted to treat themselves, so my gooey cupcakes were popular, whereas on Mondays, healthier cakes like blueberry and banana loaf or my breakfast muffins tended to sell bett
er.
I was just clearing up a table after a customer when I spotted the shocking pink headline on a well-thumbed copy of Social Importance magazine they had left behind them.
‘NADIA AND MARC – CRACKS EXPOSED! A RELATIONSHIP ON THE ROCKS? SEE PAGE ELEVEN FOR FULL STORY’
I froze. I knew I shouldn’t, I never felt good after reading about them, but I couldn’t resist keeping track of the events of my ex-husband Marc and actress Nadia’s rocky relationship. I had no contact with Marc anymore; I had severed all ties the day he had tried to ruin my relationship with Sam on what would have been our first wedding anniversary. I knew he and Nadia had broken up briefly but had reunited when Nadia had given birth to a baby boy last year. According to the gossip magazines the relationship was on/off again, and now I didn’t know if they were even together anymore. I knew that Marc and I would need to sit down at some point in the future and decide what we were going to do with the house we jointly owned together in Ballyrobin, but for now I was happy to block it out of my head.
It seems Marc and Nadia are at it again. The couple’s famously on/off relationship seems to be taking its toll on the actress. A noticeably gaunt-looking Nadia was spotted crying on a friend’s shoulder at the wrap party for her latest movie “Wreckage.” The couple who met on the set of “The Recluse” and welcomed baby Marley into the world last year haven’t been seen in public together since their appearance on the red carpet at the BAFTAs in London last month where Nadia was nominated for best supporting actress for her role as “Kitty Williams” in the biopic of the life of railway pioneer Charles Fury.
“Lily? Lily, are you listening to me?”
I looked around to see Dad was trying to get my attention. I quickly closed the magazine.
“Sorry, Dad, what’s wrong?”
“I was just wondering if you wanted me to put another batch of scones in the oven, we’re almost out?”
“Oh sorry, no, don’t worry, I’ll do it now. I didn’t realise we were so low.”