by Remember Me
field some more. I have lots of guy friends besides Jeremy, I just haven’t ever spent time alone
with them because of him. Maybe if we do break up, I can get to know some of them better, but I
guess I’m not really looking forward to a breakup. He’s been a good friend and somebody whom
I can talk to openly. I’ll really miss him when it ends.
Anyway, there isn’t very much else to report today. School is the same old dull place as it
always has been. Just another couple of weeks and it will all be over. Then my life as a
dependent person begins and I finally get to leave the routine life of the past eighteen years...”
Margaret sat next to Amy while Brandon and Jeremy tried desperately to light the fire.
The two girls laughed as their boyfriends tried to demonstrate their rugged outdoorsman abilities.
Five minutes had passed since they started trying to get the flames going.
“It’s a good thing we don’t need that fire for heat,” Amy chattered to the two
embarrassed guys. Neither of them responded to the remark.
Margaret stood up and walked over to the mound of sticks the two attempted to light. She
pulled out a book of matches from her fanny pack and rearranged the sticks so that more air
could get to them. Amy watched patiently while trying to get the dirt out from underneath her
fingernails.
Brandon and Jeremy backed away, frustrated with their efforts and unwilling to argue
with her. The look on their faces proved that they wanted her to fail at their task, but Margaret
made the task look effortless. They watched with disbelief as several of the twigs began to burn
and the flames slowly spread throughout the pile of kindling.
Margaret set up the larger sticks in a lob-sided arrangement, using the slight breeze to
feed more air to the growing flames. The smoky campfire soon covered up the strong pine and
aspen odor of the mountains. The color of the landscape around them grew dull as the evening
clouds filtered out the rays of the setting sun.
The cool mountain air had a hint of a chill, and the group welcomed the heat from the
fire. They all wore denim jeans and climbing gear for the evening adventure, but it didn’t
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insulate very well. The sounds of the dry wood cracking as the temperature rose interrupted the
stillness of the wilderness. In only minutes, the blaze raged nicely before the four teens.
“Don’t feel bad,” Amy assured the two defeated boys. “Margaret could start a fire by
rubbing two ice cubes together if she needed to. You were way out of your league.”
The guys just smiled back at the smart comment. Margaret remained silent, not wanting
to rub any more salt into their wounds. She didn’t need anyone to tell her that she could do
anything a guy could do. Margaret had developed her love for the outdoors long before most kids
realized that forests and mountains surrounded the small town. She looked up as Amy walked
over towards her and leaned up to whisper something to her.
“Watching my mountain man there has me feeling really romantic,” Amy whispered so
neither of the guys could hear her. “I’ve got a case of the chills. How about you and your honey
leave me and Brandon alone for some quality time together?”
“You don’t have to ask twice,” Margaret remarked as she walked over and grabbed
Jeremy by the hand, leading him away from the small campsite. “Come on, Jeremy, let’s take a
walk.”
Brandon smiled as he watched the two leave the campsite. He turned around to find Amy
spreading the blanket out on the soft ground beside the fire. Only the two of them remained in
the quiet, secluded campsite.
Margaret led Jeremy back up the trail about a quarter mile until they reached the ledge of
the cliff they had repelled down a few hours earlier. The sun had dropped halfway behind the
mountains in the distance, and the view was spectacular.
Jeremy walked up and sat a few feet away from the ledge. He stood taller than Margaret,
but never seemed that big to her. He looked cute, she thought, though he wasn’t the hunk that she
might find on the cover of her favorite magazines. They were friends above all else, and their
romance had stemmed from that friendship.
Margaret followed Jeremy and had a seat beside him. He had his eyes focused at the
scenery off in the distance. She could tell that something was on his mind. She had anticipated
this talk for some time, but still felt nervous about it. Over the years, she had learned to trust him,
and knew that she couldn’t lie to him if he looked her in the face.
“What’s going to happen to us after you graduate?” Jeremy asked, without looking over
at Margaret.
“I’m not sure,” she replied. “It complicates things, and I’m not sure what I want. It would
be really hard with me away at school and you here alone. I don’t want a relationship dependent
on letters and phone calls. I want to enjoy life.”
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“I know what you mean. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. I’ll really miss you when
you’re gone. I don’t know any other girls like you. Most girls hate camping and hiking. I don’t
know of any other girls around here that will drop off the side of a cliff with only a rope to keep
them from dropping to a gruesome death.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment.”
“As it was intended,” he assured her. “Why is it that you like climbing so much? I know
for a fact that you’re not a lesbian, so you aren’t trying to show off your masculine side or
anything.”
“I think it’s because of the danger. I like the feeling of holding my life in my own hands.
It’s some sort of thrill I get from knowing that I have complete control of my destiny. I like
fighting against the elements of nature. In all honesty, I have to confess, I’m scared to death of
repelling off cliffs.”
“Oh, come on now,” he uttered in an unconvinced tone.
“No,” she insisted. “I mean it, I hate them. The only reason I do it is to prove to myself
that I’m stronger than my own fears. I have nightmares about climbing all the time.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Even before I started climbing, I had nightmares about it. Some of them are so
real that I wake up in a cold sweat from the pure terror of it. One in particular, I’ve had more
than a dozen times. It’s a reoccurring dream, and it scares me to death.”
“What happens?”
Margaret hesitated for a moment. Her dreams were something she didn’t generally talk
about. She knew that some of the people she went to school with found her odd. Most girls as
beautiful as she wouldn’t dream of spending the day in the woods. She didn’t like feeling
different, and wanted to fit in. The idea of sharing this information didn’t appeal to her. This was
Jeremy though, and after Amy, he understood her more than anyone else. They had shared some
intimate times, and she knew that he would understand.
“I’m hanging on to this rope, and I’m almost to the top of this huge cliff,” she explained,
speaking softly and rather seriously. “The bottom is over a hundred feet below me, but the rope
isn’t long e
nough to lower myself down. The climb above me is a smooth surface, and it’s wet
on top of everything. The only way to reach the top is to climb up the rope with my hands. I’m
fighting just to hang on to the rope, and I can hardly see because it’s so hazy and almost pitch
black.
“There’s a flash of brilliant light, and I can see a figure standing at the top of the cliff
above me. I call out for help, but whoever it is, they just stand there, waiting for me to fall.
“Then there’s another flash of light, and I’m standing where the figure was, except now
I’m looking back at myself hanging onto the rope below. I hear my screams and begin trying to
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pull the rope, but I watch myself sliding slowly down the cliff, and there isn’t anything I can do.
I keep pulling the rope towards me, but the more I pull, the farther I watch myself slip down the
side of the cliff.
“Then the light flashes again and I’m back against the cliff looking up at the dark figure
again, except this time the rope has been cut, and I’m falling helplessly to the ground below. The
last thing I see before I wake up is another flash of light, and this time I can make out who the
figure at the top of the mountain is. It’s me standing there. The strangest thing about the dream
is, I’m never sure which of the two people in the dream is actually me. It’s really freaky.”
“You aren’t kidding. You’re really strange, Margaret.”
“What do you mean?”
“You have dreams like that, and then you still come up here and climb down the sides of
these cliffs?”
“That’s when I get the most pleasure out of climbing. It’s when I’m scared out of my wits
and I get up in the morning and come up here to prove to myself I’m still not afraid of some wild
dream.”
“I don’t know, Margaret,” Jeremy spoke softly, “it almost sounds like your subconscious
is trying to tell you something. They say that your dreams sometimes have some deep meaning
to them. Maybe your dreams are trying to send you a message.”
Margaret paused at the remark. She regretted sharing her dream with him. His reaction
wasn’t what she had hoped for. Even Jeremy made her feel different. She didn’t let it bother her
too much, and decided to try to change the subject.
“I think you’re the one who’s strange,” Margaret smiled over at him. “You watch to
much science fiction. I don’t believe in omens or deja vu. I think it’s just my subconscious trying
to make me behave. Somewhere inside me, there must be a tiny little man who’s afraid of
heights.”
“I don’t think there’s any tiny little men inside of you. Maybe a little renegade blood that
gives you courage, but not little men.”
Margaret looked over at her friend and placed her lips on his. The deep red color
protruding from the sun gave the ground around them a light glow. The sun gently disappeared
beyond the horizon as she stared into his eyes and pushed him gently back, allowing him to lie
down against the soft earth. She rolled next to him and nibbled lightly on the lobes of his ears.
Jeremy was a good kisser. She didn’t really want to continue the conversation, and instead chose
to end it on the compliment. This was the way she enjoyed spending time with him. Even when
he hurt her feelings, he had a way of making her feel good about herself in the end.
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Chapter Two
Midnight found Amy and Margaret cuddled up in their sleeping bags in the family room
of Margaret’s home. Margaret’s parents had gone to bed several hours earlier, leaving the two
girls alone. They had watched several videos before shutting out the lights in the room and trying
to fall asleep.
With Margaret’s older brother and sister away from home, only the sounds of an
automatic sprinkler out the back window, spraying its mist across the lawn, disturbed the
tranquility. Margaret’s parents slept in the master bedroom upstairs and on the other end of the
house, leaving the girls with plenty of privacy. It was the times like this that Margaret didn’t
mind having the house to herself.
Even at this late hour, the girls remained alert and full of energy. They had eaten a
smorgasbord of sweets and drank several liters of soda. The sugar high they soared on wouldn’t
allow them to fall into slumber.
The two teens tried to remain still in their sleeping bags, but found themselves chatting
for several hours about their dreams after high school and the boys they dated. It didn’t take
much time before one friend posed the big question to the other. Amy managed to ask first.
“Do you think you’re in love with Jeremy?” she asked Margaret.
“I’m not sure,” answered Margaret truthfully. “I enjoy spending time with him, and he’s
a nice enough guy, but I’m not sure I’m in love with him. I don’t feel like I always want to be
with him or anything. When I first started dating him, I thought I was, but after the initial
excitement wore off, the feelings died down some. I like spending a lot of my time with my other
friends. So I don’t really think so. How about you, have you ever been in love?”
“I’ve never felt that close to anybody.”
“What about Bryce? Didn’t you have any feelings for him?” Margaret asked, digging into
her friend’s secrets. The two girls had shared secrets all their lives, and they discussed their
feelings rather openly. Margaret liked knowing that there was always someone there to talk with.
“There were feelings with Bryce, but they were physical.”
“Don’t say that, Amy, physical sounds like a guy word.”
“Well, let’s call it curious then. I wanted to experience some things, and I knew Bryce
was safe to try them with. He was really shy and hadn’t ever been with anyone before. He was
curious too. We took our time together and fooled around a little bit, but it was more to
experience some things than trying to bond with one another. I don’t think I ever loved him, at
least not beyond just a friend. I wasn’t even that upset when we quit dating, and they say you
never get over your first love.”
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“Did you feel anything special when you were with Bryce?”
“When you say special, do you mean physically special?” Amy asked, not sure if their
minds focused on the same thought.
“No,” Margaret answered, not wanting to embarrass her good friend. “I mean, did you
feel like you were sharing something with him that you would never share with anyone again?
He was your first time, wasn’t he?”
“Yeah, Bryce was my first time. I think that’s part of the reason that I didn’t feel very bad
when we split up. The things we did together were wonderful, and I couldn’t have asked for
someone who made me feel more comfortable about it. He was gentle, and kind, and I knew we
were both doing things for the first time together. It’s just that there was something else missing.
I’m still not quite sure what it was. I haven’t even come close to sharing anything like that with
Brandon. I want the emotional fe
elings as well next time. It has to be my heart that tells me that
the time is right next time, not my desires for some physical pleasure.”
Margaret felt envious of her friend. Amy knew exactly what she wanted in a guy, and
could live without the physical need, but Margaret still felt so unsure. She had found someone
who understood her in Jeremy, but their relationship didn’t compare to what Amy and Bryce had
shared. Jeremy was younger than Margaret, and neither fought for control of the other. She
always considered their relationship equal, except at times of intimacy. At those times, Jeremy
became the aggressor, and took the lead on things. Jeremy was gentle and kind with her, like
Bryce with Amy, but Margaret always felt that his instincts about intimacy surpassed her own.
He knew how to do things, even their first time together, and that sometimes took the excitement
of the unknown away from her.
Jeremy did have one thing which Margaret appreciated about him. Margaret could
depend on him. They had made a pact, to trust one another with everything. She never doubted
him. If either wanted to end the relationship in the hopes of finding someone else, they would
first tell the other, alleviating the possibility of deception. Times had changed, and casual contact
was a thing of the past. Promiscuous attitudes could prove deadly, and Margaret didn’t like
taking chances. She often wished she had waited before experiencing the things she shared with
Jeremy. It felt right at first, but she knew she didn’t really love him now. The pressures to
experiment with your body were everywhere, and she had fallen victim to intrigue. She just
hoped that someday she would find the guy who could offer her the true fulfillment, but at this
time, contentment kept her faithful, and she didn’t want to give up Jeremy.
“That’s kind of what I think Jeremy and I have going now,” Margaret finally answered.
“We sometimes get a little bit carried away, but usually we just go out to have some fun around
town. We try things together if we get really interested about something we heard about, but sex
isn’t brought up that much. I think we both worry about me getting pregnant. When your dad’s
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