“I know that, too.” Shana refilled her glass and Lilly’s.
“I sent the ring back.” She couldn’t keep the quiver out of her voice.
“Oh, Lil…you could have kept it.”
“I know, but I had to. It was the last thing, you know? The last connection. I was afraid I’d cave and call him if I didn’t sever things completely. No good would have come from dragging this out any further.”
“I know.” Shana sipped her wine. “How many times has your mom called today?”
“Only seven, I think.” She pulled out her phone and checked the call log. “Nope. Eight.”
She had wanted to explain it all, she really did. From the first lunch when they’d played a couple in front of Richard to the fake engagement to the very real feelings she’d developed for Derek. But just couldn’t yet. It was all too fresh and raw. She didn’t know what would hurt them more: admitting she’d lied to them or that she wasn’t going to be getting married and popping out babies any time soon.
“I’ll call her and let her know I’m moved in. I don’t know what to say about Derek, though.”
“I think you should come clean. You’re starting over with a new job and a new city. Just unload it all and get it over with. They love you. They’ll understand.”
“I know.”
“Plus you’re like fifteen states away. It’ll be hard for them to get at you.”
She smiled. “True.”
Shana set her glass on the table and stood up. “Come on. Let’s find the bedding. We’ve got a long day of unpacking ahead of us tomorrow.”
Chapter Eighteen
It was only a month into the season and it was already a disaster. There had been breakdowns, stupid crashes, careless mistakes, and more sponsor drama than Derek had the patience to deal with. He was working insane hours trying to keep on top of all the business stuff and then driving the car to a crappy finish week after week. Derek’s attorney had drafted the papers necessary to complete the purchase of the team, but he hadn’t heard a word from his father yet. Derek feared he would refuse to sell after all, since he was so angry about the whole Lilly thing.
And to top it all off, the press assumed the reason behind his team’s poor performance had something to do with Lilly’s absence. It was the first question reporters asked in every interview after, “What went wrong out there on the track today, Derek?”
As he stalked back to his hauler after a dismal finish at a track he’d always performed well at, all he could think about was that he had to change out of his fire suit, clean up, and do another postrace interview in about ten minutes.
Six weeks. Six damn weeks since Lilly had left him. He still tasted her, remembered her scent, and every time he walked through the shop’s museum, he could see her stretched across the hood of the car where they’d made love, affection and adoration shining in her eyes. He hadn’t realized how happy he’d been to have her by his side until she was gone.
The worst part was that the “breakup” had unfolded exactly as they’d planned. First there had been whispers that something was amiss when someone had reported their public fight to the press. Then, when Lilly hadn’t shown up for the first race of the season, the rumors had really started. Derek and his team had handled it all with a “no comment” in interviews, which fueled even more speculation about a potential breakup. And now, with weeks of crappy race results and still no Lilly at the track, everyone had assumed they were no longer a couple.
Mark had told him there were a lot of rumors flying on the internet about Derek being unfaithful, so he was careful not to spend time with track groupies or to be photographed with any other women. He didn’t want his sponsors, or anyone who knew Lilly, to see that and think there was any truth to those rumors.
His mother hadn’t spoken to him since the night he’d told her he wasn’t engaged to Lilly, and he couldn’t blame her. He had no idea how to make it right. He’d hurt her badly by lying. Hell, he’d hurt everyone he cared about.
Derek had debated whether to call Lilly, but he finally decided against it. What would it fix? All their problems were still there, and there was nothing words could do. Shana had finally responded to his calls via text, telling him Lilly was doing great and loving her new life in Seattle. So that was that. End of story. She’d moved on, and now he had to do the same.
The only good thing in this steaming pile of mess was that the press seemed to be leaving Lilly alone. Mark said he hadn’t seen any pictures of her online and that the only person in her life to have talked to the press about the breakup at all was Richard, who said he’d known Lilly’s kinky sex thing with Derek wouldn’t last long when Lilly had left Richard for him.
Derek was still considering flying to Chicago just to deliver the uppercut that jerk had coming.
Derek reached his motor home and went inside, glad for the relative quiet. Then he saw a package lying on the small kitchenette table.
He approached slowly and picked up the padded envelope. It was addressed in Lilly’s handwriting, postmarked in Seattle, and had been sent to the race shop. Mark must have brought it with him when he flew in this morning. He held it for a moment, images of Lilly making out the envelope flooding his mind. Was it his official Dear Derek letter?
He ripped through the tape, wanting to get it over with quickly. A blue Tiffany’s box was the only contents. Her engagement ring.
He swallowed hard, looking at the box and all it meant. He checked for a note, but there was none. Just the ring. He supposed that said it all.
Derek resisted the urge to punch something. Himself, maybe, for being such an idiot. This whole thing—her pain, his pain, the media mess, the poor start to his season, hurting his parents—from the green flag to the checker, it was all on him.
He shoved a hand through his sweat-drenched hair. He had to get a grip so he could deflect, redirect, and mention his sponsors during the press conference in five minutes. He had to find his composure and put Lilly out of his mind. In the past, no matter what else had happened in his life, from the flu to the accidental death of a fellow racer at a practice, nothing had broken his focus on running his best race. Until Lilly.
“So she sent the ring back.”
Derek spun around to see his dad sitting on one of the sofas at the back of the living area. He’d been so preoccupied, he hadn’t noticed him at first.
“Yes.”
His dad stood and approached. He put a hand on Derek’s shoulder, the first physical contact they’d had beyond a handshake in years. “I’m sorry, son.”
“I thought I was a selfish bastard?”
“You were. But I think you’ve paid the price.”
Derek nodded. “How’s Mom?”
“Still mad enough to chew nails, but she’ll get over it. The Harmons will, too.”
Guilt still weighed heavily on him. Time to retreat to something solid, something that made sense. “Did you have time to review the papers my lawyer sent over?”
“Yes.” His father’s face went hard. “I’ve decided not to sell you the team.”
“What?” Derek shoved his hands through his hair. “We agreed on the price and the terms.”
“I know.”
“Is this about the Lilly thing? Some sort of punishment?” He could feel his blood pressure spiking.
“It’s not punishment, but it is about Lilly.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Had she asked him not to sell Derek the team? No, she might be mad as hell at him, but she wasn’t vindictive. She knew how much this meant to him.
“I know the engagement was fake. But what I saw when the two of you were together wasn’t. You have feelings for the girl. And she loves you. It’s plain as day.”
“What does that have to do with the team?”
“I’m not selling you the team because I don’t want you to waste your life the way I did. I want you to see what’s important. People. People are important. Running the team and racing doesn’t leav
e room for anyone else.”
“That’s my decision. Not yours.”
“True. But if you choose to buy into another team, or leave this one to race elsewhere, at least I wasn’t part of the mistake. I’ll be able to sleep at night, for a change, knowing I did everything I could to try to help you see the right path.” His dad headed toward the door of the RV. “I just hope you see it in time, too.”
After his dad left, Derek stood in the middle of the RV’s sitting area, wondering what the hell he ever did to deserve the shit storm his life had become. Lilly was gone, his parents and probably half of Penny Ridge were furious with him, he couldn’t drive for shit because of all the other distractions, and now this bombshell. He couldn’t leave the team and all the people who’d helped him get where he was. So he’d have to put up with his father’s continued interference with the added guilt this failed scheme had caused.
His charmed life had turned to shit. What was next? A plague of locusts?
Someone pounded at the trailer door. “Three minutes, Derek. You changed?”
No time for a quick shower. He’d have to do that after the press. “Almost,” he said. He stripped out of his driver’s suit and was just pulling on his jeans when the RV door opened and a familiar blond head appeared at the top of the stairs.
“Now there’s a sight any woman could appreciate,” Serena said, leaning against the driver’s seat. She stared at him unabashedly from head to cock to head again, that sexy half smile on her face leaving no question as to what she wanted. He wasn’t interested.
“I’ll be out in a minute,” Derek said, jerking on his jeans. He hadn’t known Serena would be at the race, and he couldn’t say he was happy to see her.
“Let’s just have a chat while you dress, shall we?”
Shit. The very last thing he needed right now was for Thomas Oil to lose faith in him and drop his sponsorship. “If this is about the loss, I can promise you next week things will be—”
“No, they won’t,” she said, interrupting. “Your head hasn’t been in this game all season.”
“We can still recover. It’s early in the season, and my best tracks are coming up.”
She shook her head. “Nothing is going to change your performance until you fix whatever is wrong between you and your fake fiancée.”
Derek was fastening his fly and paused mid-zip to stare at Serena. “You knew?”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re not husband material.” She sauntered over to him, invaded his personal space with her perfume and her all-too-knowing gaze. “You’re a player, Derek, but this time I think you’ve played too deep. You went all in and lost something you couldn’t afford to give up.”
Derek swallowed. “Lilly’s gone,” he said finally. “I asked her to stay, and she left. I’m over it.”
Just saying the words made him clench his teeth in frustration.
“Poor baby,” Serena said. “Quit crying and do something about it.”
“She doesn’t want or need a guy like me around. I am a player. And obviously I’d do anything, say anything, to keep my team, to drive a car, to be part of the sport. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”
“Is it?” Serena settled on the couch and crossed her legs. Who wore a leather skirt and stilettos to a racetrack, anyway?
“Yes,” he said automatically. But Derek’s mind skipped ahead. Life without racing. Life without Lilly. It hardly seemed like a choice. Not any longer. One thing he could live without, and the other he couldn’t. As everything snapped into sharp focus, it was just that simple.
There was another knock at the door, and this time Mark came aboard without waiting for an invite. “They’re ready for you, D.”
Derek’s head spun with an idea. A crazy, risky idea that just might be the perfect way to solve all his problems.
“Give us a minute, Mark. Serena and I have a couple of more things to hash out before we face the press.”
“We?” She arched a perfectly manicured eyebrow.
“Oh yeah,” Derek said, the first stirrings of hope blossoming in his chest. He went to the couch, sat down beside Serena, and smiled, feeling a weight lifting from his shoulders already. “Maybe there’s a way for us to help each other after all.” He pulled out his cell. “But first I have to call Dad.”
Fifteen minutes later, Derek strode to his seat at the press table wearing the first genuine smile to cross his face in six weeks. He felt lighter already and knew this was the right move, personally and professionally.
Serena sat down beside him, causing a twittering among the gathered press. He took a deep breath, knowing that once his statement was out there, there was no going back.
“Hey y’all, sorry I’m late. Before I take any questions about the crappy race we ran today, what went wrong, and what I intend to do about it, I need to come clean about a couple of things.”
…
Lilly had fallen asleep on the couch with a lapful of work, watching a sitcom rerun, when her cell phone started to chirp. Startled, she sat up quickly, and her folders full of proposals slid onto the floor.
“Hello,” she said groggily.
“Finally!” Shana’s frantic voice filled Lilly’s ear. “I’ve been trying to call you for two hours. Turn on the TV. The sports channel. Any channel, actually.”
“Shana? What—oh God, is he all right?” Cold fear sent her heart skipping beats. If Derek had gotten hurt, or worse…
“He’s fine. More than fine. Do you have it on yet?”
“I’m looking for the remote,” she said, her head clearing a bit. She’d fallen asleep after eating her microwave meal, no doubt because she wasn’t sleeping much at night. She blamed it on the new job, the time difference between Seattle and Penny Ridge, the new apartment…anything but what it really was. Derek. Or lack of Derek, really. “What’s going on, Shana?”
“Just turn it on.”
She found the remote buried in the couch cushions just as she heard a knock at the door.
“Hang on, someone’s here,” she said, getting off the couch.
“Oh, that was fast,” Shana said, giggling. “Call me later. I want to know everything.”
“What?”
But Shana had already disconnected.
She peeked through the peephole and had to blink twice before she could believe her eyes.
She unlatched the door and swung it wide open. “Derek? Are you okay?” She looked him over, expecting to see bruises or maybe a cast, but he looked fine. Tired, but fine.
“Can I come in?”
“Uh, yes. Of course.” He had smudges under his eyes, his hair was standing on end, there were dirt streaks on the side of his face, and his jaw was shadowed with beard stubble. He’d never looked better to her.
“Did you watch the race?” he asked, stepping into the entryway.
“I was working.” She indicated all the files spilled on the floor. “What are you doing here?”
He took her hand. “Lilly,” he started, then stopped and looked away.
Suddenly it hit her. She jerked her hand away and took a step back. “Are you here because you think some kind of a booty call is going to happen?”
“No. I mean yes, I hope so. But it’s not a booty call. Oh hell.” He shoved a hand through his hair.
“Why then, Derek?”
He looked into her face, his eyes seeming to trace every curve and contour from her forehead to her lips to the tip of her chin. Everywhere his gaze touched grew warm.
“Do you remember that time you followed me and my friends to Gordon’s pond where we liked to fish? I was seventeen or eighteen. You couldn’t have been more than about thirteen.”
“Yeah, you made me go home. You told me you’d never want to hang out with me because I was just like your annoying little sister.”
“I was scared.”
“Scared?” She’d never seen him anything but confident and cocky.
“Scared the other guys would tease me if I let you stay. Scared
of how much I liked hanging out with you. Scared of you getting hurt or drowning. Scared of how much it would tear me up if I let anything bad happen to you. I didn’t think I could handle the responsibility. I didn’t want it. It was easier to tell you to get lost and deal with my own pain than deal with yours.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know exactly what you’re trying to say, Derek.”
“I’m saying you make me feel exactly like that stupid kid right now, even though I’m a grown-ass man. I never should have let you leave.”
“We’ve had this discussion. I can’t work for you. I can’t keep sleeping with you and pretend it means nothing. I can’t see you with another woman when you’ve had enough. I can’t do anything with you.” She swallowed. “Please understand. I just…can’t.”
“You love me,” he whispered.
“Ha,” she said, spitting back every ounce of pluck she could muster. “You wish.”
“I do,” he said, touching her face. “Because I have fallen completely in love with you, Lilly. Actually, I think I’ve always been in love with you. You scared the hell out of me when I was a kid, and you scare the hell out of me now. You’re the only woman who’s ever been able to. I’m fine driving around a racetrack at two hundred miles an hour with nothing between me and certain death but a fire suit and a little paint, but the thought of not having you in my life terrifies me.”
Hope swelled in her chest for half a second, then died. Nothing had changed. She might scare him, but the fact was a tiger didn’t change its stripes overnight. He talked a good game, but then he’d always been able to charm his way out of anything with a few glib lines and a killer smile.
“Derek, I—”
But he put his fingertip on her lips and took the TV remote out of her hands. He turned to the sports channel.
“Give me a chance before you turn me down, okay?”
Lilly nodded, and Derek led her to the couch.
“Sawyer made this startling announcement at a postrace press conference earlier today. Let’s go to the video,” a reporter said.
The image flipped to a long table with what seemed like hundreds of microphones attached. Derek entered the room and sat down, Serena Thomas right beside him.
A Limited Engagement Page 19