Dangerous Curves Ahead: A Perfect Fit Novel
Page 18
“Mikey…” She hugged him tightly. The silence stretched between them for long moments as his mind raced with uncomfortable thoughts. “I don’t think we should see each other anymore.”
Her words hit him like a punch but he knew she didn’t mean it. Her words said one thing but her body, her actions told him another. They weren’t done yet.
“No.” He kissed her forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
As he drove home the restless feeling returned. He tried to ignore it, tried not to think about spending another night alone. During their nine days apart he had thought about going to a bar, picking up a girl, satisfying his baser needs, but night after night he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Finally last night he grew tired of fighting with himself and resigned himself to the fact that he was about to enter a real adult relationship.
He wasn’t sure what had changed his mind. Maybe it was the fact that Lester’s wife had surprised him at the station yesterday. She brought him lunch. She asked him how his day was going. She kissed him good-bye.
Mike saw that and it didn’t make him feel lonely. He had spent most of his adult life alone. It made him miss Ellis. It made him wonder why he was so hell-bent on staying away from her when she was the only one who could make him feel good.
Opening his front door he found his phone ringing. He was tempted to ignore it, but glancing at the clock he noted that it was his mother’s usual calling time; if he didn’t pick up she would keep calling.
“Hello, Ma.”
“How did you know it was me?” He could hear the smile in her voice.
“Who else calls me at eight o’clock every single Sunday without fail?”
“You’re my only son,” she reminded him. Mike could picture her face in his head. Her eyebrows raised as they always were when she was making a point. Her mouth softened with a smile. “And you live hundreds of miles away. If I didn’t call you I would never hear from you.”
Hearing her voice flavored with that thick western New York accent made him miss home. He should go see her. “That’s not true. I would call you on Mother’s Day and your birthday if I remembered what day it was.”
“Ha ha, son,” she said dryly. “How are you? You sounded a little down last week.”
“I’m fine, Ma. I like it here.”
“Are you sure?” She paused momentarily. “Colin mentioned that there might be a girl. Is there anything you want to tell me?”
“What? Colin told you?” He shook his head, wondering what kind of punishment he should deliver to his best friend.
“Of course Colin told me. Who do you think I call every Sunday at eighty thirty?”
Mike wasn’t surprised that his mother stayed in contact with Colin. She was the type of woman who fiercely protected those who were important to her. “There is nothing to tell.”
“What’s her name?”
“Ma!”
“I would like to see you happily settled before I die, Michael. You are going to be thirty-three in a couple of weeks and it’s time I start getting some grandbabies from you.”
He was about to remind his mother of his feelings about marriage and children but he saved his breath. “Okay, Mom.”
“Did you hear from your father again?” At the mention of his father, Mike’s stomach clenched.
“No.” There had been a message waiting for him the night he bumped into his father at the coffee shop, asking for the chance to talk. Mike hadn’t returned the call and his father hadn’t tried to contact him again. “Has he tried to talk to you?”
She was silent for a long time.
“Mom?”
“He did. He wanted to make amends.” She took a breath. “I’ve forgiven him, Mike.”
“You’ve forgiven him?” Mike raked his fingers through his hair. “He walked out on you, left you with four kids, and you’ve forgiven him? Have you forgotten all of that?”
“No, I haven’t forgotten, and it was my choice to do so. You don’t have to forgive him if you don’t want to but I will not have you judging my decision to do so.”
Thoroughly chastised, he apologized. “I shouldn’t have raised my voice. I’m sorry.”
“I forgive you, too, son. There are some things about your father that you don’t know. You might want to think about speaking to him. It could change the way you see him.”
“I doubt it.”
Mike knew he could never forget the look in his mother’s eyes the day Harry left her, or the stress of not knowing whether they were going to have enough money at the end of the week to keep food on the table. His mother never moved on, never dated again, stopped smiling like she used to, and all because of her worthless husband. She may be able to forgive, but Mike wasn’t so kind.
“He’s not a bad man but it’s up to you, son. I will support you either way. Your sisters are all torn about it.”
“How are my sisters?”
“Good. I think Lara is pregnant again, but she hasn’t said a word. I honestly don’t know how they are making it. She and Bobby are working fifty hours a week. I don’t know how they are going to manage a fourth baby.”
“Things will work out. They always do.”
They chatted a few minutes longer, Mike barely focusing on what his mother was saying. All he could think about was her ability to so easily forgive the man who had destroyed their family.
“I bet if I could see you, your eyes would be glazed over.”
“Huh?” Her words snapped him back to attention.
“I’m going to go now. My adopted Irish son is expecting my call. I love you.”
“I love you too, Ma.”
*
Mike walked up to Ellis’ house the next morning a little before eight AM. It had barely been twelve hours since he’d kissed her good-bye. Twelve hours since he’d spoken to his mother. The conversation with her tilted his world a little. She forgave. Out of all the things Margie should have done, out of all the things Harry deserved, forgiveness wasn’t one of them. It caused Mike to think about Ellis’s family, how unconventional, how slightly overbearing they were, how loving. He wondered how she would handle it if her father walked out—if Phillipa would be able to forgive. He wondered if he were wrong for not wanting his mother to do so. He knew forgiveness wasn’t something he was capable of.
He reached her door, rang the bell, and waited, wondering what cute little nightgown she would wander down the stairs in this time.
“Hey.” She opened the door and he was surprised to see her dressed but barefoot in a pair of super-tight jeans and a brown turtleneck.
“Damn, I was hoping to catch you half naked again.”
She blushed. “Want me to change?”
“Yes.” He sighed. “But don’t. I’m taking you out today.”
She smiled, motioning for him to come in. He liked her cozy house. How it felt like a home.
“Do you want coffee? I would offer to feed you but you know the state of my refrigerator.”
It was empty. The only food she had in her house was ramen noodles, a block of cheese, and some Ritz Crackers. “I’ll take some coffee. You go put on some comfortable shoes, maybe something without a heel.”
She frowned at him and went to her hallway closet. “I don’t own any weather-appropriate shoes without a heel.”
When she opened the door Mike saw rows and rows of shoes, sandals, and boots, some neatly lined up on the floor, some hung in an organizer on the back of the door.
“Holy shit. Do you need all those?”
“Yes.” She pulled out a pair of brown boots, the kind that reminded him of the ones horse riders wore, but with a bigger heel. “The first thing I did after I broke up with Jackass was buy twenty-five pairs of heels. One for each month I spent with him. He wouldn’t let me wear heels. Said it made him feel short. So for two years I relegated myself to only wearing ugly sensible shoes. That’s all over now.”
“Wouldn’t let you?” He frowned. “Ellie, I can’t imagine anybody stoppi
ng you from doing anything.”
“You would think,” she said softly.
Mike looked at her for a long moment. The more he learned about Jack the more he regretted his decision not to knock the guy on his ass. “Why were you with him so long?”
“I don’t know.” She sighed. “He was good to me at first and successful and all the things a woman thinks she wants in a partner. I was a rule follower back then. I thought the only path to happiness was the route I was taking. Become a lawyer. Get married. Start a family. And even though I wasn’t sure I wanted those things I threw myself into getting them. I threw myself into trying to make sure Jack was happy and in the process I lost a little bit of myself. It took me six months before I realized the man I had fallen in love with was treating me no better than dogshit on a sidewalk. And that’s when I left.” She looked up, locking her eyes with his. “I deserve more. I deserve to be treated well.”
He nodded, heeding her subtle warning. “Put your shoes on, Garret. We’ve got places to be.”
Chapter Sixteen
“Apple picking?” Ellis grinned at Mike as he pulled up to Wilde Orchard after a picturesque forty-minute drive. “I never thought Detective Hot Pants would ever bring a woman apple picking. I assumed it was all candlelight and black satin sheets.”
Mike shrugged. “Actually, I’m more of the chicken joint, cheap wine type of guy, but I thought I might change it up a bit.”
“Mmm.” She sighed dreamily. “Chicken and cheap wine, my two best friends. Do you think they make apple wine here? Or hard apple cider?” She looked at him. “I sound like a lush, don’t I?”
“A little, but I like a girl who likes her liquor.”
They grinned at each other before stepping out of the car.
She was pleased with his choice. Mike released a breath that he didn’t realize he was holding. He had never taken a woman apple picking. He had never taken a woman anyplace other than a restaurant, but with Ellis things were different. He had to prove to her that taking a chance on them wasn’t a mistake. He had to prove to himself that he could be with her without losing himself.
*
“Inhale,” Ellis ordered Mike. “Doesn’t it smell like fall?”
“What does fall smell like, Ellie?”
They had been strolling the orchard for over two hours without picking a single apple. It was empty, being a Monday. There were a few parents there with their small children, a couple of classes on field trips. It was quiet, breezy; the sun shone brightly. The perfect fall day.
Ellis sniffed the air. “Like sunshine, rotting leaves, and apples. It’s heavenly.”
Mike smiled at her as she turned her face to the sun and breathed in once more. “I think the rotting leaves are my favorite part. We used to make giant piles as kids and hide from my—” A powerful memory jabbed him and for a moment he lost the ability to speak.
“What?” Ellis looked up at him in concern. “Tell me.”
“My father,” he said, hating that a good memory of the man infiltrated his bad thoughts of him. But things weren’t bad when his father was around. In fact they were pretty damn good. “We used to make giant piles of leaves and hide in them and when my father came home from work we would jump out and surprise him.” He shook his head. “You think we would have realized that he wasn’t really surprised after the first few times, but he always pretended. Always clutching his chest like we gave him a heart attack.”
Ellis took his hand in hers and led him toward the small pond in the middle of the farm. “Do you want to talk to me about it?”
He hesitated for a moment. He had never discussed his father’s abandonment with anybody. Not Colin, not even with his sisters. Growing up, they lived with the knowledge that their father had walked out. They shouldered on, pretending like it didn’t affect them.
“My mother said she forgave him.” He looked down into her big brown eyes, watching for her reaction. She gave none.
“You don’t agree with her decision?”
“No.” He shook his head. “It was bad when he left, Ellie. Really bad. He didn’t even tell us why he was leaving, just left a note on my mother’s pillow and her with four kids to raise alone.” He looked away from Ellis. “She used to cry at night,” he said softly. “She didn’t think we heard her, but I did. I saw her once and then I used to listen outside her door. She cried every night for three months.”
“Oh.” She softly squeezed his hand. “He deserves to be drawn and quartered.”
“He deserves worse than that.” Mike lifted his eyes off the spot on the ground he was so intently studying and looked back at her. “I’m not sure how she could forgive him.”
“It serves no purpose to be angry,” she started. “Bitterness makes a person feel ugly. I don’t think she forgave your father for his sake but for her own.”
He was surprised by her words. “You agree with her decision?”
She shrugged. “I don’t have an opinion either way. I wasn’t inside their marriage. Maybe there are things about your father only your mother knows. Maybe she forgave him because in her eyes he truly deserves it.”
Mike shook his head, having a hard time absorbing what Ellis was saying. “Do you think I should forgive him? He disappeared for twenty years and now he wants back in. I don’t know if I can. Could you?”
“I don’t know.” She paused. “Do you want to? My birth parents are still together. I met them when I was sixteen. My entire life my mother had told me that they were scared college kids, and that they gave me up so they could give me a better life. But when I met them I was surprised. They live in a huge row house in DC. My birth father is an investment banker. My birth mother works on Capitol Hill. They drive Beemers. They’re rich.” She shook her head. “I thought they gave me away not to give me a better life but to give themselves one.”
“They sound selfish.”
She nodded. “That’s how I felt—like they couldn’t be bothered to love me. I came home from meeting them sobbing. Nothing my mother said could make me feel better about them giving me away.” Ellis smiled in memory. “It was my father who changed my view of things. ‘I’m pleased that they didn’t want you. I’m much more satisfied with you than they would be.’ In his own tactless way he made me realize that things happen for a reason. That my birth parents gave me away so my real parents could love me.”
They stared at the pond in silence for a few moments. “I forgave them, not because they asked for it but because their decision gave me some really weird, but very loving parents. I forgave them because it was the best for me. It might have been the same for your mother.”
“All right,” he relented. “I guess you’re saying that I shouldn’t stop questioning my mother’s sanity.”
She nodded. “You might not want to forgive him, but you might want to think about letting some of your anger go. What type of man would you have been if your father had stuck around? Do you think you would have been any better?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Maybe.”
She reached up on her tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I kind of like you the way you are.”
“Such high praise.” A smile formed on his lips.
She smiled back at him for a moment then sobered. “All I’m saying is that instead of focusing on how bad life was when he left, think about how good it’s been since he’s been gone.” She wrinkled her nose adorably. “Did that make any sense? Or do I sound like a less charming version of Dr. Phil?”
“Yes and no to both.” He gathered her into his arms, kissing the bridge of her nose. “You gave me something to think about.”
“You don’t have to listen to anything I said, you know. My family is just as dysfunctional as yours. My father’s kind of autistic. My mother’s a raging feminist and my sister is stuck in her teen years.”
“What about you?”
“Me?” She looked up at him. “We both know I’m perfect.”
“Of course. How could I
forget?”
She burrowed into him as the breeze picked up. He felt better after talking to her and he wasn’t sure why. Nothing had changed. He was no closer to forgiving his father than before but having someone to talk to eased the tightness in his chest.
“You should buy us apple cider doughnuts,” she said after they’d spent long minutes huddled against each other.
“And a pie.” He rubbed his hands over her back. “And some apple butter and maybe some juice.”
“What about a pumpkin? We can’t leave here without one of those.”
“Of course not.” He smiled at her child-like exuberance. “I think I saw pumpkin doughnuts in there, too. Should we get a few? And how about some ice cream?”
“And maybe after we eat all of that we can hire a contractor to widen my door because I won’t be able to get out of it.”
“I’ll call around for some quotes.” He winked at her as he pulled away. “Come on, Ellie. I think it’s time we wandered back to the shop.”
*
It was a long walk back to the orchard’s storefront, but Ellis didn’t mind. Being with a man like this was a new experience for her. Talking, joking, not feeling like everything she said or did was going to be judged was totally foreign to her. She was afraid to like it, to trust it, because it seemed too good to be true.
They walked through rows and rows of Granny Smiths, watching for mushy fallen apples. Mike had already stepped on one, smashing it against the sole of his shoe. He carried the smell of sweet overly ripened apples with him as they walked. Combined with his natural scent, it made Ellis want to eat him up. She thought that he would have taken her to bed yesterday, but he only gave her a kiss that ended too soon before he walked out. It left her feeling frustrated, confused, and a little unsure of herself. Why else would he come back if not for the sex? Friendship? Ellis disregarded that notion quickly. Mike wasn’t the type of man who collected women friends. He wasn’t the type of man who entered relationships, either. He was out to have fun with whomever he was with. Today they were having a good time but Ellis wasn’t sure if she was the type of girl who was cut out for just having a good time.