Her Primal Pleasure: A First Adventure in Compersion

by Patricia Lovore

  It was almost 5 pm. The alarm on the treadmill beeped with enthusiasm, telling Heather that she had just achieved a distance of five miles rang, and she began to slow her pace. Perspiration ran down her glowing fair skin from the wispy edges of her thick, dark brown hair.

  Five miles in under thirty-five minutes. Not bad, she thought, for a woman in her mid-thirties. She was breathing hard as she stepped off the machine and began drying her hair with a white towel provided by the health club. For the better part of a year, she had been getting in shape and losing weight. Heather had been hoping to reignite the passion in her bedroom with her husband, Alan.

  She and Alan had been married now for over eight years. They had a home together and a five year old son, Chad. They were in a loving and supportive marriage together. They were living comfortably, as they had wanted.

  Heather entered the women’s locker room. She passed several rows of lockers and made a turn between two of them when she heard a familiar voice chirp.

  “Hey Heather”

  “Hi Janice” Heather replied to a slender, slinky blonde clad in spandex and sitting on the bench that ran between two rows of lockers. Heather began turning a dial on a combination lock nearby.

  Janice was taller than Heather and lanky. Her time on the treadmill was better than Heather’s, but not by much. Heather secretly prided herself on being more toned than Janice. It was friendly competition between the two of them. It was that bond between them that had grown and eventually led Heather to confide in Janice over the past six months.

  “Did you see what Linda was wearing tonight?”

  “No, I didn’t go by the aerobics room on my way in. I came in through the front door today” Janice replied.

  Linda was a very fit and enthusiastic aerobics instructor in her early sixties. Janice had referred to her as ‘spunky’ behind her back. Linda was known for wearing off-the-wall attire to her classes to lighten the mood for her students. Janice and Heather always appreciated the ever-changing wardrobe.

  “It was that mini-mouse print tonight. Check it out as you walk by tonight”

  Heather had seen the pattern a few weeks ago and told Janice about it. She was sure the image of mini-mouse’s face with overdone red lips positioned right around the groin area was suggestive. Janice thought Heather was nuts, but she hadn’t seen it. Heather wanted her to take a look first, then tell her if she still thought she was crazy.

  “So how’s Alan?” Janice inquired.

  “He’s fine. You know Alan. Friday is coming up” Heather said with a chuckle.

  “God, I know. Are you still……okay with it? I mean, are you still going to do it?”

  “I’m nervous about it. I don’t know. I will try, but I guess I will find out when I get there, ya know?”

  Janice was slumped over lacing up her shoes.

  “Yeah I know, but not really. I mean, it seems like such a risk. You know I’m here for you, right?”

  “Yeah, I know” Heather said, appreciating Janice’s support, “and for all the details”.

  Janice laughed hard and smiled.

  “Yeah, that too”

  Heather shut her locker and heard the ‘click’ of her lock as she closed it back together.

  “Well, this is it” Heather said to Janice, smiling and whipping her hands forward from her sides, upturning her palms in a shrugging ‘I-don’t-know’ motion.

  “Maybe you can tell me on Monday if I seem different”

  Janice stood up and put her arms around Heather and hugged her tight.

  “Whatever happens, you’ll be fine” she told Heather.

  They parted looking at each other in the eyes like there was something more to be said, but there wasn’t.

  “You know my number” Janice said.

  “I know, and you will get all the details, regardless of how it turns out”

  “Good” Janice said with a grin running across her face and flashing her eyes a little wider as she said it.

  Heather left the locker room and got into her car. Part of the reason she had started going to the health club in the first place was because although her marriage was a happy one, things had slowed down in the bedroom. This was something she had revealed to Janice. Janice was sympathetic. She herself had been married for twelve years.

  “It slows down. It’s just normal” Janice told her.

  “Yeah, but what if I’m not ready for it too. What if Alan has some kind of seven-year itch?”

  “Do you think Alan is cheating?” Janice asked Heather.

  Heather hadn’t believed Alan was cheating, but the thought had crossed her mind. She found herself reading articles online and in magazines with titles like 10 Signs He’s Cheating and Why Men Cheat. But Alan didn’t seem to exhibit any of the behaviors described. He just didn’t seem like the type. Heather also had considered that Alan’s sex drive was waning with his age. She had hoped that wasn’t happening because her drive was really climbing. She felt like she was horny all the time, and Alan, well, Alan was only interested once a week and it seemed so routine. Heather knew she loved him and didn’t want anyone else. So Heather joined the club. She felt if she toned up and got athletic again, she could rekindle the fire. Maybe, just maybe there would be some nights like there were in the first year they had dated. The sex had been frequent and Alan would somehow cum at least three times. That never happened any more, except for once, recently. Heather felt like she was flying afterward.

  “You should be open with him Heather. Tell him your concerns, about your needs” Janice had advised her.

  That’s exactly what Heather had done.

  One night after dinner, about four months ago, after she had put their son Chad to bed, Heather poured herself and Alan some wine, turned off the lights, and they sat on the couch together, in front of the fire. The wine looked like glowing honey as it reflected the flickering firelight.

  “I really want to talk to you about something” she said to Alan.

  Alan turned toward Heather with his full attention. Heather saw the look on his face was serious, but receptive. Heather felt bad for a moment because she thought Alan may be scared about what she was going to say.

  “Are you still attracted to me, Alan?”

  Alan paused before answering, never shifting his gaze from Heather.

  “Yes, honey, of course I am”

  Heather believed him, but she could tell that he knew why she was asking. It was in his voice. In his pause before answering. He was holding something back.

  “I know we’ve been married now for eight years. It just seems that we don’t have sex as much as we used to”.

  “I know” Alan replied, looking down “I guess I’m just getting older. It happens to men. We lose our drive. I’m sorry if it hasn’t been that good”.

  “Honey stop. It’s been fine. It’s just that, I wish it happened more”

  Alan turned his gaze back to Heather’s eyes and was about to say something when Heather spoke again.

  “Is there anything I can do to make it happen more?”

  “You mean to spice it up?” Alan asked.

  “Yeah”

  “Well……….maybe”

  “Maybe?” Heather asked, smiling to one side and nodding her head in circles to coax more information from Alan.

  Alan smiled back and then Heather giggled.

  “What?” Heather asked through her laughter “No, what is it?”

  Alan chuckled, feeling lighter.

  “Well, another woman?”

  “No. not gonna happen” Heather said smiling.

  She knew Alan would suggest that
. Heather had no interest in other women sexually. Even when she had tried to imagine it, had toyed with the idea because she knew Alan would enjoy it, it just did nothing for her.

  “What if I dressed up in some sexy outfit or………or we roleplayed…..or both?” Heather asked in a mildly frantic tone, trying not to lose the subject of the conversation.

  “Would any of that interest you?” she added, even as she was getting her answer from Alan as his facial expression didn’t change at all. He didn’t have to say anything, but started to anyway.

  “Well…..I don’t…….it just doesn’t really do it for me”

  The next part came out of Alan with painful hesitation.

  “I have had this fantasy though”

  What fantasy? Alan never told her about any fantasy.

  “In truth….I’ve kind of had it for a while”

  “What is it Alan? What fantasy?”

  Heather was almost afraid of what she was going to hear at this point. Though she could not possibly imagine what it was that Alan was so hesitant about suggesting. It was his reluctance that made her suddenly nervous. But what could it be that he was going to tell her?

  “Well, I’ve fantasized for several years now about you and…”

  “Me and what?”

  “And someone else. Together”

  “Alan, I was serious. I really have no interest in women. I mean, at this point I wish I did….”

  Alan cut into her sentence abruptly.

  “No, not another woman” Alan grew quiet, “another guy”.

  Heather looked into Alan’s eyes at this point. She was intrigued and shocked at the same time. She felt like a deer in the headlights. High Beams. She was wide eyed.

  “Wait, you mean like, me having sex with another man?”

  “Yes” was all Alan said in response.

  “In front of you? With you? Wouldn’t you hate that though?”

  “No. I mean, I don’t think so. Anyway, ummm….that’s not what I was thinking about”

  “Well then, how do you mean?”

  “I mean, like, you would meet a guy. And, well, experience another man”

  “Does that turn you on, Alan?”

  “The thought of it has for a while now. I know it’s weird”

  Heather was shocked, but not mad. She had never heard anything like this from Alan. Alan was the third man that she had ever slept with. They had been together now for over ten years, and it had been a little longer than that since she had sex with anyone else but Alan. She hadn’t thought of other men much, and wasn’t sure about thinking about other men now, but Heather’s curiosity was aroused.

  “I don’t know if I can do that, Alan. I mean, what if it is not what you thought it would be like? What if it makes you jealous or angry?”

  Heather knew that Alan was not the jealous type though. He never had been. Not even when men had occasionally flirted with her while he was nearby.

  “I’ve thought about that, Heather. I just thought it would be something we could try”

  “You wouldn’t be mad?”

  “No, Heather. And if we didn’t like to do it, then we wouldn’t do it again”

  “Would you be there?”

  Heather couldn’t believe she was actually considering it, but she also was starting to become interested in Alan’s fantasy.

  “No, I don’t know if I am ready for that. But I would be there afterward”

  ‘After’ Heather thought. Alan was telling her to sleep with another man and sleep with him afterward. She would have two men in one day or night. Oh my god, she thought, I can’t believe I am thinking about this.

  “What if it ruins us? We have Chad to think of” Heather said.

  “I know. But I trust you, Heather. We have been together a long time and I love you. The reason the idea of you being with another man turns me on is that I know it will be a new experience for you. I know you will be as turned on as we were when we were dating”

  It was starting to make a little sense to Heather now.

  “What if I do something that you don’t like?”

  “I’ll tell you” Alan replied.

  “Promise?”

  “Yes. I promise”

  Over the next month, Heather discussed Alan’s fantasy with him. They ironed out some boundaries together. Alan wanted her to be safe. And then came a night when she was going to find out if she could go through with it. Heather and Alan went to an upscale restaurant bar in the city known for being a place where singles sometimes met. Heather was dressed for it. She knew she looked good. Alan knew too.

  They went together. They entered the bar separately. Alan went to find a table somewhere in the back, while Heather went to a seat at the bar.

  “Martini, dry, please” she said to the bartender.

  It was a relief to be sitting at the bar, she thought. She was so nervous, she was looking forward to a drink. It had been so long ago that she had been single. Would she put out the right signals? Would she get flirted with? What would happen if she did? Heather glanced subtly back over her shoulder. She tried to spot Alan. There were too many partitions in the way for her to see where he was. Suddenly, her phone vibrated.

  ‘Relax’ read a text from Alan on her phone.

  Heather sat at the bar for a while, pretending to look at texts. It didn’t seem like any of the guys in the room were noticing her, but she wasn’t trying that hard either. If one of her girlfriends had been there with her, she would have felt more at ease. But then, what would she say? I’m just going to let a guy try to pick me up and maybe fuck me. By the way, Alan is okay with it?

  The bartender returned, setting Heather’s martini in front of her. Heather watched bodies walk in and move on. The room was a dull rumble of conversation and the clinking of glasses and plates.

  “Hey” Heather heard a male voice from behind her.

  “Are you here waiting for Lisa?”

  Heather was face to face with a man in his mid-twenties, about ten years younger than her. He was slim with blonde hair that was scraggly around the edges and cute in a younger-brother-sort-of-way.

  “No” Heather smiled politely and responded.

  “Oh, do you mind if I sit here?” he said, placing his hand on the rotating stool next to her.

  Heather noticed that the seating at the bar was now full, and the empty stool next to her was the only one left.

  “Not at all” Heather replied.

  He was cute, Heather thought as he took his seat, but he was too young. Heather’s phone vibrated again. It was Alan. He had sent a little smiley face.

  Having Alan there made Heather feel safe and protected but it also felt like she was under surveillance. Her young male companion turned around on the stool to scan the room.

  “Have you seen a girl in here, about 5’6”, blonde hair like mine and blue eyes, about 27?”

  Heather turned her head away from her phone screen to acknowledge and respond to the question being asked. Must be a first date, she thought.

  “No, I haven’t” she replied as he rapidly added,

  “I’m waiting for my sister and her friends”

  That’s sweet, Heather thought. The description made sense, it was roughly like a shorter female version of him.

  “Get you something?” the bartender asked the young man now seated next to Heather.

  “Corona?” the young man asked

  “Comin’ up” the bartender said as he stepped away.

  A pop and a hiss later, a chilled bottle of Corona was sitting in front of the young man. Heather guessed he was on a budget. Corona was her favorite beer in college because it was affordable at the time, and he was closer to being college age than she.

  “Another martini?” the bartender asked Heather as she was drawing her last sip. Why not, Heather thought. She was felt a little loosened up now.

  “Sure, and you forgot the lime” Heather replied “for his beer” she said, pointing to the Corona bottle.

&n
bsp; “So I have, coming up” the bartender said, stepping away.

  “I’m John” the man next to Heather said, extending his hand.

  “Heather” she said with a broader smile than before as she took his hand. His grip was young and strong, and slightly calloused, like the hand of someone who works in manual labor. Maybe he was in construction.

  Just then a ringtone coming from John’s coat pocket interrupted the introduction. John pulled out his phone and read something.

  “Oh crap” he said “my sister’s flight from Washington is delayed”

  John started rapidly moving his thumbs across the phone. Heather could see he was irritated.

  “You’d think she would have told me before I got here. Her friends are picking her up and then we were going to meet here, but she hasn’t even left home to go to SeaTac yet”

  “That sucks” Heather said as her second martini was placed in front of her “I used to fly out of there all the time. Takes a while to get there through traffic”

  “We’re from Olympia” John said

  “That is a long drive” Heather sympathetically replied.

  Heather eagerly mentioned she was from Seattle as a way to break the ice. It worked. John grew ever more receptive. Heather noticed John’s pupils dilate greatly as time passed. He was focusing on her. What the hell? she thought. This is what Alan fantasizes about.

  Heather’s phone vibrated again as she was talking with John.

  ‘You can if you want to’ the text read.

  Heather did want to. Unbelievably so. But she wasn’t sure if she could act on it. The way John’s eyes occasionally moved up and down her body made her feel attractive. She had forgotten what this kind of attention was like.

  There was a lull in their conversation. Heather was on her third martini and John was on his third Corona.

  “Do you want to go somewhere else?” Heather found herself saying to John.

  “Sure, where do you want to go?”

  “I don’t know. A different bar?” Heather asked.

  “Okay, yeah. The Cave?” John asked holding his hand out to flag the bartender down for the bill.

  The Cave was a local dive, and not what Heather had in mind, but she found herself agreeing. She sent a text to Alan quickly.

  John paid his tab and he and Heather walked out into the parking lot.