He opened the bedroom door and promptly whacked his big toe on the edge of the bedroom dresser as he tried to leave the room. Edward bit his lip and did all he could to not scream and cry like a baby.
Limping down the hallway toward the music echoing through the house he stopped at the end of the hall.
He was stunned to see Ami sitting nude at the small piano his mother kept in the living room. It had been a long time since he had heard something so beautiful coming from it.
He could only stand like a statue watching her. She sat, eyes closed, humming as she played some beautiful music. She seemed at peace, and Edward was afraid to interrupt what was clearly a magical moment for her. The moonlight shone on her body and face making her glow. Her skin glistened from the light, and her silhouette swayed in a smooth flow of movement. The outline of Ami reminded Edward of an angel.
Looking at the open top of the piano, Edward caught his reflection. He saw a man who was happy, a man enjoying feelings for this wondrous creature before him. His heart pounded hard and for a single moment he felt at ease—finally the weight of so many things were lifted off of his heart. He was falling for Ami.
But he didn’t deserve this bliss.
The guilt, the pain, the remorse all crashed back upon him while he heard Ami play. Turning away from her he felt the tears begin, and quietly went back to his room.
Sitting on the edge of the bed Edward replayed the memory of the burden he carried and cried. Life was so unfair. To have one thing taken from you that was so precious and pure, and then to find another that may fill the void ripped from your soul, only to know it would be gone soon too.
The door opened slowly, and Ami came into the room. “Edward? Are you all right? Why are you crying?”
“I’m not crying.” His macho ego refused to admit it, and he sniffed. “I’m just…nothing. I’m just thinking.”
“I’m sorry if I woke you. This song started playing in my head. I haven’t had the urge or the inspiration to write in a while. It’s because of you, Edward. You have shown me a light again.” She sat on the bed beside him.
“Ami, I don’t know what or how to feel anymore. Whatever we have now is, I don’t know. Lust, friendship, fuck buddies, or maybe it’s the beginning of something. Maybe we should just end it now before we both get hurt.”
“What? Why? I like how things are right now. I’m starting to feel like the old me again. The music is coming back to me.”
“Well I’m happy for you. And it’s great that your love of music is back, but you can’t stay here.”
“Is it Ashley?”
“How do you know about her?”
“Your mom told me what happened. I’m sorry about that, but it was a long time ago, Edward. You can’t stop…”
“How the fuck can you know how I feel, Ami? Have you ever lost somebody like that? Have you?”
“Not really, but I can understand…”
“You don’t understand shit.” Edward’s vision blurred and he tried to hide the tears coming from the turmoil and pain he still felt in his heart. “I’ve had to live with the thought that I could have done something different. That I could have prevented it. Maybe I should have picked her up that day. Maybe I was too lazy to go myself on that errand—whatever. But I live with that every fucking day of my life. It should have been me, not her. It should have been me!”
“Why? Why should it have been you? You don’t decide who lives or dies… God does. Life is a series of tests waiting to happen. People are here one minute, gone the next. What happened to you was horrific, absolutely terrible, but you have to move on. You are here, Edward. You are here now. Don’t give up on the now because of the then. You’ll regret it your whole life. I know what I’m talking about.”
“I just can’t right now. I can’t start having feelings for someone else.” He held back his pain and wiped away the tear rolling down his nose.
Ami reached over and took his face in her hands, staring into his moist eyes. “My life is a series of things I have to do. Places I have to be and people all asking for something from me. But you…you, Edward, are the first person I have met in too long that gives me something for nothing. You are a good man, and I don’t want to screw that up either. I am giving us a chance.”
Edward reached up and put his hand over hers.
“You haven’t even given yourself a chance—how could you ever even begin to give us one?”
Ami wrapped her arms around Edward. She was literally baring everything to him, her naked body and vulnerable heart. “Let’s just take it a day at a time.”
They fell into the bed, both saddened by memories of the past. She held him as tightly as she could.
Limbs tangled together, they took comfort from each other.
Friday night rolled around. Edward and Ami sat in the too quiet restaurant. The mood in the place seemed tense.
“Edward, I don’t know what we’re going to do. The time here has been great. I feel more relaxed and comfortable than I have in years. But you know this will have to end. You know who I am and what I do. At some point I’ll have to go back.”
With a subtle smile he spoke. “I know. This past week has been tough, but you know, I realized I can be myself and be with someone. Not just the sex either, even though that was incredible. I guess I want to thank you for helping me.”
“Helping you what?”
“To move on. I was pretty screwed up. I know we can’t have the typical life because you are someone famous and me hanging around would seem like I am just there for the money. But I see you as a beautiful woman, not just the image you portray.”
She reached her hand out across the table and took his hand. Squeezing it gently she smiled back.
“Thank you. You really do know what to say to make a woman feel good.”
“Well I try… Can we go fuck now?” They both laughed.
“Oh shit!”
“What is it?” Edward looked behind him to see what Ami was looking at.
A crowd of people gathered by the door with cameras and a TV crew. They had found her.
“It’s okay. We can sneak out the back.” Edward motioned to the waiter. “Hey, Frankie, keep them busy please.”
Edward dropped some money on the table and took her hand, heading out the back door. “I scooted out this way as a kid when I was drinking beer at eighteen.”
Out back, they found a larger crowd of media had gathered in the alley behind the restaurant. Edward pushed people out of his way as he tried to navigate to the car.
“Somehow they found out where I was, a photo or something. I only told my publicist where I was so she wouldn’t worry, but she wouldn’t tell anyone. Dammit, I didn’t want this to happen.” The flashes looked like strobe lights. A few people pushed against them, but Ami held Edward’s hand tightly.
“Ami is this your new boyfriend?”
“Were you kidnapped?”
“Did aliens abduct you?”
“Ami, Ami…Look this way.”
The questions hit her like a barrage of words scrambled together.
Edward just wanted to get her out of there. They found his car, but he was completely blocked in. He looked at Ami. “What do you want to do?”
“I’m sorry, Edward. So sorry.” Her eyes began to well up with tears. “This was the one part of my life that I wanted to get away from.”
“Ami, it’s Martin, come this way.” He pushed through the crowd and grabbed Ami’s shoulder.
“Edward, Martin is my manager. Let me…” She was yanked from Edward as his hand reached out for her.
“Ami?” he yelled while the photographers turned their attention to him, flashing lights and asking him the same insensitive questions they were asking her. He shielded his eyes from them. “Get the fuck out of my face.”
When the flashes stopped, he saw Ami climbing into the back of a stretch limo with people chasing after her trying to get another photo.
And just like that, she was
gone.
Chapter Seven
Ami called and talked to Edward as much as possible but her commitments were vast and overwhelming. Every second seemed to be accounted for. Her sleep was limited to a few hours here and there. The weeks turned to months, and that little magic space in time seemed to slowly fade into a memory.
All the guys in the band had been as happy to see her as she was to see them. She was the heart and voice of the music. She’d found clarity but it was slowly being pulled away again with the rigors of this lifestyle. They had families to fall back on—they knew she was basically alone.
She desperately missed the little piece of sanity she’d found with Edward. The short period of time where she could be herself and not the product she was forced to make people see. The relationship they’d had was just starting, and it had been cut off before she could possibly take it to the next level. As Ellen had said, it was a case of “What if?”
Bang bang bang.
“Come on Ami, we have a radio spot to get to after the show. Hurry the fuck up in there! You still have one more encore.”
Ami opened her eyes. Her heart was heavy and the roaring crowd called to her, pulling her back to the present, drowning out her wonderful memories.
She needed to share something with the people she cared for most. The thousands of her fans out there who came to see her perform and hear her words. She needed to tell them her feelings about actually finding someone real in this chaotic, fucked up existence of so-called stardom.
The house lights dimmed and when she walked on stage, the spotlight shone on her alone. She held up a hand, covering her eyes for a moment. The crowd roared, and she walked over to her piano on the stage.
“Thank you—please—thank you so much.” She smiled and stopped her band before they started playing the standard encore song, moving instead to the piano on one side of the stage.
“I was away for a while and appreciate all of you coming out for the start of the new leg of the tour.”
She sighed and thought for a second about what to say. “I wrote a new song, something nobody else has heard and I’d like to play it for you all tonight if that’s okay.”
The crowd erupted in applause and shouts. “We love you” was a common shout by more than a few fans.
“I love you all too!” she shouted back to another uprising of yells. “I know a lot of you have met people in your life that touch your heart. Dear friends, family members or just a random person you meet by chance.”
As silence fell, the auditorium quickly filled with the fluorescent light of cell phones and the flicker of lighters amongst the darkened crowd. Ami paused for a moment, then began to play. She closed her eyes and imagined herself sitting at the piano as she had done that night at Edward’s.
The calmness and overwhelming peace she felt mixed with the emotions she’d once thought were dead.
“I wrote this for someone special. I hope he knows how much our time together meant to me.” The chords from the piano echoed around her as she started to touch the keys. Her voice quietly started to sing the words to the music Edward had inspired in her.
The pain I feel is from the hole in my heart
Leaving you before we could ever start
Bleeding souls from wounds of the past
Scar the truth we told trying to make it last
You gave me everything yet asked for nothing
My insecurity washed away trusting someone again
Hearing your voice in my dreams makes me see
That you were much more than just a man to me
For you came and inspired the best sides of who I am
You are simply the music man…
Ami kept her eyes closed, remembering how good things were for the brief time they shared. She shed a tear as she continued to sing.
You cared more than you should have
The shattered pain from tragedy long past
Instead you showed strength while I showed weakness
Every day we grew closer blinded by our bliss
Why did life’s burden sacrifice our dream
For people like us things aren’t what they seem
Hearing your voice in my dreams makes me see
That you were much more than just a man to me
For you came and inspired the best sides of who I am
You are simply the music man…
Ami stopped, her eyes swollen with tears. She wanted to cry. The auditorium was quiet, and the tones of the last piano chord rang out into a second of silence. She turned and looked out at the crowd. They were all there for her. She was never alone.
Her eyes drifted to the front row.
Standing dead center holding a red rose—was Edward. He wiped his hand across his eyes and offered her the flower.
Epilogue
Ellen stood in line at the supermarket. She was stuck behind Belinda Smith who had a tendency to buy everything in the store with coupons and discount cards. Ellen was polite as she sighed and saw Depends undergarments and a large assortment of prune and fiber enhanced breads. Someone must be bound up, she thought. That’s probably why she bitches so much at the Senior Center. Belinda had two shopping carts full of items and was taking forever as usual. Ellen looked over to the tabloid rack and smiled.
Under the latest headlines about politicians and movie star scandals and the story of Bigfoot’s lovechild, she saw “Wild Rocker Goddess Has Change of Heart” with a picture of Ami and Edward in sunglasses.
She reached over and took the magazine. Flipping through the breast enhancement and how-to-make-millions ads, she looked at the article. There were a bunch of pictures of Edward and Ami at different events with her band and some romantic photos of them kissing.
She began to read:
Rock Goddess Ami from the band Haunted has been seen with a new mystery man. Rumors have surfaced that he is an ex-CIA operative assigned to protect her after her abduction.
The two are inseparable and when approached the band has no comment. Nobody knows who this secret love is for Ami. There are no records of him working for any label company, government agency or dating shows.
After a weeklong vanishing act a few months ago, the rocker has come back with a vengeance. The band’s latest CD—Haunted Alive—topped the charts, and she made changes in the schedule and direction of the band.
After firing their manager and hiring the lead guitarist’s uncle to handle the band’s affairs, they cut back dates on their European tour to do a couple more benefit concerts for children’s charities. So far the concerts have raised 1.4 million dollars. They are currently recording a new CD while on tour in various European studios. The band was seen in a Transylvanian castle with recording equipment last week.
As for Ami? The Wild Rocker Bitch seems tamed for now. Our sources say she is happy. The underground mafia has no comment on whether the mystery man is one of theirs.
~ ~ ~ ~
About the Author
A lifelong Californian, S.L. Carpenter began writing humorous short stories many years ago, finally finding a home for them when ePublishing began its rise to prominence. He would like you to know, right up front, yes…he’s a guy.
His talent for short stories led to more in-depth novellas and eventually to the many titles currently available, some in print. Readers have eagerly devoured each of his new solo releases, and enjoyed Feels So Right, along with the other novels he has co-written with Sahara Kelly. There are no boundaries to the imagination, as far as S.L. Carpenter is concerned, although you will find several of his heroes looking for redemption and salvation in the arms of the right woman.
Comfortably at home in the contemporary genre, he’s a writer who is unafraid to lay bare the eccentricities of sex. He manages to add his trademark humor to everything he writes, and this is another lure to his readers; his ability to mix heat and laughter into a realistic storyline.
Married for over thirty years to the woman he describes as the love of his lif
e, S.L. Carpenter has raised a family relatively unscathed, and lives the day-to-day existence of someone he considers average. He enjoys football and baseball (go A’s), has an encyclopedic knowledge of movies, lives and writes with various kinds of music playing in the background and confesses to a bit of a “thing” for Kate Beckinsale in leather. Average? His friends and readers would disagree.
Here are some of the titles which have delighted his fans over the last two decades: (For a complete list, please visit his website. The address/link is below.)
Word Play (The Muse Series Book 1)
Desires of the Soul
Desires of the Flesh
Letting You In
Chasing Dreams
Big Book of Lust
Happy Endings
Feels So Right
Full Service
Whole Lotta Love Series
So Into You
It’s Alive
Remember When
Hired Help (Working Stiffs Book 1)
Several titles are also currently available in print. If you’re interested in that information, you can find out more at the website address below. Or drop him an email. He loves to hear from readers.
If you’re a longtime fan of S.L. Carpenter stories, you’ll notice that his release list is a bit shorter at the moment. With the changing status of digital publishing, he is one of many authors who have retrieved their rights to earlier publications. These books will be reappearing as they are revised, re-edited and sent out to delight a new generation of readers—just as this book has now made its second debut. You might try subscribing to his newsletter, because if there is anything new around the corner, that’s a great place to learn the details. You can subscribe here.
There may not always be earth-shattering developments taking place around him, but he is more than happy to invite you to stay informed about what is going on in the world of S.L. Carpenter by visiting any of the links below.
Love Notes (The Muse Series Book 2) Page 5