The envelope was simply addressed. ‘Confidential. Mr Halbert Horatio Hoop.’ Hal sat and looked at what he knew was his father’s distinctive handwriting. ‘Do I need to open it now?’ he asked.
‘Yes Mr Hoop. That would be appropriate,’ he replied as he handed Hal a letter opener.
Hal accepted the offer and sat quietly for a moment then sneezed before slicing open the top of the envelope. Replacing the letter opener on the desk extremely carefully, he then took the letter from the envelope and unfolded it slowly. It was handwritten, unsigned and contained only one item. An address.
Sir Bradley Sidebottom
c/o The Waldorf Hilton Hotel London
Aldwych
City of London, Greater London WC2B 4DD
Hal looked up at Thistlewaite, but there was no reply.
Afternoon Tea
The ambiguity of the instructions in his father’s will was of course confusing for Hal, but the most surprising aspect was that he had not been disinherited. In Hal’s mind, his journey to London was merely to close the part of his life before he had left for Australia. Even in his most positive state of mind before coming to London, he thought he would have been lucky to receive just a small token inheritance. To be the primary beneficiary was a complete shock. This shock however would be mild compared to what he would discover he had to agree to, to get it. The Camera Stellata awaited him.
With only a few days left before his scheduled departure for Australia, Hal went the very same afternoon to The Waldorf to enquire about the gentleman his father had asked him to contact, even though he had no idea why.
‘Good morning, my name’s Halbert Hoop. I’d like to speak to Sir Bradley Sidebottom please,’ Hal politely asked the gentleman at reception. The immaculately attired young man started looking through his guest register.
‘I’m sorry sir, there is no guest in the hotel by that name.’
‘There must be,’ Hal said as he reached for the letter inside his jacket pocket. He then showed it to the young man, who read it carefully.
‘There is no more information sir?’
‘No, I’m afraid that’s all I was given. It was given to me by a solicitor,’ Hal said hoping that the mention of someone important might help.
‘Just one moment sir,’ the young man said and promptly disappeared through a door; still holding Hal’s letter. Hal waited patiently, although feeling somewhat uncomfortable in such a grand hotel. His years in Brisbane had managed to erase any British social class from him and he was feeling a little out of place. He felt eyes looking at him at then looking away when he turned his head. He thought it might be his Levi’s and Blundstone boots that were causing some anxiety, but he was wearing a jacket over his t-shirt. He hadn’t thought about combing his hair, as he rarely ever did. Hal scanned the door by the side of reception wishing the young man to return. It had already been some minutes. Finally he gave up and sat down on a sofa to wait, and hopefully make himself less of a spectacle in the grand hotel foyer. He caught sight of the young man, scurrying to the reception desk, and then before Hal could stand, he had scurried off again.
Finally after almost half an hour, something finally happened.
‘Mr Hoop? So sorry to have kept you waiting,’ an elderly grey haired gent said as he approached Hal unexpectedly from his left.
‘Um, yes. That’s ok,’ he said as he fumbled with his newspaper, which he then promptly dropped in sections on the floor.
‘If you would like to come this way sir,’ the man said and indicated for Hal to accompany him. Hal tried reassembling the newspaper in vain before giving up and leaving it covering the sofa and floor. As they started towards the opposite end of the lobby, the man apologised for the delay. ‘The young fellow at reception hasn’t been with us very long I’m afraid sir, so he failed to understand your request,’ he said as he returned Hal’s letter.
‘That’s alright,’ Hal replied, thought about asking who Sir Bradley was, but thought it better to just keep quiet for the moment.
‘Sir Bradley lives here sir. That’s why he was confused.
‘I see.’
Hal entered the elevator, and watched as the man inserted a key and then pressed a blank button at the top of the panel. ‘It’s a secure floor sir. Not part of the hotel.’
‘I see,’ Hal replied, then realised he was echoing.
The elevator doors opened to a room that resembled an African safari hunter’s trophy room. Animal heads on the walls, animal skin rugs on the floor and any number of antique rifles adorning the wall near a bay window. Wooden masks and an assortment of artefacts cluttering the room along with books, books and more books. The bookshelves overflowing onto the floor, in pyramids.
‘If you wouldn’t mind waiting, Sir Bradley will be with you presently,’ the old man said as Hal left the elevator alone and the doors closed behind him. He looked around for somewhere to sit, but quickly decided that standing was probably a better option. Hal scanned the room, trying to hold back a sneezing attack that was looming as a result of the dust that covered everything. He pinched his nose, and sidled over to glance at some of the book titles; as one always does when alone in a stranger’s house. With one hand on his nose, and the other trying to open an appealing looking book, Hal managed to upend the book onto the floor and in his endeavour to retrieve it, knocked the pyramid of books behind him with his backside resulting in now quite a number of books ready for retrieval, and also creating a small cloud of dust. Having removed his hand from his nose so as to use both hands for book retrieving, the cloud of dust he created entered his nostrils provoking an instant sneezing attack.
‘Oh my goodness, you are rather tall,’ a voice behind Hal said and made him jump. Unfortunately the fact of being slightly startled brought on a second sneezing attack at that very moment. Inopportune as it was.
‘Oh, good….Atchoom! Atchoom! Atchoom!’
‘Have a cold do you young man?’
‘No sir, I just ….. Atchoom! Atchoom! Atchoom!’
‘Maybe you should see a doctor about that.’
‘No, it’s fine. Really,’ Hal said as he grabbed desperately for his handkerchief to attend to his errant and impolite sinuses and nostrils.
‘Good. Now, who the hell are you then?’
‘Oh I’m sorry sir. I’m Halbert Hoop, Spencer Hoop’s …. Atchoom! Atchoom! … son. I’ve been Atchoom! Atchoom! instructed to contact Sir Bradley Atchoom! Sidebottom.’
‘Well, you’ve found him. You’d better come with me then,’ Sidebottom said as he indicated with his finger for Hal to follow. Hal followed through a door; still sneezing but regaining some control over his inflames sinuses, before Sidebottom closed the door behind him. Hal was startled yet again as he stood in a pristine clean and very minimalist meeting room, complete with a long glass boardroom length table, overhead projector and conference call video equipment.
‘Please take a seat young man.’
‘Er, yes sir,’ Hal replied and with great concentration and a few sniffs, successfully held back another bout of sneezing. Sir Bradley looked so old, Hal wondered if he was in the right place. For some reason he had expected someone a bit younger. Around his father’s age perhaps. Bradley was short, hunched and bald apart from long straggling bits of white hair that hung precariously from the lower portions of the back of his head. His nose looked too big for his face, and his teeth, or the colour and condition of them at least gave the impression that they were way past a dentist’s ability to salvage. His eyes however were grey-blue and very sharp.
‘Very sorry to hear the news about your father. He was a very close associate.’
‘Thank you sir.’
‘Would you like some tea young man?’
‘Oh it’s ok, I….’
‘Well, I’m having some. It’s afternoon teatime. I always have it around this time, and the hotel puts on a grand High Tea,’ Sir Bradley replied and grabbed a telephone. ‘Yes, tea please.’
‘Well, if it’s
no bother sir.’
‘No bother at all. Now, I understand you’ve been in the Antipodes or somewhere like that.’
‘Yes sir, I live in Australia now. Brisbane in fact.’
‘Good grief! Why on earth did you go there?’
‘I like surfing sir, and the climate is fantastic. I’ve settled very….’
‘You were shipped off by your father I believe,’ Sir Bradley interrupted, seemingly totally disinterested in the virtues of Queensland.
‘My father and I didn’t always see eye-to-eye sir. In fact I was quite shocked to hear that he’d included me in his will. I really thought I’d been disinherited.’
‘Well, he couldn’t even if he’d wanted to. You Hoops go back a long way, and there are obligations above these petty family squabbles. Anyway, poor Spencer, fancy meeting his…….,’ Sir Bradley started but was interrupted by a knock at the door of the meeting room. ‘Ahhh! Tea!’ he said as he made for the door in his awkward hunched gait.
‘Just pop it over there will you please?’ he asked the young woman from room service, and then discreetly popped something into her hand. Bradley returned once the woman had left.
‘I just love cucumber sandwiches. Please have some.’
‘Thank you Sir Bradley.’
‘Now? Where were we? Oh yes, your father. Splendid chap, known him for years and years. Not as tall as you though, so how did you get so tall then?’
‘I don’t really know sir. Never really thought about it.’
‘Tea?’
‘Yes please. Er, thank you,’ Hal said nervously as he passed his cup and saucer. He had no idea why, but Sir Bradley made him feel rather nervous. ‘Have you lived here long?’ Hal asked trying to make light conversation while his cup of tea was poured.
‘Seems like forever. Anyway, a damn long time. Sugar, lemon, milk?’
‘Just sugar, thank you.’
‘So young Halbert, do you know why you’ve come to see me?’
‘Er, no sir. Seems all a bit mysterious to me.’
‘Oh dear no. No great mysteries here. Just work to be done by younger men now. We all get old and need replacing sooner or later. Just a pity it was sooner for poor Spencer.’
‘Replacing? You mean my father?’
‘Yes. The death of your father has created a vacancy. As the eldest son and heir, you now have a duty to uphold.’
‘A duty?’ Hal asked as he tried ever so carefully to raise his teacup to his mouth without spilling it. He failed as drops hit his jacket.
‘Yes. A duty your family has performed with honour for generations. All the way back to the seventeenth century.’
‘Mr Thistlewaite made me aware that there were responsibilities associated with the Barony that I needed to accept, but I thought these were to do with Hoop Manor. It didn’t sound like a duty,’ Hal said as he wiped the spilt tea from his jacket and jeans.
‘Well as far as I understand young Halbert, the manor and your Barony are matters for you to handle, and there’ll be ample time for all that later. What I need to prepare you for is of much greater importance than such trivialities.’
‘You make it sound quite dire sir.’
‘You will need to go to Rome,’ Bradley said ignoring Hal’s comment.
‘Rome?’
‘Are you deaf as well as hyper-allergic?
‘Eh, no. I’m sorry, I was just surprised.’
‘You’ll leave for Rome tomorrow morning,’ Bradley said as he handed a large envelope to Hal. ‘All your tickets and travel documents are enclosed. You’ll be met at the airport when you arrive.’
‘You make it sound as if I have no choice in this matter.’
‘You don’t young man. You don’t.’
‘And if I refuse?’
‘All I can say Halbert is that if I don’t receive confirmation that you have arrived safely in Rome, I must notify William Minor-Morris, Archduke of Chester of the fact.’
‘Ah yes. The gentleman who gets to approve my inheritance,’ Hal replied as a slice of cucumber fell suicidally from his sandwich to the floor via his left thigh.
‘He approves more than simple inheritances,’ Bradley said curtly.
‘I have my tickets booked to return to Australia in a few days. Will I be back in…?’
‘Cancel your departure.’
‘Will I be so long in Rome?’
‘No more time for questions my young friend. Now off you go and have a pleasant time in Rome. All your questions will be answered there I’m sure.’
‘If I were to be honest sir, it maybe that I prefer Brisbane to Rome.’
‘You don’t need a key to go down in the elevator. Now off you go. I have work to do,’ Bradley said waving Hal away. Hal stood up immediately and headed for the door back to the safari room. Miffed at being ordered out the door, but at the same time preparing to hold his breath as he passed all the dust on the way to the elevator doors.
‘I would think the food is better in Rome,’ Bradley added as Hal opened the door of the meeting room.
‘Thank you sir,’ was all Hal said as he left the room.
The elevator took its time in arriving, which prompted yet another full-blown sneezing attack. Finally the elevator doors opened and Hal entered. He stopped sneezing for just long enough to hear Bradley shout, ‘bless you,’ from away off in the meeting room as the elevator doors closed.
Hail Caesar
As Hal looked out from his window seat, he could see the Alps in all their majesty on a rare clear winter’s day. Looking down, he wondered what had made him change his mind. After his meeting with Sir Bradley Sidebottom, he was sure he would go back to Brisbane and give Rome a big miss. But he knew why. He was too curious, and with his inheritance as a carrot, what else could he do? He would probably have to join some old fogies club and do a bit of Baron type socialising. If that’s all it took, he thought it worth his while to play along.
‘A drink sir?’
‘Oh, yes thank you. Do you have beer?’
‘Kronenberg or Carlsberg sir?’
‘Oh, either. Whichever is colder,’ Hal replied, still applying his Queensland logic. ‘Oh, by the way, are there any free seats in business class?’
Even though no one was in the seat next to Hal, the stewardess could see Hal’s legs were in a very cramped situation. ‘I’ll see what I can do sir.’
Hal returned to his view of the Alps, spilt some beer on his lap and then his mind suddenly went back to Narelle. Although she entered his mind less often now, and the pain and loss had subsided, he still missed her dreadfully. Hardly a day went by without him thinking of her, and deep down, although he knew the realities, he still had the tiniest inkling of a hope that somehow she may have survived.
‘Excuse me sir.’
‘Yes?’
‘Would you care to follow me, there’s a free seat in First Class.’
*****
Hal exited the customs area and into a crowded arrivals hall at Rome Airport, bustling with reuniting families, lovers and businessmen. A sea of suitcases, luggage carts, babbling, hugging and kissing of babies filling his field of vision. Somewhere, hidden deep in this ocean of excited humanity was the promised someone who was there to collect him. After scanning his immediate vicinity, he gave up looking and decided that he needed to be found instead. As he was head and shoulders taller than the crowd, he believed it shouldn’t be a difficult task for a particular someone who was probably experienced at this airport person collection business. So he stood tall, and waited.
Little black suited, moustachioed men wandered past him, all carrying small cardboard signs, which gave him a clue that one of these may be holding a sign with his name on it. Hal’s head, high above the crowd, swivelled back and forth as he started reading the name cards with increasing interest as the little men wandered by. After more than fifteen of these little fellows had dawdled by, one caught his attention. It took a second for Hal’s mind to recognise his name, but there it was. This mu
st be the someone who had been sent to collect Hal. The little gent holding a cardboard sign aloft which read, ‘Baron Houp’. ‘Misspelled yes, but how many Baron Hoops or Houps would there be here today?’ Hal thought.
‘Hello, I’m Baron Hoop.’
‘Ahh! Buongiorno, hello, pleasea comea witha mea sir.’
‘Thank you.’
‘Thisa waya.’
‘Yes, ok.’
‘It’sa nicea daya huh?
‘Yes, it is.’
‘Mya name’sa Cappi. Leta mea takea youra bags,’ Cappi said as he took Hal’s suitcase, but Hal kept his hippie sack around his shoulder.
‘Nice to meet you Cappi. I’m Hal.’
‘Not Barona?’
‘Oh that. It’s just my title. Everyone calls me Hal.’
‘Oka Hala. Thisa waya to mya car. I takea you to youra hotel.’
‘Very kind of you to collect me Cappi.’
‘Oha, noa problema. I like to drive importanta peoplea likea you.’
‘Oh, I’m not important Cappi. I’m on holidays from Australia.’
‘Australia! Oh, I havea niecea there I thinka. On my wife’s sidea.’
‘Oh please no Cappi. I have a collection of nieces in Australia already.’
‘Ok. Noa problema. Youa havea all the girlsa then?’
‘No, I’m not very good with women.’
‘Ia don’ta believea you,’ Cappi said with a smile as he arrived at his car and opened the back door for Hal before putting Hal’s luggage in the trunk.
I’m not sure where my hotel is Cappi, but it’s called the Alimandi Vaticano or something,’ Hal instructed Cappi as he got into the driver’s seat.
‘Oh noa worriesa Mr Hala. I havea the details alla here.’
As Cappi sped off with all the passion of an Italian Formula One Ferrari driver on pole position, Hal grabbed for the door and wondered just how many suicidal taxi drivers there were in the world. Or was it a qualification required by employers of taxi drivers? In any event, Hal stopped contemplating as his large frame was swung from side to side as Cappi skilfully and very speedily navigated his way to Hal’s hotel. After a lot of holding on for grim life, a little sneezing and even more eye closing, Hal was very happy to arrive in one complete piece at the entrance to his hotel.
The Adventures of HAL: The Second Hilarious Glothic Tale (The Glothic Tales Book 2) Page 7