‘Docking complete,’ Lik announced. ‘Disarming airlock.’
‘Ready for shutdown,’ Nox replied.
‘All systems clear for shutdown,’ Lik replied, then Hal heard the whining of the shuttle starting to abate.
‘Well done Lik. Nice smooth dock,’ Nox said.
‘Thanks.’
‘Right then. We’ll just wait for the airlock to normalise, then pay a visit to Lik’s bro,’ Nox smiled.
*****
‘Lik! You’ve grown.’
‘Never catch up to you though’ Lik replied to his brother who towered over him as they shook hands.
‘You remember Nox?’
‘Sure do. Nice to see you again Nox. Been keeping Lik out of trouble I hope.’
‘Never easy Amik, but I try my best,’ Nox said as he shook Amik’s hand.
‘And this is our little parcel for you. Hal Hoop. This is my bro, Commander Amikibble Splitt.’
‘Little parcel? I don’t think so,’ Amik said as he stood eye to eye with Hal and shook his hand. ‘Welcome aboard Hal. I hear you’ve been zipping all around the place.’
‘Nice to meet you Commander,’ Hal replied politely.
‘Oh, please call me Amik Hal, everyone else does.’
‘Even your crew?’ Hal asked.
‘Yes, even my crew. I’m not a lover of formality. Now, let’s get going and have a drink,’ Amik said as he put his arm around his young brother’s shoulders and lead the way. ‘Will I ever get you to transfer Lik?’ he asked.
‘What? And be bossed around all day by my big bro. No way!’ Lik laughed.
‘Hey, watch out. I’ll tell your mother!’
Hal and Nox followed as Amik and Lik clearly enjoyed seeing each other again and were having a few jokes as they walked along.
‘They haven’t seen each other for a while then?’ Hal asked Nox quietly.
‘Yeah. We’re rarely in the same zone, so it’s not often for them.’
‘Why doesn’t Lik transfer then?’
‘I think sometimes he’d like to you know. But I think he wants to make his own way without big bro pulling some strings.’
‘Pride then?’
‘Probably.’
‘Here we are then,’ Amik announced as he opened a door leading to a bar.
‘Now maybe this is worth transferring for,’ Nox told Lik as he saw the spacious and well stocked bar. ‘Nothing like this on a mining shuttle.’
‘I’m thinking, I’m thinking,’ Lik replied with a smile.
‘C’mon Hal. In you come,’ Amik said as he saw Hal hanging back near the door, a little unsure of himself and guided him to the bar. Amik went behind it and started to make some preparations. ‘Now gentlemen. What can I get you?’
‘You got any Hisztohisztalienne lurking under there?’ Lik asked.
‘Ha. Too easy Lik,’ Amik said as he produced a small red, square plastic box. He pushed a glass straw into the top, and a burst of green steam shot into the air. ‘Looks like a good one Lik!’
‘Certainly does Amik.’
‘Now, Nox, Hal? What can I get you?’
‘Just a half Sour Crabula for me thanks,’ Nox replied.
‘Um, do you have beer?’ Hal asked sounding somewhat embarrassed.
‘Let me see what I can do,’ Amik said as he prepared Nox’s drink. A blue looking lemonade with small bubbles rising to the surface, that then floated just above the glass before exploding in little puffs of flame.
‘Now Hal, let me see here,’ Amik said as he fossicked under the bar, then rose with a big smile. ‘I think this’ll meet with your approval Hal,’ he said as he produced a black bottle with a gold comet emblazoned on it, and dripping with condensation from being chilled. ‘It’s Comet Chaotic. Very popular on the inner planets of the Third Sun System,’ Amik added as he popped the top and poured the contents into a V shaped beaker. A deep purple foam formed atop of the bright electric orange liquid as he poured. ‘You know what Hal? I think I’ll join you,’ Amik said as he poured a second beaker. ‘Well gentlemen, welcome aboard and good health,’ Amik said raising his beaker. ‘Yes, thank you and good health,’ Nox added.
Hal looked at his drink. Took a sniff, and was quite surprised to discover that it had a beer type of smell. He took his first foamy sip, and couldn’t believe what his mouth was reporting back. Funny colour, but it was beer.
‘Wow, it’s fantastic Amik!’ Hal exclaimed. ‘Just as good a XXXX off the wood at the Brekky Creek!’
‘I think I need to recalibrate my translator,’ Amik said. ‘I didn’t understand a word. But I get the idea that you like it.’
‘Sure do Amik. Thank you.’
*****
All too soon, Lik and Nox had to return to the shuttle and were again on their way. They couldn’t afford to be late passing through their next monitoring point on their way to Lacertilian. Amik had to move on as well, as he needed to be underway after making his small detour to Myscopinia. Amik had explained to Lik and Hal that he was still waiting for a message from Sep to arrange Hal’s next move. After brotherly hugs, and Hal thanking Lik and Nox for all they had done for him, he was all too soon bunked away in a small but very comfortable cabin. All he could do was wait until Amik heard from Sep. All Hal knew was what Amik had told him. The HL0067 was on course to collect a stalled Hoog battle class destroyer near Kraquetator Seven, the centre planet of Sun System Two. Travelling further away from Hal’s hopeful destination. Erde.
Two days later Amik came to see Hal.
‘Just got an odd message from Sep Hal. He wants to know where you’d like to crash on Erde.’
‘Crash? That doesn’t sound all that safe to me,’ Hal half joked.
‘Well, he’s known for being a bit light on for candles on his birthday cake, but he usually gets things done. His way,’ Amik laughed.
‘Well, near Brisbane if it’s possible.’
‘Alright. Just write it down for me so I get the message right for Sep.’
‘Thanks Amik,’ Hal said as he passed the notebook back.
‘Take it easy Hal. I’ll let you know when I hear something.’
When Amik left, Hal went back to enjoying a hologram of a beautiful Musciadantropican woman dance around his cabin floor. This was something he really could have done with on his long lonely journey around the outer reaches of cosmic nowhere.
*****
Another two days later and Hal had the news he’s been waiting for. Amik explained the message from Sep. He was going to be sent spiralling back to Erde in the escape module of the stricken Hoog battle class destroyer.
‘Why does it sound a bit scary to me Amik?’
‘Well Hal, I wouldn’t have dreamed of the idea myself, but when I thought about it, Sep might just be right. It might work.’
‘Sorry Amik, but your double dose of might doesn’t make me all that confident.’
‘Well then, how about …. it should work?’
‘Better, but only by a little. So how long will I be cooped up in an escape module? It doesn’t sound very spacious.’
‘It’s not. It’s just the casing of the Hoog pilot’s cockpit, so just a seat really. But reasonably comfortable I’d presume for a four day trip.’
‘Four days?’ Hal exclaimed. ‘Not complaining, but I know it’s an awfully long way to Erde. Lik told me it would take weeks and weeks in the shuttle. And that was only from Terranova Two. Now I’m further away.’
‘But Lik’s shuttle wasn’t being slingshot three times around Sun Two and then shot back into Sun System One.’
‘How fast will I be travelling and what about the shields around Erde?’
‘The Hoog capsule is Gloth High Command coded, so it’ll slide straight through the shields. And you’ll be travelling very, very, very fast. But don’t worry, you’ll only feel the initial G forces as you’re shot from Sun Two’s orbit. Anymore questions Hal?’
‘Yes, just about the crashing bit.’
‘The capsule is desig
ned to make a soft crash landing, so you’ll only feel a few small bumps as it rolls and slides to a halt. Just make sure you’re securely belted up as you’ll be rolling head over heel. Then get out as quickly as possible once it comes to a halt because it’ll self destruct about seven minutes later.’
‘Blow up?’
‘No, spontaneously combust and reduce itself to ashes. It’s to evade enemy detection in the case of a Hoog pilot landing in a hostile environment. And once you’re back on Erde, it won’t be of any use to you, so it won’t matter. As a bonus, it’ll make it untraceable for Glothic High Command, so they won’t know. Some time after you’re due to land on Erde, I’ll send a message to Glothic High Command informing them that the escape module blew off the Hoog while on our transport deck. They’ll never bother looking for it.’
‘Anything else I should know?’ Hal asked.
‘Just one thing Hal. You’re going to feel like you’re being cooked while you orbit Sun Two three times. But don’t worry, it’ll only be for about two hours and you’ll be suited up.’
‘Do you really think this’ll work Amik?’
‘Well Hal it’s like this. Do you really want to get back to Erde, or drift around the Twelve Sun Systems for the rest of your days in Cargo Shuttles? There aren’t many ways to get to Erde without a Glothic Cosmic Cruiser ticket.’
‘But it’s dangerous, isn’t it?’
‘Yes Hal, but it’s a brilliant plan by Sep. Do you really want to know what can go wrong?’
‘Probably best I don’t huh?’
‘Once the co-ords are set into the module, there’s nothing you’ll be able to do except sit and wait, and if something does go wrong at that speed, I can assure you that you won’t know about it.’
‘When am I due to go?’
‘We’re nearing the Hoog now, so once we get it secure and check that the escape module is all in working order, we’ll prepare you for launch late tomorrow afternoon. There’s only one two-minute launch window for your slingshot back to Erde.’
‘And if we miss it?’
‘You want to wait around for another lifetime? Sep found the proverbial needle in a haystack Hal. He’s a real grumpy old fellow, so he must have taken a liking to you.’
Hal took a deep breath and hesitated. ‘Amik. I’m ready.’
Slingshot
The Hoog was safely secured on the foredeck of the HL0067 and a check of the escape module found it in perfect working order. It was morning and time for a very quick lesson in solo space travel for Hal. Amik had told him to be ready at oh-eight-hundred. He was, and answered the knock at his door.
‘Good morning Hal, I’m Flight Supervisor Splatt. Ready?’
‘Yes sir.’
‘Good, this way.’
Hal walked in silence, nervously, as Splatt led the way. Finally they reached their destination and Splatt invited Hal in.
‘Right young Hal, I believe Amik’s told how this’s going to work.’
‘More or less I suppose. Shot around a sun, partially cooked, then a few days whizzing through nothing before I crash.’
‘That’s about it Hal. Sounds easy huh?’
‘Amik said I wouldn’t know if anything went wrong.’
‘You’ll be fine Hal. It should all go according to plan.’
‘Yeah, Amik used a few mights and shoulds too. Very reassuring.’
‘Don’t worry Hal. C’mon I need to show you a few things,’ Splatt said and Hal followed. ‘This is the suit you’ll be wearing for your flight,’ he explained as he took it down from a hanger. ‘It’s fully isothermally insulated, so you won’t fry while you complete your sun orbits. You’ll feel hot for sure, but you’ll live as long as you keep the visor lowered for the whole time you’re in sun orbit. Don’t open it until you feel you’ve been slung out of orbit.’
‘How will I know?’
‘It’ll feel like you’re being sucked through the back of your seat and the G force will make your face feel like it’s being pushed around to the back of your head.’
‘Nice,’ Hal said with a hint of sarcasm.
‘A bit uncomfortable, but not for very long. You’ll be fine. Now, down here are the parts that’ll keep you comfortable for four days sitting down,’ Splatt explained as he showed Hal the suit’s toiletry system.
‘Necessary I suppose. Hadn’t thought about that.’
‘Yes, very necessary. Now, you know the module will spontaneously combust seven minutes after you land?’
‘Yes, Amik told me about that.’
‘Well, within that seven minutes you’ll need to exit the module and then strip off your suit as quickly as possible and place it back in the module.’
‘For security?’
‘No Hal, because it’ll really stink! Best way to handle that problem is to let it burn.’
‘Understood.’
‘Good. Now here’s your four day picnic pack.’
‘Looks very small,’ Hal said as Splatt showed him a transparent square plastic box that looked similar to a Tupperware Hal thought.
‘Each sachet is a meal. Highly concentrated. All you need to do is tear off the top and suck out the contents. Ok?’
‘Yes.’
‘Now take it easy on your liquid intake. Very small sips from the tube in the headpiece of your suit. Go as long as possible in between sips because too much liquid in weightlessness can cause your body to bloat. And you’re big enough as it is for the size of the escape module.’
‘Right,’ Hal relied.
‘Now Hal, there’s one more thing you should know.’
‘Yes?’
‘Because you’ll be using Sun Two as a gravitational slingshot, it’ll mean that you’ll be travelling at an enormous velocity. This will increase even more as you pass larger bodies, as their gravitational forces will kick you along even faster. So because of the distance you’ll travel in such a short time, you might encounter a CTC. A closed timelike curve.’
‘What’s that?’
‘Well, I won’t go into all the time dilation physics of it all Hal, but if you do happen to be affected by this, it might result in you arriving on Erde a little earlier or later that you might otherwise anticipate.’
‘Much difference?’
‘Oh I wouldn’t think so. Like I said, it depends if you actually encounter a CTC anyway. You probably won’t.’
‘And if I do?’
‘Maybe a week or two difference. You probably wouldn’t even notice it because you’ve been away for so long now. About two Erdean years I believe.’
‘Not really sure myself sir. But maybe something like that.’
‘Well, just check the time of day when you can.’
‘Or a calendar.’
‘Well, hopefully you don’t lose one of your birthdays,’ Splatt joked. ‘Right then, that’s about all. Any questions?’
‘Well, just one. How accurate can I expect my landing to be.’
‘Within about one hundred miles.’
‘So if I crash land in water?’
‘Can you swim?’
*****
‘Ready Hal?’ Splatt asked.
‘I think so,’ Hal replied nervously as Splatt led him towards the airlock that connected to the Hoog.
‘Right. Let’s go then.’
After a short walk, they arrived at the entry hatch of the Hoog. Two technicians waiting to assist Hal into the cockpit. Hal followed as they moved off, with Splatt behind. When they arrived, the technicians double-checked the escape module, then guided Hal into position.
‘Legs first Hal,’ one of them said as the other supported Hal’s weight as it slid into the seat. They then started work on connecting tubes and wiring from Hal’s suit to the cockpit connections. Lastly, an eight connection safety harness securing his body firmly into place. Once the technicians had finished, they moved away and Splatt moved into position just behind Hal’s left shoulder.
‘Now Hal. There are only two things you need to know how
to do. One. These are the three release buttons for your harness. One red, one blue and one green. You need to strike each of them once firmly with your fist within a three second period. Try it now,’ Splatt instructed.
Hal hit the three buttons in sequence, and his harness fell away.’
‘Good work Hal,’ Splatt said as he began to re-fasten the harness.
When he’d finished he started to explain the hatch release mechanism. ‘See here Hal. This red lever. Once you land and come to a complete halt, pull the lever towards you firmly. Do this before you release your harness though as your body could block the release valves when they explode. And give you a nasty burn as well. The hatch above you will then release and you can exit the module. If the module comes to rest with the hatch downwards, it will tip the module as it releases allowing you access to exit. All clear?’
‘Yes, all clear,’ Hal replied.
‘Right. Sit tight Hal. When the module launches you’ll feel a sudden jettison away from the Hoog, but then it’ll be smooth. All ready?’
‘Yes. Ready.’
‘Good luck Hal,’ Splatt said as he gave Hal a pat on the head, then left and secured the cockpit.
‘Hal sat alone waiting nervously. The minutes began to pass. With no communication or countdown, Hal had no idea when he was going to be ejected. He only knew that it wouldn’t be long.
Hal’s heart leapt into his mouth as the sudden jolt, explosion and thrust sent him hurtling away from the top of the Hoog. He even started to feel a little nauseous as the module at first tumbled end on end, then started rolling from left to right before finally easing into what felt simply like floating some minutes later. He tried looking around as best he could from his seat, but could see no sign of the Heavy Lifter. Then he noticed how small the entire escape module actually was. Barely longer than his feet in front, hardly wider than his shoulders on each side, and he could only wonder how much module there was behind his head and underneath his backside. His head only inches away from the transparent hood above.
‘Four days locked inside an egg,’ he thought to himself and then wondered why he didn’t bring anything to read. He started humming a song to himself in an effort to relax a little. When he realised he was humming David Bowie’s ‘ground control to Major Tom, he stopped as quickly as he’d started. He then tried humming Waltzing Matilda and that felt a whole lot better.
The Adventures of HAL: The Second Hilarious Glothic Tale (The Glothic Tales Book 2) Page 17