by Kris Tualla
“Go on up to bed, Ben,” Teigen told the youth. “I’ll be up in a minute. I have something to ask Selby about first.”
Ben’s curious glance bounced between the adults. “Yes, sir.”
He stood and lumbered toward the staircase, shooting one look back when he reached the first landing.
Selby frowned at Teigen. “What is it?”
There was no point in beating around the bush. “Are you upset that I brought Ben into the troupe without asking you first?”
She shook her head. “No. Of course not. It was a very unusual situation and you did what needed to be done.”
Teigen lifted his hands in frustrated supplication. “Then why have you been avoiding me ever since?”
Selby recoiled. “I haven’t.”
“Yes, you have,” Teigen pressed. “Have I done something else to hurt you, or offend you, or make you angry?”
“No…” She picked up her shoes and slid them back on her feet while Teigen watched and waited for her to continue. “Quite the opposite, actually.”
Teigen’s jaw slackened. “What does that mean?”
Selby was fighting a visible war within herself. “It means… You are different from any man I ever knew.”
Teigen frowned. “Different how?”
“You’re… kind.”
“Dahl is kind.” Teigen hated that he was saying this. “And he’s in love with you.”
She shook her head almost frantically. “But he’s not like you… I don’t know how to describe it.”
“Try using words.”
“Fine.” Selby glared at him. “Rough. Strong. Strong-willed. Stubborn. Unpredictable. And dangerous.”
Teigen was taken aback. “Am I all those things?”
“Yes! But you’re kind. And you’re compassionate. And level-headed.” She looked like she was going to cry. “And those things don’t go together.”
Teigen hesitated, struggling to understand the point she was trying to make—but he was completely lost.
“Selby,” he said softly. “That doesn’t make sense.”
“I know!” She stood and grabbed her fur coat from the back of the leather chair. “That’s what I’m saying!”
She turned and headed for the stairs. Teigen was beside her in three strides.
She shot him a sideways look. “What are you doing?”
“Walking you to your room.”
“You don’t need to.”
Teigen grunted. “Yes I do.”
Selby opened her mouth then snapped it shut. They climbed the steps to the second floor in silence, turned left, and walked down the hall, the carpet runner muffling their matching footsteps.
Selby stopped in front of a door near the end and dug a key from the pocket of her coat. She rammed the key into the lock and turned it. She pushed the door open.
Before she disappeared into the dimly lit room, Teigen took hold of her arm and turned her to face him.
She looked up at him, her pale eyes wide and their color eaten by her dilated pupils. Her lips parted. That was the invitation Teigen hoped for.
He leaned down and kissed her.
Chapter
Twenty Six
Selby broke away from the kiss and stared up at Teigen, horrified. “Why did you do that?”
“Because you needed to be kissed.” He stepped away from her and she felt like she was being torn in half. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
When Teigen turned to leave she reached out and grabbed his arm. “You shouldn’t have done that. I’m your commanding officer.”
“I know.”
He obviously didn’t understand the impact of what he’d done. “But—what will we say to each other tomorrow?”
“Good morning?” Teigen stepped closer again. “It was a kiss, Sel. Not a marriage proposal.”
Her temper flashed. “How dare—”
“Come here.”
He pulled her into a hug and held her against his chest until she stopped resisting and relaxed. “I kissed you because you are a beautiful, talented, and intelligent woman who I’m understandably attracted to. Is that what you wanted to hear?”
“No.”
Yes, damn it.
Teigen chuckled. “Then I won’t kiss you the next time. It’s your turn to kiss me.”
He let go of her and her knees buckled. She grabbed the doorjamb for support. “You’ll be waiting a long time, soldier.”
“That’s Sergeant, Lieutenant Hovland.” He sighed and looked at her sadly. “Just be my friend, Sel. I’ve really missed you.”
This time she didn’t stop him when he walked away.
*****
What the hell were you thinking?
Teigen climbed the two stories to his own floor, arguing that question back and forth in his mind. In the end, there were as many reasons not to kiss Selby as there were reasons for doing it.
But one reason broke the tie: Teigen had to face the fact that he’d developed real feelings for her. Was he in love?
No. Not yet.
Would he fall in love with her?
It was possible, sure.
And the first step toward that possibility was to kiss her. Not with an overwhelming, urgent, tongue shoved into her mouth sort of kiss, but with a tender exploring sort of kiss. A kiss to see how she responded.
She kissed me back.
That right there was what he needed to discover—would she shove him away or pull him closer. She did shove him away but only with her words, and not immediately. There was something between them for her as well, though she was trying to deny it.
Teigen smiled and opened his unlocked hotel room door.
Ben was in bed, but the light on the nightstand was blazing. “Is she okay?”
“Yeah. She’s fine.” Teigen opened the closet door and began to undress. “I hate what she does, just like you do, Ben,” he admitted while he hung his shirt. “But I only joined the troupe in November, and she outranks me, so I have no say.”
“November?” Ben sat up. “When you got out of the labor camp?”
“Yep.” Teigen removed his shoes and dropped his socks on his laundry pile. “When we get to Bergen you’ll get to meet Falko Jensen, the man who recruited me.”
Teigen hung up his trousers and walked barefoot to the bathroom. When he opened the door again, Ben was lying down with his eyes at half mast. Teigen crossed to his bed and switched off the light before throwing back the covers and climbing under them.
“Teigen?”
“What?”
“Did you kiss her?”
Teigen grinned into the darkness. “Go to sleep.”
“That means yes.” Ben’s bed creaked as he turned over to face the other way. “G’night.”
Teigen tucked his hands under his head and relived his conversation with Selby in the lobby. There was no other word for it but odd.
Selby called him kind.
He said Dahl was kind.
She replied by saying that Dahl wasn’t rough, strong, strong-willed, stubborn, unpredictable, and dangerous. Those weren’t compliments, they were attributes of angry men. Mean men.
So was she saying he was mean?
No, she said he was kind, compassionate, and level-headed.
That doesn’t make sense.
Unless…
Teigen would’ve sat up in shock if he wasn’t afraid of disturbing Ben.
Unless Selby had been the victim of mean men in the past. Was that why she found it so easy to treat the German men with such deceit and disdain? Because they were mean men and deserved it?
That made sense.
And if all of that was true, when she saw characteristics in Teigen that she associated with mean men, she was confused when he displayed the opposite characteristics that those mean men never owned.
That made sense, too.
Of course, until she told him these things for herself he couldn’t know for sure. And he certainly couldn’t ask her about it. He’d just have to wait. Be pat
ient. Be her friend. Wait for her to learn to trust him enough to tell him about her past.
He believed Selby would come to that point if he let her do it at her own pace.
After all, she kissed me back.
*****
Selby leaned against the door and slid down its length until she was seated on the floor. She covered her face with her hands and moaned into them.
Why did I kiss him back?
This was an epic disaster. And the worst part was that once it started she honestly didn’t want the kiss to end.
What was going to happen now? He said, just be my friend. But men and women couldn’t be friends—could they? At least she didn’t believe she could be friends with Teigen. He was too… much. Too handsome. Too kind. Too sincere.
Too perfect.
Too perfect for her, anyway.
I’m damaged goods.
Selby climbed to her feet and stripped off her clothes before heading toward her bathroom.
Teigen noticed she was avoiding him, so that had to stop. Really the only thing she could do now was act friendly toward the man and hope for peace.
And not kiss him, of course.
She removed her wig and turned on the shower. After one of her dates she couldn’t sleep until she washed away every trace of the Nazi officer and her evening of lies.
She stepped under the hot spray and washed her short hair. Then she scrubbed away all the makeup and perfume she had applied until she was down to clean, bare skin.
Down to Selby Hovland.
The troupe had four more performances to put on before they moved on to Bergen, a key location in both the German occupation and Milorg activity. Once they were in Bergen they’d all be busy. And when they were on the ship heading there, she could claim female issues were keeping her uncomfortable and closeted if she needed to be away from him.
True or not, that excuse always cowed men.
She turned off the shower and reached for her towels, wrapping one around her head and drying her body with the other. Tomorrow she’d go exploring in Kristiansand, claiming she needed to shop. That also sounded true, and men never wanted to come along.
Selby grinned wickedly.
I’ll even invite Teigen to join me.
That was perfect. It would prove she was being his friend, while avoiding his presence at the same time. The perfect solution.
March 5, 1943
Kristiansand, Norway
“I’d love to come shopping with you.”
Selby stared up at Teigen, stunned. “You would?”
“Yeah—but could we drag Ben along?” Teigen flashed an imploring smile. “At least for part of the time?”
“I guess. Sure.” Selby’s gaze shifted to the adolescent eating breakfast with Bennett at the other side of the dining room. She didn’t imagine he would be pleased with the plan. “But why?”
“Look at his clothes, Sel. Nothing fits him.”
“Oh! Yes. You’re right.” She returned her regard to Teigen. “Does he have any money?”
“He has his salary for March. And I’ve got my raise, so I can chip in if he runs short.”
Generous, too?
Selby sighed and tried to look unconcerned. “Maybe we could have lunch somewhere.”
Shut up.
Teigen smiled and his green eyes brightened. “That’d be great.”
Change the subject.
“Hey, I meant to ask you—did you paint that backdrop with the stone pillars and English countryside?”
Teigen shook his head. “No, Ben did. Why?”
“Ben did?” Selby looked at the table across the room with an entirely different attitude. “It’s gorgeous!”
“I thought he did a great job myself.” Teigen chuckled. “Who knew we rescued an artist?”
Selby looked at him over the rim of her teacup. “I’ll be sure to say something to him about it.”
“He’ll be so happy he’ll probably have palpitations.” Teigen winked at her. “I’ll bring some ammonia inhalants, just in case.”
“What?”
“Smelling salts.”
Selby rolled her eyes. “Spoken like a chemist. Again.”
*****
The day spent shopping was actually pleasant. Initially reluctant, Ben perked up when he tried on trousers and shirts that fit his still-growing frame. The trio had lunch in a small diner overlooking the water because the salesgirl in the shop told them that the proprietors caught their own fish off the dock and kept most of it for themselves.
“Stupid Nazis don’t know how many fish can be in a net,” she whispered. “It’s easy to lie to them.”
The freshly fried fish was delicious, as were the mashed turnips served with the fillets.
So when they returned to their hotel rooms to get ready for the performance Teigen was shocked when Ben broke down in tears.
“What’s wrong?”
“Everything…” he wailed.
Teigen lowered himself to the floor and leaned against Ben’s bed next to the distraught boy. “Tell me.”
It took him a moment for Ben to find his voice, and when he did it was raw and choked. “How can I be happy? How can I smile? Or laugh?”
Teigen understood what the youth was talking about right away. Grief.
“You forget for a while, then you feel guilty when you remember.”
Ben nodded. He pressed the heels of his hands against his eyes. “My mother is dead,” he moaned. “I don’t even know what happened to her body…”
Though he tried to put himself in the teen’s place, Teigen honestly couldn’t know what young Ben was going through.
“And you may never see your father or brother again,” he said softly.
The boy nodded and his sobs intensified. “So how can I go on with my life?”
Teigen didn’t have an answer for that. But he did ask, “What would your mother want you to do?”
Ben dropped his hands and stared at Teigen. His cheeks were awash with tears and his nose was running.
“My mother?” he snuffled.
“Yes. If she was standing in front of you right now, what would she tell you to do?”
He gulped. “I don’t know.”
“Sure you do,” Teigen said kindly. “Would she tell you to never be sad about what happened?”
He frowned. “No.”
“You’ll always remember and be sad when you do. That’s okay.” Teigen was fishing his way through this awkward moment. “But would she tell you to stop living your own life?”
Ben’s chin quivered. “No.”
“What would she want you to do?”
He ran his sleeve under his streaming nose. “She wanted me to finish school.”
“And you will,” Teigen assured him. “What else?”
“Get married.”
“All mothers want that for their sons.” Teigen nudged him. “My mother’s still waiting. What else?”
“She wanted grandchildren.” His tears spilled again. “Now she’ll never see them.”
“What do Jews believe about life after death?”
“I-I’m not sure…” Ben heaved a jagged sigh. “My dad used to say that his ancestors could see him, though.”
Teigen patted Ben’s leg. “There you are.”
His brow furrowed. “My mom’s not Jewish.”
“Doesn’t God take up Christians, too?”
Ben looked like a klieg light had lit up in his head. “Yeah. He does.”
“So talk to your mother like she can hear you. Not all the time, of course, or you’ll sound like a lunatic,” Teigen cautioned. “But when something important happens, tell her.”
“You mean like…” Ben sniffed and wiped again. “Like when I was rescued in the woods by a teacher who gave me a new life?”
Teigen eyes filled suddenly. “Yeah. Like that.”
Ben wasn’t looking at him. “I was going to die.”
Teigen nodded slowly. “Yeah. You were.”
; “You saved my life.”
“Well God gave me a new life when I was released from the camp, so...” Teigen dried his eyes with the cuff of his shirt. “I figured I should do the same for you.”
“Thank you.” Ben waved his hand. “For all this stuff.”
Teigen examined his own interwoven fingers, trying to say the right words in the right way. “Look, I know there will be times when the sadness overwhelms you. Don’t be embarrassed about that, okay?”
“Okay.”
“But on the other side of the coin, don’t ever feel guilty for living your life and being happy about it.” He looked at Ben then. “Does that make sense?”
“Yeah. It does.”
Teigen climbed to his feet. “I need to get to the theater. You can come later, if you need some time.”
“No, I’ll go with you. Just give me a minute.” Ben got to his feet as well and went into the bathroom to wash his face.
When he came out he said, “I want to make sure that the flat Miss Sunde was so impressed with is handled carefully tonight.
He gave Teigen a shy, embarrassed grin. “Apparently, it’s a work of art.”
Chapter
Twenty Seven
March 14, 1943
Sailing to Bergen
Selby threw back her covers and swung her legs over the side of her narrow bed, sliding her feet into the slippers she abandoned there hours earlier. Sleep was eluding her tonight and even the gentle rocking of the ship wasn’t helping.
She pulled on a pair of trousers, tucking the hem of her nightgown into the waistband, and donned her fox-fur coat. She left her little cabin and walked down the hallway to the door opening onto the deck.
The air was cool and damp, but the chill of winter was gone. She walked along the railing toward the stern of the ship with the intention of sitting in a chair and watching the wake of the ship glow in the waning moonlight until it made her feel sleepy.
Apparently she wasn’t the only wakeful soul on board. In the light of the nearly-full moon she could see Teigen’s familiar form draped over one of the teakwood chairs, while another chair acted as his ottoman. He stiffened and turned to look at her when she dropped into the chair next to his.