by J. Saman
“I didn’t mean to make you think I wouldn’t want more with you.”
She shakes her head, beads of water running down her neck and chest. “No, I’m being serious. I tend to overanalyze everything, in case you haven’t noticed,” she says, giving me a playful smirk. “But with you, there’s really no need, and that’s oddly refreshing. It’s like, for once, I don’t have to think this through.”
Why does that hurt so much to hear?
Why do I want her to beg and plead to be mine?
I could love you, Ivy. I could love you forever if being with me wouldn’t break you.
“You ready to get out?” she asks, slipping off me and wrapping herself in a giant fluffy white towel. “I’m freezing.”
Fun with no strings. What a stupid fucking idea.
Chapter 13
Ivy
It’s a rare day for me. Usually I work twelve to fourteen hour shifts–if I’m lucky–and those usually end either first thing in the morning or late into the evening. But as I said, today is rare. Today I’m working a swing shift and that has me finishing up at noon. Amazing.
And to add to that, it’s an uncommonly beautiful, cloudless day.
So what are my grand plans for the day?
I have none.
Luke is working since it’s a Friday and that’s what people with ordinary jobs do during the week. I should go back to my flat and pack. I should make the dozen or so phone calls that I need to make and get things settled for Boston. I moved my plane ticket. I haven’t even mentioned that to Luke yet, but I was scheduled to depart on a Monday and I pushed it back to that Wednesday instead.
A little more than two weeks from today.
Crikey, it’s coming on fast.
I should be excited. I should be bloody ecstatic because I’m finishing up two grueling years of fellowship that followed three grueling years of residency. So why am I not bouncing off the walls right now? Why am I not jumping for joy and leaving the moment I check out of this program, racing toward the next?
I’ll give you a hint. It’s a one-word answer.
Luke.
I like him far more than I should.
Which is why when I walk out of the Emergency Department, through the employee exit and toward the parking garage, I’m thinking about him. I think about him the entire three minutes it takes me to get to my car on the second level. And as if my mind conjured him up out of thin air, he’s there, waiting for me, leaning up against the hood of my car and looking as gorgeous as ever. Luke’s wearing a black tee-shirt that hugs those impressive biceps to a drool-worthy degree, dark jeans and his typical black boots. His face is clean shaven, but his hair is tousled and windswept.
Sexy bad-boy meets GQ.
You’d never know this man was a computer nerd, if I could even dare to call him that.
“What are you doing here?” I can’t help the elated surprise in my voice.
“I took the afternoon off.” He smiles back, showcasing that dimple to perfection. “And I wanted to spend it with you.” His russet eyes feast on me and though you’d think they’d be ravaged with heat, since that seems to be our thing, they’re not.
They’re the unmistakable eyes of a boy who likes a girl.
Damn him.
Goddamn him and those irresistible flutters taking off all throughout my chest.
“I love that,” I tell him honestly. “What did you have in mind?”
“Well. . .” He pushes off the hood of my car, meeting me halfway. “It’s a beautiful day, Doctor. I was thinking ice cream and a walk in the park.”
Oh lord. That’s it. I’m a goner. Ice cream is my ultimate weakness. It’s like he dialed a direct line into my brain and asked it for the one thing that would make me fall for him. Ice cream and a stroll through the park. Yeah, he nailed it perfectly.
“Ice cream?”
He nods, smiling and looking deeply into my eyes as he wraps his arms around my waist and draws me into his warm body. “I want nothing more than to walk around the city with you and eat an ice cream. It’s so juvenile and innocent that I think we may just be able to pull it off.”
“Have I told you that ice cream is my absolute favorite food in the whole wide world?”
“Really?”
“Right-o.”
“Then I’m really wracking up the brownie points here. A few more of these impromptu dates and I’ll never be able to get rid of you.”
I can’t help but laugh at that, if for nothing more than the irony that statement presents.
“When do you need to be back here?”
“Tomorrow morning.”
He grins wickedly at that. “Then you’re mine to do with as I see fit. I’m driving. Leave your car here.”
I can only nod because I want absolutely everything he’s offering me. Luke takes my hand and leads me back around to the visitor side of the garage since my car is parked in the employee area. Opening my door for me, he waits until I’ve slipped inside before shutting it.
His car roars to life, the deafening sound of the loud engine bouncing off the concrete walls. “Where are we headed?”
His eyes find mine quickly before turning back to the road, a very satisfied smirk lining his full lips. “I know a place,” is all he says before driving us out into a sunny Seattle.
We pull up in front of a shop not too much later and as he takes my hand, helping me from the car. I can’t help but admire the sign that boasts homemade ice cream.
Is he trying to make me fall in love?
I mean, he’s not even fighting fair now, is he?
The door jingles with a bell announcing our arrival and I’m immediately hit with the scent of fresh waffles, vanilla and of course, ice cream. My mouth instantly waters. I abandon Luke’s hand in favor of the glass case that houses so many different and wonderful flavors that I hardly know where to begin.
“May I help you?” a college age girl with poor skin asks. I’m nearly tempted to offer her a prescription for it before I remember myself.
“Yes,” I say without waiting on Luke who’s chuckling behind me, evidently finding my girlish adoration of ice cream amusing. “I’d like. . .” My eyes scroll over the titles and settle on my favorite. “A waffle cone of salted caramel please.”
“What size?”
“Oh.” Well, I guess this is my lunch, right? “A medium please.”
“Sure, and for you, sir?” she asks Luke.
He grumbles something under his breath about not liking being called sir, but approaches the case with a smile. “Same, only I’d like cookie dough.”
“That’s bloody unimaginative,” I tease and he looks over at me with a bemused expression. “There are so many other flavors here that are loads more exciting than cookie dough,” I say, wrinkling my nose up in distaste. In reality, I love cookie dough. It’s my second favorite, but I can’t resist the urge to needle him.
“Unimaginative huh?” I nod. “Then I guess I won’t give you a taste of it.” He leans into me, hovering above my ear. “Too bad, I was hoping I’d be able to taste its sweetness on your tongue.”
My face flushes and not from embarrassment.
“God, I love that color on your skin,” he husks, causing a series of gooseflesh to rise where his breath passes.
I nudge him with my elbow because if he continues this, we won’t make to the park and I’m rather looking forward to that.
Luke pays for our cones and we step outside, licking as we go and groaning out our appreciation. This may in fact be the best ice cream I’ve ever had. Why am I only just now finding this place? It may in fact be worse than leaving Luke and my parents behind.
“The park’s this way,” he says, pointing down the street. Taking my hand, he leads me into the park that is flaunting signs of early summer. Trees and flowers and green grass surround us as we meander deeper in. I’m hit with its appealing aroma everywhere we go.
“In my nine years of living in Seattle, I've never been to this
park.”
“Not surprising,” he says. “You don't have kids or a dog.”
“I guess.” I shrug, not exactly loving that reminder. As we stroll along, I see his point, noting an area that in the summer is designed to be a splash pad for children to play in and a large gated dog park, where there is small terrier having at it. “You don't either and yet you seem to know your way.”
“I don’t sleep so well, and after being attached to a computer for hours, I like to walk around outside. This park isn’t far from my building.”
“No, I guess it’s not.” I take another bite of my ice cream, thinking his words through. “But you come here at night? I can’t imagine that being a clever thing to do.”
He laughs, pulling my hand and my body into his side and leaning his weight against me. “I’m a big guy, Ivy, and so far, I haven’t had a problem.”
I don’t know what to make of that, so I just let it go.
Turning quickly, I lean over and swipe a taste of his ice cream with my tongue before licking the messy cream from my lips. “Hey, what happened to unimaginable,” he laughs, pulling the cone back out of my reach.
“What happened to you wanting to taste it on my lips?”
“Good point. Come here.”
We pause, turning to face each other as his head dips down to mine and our lips meet. It’s not a passionate kiss. It’s actually rather sweet, no pun intended. It’s also quick. Luke pulls back, licking his lips as he goes.
“It tastes better on you.”
“Well, then let’s see about mine.” I practically shove my ice cream into his mouth, making him jump back, chuckling as he goes. I manage to swipe it on the corner of his mouth and up his left cheek a bit.”
I’m laughing so hard, I might actually drop my cone, which would be tragic.
“That was dirty,” he says, feigning indignation, but his eyes are sparkling.
“Then let me clean you up.” I lunge for him, practically toppling us both over and causing a startled rumble from his chest. I kiss and lick his face until there is no evidence of my crime remaining. “There. Better now?”
“You really are the best kind of trouble, Doctor Green. And in this moment I wish you had gotten a cup instead of a cone. There is something far too erotic in watching a woman lick ice cream off a cone. It's like easy porn for men with weak imaginations. I believe I said juvenile was the goal.”
“You don’t strike me as someone with a weak imagination, despite your choice in ice cream suggesting otherwise.” I smirk, as we restart our jaunt.
“With you, my imagination is boundless.”
We continue on, approaching a playground that has me smiling broadly. Maybe it’s the pediatrician in me, but I could spend hours watching children play. I pull him inside the fenced off area and we sit on a bench, watching two young girls who look like twins, swinging on the swings while their mum pushes them.
“What made you want to become a doctor and work with children?” he asks after a few quiet moments, taking my free hand into his.
“My best mate growing up back home had an osteosarcoma. It’s a tumor of the bone and he was always in and out of hospitals. Occasionally when he was doing well, I’d be able go around for a visit. I knew the moment I saw the doctors tending to him that I wanted to be one.”
Luke’s eyes are blank, staring out into space, his ice cream momentarily forgotten as it begins to drip down the side of his cone while he thinks on this. “Is your friend okay?”
“Yeah. They did a below-the-knee amputation, and chemo, but he fought it off and now he manages brilliantly with a prosthetic.”
“Wow. That’s an amazing story. Do you still keep in touch?”
“Sometimes. He’s still over there so it’s hard to match up our time. We email with some frequency though.”
He turns to me with a smile, taking up his ice cream again.
“What about you? How did you get into computers?”
His expression falls instantly before he turns away from me, staring unseeing out into the wooded area just beyond the playpen. He doesn’t answer and the longer this silence continues, the more awkward it becomes between us.
He never answers personal questions.
Ever.
I don’t know if it’s a matter of trying to maintain his distance from me or if it’s something else entirely, but I’d be lying if I said it didn’t hurt, especially when I’m so desperate for more of him.
I’m also dying to ask him if he wants children one day, given that we’re sitting in a park watching them play. But I don’t dare go there. It’s a violation of our no strings, just fun policy. Have I mentioned how much I both hate and love that policy?
So I just ignore the building tension as I finish off the last of my ice cream and enjoy the beautiful day and the happy, healthy children playing.
And then his phone rings.
The second one that he always carries on him, but never uses unless he’s being called on it. I’ve never actually seen such a generic yet high-tech looking phone in my life. But he doesn’t answer it. He never answers it in front of me.
“We should go,” he says, staring at the screen briefly before sliding it back into his pocket. “I have something to take care of quickly, but hopefully it shouldn’t take too long and then I’m all yours.”
Are you? Yeah, I don’t ask that question either.
“Great. Let’s go,” I say instead.
Chapter 14
Luke
The predawn clouds have that reddish intensity that, at this time of year, can only indicate a storm. Normally that would piss me off, but it’s Sunday and Ivy has a rare day off. She’s asleep in my bed, looking so damn beautiful and peaceful it makes me ache.
I’m jealous of her dreams. Of the swirling thoughts floating through her mind because they have her undivided attention all night.
If that makes me a pathetic bastard, then so be it.
In the two plus weeks she’s been mine, things have been blissfully quiet. That’s not exactly uncommon, but it sets me on edge, because they never stay that way for long. The longer I allow this to go on, the further I get sucked into her.
And she’s leaving in fourteen days.
That thought makes me cringe, because who the fuck am I kidding? I’m so gone on this girl it’s not even funny.
And that’s the thing. It’s not funny. It’s scary and wrong.
So very wrong, and I have no one to blame but myself. But I keep hoping that everything will take care of itself and that she won’t ask me the questions that have been lingering on the tip of her tongue these past weeks.
I know she can see through me.
I know she knows how crazy I am about her. But she doesn’t ask, and she’s stopped trying to push me away. She did once, and we had a really good fight about it, but I told her, yet again, that we knew what we were getting into.
And I do. I really do.
But that doesn’t mean I’m prepared for it.
That doesn’t mean that I’m not crafting a plan to try and coax her into believing that a year isn’t really all that long, and that somehow, we could make this work.
That we could have a shot at something great. Something real and lasting.
But I’m not stupid. I’m painfully aware of the reality. Which makes me an asshole for taking her into my bed night after night like I’m starving for her. Like I’m racing the clock that’s ticking in my head.
The further I allow this to go, the greater the strain in the end for both of us.
I just don’t know how to stop it. Fuck that, I don’t want to stop it.
Soon she’ll be gone. Soon, so very, very soon, all of this will blow up and I’ll lose her.
But worse than that, I’ll hurt her. Because try as she might, I know she feels the same about me.
Oh, she denies it to an almost pathological degree, but it’s there.
I see it in the way she smiles when she doesn’t think I notice her watch
ing me. I see it in the way she looks at me. I feel it when I’m inside her.
Every morning I wake up and say, just one more day and then I’ll stop this. I’ll let her go because what I’m doing to her is a fucking crime.
And then that day comes and I have a new set of excuses.
Then there’s the other issue.
The one I have zero control over. And if she were to ever learn all that there is to know, she’d wouldn’t just be gone, she’d hate me.
What have I done?
The familiar prickling of panic begins to rise within, like the swell of a wave coming to shore. Ivy is the only one who has ever been able to make the waters recede, to keep them at bay. I need her. I need her now, and I might just need her forever, though there’s no way I can keep her that long.
“Ivy, baby,” I coo in her ear as I run my nose along her neck, savoring her unique fragrance.
“Mmmm,” she groans, pushing me away and making me smile.
“Ivy, wake up. I need to tell you something important.”
One of her slate blue eyes opens and she peers up at me before blinking twice. “What’s wrong?” she mumbles, rolling and stretching out like a cat.
“I need to tell you something important,” I repeat.
“You mentioned that already, Luke, but it’s dark out and the fact that I don’t have to be up early tells me that this better be bloody life-altering or you’re in trouble.”
I chuckle, burying myself against her, my nose and mouth perched between her neck and the top of her shoulder. “Happy anniversary.”
“Pardon?” She’s adorably confused, her voice still thick with sleep, her hair tousled and sexy as hell.
“Today is our two-week sex anniversary. Two weeks ago today we had sex for the very first time.” I’m smiling like a bastard, waiting patiently for her to lay into me, which no doubt she will.
“Wow, that’s unbelievably romantic and clearly worth waking me before the bloody sun. You should have that printed on a card or something, I’m sure it would sell like mad.”
I laugh, my chest rumbling against her body, her sweet perfect breasts crushed against me.