by Ginn Hale
“I certainly don’t harbor any fantasies about the pleasure of punishment for one thing. I’ve done so much penance that some mornings I’ve seriously considered burning the whole damn chapel down.” Javier’s jaw clenched but then he looked to Kiram and forced a hard smile. “I suppose I’m more disillusioned with Cadeleonian society than the jackass who betrayed your uncle. I would never betray you like that, Kiram.”
“No, but you do want someone to catch you.” Kiram spoke carefully, watching Javier’s face. “You want the men you fight to know that you’re an adari when you defeat them.”
“It’s a fantasy I’ve entertained, yes,” Javier admitted with a shrug. “But I would never actually endanger either of us like that. It’s not as though secrecy is new to me. I’ve been…I’ve been a bender all my life and I’ve learned to accept that it’s enough to know that I’m better than the men who would disdain me. Though it doesn’t hurt to have won the title of Grand Champion from them.”
Kiram couldn’t keep from smiling at that.
“You’re not a bender, anyway,” Kiram teased him. “At least as far as I know, you’ve never—”
“I would be whether I did or not,” Javier replied seriously. “I know what I am, though I do like the word adari better. It has a beautiful sound to it.”
Kiram nodded. He found the soap—Majdi’s, he thought, from the strong cedar scent—and worked it into a fragrant lather. He soaped Javier’s chest with care for his tender skin.
“Have you always known?” Kiram asked.
“Probably,” Javier replied. He leaned closer to Kiram. “Certainly by the time my father handed Calixto’s diary over to me I understood what I read and why it moved me.”
Kiram allowed Javier to take a turn at washing him. His touch was gentle but assured and made Kiram think of the way Javier brushed Lunaluz down. And Kiram smiled because only with a Cadeleonian could that have been a good comparison.
“What did you read in Calixto’s diary?”
“Sex mostly,” Javier admitted. “Calixto filled a number of pages with the details of his encounters with men. Yassin particularly.”
Kiram gaped at Javier. “All those nights you were looking so serious and pouring over that diary you were just reading pornography?”
“For the most part, yes.” Javier laughed. “It was research. I had to find a way to seduce you, didn’t I?”
Kiram briefly ducked beneath the water, rinsing the soap from his body and hair. He wiped water droplets from his face.
“You could have just asked me to seduce you,” Kiram suggested.
“I did try on the first day we met.”
“By handing me a scrub brush?”
“Yes, well…” Embarrassment and chagrin played in Javier’s expression. “You can see why I needed to read over the diary more closely, can’t you?”
Kiram laughed. In truth Javier had captured him before they had exchanged a single word, before Kiram had even known his name. The first time he’d seen Javier riding across the open fields, seeming to soar over stone walls, the freedom and beauty of him had riveted Kiram.
Javier stretched in the water, running his hand across Kiram’s back. Kiram leaned into his touch and marveled that he’d spent so much time and energy fighting against this simple pleasure.
“Sadly my ancestor’s techniques didn’t seem to impress you so much as they annoyed you,” Javier said softly.
“Maybe they annoyed me because they impressed me.”
Javier smiled like a pleased cat and Kiram couldn’t help but splash water into his face.
“What?” Javier grinned. “You’re the one who said it.”
“I was just helping you to rinse your face,” Kiram replied.
“Ah, you’re a gentleman to the core.”
“I am,” Kiram replied as seriously as he could. “A gentleman and a scholar.”
Javier simply dunked him under the water. Kiram came up sputtering. He grabbed for Javier to return the offense but Javier wriggled from his grasp and, laughing, launched himself out of the sunken tub. Water sloshed across Kiram’s chest. He clambered after Javier, catching him at the dressing bench.
Excitement lit Javier’s eyes and he allowed Kiram to pull his pants from his hands before lunging after him. Kiram evaded him, dashing to the towels and then making for the door.
Javier scooped up their clothes and gave chase. They raced down the hall half naked and laughing. When Kiram reached his room, he bounded onto his bed. An instant later the door slammed closed and Javier landed on the bed next to him. For a moment they played at grappling over Javier’s pants but the friction of their bodies—the strokes of hard muscles and smooth skin—dissolved the pretense.
Kiram shoved Javier onto his back and Javier allowed it, breathing deeply and watching Kiram intently. Kiram ran his hands over Javier’s chest and followed the black line of his hair to his groin. Javier’s flesh stiffened beneath his fingers.
“Do you want to…” Kiram wasn’t sure of what words to use. He didn’t want to scare or disgust Javier.
“Yes.”
“You don’t even know what I’m asking.” Kiram caressed Javier, tracing the length of him, taking in the sensation of delicate, warm skin and the steely rigidity beneath. A breathless gasp escaped Javier.
“It’s still yes,” Javier told him. “I want to.”
Kiram realized that Javier wanted him to decide. Kiram surveyed Javier’s powerful Cadeleonian body. It would be simple and very pleasant to allow Javier inside him and he knew that Javier would be most at ease with that. But Kiram wasn’t sure that he wanted to place himself in the same position as one of the whores at the Goldenrod. And there was also the intense temptation to touch Javier as no lover before him had.
Kiram stood and found the halda salve that Rafie had given him. It felt slick beneath his fingers and cool. As he returned to the bed he warmed the salve in his palm. It smelled slightly of cut grass and melons.
Javier watched him, a mix of excitement and uncertainty in his expression. Kiram offered him a reassuring smile.
“This is halda salve for your sunburn.” Kiram worked a little of the salve over Javier’s cheeks and shoulders, soothing the pinkish skin. He let his touch turn slightly firmer as he massaged the tension out of Javier’s muscular arms and chest. The edge of worry in Javier’s expression melted into comfortable arousal.
As Kiram rubbed the slick halda salve lower a soft groan of pleasure escaped Javier. He closed his eyes and slowly relaxed into Kiram’s touch.
Kiram took pains to be gentle with Javier but even so, when he slowly eased Javier’s legs apart, he felt the tension of alarm surge through Javier’s powerful thighs. Javier’s eyes flashed wide—aroused but also terrified. His entire body trembled.
Kiram didn’t know that he’d ever seen such open vulnerability in Javier before. He’d been less afraid after being run through in the autumn tournament than he was now. Suddenly Kiram grasped how very much more this simple act meant to Javier than himself.
To Kiram it signified a deep intimacy—something lovely and special that he had shared with very few lovers. But for Javier it represented the most profound offering he could submit, not just to another man, but to his own desire.
“Should I stop?” Kiram stilled his hands on Javier’s thighs. “We could—”
“No,” Javier replied softly. He met Kiram’s gaze. “I want this…with you.”
Very consciously Javier relaxed, opening himself to Kiram.
His trust touched Kiram more any words could have. Kiram answered him with a tender kiss. Then gently, almost reverently, he explored Javier’s body, touching and kissing his dark hair and delicate skin. Stroking the length of Javier’s flushed, thrusting erection, he caressed the curves of his buttocks and made a slow, sweet play of working the halda salve deep into Javier. His own body ached with desire, but the tension that quivered through Javier’s muscles tempered Kiram’s need.
Steadily Javier
melted into his hands. The quietest of pleasured gasps escaped his lips as Kiram found just the right angle. At last Kiram moved over him and eased deep into the heat of his powerful body.
He moved with all the skill he possessed, pacing his strokes to Javier’s hungry responses. Something greater than pleasure built between them in steady thrusts and whispers. Soon Javier arched into Kiram, urging him deeper, faster. A fusion of exquisite tenderness and raw desire drove their rhythm. Kiram felt his whole being suffused with joy and marveled that something so simple—the heat and friction of another man—could consume him so completely. Pleasure mounted and Kiram’s resolve broke. Javier met him, arching and driving with desperate need.
Javier climaxed first, calling Kiram’s name out in a soft broken breath. Only a moment later Kiram’s strength and drive burst as a last surge of ecstatic pleasure spilled into Javier’s body.
They lay still a moment. Then very gently Kiram pulled away and then dropped down beside Javier on the bed. He could feel Javier’s pulse, racing nearly as fast as his own. He drew in a deep breath. The smell of sex and halda salve saturated the air. His body felt hot and sticky with sweat.
Javier ran a hand through Kiram’s hair as Kiram studied his face. He looked flushed and handsome. Kiram couldn’t imagine anyone seeming more precious to him than Javier did now.
“So, now I’m truly bent,” Javier murmured.
“But not broken.” Kiram searched Javier’s distant expression for a sign of what their passion had cost him.
“No.” Javier released a slow breath and then offered Kiram a tired smile. “Not broken. Satisfied.”
Relief flooded Kiram and he grinned.
“Good, because I’m tapped.” Kiram closed his eyes. “You want more you’re going to have to do it yourself.”
Javier laughed in reply, which Kiram thought was a lovely sound. Then he felt Javier’s lips brush his brow.
They slept, entwined and sated.
Chapter Fourteen
A few hours later a knock at the door woke Kiram. Moonlight lit the room and the air felt cool. He rose, wrapped a fallen towel around his body, and cracked the door open. Gold lamplight flared in from the hall, illuminating the scowling face of his brother, Majdi.
“Are you waiting for a written invitation to dinner? Maybe something inscribed on a golden tablet and inlaid with pearls?”
“Could you lower your voice? Javier’s sleeping. He’s had an exhausting day. We both did.”
“I’ve heard. A nasty run in between your lovers at the Civic Gymnasium.” His eyes flickered to Kiram’s bed and Javier’s naked body. “Speaking of your lover…It looks like you two have certainly kept busy.”
“It’s not my fault if you’re jealous.” Kiram refused to admit embarrassment, though his face felt warm. “So I’m going back to bed now.”
“I imagine you’d like to.” Majdi caught the door before Kiram could close it. “But what do you want me to tell our dear mum? You and Lord Tornesal have fucked yourselves into a stupor and can’t come down? That might just give your game away, don’t you think?”
Kiram conceded that Majdi had a point. “Tell her that we ate meringues at Mother Bahoush’s sweet shop and now both of us feel ill.”
Majdi raised his brows. “Slanderous, but clever. I’ll tell her, but you can’t keep this up and expect no one to notice. Word is going to get around.”
“I know.”
Majdi smacked his hand lightly against the top of Kiram’s head in a gesture that seemed as much a pat as a slap.
“You know, but you don’t seem to understand,” Majdi said seriously. “You must be careful. People are already talking about the tussle at the gymnasium and if word goes far enough it will get outside the Haldiim district.”
“Javier and I didn’t do anything at the gymnasium.” Kiram stole a quick glance back to make sure Javier still slept. “Musni made an ass of himself and Javier misunderstood and thought he was assaulting me. Nothing came of it.”
“Nothing but Musni drunk out of his senses and shouting that you suck Cadeleonian cock,” Majdi responded.
Anger and hurt flared through Kiram at the thought of how easily Musni turned to maligning him.
“He was drunk. I don’t think anyone will take Musni seriously. The Civic Guards certainly didn’t.”
Majdi seemed to consider this, then released a slow breath.
“I’m going back to bed,” Kiram said.
“All right. Go to bed.” Majdi shook his head. “I can’t believe that you’ve turned out so stubborn. You used to be so cute and obliging.”
“You used to be charming and indulgent,” Kiram countered.
“And see where that’s gotten me.” Majdi headed for the stairs. “Sleep well and dream sweet dreams.”
“Thank you,” Kiram whispered after him.
He locked the door and returned to Javier’s side in the bed. He tried to sleep well, as Majdi had wished, but most of the night Javier tossed and turned so violently that Kiram kept waking. He whispered calming words, though Javier never fully woke.
“It’s all right. It’s just a dream.”
Wearily, he rubbed Javier’s back and Javier settled for a few more minutes before some new nightmare seemed to grip him. Then at last Kiram took off the lotus medallion Alizadeh had given him and slipped it onto Javier. Soon after Javier seemed to settle into a quiet sleep.
As Kiram at last drifted deep into his own dreams, Javier rose. The sudden absence of his body, as much as the shift of mattress, woke Kiram.
Cracking an eye, he studied the curve of Javier’s bowed back as he sat on the edge of the bed. Faint predawn light filtered through the curtains, lending his skin a deathly pallor. Javier rubbed a hand over his eyes and then shoved his hair back from his face. What Kiram caught of his expression seemed haunted.
Kiram could guess why Javier was troubled but he didn’t know how deeply and he couldn’t keep from thinking of his uncle’s Cadeleonian lover. One day training with a Bahiim and one night of sex couldn’t erase a lifetime of Cadeleonian upbringing, no matter how much he or Javier might want it to.
Kiram remained silent as Javier rose and rinsed himself at Kiram’s washbasin. Then he picked up Kiram’s razor and contemplated the long blade. Kiram’s heart raced and he almost called out, but then Javier very deliberately set the razor aside. He noticed Kiram’s medallion beside his cheap Mirogoth charm and lifted it, running his thumb over the surface with something like affection in his expression.
As he turned back to the bed Kiram closed his eyes, relieved that Javier was returning. The mattress bowed and Kiram felt the lightest contact of Javier’s lips against his brow. Then Javier withdrew again. He found his sword and gathered up the clothes he’d worn the day before.
“Are you serious?” Kiram asked. “You’re really just going to get up and leave now?”
Javier started guiltily. “I thought you were still sleeping.”
“Obviously.” Kiram dragged himself upright. “Where are you going?”
“I want to take a walk. Maybe see the sunrise from the Ammej Bridge. It’s supposed to be an inspiring sight, isn’t it?”
“It’s amazing at first light.” Kiram made a groggy attempt at throwing his blankets aside, managed to flip the end of a quilt over his own face, and then simply slid off the bed. “Well, I’m ready to be newly amazed.”
“Kiram, you don’t have to—”
“Yes, I do.” Kiram started to say how much he feared for Javier but then caught himself. Any concern he voiced would only sound condescending. “According to Atreau, it’s a gentleman’s duty to rise with his lover and offer endearing company.” He yawned loudly. “And as I told you yesterday, I am gentleman.”
“A gentleman and a scholar.” A smile broke through Javier’s grim expression. “Anyone could see that just looking at you.”
Kiram ran a hand through the curling tangle of his hair and offered Javier a rude gesture. He said, “I refuse to be
criticized by a man who isn’t even wearing pants.”
He staggered to his basin and rinsed his face. His hands felt too shaky to shave just yet. He found fresh clothing in his closet, then glanced to the sweat-soaked vest in Javier’s hand.
“Your clothes will have been laundered and dried by now. They’re probably in a basket in the hall.”
Javier cracked the door and found his own clothes. Kiram stole glances at him while they both dressed. As Javier clothed himself in Cadeleonian long sleeves and heavy material his bearing changed. Reserve and formality returned. His motions became angular and precise as clockwork.
Out on the streets, only Civic Guards and bread vendors seemed to be awake and many of them looked nearly as groggy as Kiram felt. Kiram trailed Javier to the Ammej Bridge and silently watched the first rays of sun light up the red lacquer to a fiery brilliance. Amber inlays glowed like embers. Javier hardly seemed to notice. He stared out at the treetops of the Circle of Red Oaks. Kiram leaned on the bridge railings, half dozing and letting Javier think in peace.
Overhead, the sky turned luminous blue and the scent of cinnamon and mercantile noise of morning steadily filled the air. Vendors called out enticingly, offering goat milk and adhil bread, butter teas, sweet fish and fresh yoghurt. The spicy smell of adhil bread set Kiram’s stomach growling. He glanced to Javier and found him staring back at him.
“What?” Kiram asked, suddenly startled.
“Enjoying the view,” Javier replied, though Kiram could see the agitation underlying his smile.
“Really?” Kiram straightened and stretched. “You look like you’re thinking about dismantling the view.”
“What? No.” Javier seemed genuinely surprised. “No, it’s just…Everything seems different today.”
“Different how?” Kiram asked.
Javier’s expression grew troubled and he didn’t respond right away. Anxiety slithered through Kiram’s gut. He wondered if Javier would eventually come to hate him for what he’d done last night.