by Speer, Flora
Herne! It must be Herne, because from where she lay, Merin could see Tarik’s head and in the two flattened seats behind him the dark shapes of Alla and Osiyar. She was certain there could be only one place where Herne would be going in the middle of the night. He was going to search for Ananka. It was foolish of him, possibly even dangerous, to him and to the rest of them.
So far had the strictures of discipline slipped from her that Merin, with no forethought at all, did something equally foolish and dangerous. She was still wearing her treksuit, with her boots and shoulder-kit laid neatly by the seat on which she lay. Swinging her feet to the floor, she reached down to sling the kit over one shoulder and pick up the boots. Then she crept to the hatch, opened it as quietly as she could, and stepped into the night.
It took her only a moment to pull on and fasten the boots, a moment more to find the handlight she kept in her kit. Then, guided by the twin moons that were each half full, she set off toward the ruined building and the grotto.
* * * * *
Inside the shuttlecraft, the green security signal began to blink steadily and emit a beeping noise. Tarik came instantly awake, sitting up to check the scanning instruments. He had barely touched the control panel when Osiyar was there, kneeling in the aisle beside him.
“Is it an intruder?” Osiyar asked.
“No.” Tarik switched off the beeping alarm and the light stopped blinking. “Someone has left the ship.”
“Not Herne. He’s right there.” Osiyar indicated the motionless shape across the aisle from Tarik. “How could he sleep through that noise?”
“He’s not asleep.” Alla was awake, too, and was using a diagnostic rod on Herne. “He’s unconscious. It seems to be some kind of altered state of existence. There is no indication of drugs or injury. It’s just that his mind is elsewhere.”
“It has happened before.” Quickly, leaving out the few erotic details Herne had confided to him, Tarik told them about the physician’s previous experience. “Herne spoke of returning to this ship and standing beside his own body for a second or two before he became one with it again.”
“What you are describing is not unknown to telepaths,” Osiyar said. “It is possible that at the instant of separation between body and consciousness an electrical discharge could be created, but would it be sufficient to produce a signal on our instruments? That did not occur during Herne’s previous separation.”
“Merin is gone,” said Alla, glancing around the cockpit.
“When she opened the door, that set off the alarm,” Osiyar remarked, “but where would she go?”
“Where Herne went,” Tarik told him. “Alla, is it safe to leave Herne alone in that condition?”
“I don’t see why not,” Alla said. “There is nothing any of us can do for him until he reintegrates himself.”
“Then we will secure the shuttlecraft and begin a search for Merin.”
* * * * *
The faint silver glow coming from the chamber at the bottom of the grotto stairs made Merin’s handlight unnecessary. She went down carefully, picking her way through rubble and avoiding broken steps. The light grew brighter. By the time she reached the barren chamber at the heart of the grotto, it had become a shimmering globe centered on the ledge at one side of the chamber. Silhouetted against the light was a male figure.
“Herne!” Laughter followed her cry to him; not Herne’s laughter, but that of a woman. Disregarding the sound, Merin called again. “Herne!”
He gave no indication of hearing her. As he slowly merged with the globe she could see him clearly. He was unclothed. The sight should have revolted her, made her ill with disgust at the obscenity he represented, but he was beautiful…beautiful. He was a tall man, large boned and muscular, with his proud head held high as he walked into the light. What a marvelous creature he was…how easily he moved, how graceful was the shape of his hands and feet and legs….
“Herne!”
Merin heard the sounds behind her, voices, clattering feet, and she saw flashing lights.
“Merin, why did you come down here in the middle of the night?” Alla demanded. “You know you have broken security.”
“I followed Herne.” Merin had not taken her eyes off the ledge, but all was now dark except for the light cast by the lamps that the others had brought with them. “Herne was here just a moment ago, but he’s gone now, and the light, too.”
“You saw him?” Tarik was staring at her.
“Of course I saw him. How else could I have followed him?”
“Extraordinary,” murmured Osiyar.
Merin ignored him. Her concern was all for Herne. “Tarik, he may be in danger. We have to find him.”
“Herne is back at the shuttlecraft,” said Tarik.
“No, he’s here,” Merin insisted. “Or he was.”
“Only you saw him leave the ship.” Osiyar’s eyes bored into her.
Merin had her own eyes properly lowered, but she could feel his on her, searching, seeking information about her.
“I think,” said Osiyar, “that it is time for my thoughts to touch yours.”
“No.” Merin wanted to flee from him, as though mere physical distance could protect her from his telepathic power. “I cannot allow it.”
“Merin, it is necessary.” Tarik’s voice was kind, but he could not ease her fear. “We don’t know what this entity is that can separate Herne’s body from his mind, why this grotto is important, or whether there is any serious danger to us, or even to the others back at Home. We have to learn all we can about what has happened here.”
“Since you were capable of seeing what the others did not, your mind offers the best pathway to the knowledge we need,” Osiyar added.
“Herne’s mind would be a better pathway,” Merin suggested in desperation.
“At the moment there is nothing in Herne for me to contact,” Osiyar told her.
“I regret that I must order you to do this, Merin,” Tarik said. “It is for the safety of all those under my command.”
“No!” Merin was close to panic.
It was then that Alla came forward; sharp-tongued, unfriendly Alla, who never said a kind word to anyone when she could scold or criticize instead. She took Merin’s hand and led the protesting young woman to the ledge, where she made Merin sit.
“I was afraid, too,” Alla said, sitting down beside Merin. “The first time I was terrified. But it doesn’t hurt. There is only a faint prickling in your mind. It can be a beautiful thing, to join your thoughts to those of another. Osiyar will not harm you, will not take anything away from you. You will still be yourself when he has finished.”
“You don’t understand. It is impossible. I cannot do what you want.”
“Is it the Jurisdiction prohibition against telepathy that frightens you?” Alla asked with a surprising amount of sympathy. “This is a new world, a different place. No such stricture applies here.”
“No, I will not do it.”
“You must.” Alla was growing impatient, her voice taking on its usual sharp edge. “It could mean our lives, including Herne’s. At the very least, you could save Herne’s sanity.”
“She’s right,” Osiyar said. “Herne has no training in telepathy. His lack of training combined with his deep resistance to the very idea of telepathy makes me fear that he cannot endure repeated separations of body and consciousness. The being we know as Herne will simply disintegrate, will cease to exist, if he is not permanently restored to what he is.”
“He will die?” For a fraction of a second, Merin allowed herself to look directly at Osiyar, to try to read his face, to discover if he was telling her the truth. He was so serious that she was forced to believe every word he had said. Tarik looked equally solemn, while Alla regarded her with increasing impatience. “I do not want Herne to die,” Merin said.
“Then help him,” Alla pressed her. “Help us all. You owe it to us, Merin. Let Osiyar enter your thoughts.”
“There is no n
eed. I will tell you everything I know,” Merin offered, still trying to avoid what would happen if she allowed Osiyar to do as he wanted.
“That’s not good enough,” Tarik said.
“Accept me,” Osiyar urged. “I can learn facts and details you yourself do not understand.”
That was exactly Merin’s concern. Osiyar ranging through her mind would learn the truth about her. He would tell everyone. They would cast her out forever, and she had nowhere else to go. She could not bear the pain of it, nor the fear.
But she could not bear the thought of Herne dying, either, not when she might help him. Behind her lowered lids she saw his image again, naked and proud, walking into the mysterious light. She lifted her hand to her lips, feeling his kisses once more. With a deep, shuddering sigh she abandoned her past for his sake, sacrificing any chance she might have had for an ordinary life.
“Yes,” she said, and lifted her eyes to Osiyar’s.
He gave her no chance to change her mind. His sea-blue gaze burned into her, his hard, determined will brushing past her paltry last-minute defenses as if all her training in control of her thoughts had succeeded in erecting only cobwebs against him. She fought him in panic for a second or two before she gave up and allowed him to take the information he needed.
She became aware of the prickling Alla had described, followed by a sensation as if the edges of her mind had grown vague and were being stretched. It was exquisitely painful. She felt Osiyar’s surprise; it should not have hurt either of them. Then she experienced his deep shock and knew that he had reached her secret, that he now understood what she was. She felt his revulsion and his pity. And then, as the prickling ended and his mind withdrew from hers, he directed a surge of admiration and respect toward her. It did much to alleviate her terror over what would happen next, when he told Tarik and Alla about her.
* * * * *
To Merin’s surprise, Osiyar said nothing to the others of what he had discovered in her mind. He discussed only Herne and Ananka.
“I have seen in my mind what Merin saw when she looked at the light,” Osiyar said. “I believe the light is the creature the telepaths once called Ananka. Or, to be more precise, the womanly form and the name Ananka are aspects of the light.”
“I don’t understand what you are saying,“ Alla objected.
“There is no way you could understand,” Osiyar told her. “You have only five senses, plus a rudimentary version of what humans call a sixth sense. Even I, with my well-trained telepathic abilities, cannot begin to comprehend all the senses and possibilities contained within the light that Merin saw.”
“Is it friend or enemy?” Alla wondered.
“So far as I could tell, it will not harm us,” Osiyar answered.
“Unless we step on its toes,” said Merin, and they all stared at her in surprise. She could look straight at Osiyar now. There was no need to hide anything from him, so she kept her gaze on him. “What you describe is a life form far superior to humans, even human telepaths. How can we tell what acts of ours will make it angry, make it strike back at us? Its values, if it has any, will not be the same as ours.”
“True.” Osiyar gave her an approving look. “But we have not angered it so far, just by being here and poking around the old city.”
“Perhaps it doesn’t care about the city,” Merin said. “What about Herne? He was the reason for your invasion of my mind. What did you learn about the creature’s intentions or feelings toward him?”
“I regret to say, very little, except for a gust of mocking laughter and an impression of fondness. But I felt no hostility.”
“Fondness?” Alla interrupted whatever Osiyar was going to say next. “Was that Ananka’s emotion, or Merin’s?”
It was a remark so typical of her that Osiyar did not even bother to frown or tell her to be silent. But Merin began to blush, the heat rushing upward to her throat and face. It had happened to her only once before, with Herne. Her self-discipline had always prevented any outward sign of her inner feelings. Fortunately, in the fragmented illumination provided by the handlights, the others did not notice. Except for Osiyar, of course.
“If the creature is gone from this grotto, then it seems to me there is nothing more we can accomplish here,” Tarik said briskly. “We ought to return to the shuttlecraft is see if Herne is completely himself again.” He motioned Alla up the steps, then followed her. Osiyar was still watching Merin.
“When my thoughts touched yours,” he said, “I understood your deep concern lest I reveal all of the contents of your mind to Tarik and Alla. You used the word ‘invasion.’ I think you do not understand the laws that have bound all telepaths on Dulan’s Planet. I would never enter your thoughts without your permission unless it were an emergency or to save a life. Nor can I reveal anything I have learned from you that does not relate to the problem at hand. Your past and what you are have nothing to do with what has happened here. Your secret is safe with me.”
“I felt your shock.”
“Say, rather, my surprise. There is little that can shock an experienced telepath. I have no right to condemn the decrees of the Elders of Oressia. But, Merin” – here Osiyar touched her, took her arm so that Tarik or Alla, looking backward, would think he was guiding her toward the stairs – “in spite of your terror at the thought of being found out, in spite of your fear of me personally, you did what was right for Herne and for the safety of this colony. I admire and respect you for the sacrifice you were willing to make at a possibly terrible cost to yourself.”
“I was not so willing,” she said.
“For Herne, you were willing.” He smiled. “On that subject also, I will be silent.”
Now he did lead her toward the stairs, his hand still on her arm and Merin, though trained since earliest childhood to abhor and avoid the touch of another anywhere on her body, was comforted by Osiyar’s warm fingers. She found comfort, too, in his promise of silence. A part of him lingered still in her mind, assuring her he could be trusted, could be depended upon if she should need a friend.
Friend. She had never had a friend before. Oressians were so separate from each other, so steeped in stern discipline, that friendship was impossible for them. There could be no thought that Osiyar imagined anything else in regard to her, for his heart and mind were deeply bound to Alla. He would be Merin’s friend, no more. But his friendship was a priceless gift. Merin emerged from the grotto with something very close to a smile on her usually expressionless face.
They found Herne apparently sleeping normally. When, after much effort, they succeeded in waking him, and after Merin had given him two large cups of qahf, he recounted his version of the night’s events.
“It was the same as before,” Herne said, “except that when I reached the grotto suddenly Ananka and everything else vanished, and I was lost inside a black, whirling tunnel, until you woke me and I found myself back here.”
“You told me that the first time you went into the grotto the large chamber was furnished,” Tarik said. “Was it the same this time, the draperies, the tables, the illuminated lake?”
“Exactly the same,” Herne said.
“But it was a barren, damp chamber, unchanged since the day when you and I explored it together!” Merin exclaimed. “I was there, Herne. I saw you, and the light. There was no woman, and there were no furnishings.”
“And,” Tarik added, “your body remained here, inside the shuttlecraft.”
“Are you saying it was all an illusion?” Herne looked so relieved that Tarik laughed out loud.
When Alla began to explain what had happened while Herne was unconscious, Merin tried to fade into the shadows near the cargo bay door. But, as Alla finished her detailed account, Herne’s qahf-sharpened eyes found Merin’s.
“Thank you,” he said, “for your willingness to help me.”
His gaze held hers for much longer than was necessary, until Merin wisely dropped her own.
Chapter 5
It r
ained during the night, briefly but violently, leaving the shuttlecraft surrounded by mud. Dawn brought a dull gray sky, heavy with the threat of more rain. Only Herne ventured out to wander about the ruins. The rest of the explorers lingered inside the shuttlecraft, drinking qahf until an urgent call from Home brought their desultory plans for further exploration of the city to an end.
“There is a rainstorm with severe winds headed in your direction,” Narisa told Tarik. “We haven’t monitored the weather on this planet long enough to be absolutely certain, but the computer projects repetition of such storms, some of them with monsoon-like rains. It seems to be the standard weather pattern for both hemispheres at this time of year. We are expecting heavy snow here at Home in three to four days. I recommend that you return at once, while you can still travel safely. Besides, I miss you.”
“We will leave Tathan by noon,” Tarik replied, smiling at the personal message. “I’ll see you soon, my love.”
“About time, too,” Herne grumbled when he was told of the change in plans. “We should have left this place the day after that creature first showed itself to me.”
“If you wanted to leave,” Alla told him, “you should have said something before this. Do be careful; you are just tossing the medical supplies around instead of putting them where they belong. If we hit turbulent weather, we’ll have a terrible mess to clean up after we land.”
“I don’t care.” Herne threw his favorite diagnostic rod into the locker on top of a delicate calibrator. With a squawk of outrage, Alla snatched up the rod so she could rearrange the calibrator.
“What is the matter with you?” she shouted at Herne.