by John Snyder
“I don’t want it to end like this—arguing.”
“Well, you’re not going to get that wish! Good-bye.”
Robert turned and left abruptly.
“But, Robert…”
“Have a nice life with your new beau. I’m done wasting my time with you.”
She watched him until he turned the corner and disappeared from her sight.
* * *
Amanda’s romance with Jacob took off like a shooting star. They shared a deep love, one that each of them cherished above anything else in their lives. They were together every day—inseparable. On a chilly October night, Jacob and Amanda were returning from an evening stroll. As they walked up the front porch steps of Amanda’s parents’ home, Jacob turned Amanda to face him. He embraced her, then looked into her eyes. They gazed at each other for an instant before their lips met in a passionate kiss. As their lips parted, Jacob whispered, “I love you, Amanda. I love you more than I could have ever imagined loving anyone.”
Jacob gently pulled her down on the swing.
“Let’s sit here for a while and talk,” he said.
“Why don’t we go inside and talk, Jacob? I’m cold.”
Jacob draped his jacket around her shoulders.
“This is where it all began for me, Amanda. Right here on this swing, my whole life changed. I want to spend a few more minutes with you right here.”
He knelt before her. Amanda looked down at him curiously, thinking she knew what might be coming next. Her lips quivered slightly from the chill of the autumn night’s air. Jacob held her hand and gazed into her eyes. Leaning forward, he kissed the back of her left hand before gently sliding a sparkling diamond ring on her finger.
“I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”
Her lips quivered even more now, and it wasn’t because of the cold. She fought back tears. Tears of joy. She surrendered to her emotions as tears rolled down her cheeks.
“Oh, Jacob. Yes, of course I’ll marry you. You are the love of my life!”
She pulled him to her and they embraced as she wept with happiness. Amanda thought for a moment, then pushed Jacob’s head back suddenly.
“But what will Papa say?”
“Don’t worry. I’ve already discussed it with him, and your mother. They both think it’s a fantastic idea.”
Jacob and Amanda were married that December in a stunning candlelight ceremony. They honeymooned in the warmth of the Florida sun and began what would be, for a time at least, a wonderful life together.
* * *
Jacob awoke the next morning. As he walked out to the dining hall of the Salvation Army Mission, he saw Howard approaching.
“Sleep good?”
“Sure did.”
“Care for a cup of coffee?”
“That sounds like a wonderful idea.”
“Sit down at the table and I’ll fetch us some.”
Jacob found an empty table and waited for Howard to return.
“How’s your head this morning?” Howard asked.
“Not too bad, actually. I had a good night’s sleep, and a wonderful dream.”
“Oh, yeah? What did you dream about?”
“A better time in my life.”
“And?”
“I was dreaming about the days with my wife, Amanda. Those were such fabulous times.”
“Tell me about it, Jacob.”
“Nah. I keep my memories to myself, both good and bad.”
“Jacob, pardon me for prying, but you need to come clean. It will do your soul good.”
“My soul? I don’t even know if I have a soul. I’m more of a heel,” he said.
“Come on, Jacob, I want to help you get right with yourself, and your family. You can’t keep this bottled up inside you or you’ll be destroyed by it.”
Jacob shifted in his chair, not wanting to reveal more, but he realized it would be helpful to confide in his new friend. He thought about his previous discussions with Howard, and his repeated offers to help Jacob overcome his heartache. He’d spent the last twenty years letting his past eat away at him, keeping his anguish to himself. He knew it would do him good to vent about his past. Keeping it to himself hadn’t been working too well for him anyhow.
“You know, Howard, money and power often have ways of clouding one’s judgment and corrupting one’s values. I’m no exception. There was a time, many years ago, when I was a wealthy man. I had it all, a successful business, a dedicated friend and business partner, a beautiful wife, and absolutely wonderful children. My business partner, Nick, and I built a booming business from practically nothing.”
Jacob told him about how his business had thrived, and about the many accolades he received for his hard work, honesty, and success…then how it all got away from him.
“What happened to your business?”
“It’s very long and complicated.”
“I’ll listen as long as it takes.”
Jacob’s thoughts turned to the past. How, at the pinnacle of his life, he and Nick were on top of the world. Their business became immensely successful as the orders kept rolling in. They were at full capacity. Jacob traveled extensively, meeting and entertaining customers. He and Amanda were now living in a luxurious home with all the trappings of success.
“We had a great thing going, Amanda and I. We were deeply in love. As we had our children, our love for one another grew immensely. Life couldn’t possibly have been any better.”
“What happened?”
“The pressures of the business were tough. I had trouble handling it…all the success. I was traveling all the time. Alone on the road, I began drinking to pass the hours. That led to a lot of other unhealthy things. My drinking caused problems with Amanda. She was dead set against it, but it got so I couldn’t stop.”
“Did you try to get help?”
“No, I was too stubborn. Figured I could handle it myself—but I couldn’t.”
Jacob explained that his drinking kept getting worse. This further troubled Amanda, who constantly complained about his extensive use of alcohol. It didn’t help that Amanda’s moral convictions were against such a thing, and prohibition made drinking a criminal offense. This made the situation, from Amanda’s perspective, even more troublesome. His lack of regard for the law infuriated her. Though alcohol was tough to come by, a man of Jacob’s means could readily find a source. Even while at home and not traveling, he spent much of his time at the office, or in speakeasies, where booze and women were in sufficient quantity. After a few years of the affluent lifestyle, Jacob and Amanda’s marriage began to fracture.
“Where are you going tonight?” Amanda demanded one night.
“I’m going to the office, then I might stop by the club for a drink.”
“We need to talk! If you don’t stop drinking, I’m taking the children to my parents’ and we’ll stay there until you grow up and stop this nonsense.”
“You’ve been saying that for months. If that’s what you want to do, just do it and stop threatening me.”
The truth? Jacob wasn’t intending to go to the office that evening. He spent less and less time there and more time hanging around with the questionable characters in his favorite watering hole. His habit of drinking became more prevalent as he depended upon alcohol to get through each day.
Jacob went to the door of the speakeasy and gave the code name to enter. As the door swung open, he was greeted by Alfonzo Romano, one of Jacob’s acquaintances he hung out with at the bar.
After a few minutes of conversation, a seedy character approached Alfonzo. He was impressively dressed and possessed an intimidating presence. There was something alluring about the man, though. Jacob couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but he found him intriguing.
“How are you doing, Al?”
“I’m doing great. I’d like to introduce you to a friend of mine. This is Jacob McCallum.”
“Pleased to meet you. I’m Carmen Ricci.”
/> “How do you know my friend Al?”
Jacob recognized the name. Carmen Ricci was a colorful character known around Chicago as a wheeler dealer of questionable sorts.
“Jacob is one of the owners of J & N Manufacturing,” Al said.
“Oh, yes. I’ve heard of you. You’re quite the man about town.”
“Thank you.”
“Your operation has been very good to you.”
“Yeah, we’ve been fortunate.”
“Why don’t you gentlemen join me for the card game in the back room? I’ll introduce Jacob here to some of the guys.”
Jacob joined Alfonzo and Carmen in the back room. They made their way through the dense cigar smoke before coming to the poker table.
“Next hand, deal us in,” Carmen commanded. Turning to an attractive cocktail waitress, he said, “How about a round for the boys…It’s on me.”
“Okay, sir, I’ll be right back with your drinks.”
As the three took their places at the table, Carmen introduced Jacob to his pals, all business associates. Several of them were chomping on large stogies. All the men at the table looked dubious. After lighting his stogie, a large fellow, with a noticeably pockmarked face, dealt the hand.
Just after midnight, a cop came into the back room. At first, Jacob thought it might be a raid. He quickly stood and bolted for the back door.
“Hold on there, Jacob.” Carmen laughed. “This is Sam, a good friend of ours.”
Everyone at the table got a big chuckle out of Jacob’s reaction, especially Sam.
“You here to do business?” Carmen asked.
Sam nodded.
Carmen and Sam went behind the bar, where Carmen counted out some money and slipped it to the officer. The guys at the table stopped playing cards for a moment. The large man who dealt the cards blew his cigar smoke across the table at Jacob, giving him a menacing look.
Carmen returned. “That oughta take care of him for a while.”
Everyone laughed, except Jacob.
Jacob remained there until early morning. Upon returning home, Amanda met him at the door. She’d waited up for him, her eyes tearstained and her face red with outrage.
“Where have you been? You don’t have any respect for me at all, do you?”
Jacob staggered past her and into their bedroom, not at all receptive to Amanda’s objections. He was close to passing out, and the last thing he wanted to do was argue. As he lifted his leg out of his trousers, he stumbled onto the bed. Amanda, clearly irritated, went to the living room sofa to sleep.
Jacob showed up for work more than two hours late, missing an important meeting with a potential new customer. Nick was outraged. “You’re becoming totally unreliable. What’s your problem?”
“I don’t have a problem. You’re the one with a problem…an attitude problem. Remember, I own half of the business, and because of me, this business has grown to be what it is today.”
“You have been responsible for much of our growth, but you haven’t done anything in the past few months that has amounted to a hill of beans. I’ll tell you what your problem is, Jacob…the bottle. You can’t seem to keep your snoot out of it!”
“Why don’t you keep your nose out of my business and stop worrying about my snoot in the bottle, as you put it? I’m tired of people criticizing me for having a few drinks now and then.”
“Now and then? You have got to be kidding me! You come in here hungover about every day. And when you’re out on the road, you are constantly standing up customers and embarrassing me and the business.”
“Embarrassing you? How dare you say that!”
“It’s true. So I will say it!”
“Screw you. I’m out of here!”
Jacob abruptly left, slamming the door behind him. He went straight home to get some shut-eye. When he arrived, Amanda and the children were nowhere to be found, only a note.
Jacob,
I have been telling you for months that I am sick and tired of your drinking and irresponsible behavior. I am at my parents’ house and I’ll be staying here for a while.
Amanda
She finally did what she’d been threatening to do for months, and Jacob wasn’t happy about it. He balled up the note in his hand and chucked it across the room. Immediately, he went to the liquor cabinet and poured himself a tall drink before taking a seat on the sofa. After sitting there for a moment, he retrieved the ball of paper off the floor and reread the note, feeling a bit ashamed. But after a few more drinks, he rationalized that he didn’t really care. He took another hit of whiskey and threw the note into the trashcan.
“At least I don’t have to hear her nagging me anymore.”
To fill the void Amanda had left in his life, Jacob spent more and more time at the speakeasy with his new friends. One night, Al came over to Carmen while he conversed with Jacob.
“Carmen, I need to speak with you for a minute.”
“I’ll be right there.”
Carmen gestured to Jacob that he’d be right back.
Carmen and Al walked away from the bar. Jacob overheard part of the conversation.
“They arrested him?”
“I thought we took care of Sam so this wouldn’t be a problem.”
Jacob remembered Carmen paying the policeman. The conversation confirmed his suspicions. It became abundantly clear that Carmen, Al, and the boys were involved in some shady business. He wasn’t surprised. Jacob found their lifestyle oddly attractive. They were movers and shakers…always nailing down incredible business deals. Now he understood why. Though he was somewhat frightened, it all seemed mysterious yet captivating. The guys were flashy, well dressed, and liked a good time, unlike Nick, who by comparison, Jacob found boring. Besides, Nick was becoming too conservative with the business, always playing it safe. These guys were raking in the dough with their businesses and Jacob wanted to be a part of it.
Alfonzo and Carmen asserted a strong influence over him. Jacob’s judgment became clouded by his constant drinking and womanizing. When approached to join them in a few business ventures, Jacob was more than willing. He got in deep…way over his head. These business ventures were not on the up-and-up. His uncharacteristic behavior was an obstacle to reconciliation with Amanda, as she remained at her parents’ home…unwilling to return to live with Jacob. She found his new lifestyle repugnant.
J & N Manufacturing suffered from Jacob’s frequent absence. At the end of his patience, Nick confronted Jacob. As Jacob became more profoundly involved with his new friends, he discovered they were involved with the mob and were swindling many unsuspecting souls out of their businesses. At first, he was alarmed. But it began to feel exhilarating. The crew became involved in a number of other illegal activities to which Jacob was an accomplice. His life quickly transformed from one of power, privilege, and respect to one of chaos and darkness.
* * *
“Well, Howard, there you have it—the story of my life—part of it anyway. What I told you is almost innocent compared to what happened next.”
“Tell me more, Jacob.” Howard was engrossed in the story.
Clearly troubled, Jacob looked away from the table, unable to make eye contact with Howard, tears welling up in his eyes. He called out to one of the other residents of the mission, who had just lit a cigarette at an adjacent table.
“Could I trouble you for one of those?”
The man walked over to their table.
“Sure. Here, take two.”
“Thanks, Will,” Howard said.
“Yeah, thanks,” Jacob echoed.
The man noticed the tears in Jacob’s eyes, but didn’t want to get involved in someone else’s problems, having plenty of his own. He offered Jacob a light and walked back to his table. Jacob turned his attention back to Howard, who watched as a tear rolled down Jacob’s cheek.
“There is much more troubling you.”
Jacob took a deep drag on his cigarette and unconsciously blew the smoke across the table
, causing Howard to cough.
“Sorry.”
“Is that your answer to telling me the rest of your story?”
“You might say that. I just prefer not talking about the rest.”
Since Jacob had agreed to stay at the mission for a while, Howard assumed there would be plenty of other opportunities to broach the subject again. He dropped the issue, though deeply troubled by what he’d just learned.
Chapter Eight
Over the next few weeks Howard worked with Jacob on changing his ways, to rebuilding his acceptance of faith and the prospect of forgiveness from his children. He continued his attempts to get to the root cause of Jacob’s misery and more details about his children and his marriage, but Jacob remained resistant to offer more details.
One day, while having their morning coffee, Jacob seemed particularly preoccupied. Howard got the strong notion that there was something important Jacob needed to say.
“Not very talkative this morning, Jacob.”
“Yeah, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about my life. Howard, I want to get my old life back, to stop drinking and make things right with my children, but I just feel so unworthy.”
“You’re not unworthy, Jacob. You’re just unwilling. If you’re interested, we’re starting a group here called Alcoholics Anonymous.”
“Alcoholics Anonymous? What’s that?”
“It’s a new concept to help people like you.”
“People like me?”
“To stop drinking. It’s a faith-based program and it’s been pretty successful so far.”
“Faith-based? I’m a little short on faith at this point in my life.”
“That may be your biggest problem, Jacob. Your lack of faith, in God and in yourself, is an obstacle that you have put in your own way.”
The truth was, Jacob had lost faith in God many years ago. And as far as faith in himself, that seemed out of the question. He knew no one else had faith in him, so why should he have faith in himself?
“Well…what do you say?”
Jacob glanced down at the table then looked Howard in the eye.