by John Snyder
“Amanda…are you ready yet?”
“I don’t even want to go.”
“Come on, it’ll be fun. The Marshalls were nice enough to invite us to their dinner party. It would be rude not to go.”
“Since when have you worried about being rude?”
“Can’t you just relax and have a good time?”
“That’s just it, your idea of a good time and mine are totally different. Look at you, you’ve had four or five drinks and we’re not even at the party yet. You’re drunk already.”
“I’ll be okay. I’m just celebrating a little early, that’s all.”
“You always have some excuse for your behavior. You promised me you would stop drinking. That’s a big part of why I came back. Now look at you.”
“Amanda, look around at all you have. I gave it to you.”
“I would trade every bit of this just to have my old Jacob back.”
“Come here, Amanda.”
“Why should I?”
“Because I love you and I want to give you a kiss.”
“Your breath reeks of alcohol. I want no part of it.”
“Come on, just a little kiss.”
Amanda relented and slowly walked over to Jacob.
“You look beautiful in that dress,” Jacob said as he held both of her hands in front of him.
She looked up at him and smiled. “You look pretty handsome yourself in that tuxedo.”
Jacob pulled her toward him and embraced her. “Let’s stop all this bickering. I love you so much.”
“I love you, too, Jacob. But we have been over this a million times before. You know how I feel about your drinking. I can’t put up with it.”
“I’m sorry, dear. I’ve tried to stop, but it is difficult for me.”
“Well, if you want things to work out between us, you’re going to have to try harder. I’ll help you any way I can, but I refuse to go on if you continue to drink.”
“I’ll try, Amanda. I love you too much not to.”
“Let’s just stay home tonight, Jacob—can we?”
“It’s important that we go. There will be some good contacts there.”
“I want to stay home and snuggle. Besides, if we go, you’ll be tempted to drink.”
“I promise I won’t have a thing to drink if we go.”
“You promise?”
“Yes.”
“You promise to turn your life around?”
“I will.”
Amanda stood on her tiptoes and gently kissed Jacob on the lips.
“I hope this is the last time I smell alcohol on your breath.”
“It will be…I promise. Now let’s get going; the children are getting restless.”
Jacob loaded the children into the car. Amanda reluctantly opened the passenger side door and climbed in. Jacob slid into the plush seat of his 1922 Cadillac, adjusted his coat, then he started the car and they took off for the party.
“Will Timmy and Bobby be there tonight?” Tommy asked.
“Yeah, and there’ll be a lot of other children there for all of you to play with. It’ll be fun to ring in the New Year.”
When they arrived at the Marshalls’, Jacob was anxious to get the party started.
“Come on, Amanda, let’s go in.”
“Let me fix my makeup.”
“You look fantastic. Come on.”
Jacob gave her a few minutes before entering the house. They were greeted warmly by all in attendance. Despite his business indiscretions, Jacob was still acknowledged as a quasi-celebrity.
“Would you like a cocktail before dinner, Jacob?” the host offered.
Amanda gave Jacob a stern look.
“No thank you. I’m just fine.”
“Oh, come on, it’s New Year’s Eve. Just one to loosen you up a little.”
“I’m loose enough. I had a few before we left the house.”
Jacob and Amanda circulated among the crowd, greeting old friends and meeting new ones. The drink offers kept coming Jacob’s way. Though tempted, he refused all the invitations. At dinner, a wineglass filled with red wine sat next to his and Amanda’s plates. Before dinner, the host, Robert Marshall, stood at the head of the table and proposed a toast.
“To great friendships and to a prosperous new year for all my friends here tonight, I propose this toast.”
Jacob picked up his glass, looking at Amanda for her approval. He didn’t get it. Instead he got a steely glare, which served as a warning for him to put the glass back in its place. Jacob thought for a moment and then rationalized to himself that it was just a friendly glass of wine, and it shouldn’t count as actually drinking. He participated in the toast and continued to sip the remainder of the wine in his glass throughout dinner. Then he had another. After dinner, Amanda asked Jacob to join her in the foyer.
“I can’t believe you.”
“What?”
“Don’t act stupid with me! You know what I mean.”
“Seriously, I don’t.”
“What did we talk about just before leaving the house to come here?”
“Surely you’re not talking about the wine I had with dinner?”
“That is exactly what I’m talking about!”
“Amanda, it was just a couple of harmless glasses of wine to accentuate the taste of the meal.”
“There is nothing harmless about alcohol where you’re concerned. You promised me you would stop drinking. Here it is a few hours after your promise and you have already broken it.”
“I don’t consider having a glass of wine as drinking.”
“Then what is it? It isn’t like it was grape juice…it was alcohol.”
“I think you’re being a bit ridiculous.”
“Oh, am I? I just want to go home. I’m not feeling well.”
“But we haven’t even rung in the New Year.”
“You want to stay here for the New Year? Is that so you can have another toast with champagne…or who knows what?”
“It’s not like I’m staggering drunk or anything.”
“You are drunk! But that’s not the point. In my book, a promise is a promise. Don’t you understand the trouble alcohol has caused our marriage…and your business?”
“It’s not like that, Amanda. It was just a little wine.”
“That’s where it begins. It ends with you drinking more and more until you are obnoxiously drunk. You can’t drink, Jacob. You can’t drink at all if you are sincere about getting sober. Don’t you understand that?”
Jacob looked at her and shook his head.
“If you want to stay here and ring in the New Year with your friends, go ahead. I’m calling a cab and taking the children home. I have a headache and I want to leave. Which is more important to you, Jacob…me, or your alcohol? You choose!”
“You are, of course.”
“Then let’s go home before something terrible happens.”
Jacob thought for a moment, sighed, and then agreed to leave the party.
“Okay, have it your way. We’ll leave, but I think the Marshalls will consider it a snub.”
“I don’t actually care what they think. I’ll tell them I am feeling ill, and that will be our excuse to leave.”
Jacob went to retrieve their coats and round up the children while Amanda sought out Robert and Melissa Marshall to politely excuse her family from the party.
“I’m very sorry you have to leave before the fun starts.”
“We are also, but I am not feeling well. Thank you for your hospitality. The dinner was delicious.”
Jacob closed his car door, still in disbelief that Amanda would get so upset about him having a few glasses of wine. After several minutes in the car, he revisited the subject, but Amanda refused to discuss it further. Jacob decided to let it pass. He wanted to say something to make amends, but nothing of value came to mind. As he looked in the rearview mirror, he noticed Tommy, Frankie, and Emma asleep in the backseat.
“Look at our angels back
there,” he said to break the ice.
Amanda turned to see the children.
“They sure are cute.”
“Look, Amanda…I’m sorry about tonight.”
“You should be.”
“Come over here.” Jacob beckoned her to sit next to him on the bench seat.
“We’re not teenagers, for heaven sakes.” She laughed.
“Come here.”
Amanda accommodated him, moving closer.
“Let’s not argue. I just slipped up a little bit, that’s all.”
“There is no excuse for your behavior.”
“All right. I know that. I’m sorry and it won’t happen again.”
“Okay, you’re forgiven. But don’t let it ever happen again.”
“When we get home, we’ll put the kids to bed, then we’ll snuggle on the sofa.”
“That’s what I wanted to do all along.”
“I should have listened to you in the first place.”
“Yeah, you should have,” Amanda teased.
Jacob put his arm around her and drew her close. She kissed him softly on the cheek. The anticipation of a quiet New Year’s celebration with her true love made her eager to get home. It had been several years since they’d shared any real intimacy. Jacob welcomed her excitement as he sped along.
“Slow down, honey!”
“I want to get home and share this night with you. Just listen to that engine purr.”
“Jacob! It’s not safe. Slow down.”
Accelerating as he approached a turn in the road, he didn’t see the sheet of black ice. The car skidded off the road, struck a tree, and then spun violently before overturning and coming to rest against another tree, upright.
The screaming coming from the car just before impact was replaced by a sudden silence. Jacob pushed himself away from the steering wheel, blood dripping from his forehead. His ears were still ringing; shattered glass was everywhere. He could faintly hear Tommy moaning. He had been thrown from the backseat and hit the dashboard. He now lay on the front passenger side floor, seriously injured. Jacob gathered his wits, checked on Tommy, then opened the rear door to check on Frankie and Emma. Though shaken, they were all right.
“Amanda. Amanda! Where are you?”
Amanda was gone from the front seat. Had she walked away? Jacob frantically searched for her.
“Amanda!”
His heart stopped momentarily as he looked down the embankment and saw Amanda’s body. She had been thrown from the car. When he reached her, she was lifeless. Her face was crushed unrecognizably from the impact, her torso mangled from being run over by the car after she was ejected.
“My God! No! Amanda, please come back to me. Please!”
Jacob held Amanda’s cold body against his chest and screamed.
“Is Mommy all right, Daddy?” Frankie called out.
“Stay up there, son. Don’t come down here.”
Headlights shined around the corner as a car approached. A man and his wife stopped to offer assistance. The woman took Frankie and Emma back to her car to comfort them.
“Are Mommy and Tommy okay?” Frankie kept asking.
“They’ll be fine,” she said to pacify him.
The man ran over to the passenger side of the car and saw Tommy, who by now had rolled out onto the ground. The bone in his right leg had pierced the skin and he was bleeding profusely.
“Sir, are you hurt?” the man yelled down to Jacob.
“No, it’s my wife.”
The man sprinted through the snow to reach them. He found Jacob cradling Amanda’s upper body, his coat red with her blood. Jacob was in shock.
“She’s gone, sir.”
“No, she can’t be.”
The man had to pull Jacob off her.
“Your son’s in bad shape. If we don’t get him some help, he’ll bleed to death.”
* * *
Howard felt his eyes well with tears. Jacob was in terrible pain. He sat there, sobbing uncontrollably.
“I can’t go on. This is too hard,” he told Howard.
“You must. You need to cleanse your soul of these festering wounds. You’ve come this far, Jacob, now tell me the rest of your story.”
Jacob continued, “As we attended to Tommy, I could hear Frankie and Emma screaming for their mother, and calling out to Tommy. Tommy’s leg was all mangled and bleeding. He was unconscious. If it weren’t for the fact he was bleeding, I would have sworn he was dead. We tied a makeshift tourniquet around his leg and moved him to the man’s car then drove Tommy, Frankie, and Emma to the hospital. I stayed behind with Amanda. Out of respect, I covered her face with my coat and waited for the police to arrive. It was the longest half hour of my life. When they finally got there, they took control of the scene and called an ambulance for Amanda. As the police questioned me, they smelled the alcohol on my breath so they arrested me. Tommy almost lost his leg. Amanda was buried a few days after New Year’s. I wasn’t able to attend the funeral, or visit Tommy in the hospital, where he remained for months. I sat behind bars awaiting trial on manslaughter charges and for the embezzlement beef. I was convicted of both and sentenced to ten years, and served the full sentence. I wish they had sentenced me to death.”
“What happened to your children?”
“Amanda’s sister and husband raised them. While in prison, the haze of alcoholism lifted from my head and I came to realize what I had lost. This was an agonizing time for me. Just about every night, my sleep was pierced with nightmares about the accident. I was released from prison on February 4, 1932. We were in the middle of the Great Depression. Initially, I tried to reunite with my children. Tommy and Emma refused to see me, and Amanda’s sister wouldn’t let me near Frankie. I was driven away by shame. To cope, I returned to the bottle, drifting aimlessly around the country, hopping freight trains from town to town, taking odd jobs and even begging at times to get by. My children grew up with an image of me painted by bitter relatives and friends…one of a drunk, a bum, and a murderer. Frankie barely had his own memory of me.”
Jacob began to weep again, but felt a terrific sense of relief that he had finally told Howard everything he’d been withholding since the day they met.
“It’s all right. Everything will be all right, my friend. I think we’ve done all we can here tonight. Why don’t we turn in and get some sleep.”
* * *
Over morning coffee, Jacob informed Howard of his plans to travel to Baltimore in an attempt to locate his daughter.
“But you don’t even know where she lives, or if she’s still in Baltimore.”
“I know. But I’ve got to try and find her.”
“Jacob, I’m worried about you. I don’t think it’s wise for you to leave right now. You’ve been through a lot in the last few days. Being rejected by Tom, and finding out about Frankie, was traumatic. You should give it some time before trying to approach Emma.”
“There is nothing left here for me. I have one more shot at recapturing a small portion of my previous life. That opportunity is in Baltimore, with Emma, not here.”
“But what if she rejects you?”
“Well…then I guess I have no reason to go on in life. They can donate my body to science!”
“That’s awfully grim…another good reason why you should remain here for a while.”
“Well…that’s just the way it is. I’ve made my decision. I can’t take it any longer.”
“If you insist, let me set you up with a friend of mine in Baltimore. His name is Bob Parsley, and he heads a Salvation Army Mission there. Here…I’ll write down his address for you. Look him up when you get there. You can stay at his mission until you get on your feet. Stay here just a few more days and let me make the arrangements in Baltimore.”
“I appreciate the help. Thank you.”
Howard phoned his friend, Bob Parsley, and told him about Jacob and his troubled life. He asked Bob to look after Jacob and to help him as much as he could. For the next fe
w days, Jacob and Howard spoke little of Jacob’s dilemma. For the first time since they met, they were able to share a few laughs and enjoyed their remaining time together.
After church service one night, Jacob asked Howard if he could have a word with him.
“What is it, Jacob?”
“I just wanted to thank you for being my friend and for all you have done for me. I will never forget you, Howard.”
“What? Is this some kind of a good-bye?”
“Yes. I’ll be leaving early tomorrow morning.”
“Why so soon?”
“We’ve been through all of that. I have to find Emma.”
“At least, let’s have breakfast tomorrow, and then you can be on your way. I’ve phoned Bob Parsley and he is expecting you. Here, I bought you a train ticket to Baltimore.”
“Oh, I can’t accept that. Besides, you can’t afford such a thing.”
“It’s okay. I have been saving my money for a special occasion or purpose such as this. It is my parting gift to you. Please take it, my friend.”
“Well, thank you. But it isn’t necessary.”
“So I’ll see you at breakfast?”
“Sure, Howard, tomorrow we’ll have breakfast,” Jacob said with a wink.
* * *
Howard got up early and went to the dining hall to look for Jacob, but he was nowhere to be found. Has he overslept? Howard thought. He went to Jacob’s cot, expecting to find him asleep. When he arrived, he found that Jacob’s bed was neatly made, an envelope resting on the pillow with Howard’s name inscribed on it. Howard opened the envelope, which contained a note and the train ticket he had given to Jacob. The note read:
Dear Howard,
I’m not good at good-byes, so I decided to skip breakfast and write you this note instead. I can never thank you adequately for your friendship, or for all you have taught me about myself. You have given me faith and hope that I can make something positive happen in the life I have remaining. I hope I will see you again, but if not…know you will always be in my heart and in my thoughts.
Your friend,
Jacob
P.S. Thank you very much for the train ticket, but I am returning it so you can cash it in and get your money back. No offense, but I prefer traveling first class. There is much more room in a boxcar to stretch out and relax.