by HJ Bellus
“Jesus, this place.” Connor brushes his forehead.
“It’s a gold mine, eh?” I pull open the shop door. “Thing is, he doesn’t sell shit and hates people.”
I point to the riding lawn mower in the corner. The look on Connor’s face is puzzled.
“Looks like a regular mower to me,” he shrugs.
“Just you wait.” I smile. “Shit’s about to get real intense.”
I’m on the mower for two passes at full speed, before Connor is waving me down dying for a turn. And that’s how we spend the afternoon, racing the mower across Dave’s lawn and every single pasture. Call it a man thing, but going thirty miles per hour on a lawn mower is fun as hell.
“What now?” Connor asks when there’s no grass in sight tall enough to mow.
“Want to help me weld something?”
He shrugs. “Sure.”
I walk him over to the tractor that’s Dave’s favorite one to use to move equipment. The problem is he’ll only go a hundred yards driving it before he stops. I have to walk next to him, making getting any work done slower than shit.
“What the hell is this?” Connor asks.
The man is from a large family farm, and tractor work is his specialty. It’s comical watching him stare at the tractor with confusion.
“Dave’s fabricated work of art,” I say with a chuckle.
“Never have seen anything like it.” He adjusts his ball cap sideways on his head.
“That’s Dave for you.” I lean on the wheel. “He likes to haul shit with it, but he’s slower than piss. I want to weld a seat on the side so he can sit up here while I work.”
“Like a platform type deal that could be a seat or something to stand on?”
“Yeah, I think so.”
It’s friends like Connor who have wild country hearts like mine that I appreciate. He doesn’t bitch about the work or even ask for pay. He rolls his sleeves up and gets to work with me. It only takes a few hours before we have a seat on the side of the tractor for Dave.
Connor begs me to go out with him, but I refuse. I went and visited Dave. All in all, it had been a good day. His spirits were better, even though he has to stay an extra week in the hospital. For once in a very long time, my mind and body are exhausted enough to fall asleep. The package of gummy bears on my nightstand doesn't have the power to taunt me. My eyelids fall shut, and I’m out.
My phone rings on the nightstand next to me. I reach for it, still in a deep sleep, and knock the pack of gummy bears off. I rise into a sitting position, fighting to gain my bearings. Then fear sets in. No call in the middle of the night is ever a good one. Visions of my family race through my head, or is it the hospital telling me Dave passed?
My sight is blurry from still trying to wake up and can only focus in on the time. Three-thirty in the morning.
“Hello.” My voice cracks and I wipe away the sleep from my eyes.
“Hunter.” A deep, cheery voice comes from the other end.
I hold the phone out and stare at it. Is this a damn dream? What in the hell is going on?”
“Hey,” I croak out waiting for the inevitable bomb to drop.
“What’s going on boy? How was Friday night pussy?”
“Dave?” I ask, pretty sure it’s him but still fucking confused as hell.
“It’s me.” He yells into the phone.
“What are you doing?”
“Calling you.”
“Dave, it’s almost four in the morning.”
“No, it’s not.” He coughs. “When are you coming to visit me? I’m waiting on you.”
“Dave, it’s way too damn early.”
“You kids have no work ethic. It’s well into morning. Just checking to see when you were coming to visit me.”
“Are the blinds in your room open?” I ask him.
“Nope, closed, but all the lights are on in the room.”
“If you were to look out, you’d see it’s pitch black.”
“I’m not fucking dumb, Hunter,” his voice escalates.
“Dave, you’ve got your times backward.”
“Bullshit.”
Another voice on the other end of streams through. It’s a female one and more than likely a nurse. I can hear her convincing Dave of the time. It’s not until I listen to the rustle of the blinds being pulled back that I know Dave has to be convinced now.
“Oh, shit.”
“Dave, I’ll be there to see you tonight. Try to get some sleep.”
“Bye.” One word and then the line goes dead.
I can’t help but chuckle at the ornery old bastard, but when I fall back on the bed, I’m wide-awake. My deep sleep long gone.
Thanks, Dave.
9
Hunter
“Storms make trees take deeper roots.” - Dolly Parton
The snow will be falling soon, so I take full advantage of a few spare hours. I hit up Connor and some of my other friends to see if they wanted to head up to the motorcycle trails, but everyone was busy. It’s not the smartest idea to ride alone, but I also don’t have many free hours in my life either.
I park my truck, then suit up in all of my gear. My Freshman year I spent a lot of time up here with Burton, riding these hills. The parking lot is typically packed, but not today. Shocking really, since snowfall is right around the corner. Winters in Northern Idaho can be brutal, and I’m all in for soaking up these few nice days we have left.
With my backpack on, I kick the bike to life and then take off for the top of the mountain. There are dozens and dozens of old logging roads that make the perfect obstacles. Hours of carefree riding float by until I find myself going down a mountain with about forty feet left. It’s a split-second decision; I know that I need to turn around, but there’s no place to do so. I ease the bike down and then when I’m about halfway down, I go vertical then my front wheel lands in a deep cutout in the mountainside.
Black. Everything goes dark in a split second. Then all I see is a bright blue sky. I blink once, then twice, before finally focusing in on the fluffy clouds. Slowly, I sit up and feel the ground below spin rapidly with brutal force.
My head is heavy, and something is on it. My hands reach up and feel the hard material until I’m able to take it off. My head wobbles when the extra weight and pressure has been taken off. I peer over to a motorcycle that’s laid out on its side. Do I ride motorcycles? Who am I? Where am I?
Panic sets in when the realization hits me I have no idea of anything. I press my palms into the soft soil below me trying to stand up, but everything spins way too fast. Something on my back jingles catching my attention. I have a backpack. The terror racing inside of me causes me to lurch forward digging through the pack for help.
I find a first-aid kit, a few bottles of water, and then a phone. None of it looking familiar at all. The harder I try to figure it out, the worse the pain in my head throbs. It’s a steady drum beat and the loudest sound I’ve ever heard. With each beat of it, it makes it harder to put together a string of thoughts.
The cell phone lights up in my hand with a Facebook notification. I don’t recognize the name in the notification. I press the home button, but a security code pops up. I study the numbers from one to nine and find myself even more confused. I keep my thumb on the home button while searching for a combination, but that drum sound grows louder and steadier.
Then like magic, the phone opens us. My fingerprint, I think, thank God. My first clue to getting off this mountainside. I notice I only have two bars of service. The picture on the home screen is just two people staring back at me. It takes me long moments to realize it’s another woman and me. The woman with bright ocean blue eyes and glossy auburn hair, and I remember that I love her. I love her so much it makes my heart hurt every single day.
Teale. It’s Teale. I find her contact, then press the phone icon to call her. It rings several times before someone picks up.
“Hunter?” The voice shocked.
“Teale.”
A pungent pause making me wonder if I shouldn’t have called her.
“Hunter, are you okay?”
“No. I wrecked a motorcycle and don’t know where I am. Hell, just realized my name is Hunter.”
“Where are you?” All shock evaporated from her voice, and now it’s just panic.
“I uh…” I stutter out. “I don’t know. My head hurts, and I don’t remember much.”
“Hunter, you have to tell me where you are.”
The drum beat at the final crescendo, nearly making me blind. “I love you. I think I know I shouldn’t love you, but all I know right now is that I love you.”
“It’s okay, Hunter. I love you, too.” Her voice fades off for the last part. “I’ll always love you.”
“Help me,” I whisper back into the phone.
“Where are you, Hunter? I need to know your location.”
I cup the side of my head with my free hand, fighting to dull the raging pain. “I’m lost.”
Those two words make me realize I’m not only lost on this mountainside, but also lost in life. I lost this woman. She left me. I love her. All the thoughts tornado in my aching head.
“Hunter, try to focus in on me, okay?” Teale pauses for a few beats. “Put me on speaker phone then send me your location.”
“How?” I ask before I even try to think it out.
She walks me through the process, step by step, until I’ve sent her my location.
“I’m already in my car and on my way. Keep talking to me.”
A chuckle escapes my lips. “Make it fast, Jeff Gordon.”
Teale laughs on the other end, but I hear her tears mingling in it. Then everything hits me. Flashes of her beautiful face, our time spent together, her daughter, me walking out, my broken heart…losing the love of my life.
“Teale,” I whisper into the phone.
“I’m on my way, baby. About ten minutes out.”
“Your daughter is beautiful, just like you.”
“Thank you,” she whispers.
“I still love you. I hate myself every morning when I wake up for falling in love with you. You warned me, and I didn’t listen.”
“Hunter, c’mon we can talk later. Don’t do this right now.”
“Does he treat you right? Does he love you as much as I do?”
“Who?” She asks in shock.
“Jerico, your husband, the dick in the fancy suit that took you away from me.” The hatred in my voice scares me, intensifying the pain now jetting through my whole body.
“He’s not my husband.”
“Boyfriend?”
“No, it’s a long story and right now isn’t the time.”
“Her dad?” I ask.
“Hunter.” I hear her fist slam into her steering wheel. “No! Please don’t do this right now.”
The emotion lacing in her voice makes me wince. I’m hurting her, stressing her out when she’s racing to my rescue.
“I’m sorry. I just need you.”
The pain thrumming in me forces all of the emotions I’ve kept bottled up for so long. They rush over the dam in a torrid motion.
“I see you.” I hear a car door slam.
“Look down, Hunter.”
I end the call and stuff my phone back into the backpack, then stand on shaky legs. It takes everything inside of me to limp the motorbike down the mountain. Thank God it’s not far, but it stills zaps all of my energy. The world spins when I fall to the ground clutching my head.
My stomach rollercoasters in a dizzying motion, then I begin vomiting on the ground next to me. It’s relentless never stopping making my head throb even harder.
“Baby.” Teale kneels down in front of me, cupping my cheeks. “I’m taking you to the hospital. Can someone come pick up your bike and truck?”
I stare blankly at her, needing the world to go black because everything hurts. It hurts to think, look, and feel. I need the blackness.
“Hunter, do you have anyone who can come get the bike?” She’s precise with each word that falls from her mouth.
“Connor.”
“Where is your phone?”
I reach back and tap my backpack. Teale wastes no time rushing into and finding Connor’s contact. Once the call ends, she helps me to my feet. My legs are rubber, while the ground moves like a belt on a treadmill.
“Going to fall,” I blurt out.
“I have you, Hunter.” Teale’s arms are wrapped around my mid-section.
She wasn’t lying, because she never lets go until I’m in the seat of the car. I’m forced to close my eyes when the scenery begins rushing by us. It’s all too much, making me sick.
“No, it’s Teale. Blair, I have Hunter in my car. He wrecked his motorcycle and called me.”
Silence.
“He was by himself. I’m not a doctor, but from my training, I’d definitely say he has a severe concussion. I’m sure they’ll want to do some testing for a brain bleed.”
Silence again.
“He’s in pretty bad shape. No, I don’t think he has any broken bones.”
Silence. My favorite part of the conversation since the pain dulls in these moments. Teale pulls the phone from her ear, keeping her gaze on the road.
“Your mom wants to talk to you.”
“No.” My dry lips crack with that one word. “Hurt.”
“Blair, I’ll keep you updated. He’s pretty out of it right now.”
Ahhh, silence again.
“Okay, I’ll call you back as soon as I get him to the ER.”
Teale places my phone in my lap. I look over at her with one eye open.
“You know my code?”
She nods accelerating the car. “Yes.”
“What is it?” I ask.
“The day we met.”
“Nine one seventeen,” I mumble with the memory flooding back in without warning, then my one open eye flutters shut. Sleep screams at my exhausted, aching body.
“No, Hunter.” Her hand grabs mine. “Don’t you fall asleep. You have to stay awake. We are almost there.”
“I’m tired.”
“I know, baby. Just open your eyes and look at me please.” The begging tone in her voice makes me smile.
“Okay, there’s that smile, but now open your eyes and look at me. You can’t go to sleep right now.”
Everything fighting to come out of my mouth is inappropriate. The barrier between has been busted through and crumbled to the ground. Now, my soul has been bared before her, and all I want to do is hold her.
The lights in the Emergency Room assault me. Everyone moves quickly into action, then everything becomes a blur. I fight to raise my hand. Teale is at my side seeing what I need.
“Dave. I need to see him tonight.”
“Baby, Dave is okay.”
“No, I visit him every single night. Doesn’t matter what’s going on. I need to see Dave.” My brows worry in frustration, then my body fights to get out of the bed even though my head slices in agony.
“I’ll go see him.” Teale strokes my shoulder. “I’ll go to Dave. You need to relax, baby. You have a severe head injury.”
“No, don’t leave me.” I grab her hand. “Teale, I walked out last time on you. Please, don’t leave me.”
She nods her head with certainty. “I’ll call the hospital he’s at and check in on him. Will that be enough?”
“Yes.” The word barely leaves my lips.
“I promise, Hunter.”
“Can I go to sleep now?” I ask with heavy lids.
“Baby, you can go to sleep. You have a severe concussion, there’s no brain bleed, and I called your mom.”
I nod with eyelids closed. “Don’t leave me.”
“I’m not going to leave you.”
10
Teale
“I’m going to show him what little girls are made of gunpowder and lead.”
- Miranda Lambert
“Mommy.”
One of my eyelids
drags open.
“Mommy,” she sings out again, then a tiny finger pokes my nose.
I groan and then roll over, forcing my eyelids open. The soft morning light piercing them with pain. But it’s Baker’s contagious and genuine smile that always keeps me going. She hops on my stomach and begins going a hundred miles a minute, like an average four-year-old going on five would.
She’s adjusted to living with me easier than expected. It killed me leaving her in California with Jerico and his family, but I knew I had to. The court order was the law, and by damn I was going to have my life in order to gain full custody of her.
“Mommy, are you wistening to me?” She pops her hand on her hip.
“Yes, yes.” I reach up and tap her nose. “You have preschool this afternoon while I work, and Grandpa will pick you up.”
“I wove that guy,” she replies with her dimples on full display.
Those dimples, the damn curse to the whole journey that has me here today. Mr. Hawthorne sucked me in with those dimples and attention. It was all it took to make me feel loved, and slide down a slippery slope. He was my sophomore English teacher. I’d always hated the subject until him.
“Okay, sister, let’s get up and do breakfast.” I sit up until we are both standing.
Baker pulls her panties out of her ass just like a real lady. It makes me giggle. She’s so pure, honest, and full of life, and the one thing that keeps me moving forward in life, no matter how harsh the pain is. She’s been mine since the day I gave birth to her, and her beautiful name was all I gave her before the war set in.
Pain is a welcome enemy in my world. Lord, knows I’ve experienced more of it than any other twenty-one-year-old should. Flashes of yesterday rush back in.
I never meant to hurt Hunter. I fought to stay away from him, but the man showed me what it felt like to be loved. And once I felt that, it became a drug I couldn’t get enough of. I was an addict. Mr. Hawthorne used me. He saw a broken girl who didn’t have a stable home. He took advantage of me, and that’s what I thought love was. I was so wrong. Then I saw two lines on a pregnancy test, and knew Mr. Hawthorne would be a part of me for the rest of my life.