by Unknown
I hadn’t thought my heart would crack, sending me spiraling on to the sharp jagged edge of pain. Wanting to hate him, but unable to, I could only hate myself for wanting him more than I should have. I squeezed my eyes shut as fat drops began to fall and my chest hollowed out, leaving a void of emptiness.
Chapter Fifteen
Drake
Louisa got into the elevator and I closed the door. Why now? Why after so many years, had I made the mistake of going back to Carlton? I rubbed my temples as I strode to the bedroom. How long would it be until I was faced with a visit from the family I’d put behind me? I grabbed my phone from where I’d tossed it on the bed. There was nothing since I’d told Birdie to get her ass over to my apartment. When I’d told her to come, I’d expected her to show up. While I dressed I sent her another message. The choking feeling that something was wrong gripped hold of my throat. I called her as I went into the kitchen. Still no answer.
I grabbed the envelope and stalked over to the window. Tapping a finger against the thick envelope, I glared out over the business district. Normally I loved the fact that everywhere I wanted to go was only five minutes away, but right now, I wasn’t far enough away from Carlton.
I couldn’t go back. I’d buried my family and run from the ones I had left. Hailey and my little girl haunted me, wasn’t that enough? I threw the envelope onto the sofa and stalked to the fridge to grab a beer. There were two things in this world that could take away the images of that day and neither of them were in Carlton. I called Birdie again and left a message on her voicemail. I needed her to blot out those minutes that were burned into my brain. That had scorched my heart and left nothing but scarred tissue. Knocking the top off the bottle, I emptied it. Why the hell wasn’t she answering?
I grabbed the bottle of scotch from the cupboard and prowled over to the couch. Twisting the lid off, I took a swig from the bottle as I sunk onto the couch. The scotch soaked my brain and ran through my blood offering a tempting hope of oblivion. I wanted that, to not think about the fact that going home meant facing her parents, and mine, or Leo, after so many years. That they wouldn’t look at me with hurt clear in their eyes, or ask me to remember Hailey and talk about before, when we were happy.
I couldn’t do it. I hadn’t been strong enough to stick around when shit had gone down. Why the hell did Louisa think ten years could make a difference? The bottle cradled in my arms I closed my eyes, drawn back into my memories.
***
Her hazel eyes stared into mine, her breath coming in jagged bursts as I leaned over her. There was blood, soaking through her clothing and spreading under her on the asphalt. Her right leg bent at an odd angle and rested over her left. One hand had been crushed and was swelling and turning a deep shade of purple. "Ambulance is coming, baby, just hang on."
Leo knelt at her head, his hands on her face as I assessed the damage. She exhaled, the sound louder than it should have been in the mid morning traffic, and I glanced at her face to see the light leaving her eyes. "Please don’t go, Hailey. Please don’t go. Please, baby, please don’t leave me. Please." I sobbed cupping her face in my hands. "You just hold on."
The logical part of my brain, the doctor in me knew it didn’t matter how much I begged, she wouldn’t hold on. She couldn’t. She was already gone. I pulled her into my lap.
***
Sitting bolt upright, I dropped the bottle to the floor. A dribble of dark liquid spilled out on the carpet. In the dark, it took me a moment to find my phone and when the screen lit up my heart sank. The only girl who had a hope of easing this image from my brain still hadn’t replied. I called Will. The other option was not one I wanted to consider.
Birdie
For three days I slept, only venturing out of my room when Mellie was asleep or not home. I tried to eat the first day, but the pasta I made tasted like paste and reminded me of dinner with him in Carlton, which reminded me of him, which reminded me of them together. A vicious circle of thoughts raced through my mind each time I woke, so I’d go back to sleep.
Not ready to talk to anyone, I left my phone off and didn’t charge it. They would’ve seen I wasn’t happy, and I didn’t know how to explain that my world had fallen apart. I’d lay in bed at night curled up in my duvet and watch TV. Why had this happened to me? Somehow, I had to pull out of my funk. On the third night, I charged my phone. At least in the morning, I would be able to find out my test results.
I woke up to whispering outside my door. "It’s been three days."
"Do you know what happened, Mellie?" My brother’s deep timbre had me sitting up. Shit, what was he doing here?
"She hasn’t come out at all."
"Have you got any idea what happened?"
They moved away from the door, their voices fading. Wincing, I put my feet on the floor. My legs wobbled underneath me as I made my way to the bathroom. The temptation to sink back into the beautiful oblivion of sleep where I wouldn’t have to deal with the crack that split me open with each breath was almost too much. I pulled on jeans and brushed my hair and teeth, practicing my smile. It didn’t look right and hurt my cheeks. They would know. Orion would know. My eyes gave away the truth. A cacophony of notifications, and text messages I'd missed over the past three days filled the air when I turned on my phone. When the noises stopped and it stilled in my hand, I punched in the number for the doctors.
"I’m calling for test results." I sunk down onto the bed and rubbed my palm on my thigh, my heart pounding.
"Lance… Birdie. Yes that’s right."
I listened to the hold music while I waited for the receptionist to find my results. "Your test came back negative. There’s nothing here the doctor needs to see you about."
I let out a long breath. "Thank you."
She hung up on me, and I thumbed through my texts. His name had scrolled across my screen when I’d turned it on, but I wasn’t prepared for the number of texts. I hovered my thumb over one, the screen unfocused in front of me. In the preview, the word darlin’ taunted me, and I dropped it on the bed and went to face Orion and Mellie.
"It’s got to be the doctor, doesn’t it? He’s hurt her somehow." Orion was pacing when I entered the room. On seeing me, he came to stand before me. "What did he do to you? I knew he wasn’t the type of guy you should get involved with."
I sunk into the armchair. "Why? Because he’s older than me and has tattoos?"
He rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, that was part of the reason."
"Or, did you not trust me to pick a man who could be good for me given my track record?"
"Hey." He sank into a crouch in front of me. "That’s not fair."
"I know, but trust me; I never expected it to last. I wanted it for what it was, not what it could be."
He stared at me and Mellie gazed at me across the room. "What could it be, Birdie?"
Orion ran a hand through his hair as tears slipped down my cheeks and my breath shuddered in and out. "Fuck."
"It can’t be anything. Not anymore."
"Are you sure of that?" she asked.
I nodded.
"I don’t think he knows that." She sidled up beside Orion. "He’s been here every day."
"You didn’t tell me." I rubbed my fingers under my eyes.
"You slept for three days. I didn’t know that was possible."
Orion chuckled. "I don’t know. If you asked Clo, she’d probably kill to sleep for three days."
"That’s different, Orion, and you know it," Mellie said.
"Yeah, it is." Orion went serious. "So you’ve, uh, gotten attached to him?"
I nodded. "But it doesn’t matter. He’s got other options."
"I’m not one to give you advice, Birdie, but don’t let other people stop you from taking what you really want."
Mellie pushed Orion out of the way. "I think you’ll find the man wants you."
"I need to let it go." I got up and paced to the kitchen. "It’s over."
Orion sidled up beside me while I filled the
coffeepot with water. He rubbed my back. "Birdie, you really have feelings for this guy, don’t you?"
"Yeah." I dumped the pot in the sink and got juice from the fridge.
"Don’t you think that’s kind of a big deal?"
"I’m not a stone." I glared at him over my shoulder.
He ran his hand through his hair. "That’s not what I’m saying…"
I poured juice into glasses and took a sip before dumping it in the sink. "Well… what are you saying?"
He grabbed my shoulders and stared down at me. "Birdie, you’ve never… been interested in men before. I mean, I threatened the man because I’m your big brother, but… he actually seems to be good for you. Maybe you need to sort this out with him."
"Sort what out?" I yanked free of him and stalked out of the kitchen. "He’s sleeping with someone else."
I glanced over my shoulder to see Orion tense, his fists clenched.
Mellie cleared her throat. "You sure about that?"
"Yes." I glared at her and bolted to my room. My phone started ringing as I slammed the door behind me.
I let it ring out before checking to see who’d called and my heart sank. How had I forgotten about work? I’d probably lost that too. I called Katie, my boss, and although she lectured me, she didn’t fire me like she should have. All I could do was promise her it would never happen again. Monday I’d be back at work and back to normal.
Stretched out on my bed, I flipped through television channels. Orion’s truck started up in the drive away, but his words stuck in my head, and so did Mellie’s. They raced each other around and around, creating doubts about letting go of Drake. My body ached for him, my brain obsessed. I couldn’t go on like this. If I wanted to put this behind me, I had to confront him.
Chapter Sixteen
Drake
Even before I saw her, I knew she was there. The moment she stepped out of the elevator, I sensed her. I took a step back as she glanced around. Her perfume seemed to wash over me, and I breathed deeply, surprised when it didn’t hit me. That only the memory of it sunk into my system. My hand half-raised to reach for her, I dropped it. What the fuck was she doing here now?
Turning away from her, I stalked in the opposite direction. She wouldn’t return my phone calls, wouldn’t see me. Not one fucking word from her in a week and then she shows up, to what? To rub it in that I couldn’t walk away from her? Well, guess what? I could and I was. I fingered the bottle in my coat pocket. Not drugs, but close with the way I’d been over the past few days…
I scooted inside the empty staff room and twisted the cap off the bottle. Putting it to my lips, I let the meager trickle of its contents slide down my throat before stowing it back in my pocket. Whatever she wanted, I didn’t want to hear it. I paced across the room and back.
"Shit." I thumped my hand against the wall and dragged in a breath. My body sang for her, knowing she was so close. I could barely keep control of the shake that ran through my hands as I twisted the doorknob. Being so close to her carved me out and filled me with anticipation at the same time. I strode down the hallway after her.
Her presence smacking me in the face as her perfume wafted toward me, making me pick up my pace. Anger flushed through me, my heart beating faster. I scowled as I closed the distance. My hands itched with the desire to haul her back to the empty staff room and fuck her against the wall, leaving her aching and feeling me inside her for a week after. I needed her to feel what she made me feel.
Birdie
I stalked the hospital corridors hoping to catch a glimpse of him. I’d gone to his apartment, but he hadn’t been there. After that, I’d stuck my head in at the gym.
Tom had shaken his head at me. "Sorry, Birdie, haven’t seen him."
The hospital was the last place I had to look for him. I hoped he was here, because if he wasn’t, he was with her, and I’d have to admit it was over.
I slowed as I passed the nursery for the second time. He wasn’t in there, and my shoulders slumped as I gave up. Turning around I smacked into him.
"What are you doing here?" His tone was cool, clipped, and I wondered if I'd made a mistake coming to the hospital to see him.
"I want to talk." I gazed up at him. His eyes were bloodshot and the stubble thick on his jaw line stood out against his pale skin.
"Really? You want to talk? Is that why you’ve been ignoring me, Birdie?"
My stomach felt like lead at his use of my name over the darlin’ he preferred to call me. I gulped as my mind supplied the words I’d practiced but my mouth refused to form them.
"Well come on then, darlin', out with it."
"I..." How was I supposed to tell him that I'd seen him with her, and I didn't like it? I wanted him all to myself.
"You might want to use that pretty mouth of yours," he snarled. "I've got rounds."
Eyes devoid of the warmth I'd become accustomed to, he sneered at me. His manner put me on edge. What was wrong with him?
"I didn't want to interrupt your play time." I glared at him.
"Play time?" His mask slipped as he rubbed the back of his neck. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Curvy brunette waitress. You in nothing but a towel."
Recognition flickered in his eyes, and he pushed me back against the wall, his hands either side of my head. "You thought I was fucking her, didn’t you? And you were jealous."
My heart galloped as he stared into me, laying me bare, his body trapping me against him.
"I wasn't jealous." I bit my lip and glanced past him. Who was I kidding with that remark?
He leaned into me. Sparks shot through me at all the points his body touched mine, need burning through me. I could never give him up.
"You want me all to yourself, darlin'?" His fingers trailed down my cheeks, but it was his eyes that held me mesmerized. Pain ripped through me, mirroring what I saw in them before he shuttered them from me. I would do anything to erase that for him. I breathed him in; his smell had subtle undertones of stale alcohol. Had I caused this?
"Yes."
Grabbing my hand, he pulled me along the corridor until we came to an unmarked door. He pushed me into the room in front of him. It was the same room he’d first kissed me in, and I touched my lips remembering how adamant I’d been to not give in to him. Wrapping my ponytail around his hand, he pulled my head back and crashed his mouth to mine. His tongue dragged over mine, possessing me. I pushed against his chest, and he broke off the kiss but held me prisoner against his body. "I haven't fucked anyone since I met you, Birdie."
"Then why were you kissing her?" I gazed up at him, hoping he had an answer that would make sense of what I had seen.
"I wasn’t. She's family."
"Family?"
"Yeah, she would have been my sister-in-law if… Hailey hadn’t died, but you know what I'm getting from our little chat is that you want me all to yourself. The thought of you all angry and jealous turns me on."
He picked me up and pressed me against the wall. "It makes me want to fuck you."
My clit twitched at his words, but the pocket of his coat sat heavily against my leg, and I reached in to grab the contents.
"Should you be drinking at work?" I whispered, holding the bottle up. He blanched and let me slide down his body before he turned his back on me.
"You should go." His shoulders hunched over as he took a seat, his head in his hands.
I glanced at the door, but I couldn’t leave him. Going to him, I knelt between his legs, resting my hands on his knees. "This isn’t because of me, is it?"
He shook his head. "No, darlin’, you’re the one thing that was going right."
"What is it then?"
My eyes stung as he gazed at me, his fingers exploring the dips and hollows of my face. "You have such control. I don’t know how you do it. I never could."
I palmed his cheek. "I’m not in control, not anymore. Not since I met you."
"I need you. I need you to control me."
I cocked my head, trying to understand what he was asking of me. I couldn’t control him any more than I could a tidal wave. He swept me away whenever I was with him. But he needed me, and I wouldn’t let him down. "We should get out of here."
He nodded. "My shift finishes in five minutes. Let me just check in."
Waiting while he wrapped up, I wondered how often the other doctors used this room. Each time I’d found myself in here with him there had been no one else around. I took a seat on the couch and cracked each knuckle one at a time. I’d jumped to conclusions and hurt him more than I thought possible. Chin in my hands I considered what he meant when he said he wanted me to control him. Whatever it was, whatever he needed from me, I'd do it as long as he wanted only me. The door opened, and I glanced up to see him enter the room. He strode over and grabbed my hand, tugging me along after him as he walked briskly out of the hospital.
"Your place or mine?" He squeezed my hand as he led me down the steps outside the hospital.
"My car’s over there." I pointed. "We’re not taking your bike."
"I’m fine." His lips thinned into a white line.
"You’ve been drinking. This isn’t negotiable, Drake." I pulled him in the direction of the car.
He scowled and then tugged me in under his arm. "Whatever you say, darlin’."
Getting in the car, I drove to his place. He stared out the window, and I cleared my throat several times, trying to come up with the words to ask him what was wrong. He wouldn’t volunteer the information, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what he had to say if I asked him. It was, as everything was in Reverence, a short ride, but it stretched out as his brooding filled the car like a dense fog. He’d been so angry when he’d seen me, and now this. If I pushed him, would he walk away from me, or would he let me in and tell me what was going on with him? Uncertainty over the answer had me gripping the steering wheel, while my heart stuttered in my chest. Nothing worthwhile was ever easy, but this was the hardest situation I’d ever found myself in.
I shook my head to clear the thought. I’d tried to let him go, and it wasn’t an option.