by Unknown
Birdie’s gaze caught mine, and the grip she had on my heart crushed me, making it hard to breathe. Her eyes still dragged me into her, even from the other side of the bar. Blanching, she grabbed the arm of the guy beside her. My pulse thrummed in my ears as I fought my instinct to stalk over to her and throw her over my shoulder. I stared past her. She didn’t want me, but my blood thrummed through my veins at her with another man. A drink in her hand, she tossed it down like a seasoned drinker before scrunching up her nose, and I swore under my breath.
Turning back to Blondie, I grabbed her ass, pulling her closer, giving a show for the girl across the bar. The one who had fixed my heart only to destroy it. The one who was shoving her tongue down that guy’s throat, like she had never given a fuck about me. Instead of slamming my fist into the wall like I wanted to, I collapsed onto a loveseat and let Blondie straddle my lap.
I texted Birdie, unable to pretend I didn’t see her. God, what I’d do for one more night with her, one more day. If Blondie, whoever she was, weren’t on my lap, I’d jump the bar and show her she belonged with me. Then I’d break that guy’s nose for touching my girl. His hands moved onto her ass, and I growled. Fuck this shit. She couldn’t get away from me so easily. Blondie shoved her tongue into my mouth, and I lost sight of Birdie. Gripping Blondie’s shoulders, I moved her out of the way, but Birdie was gone.
"Hey baby," Blondie grabbed my face, breaking my focus. "Do you want to come back to my place?"
"No." I pushed her off my knee onto the couch beside me.
Standing up, I searched for her. Will towered over most of the crowd, and he pushed through them as I forced them aside and met him on the dance floor. "I have to find her."
He shook his head. "Maybe you should let it be."
I glared at him, and he raised his palms as he stepped out of my way. I continued sweeping the crowd for her until I ran into Mellie.
She grabbed my arm. "Have you seen Birdie?"
"Not since she left the bar."
She chewed on her nail, chipping the red polish. "Oh shit. Orion’s going to kill me."
"I’m going to find her," I yelled.
She nodded. "I’ll keep looking."
We parted, going in opposite directions.
Birdie
Roy was still at the bar when I left the bathroom. Resting back against the wood, he watched the crowd. I’d been stupid to kiss him. He wasn’t Drake. He was nothing. Orion had messaged me back that he was on his way, but until he came I was stuck avoiding Roy, and Drake, and with no idea where Mellie had gotten to. The crowd seemed to swell and I leaned against the wall, wishing I could become invisible. Alcohol and the loud music had given me a headache and I desperately wanted to be alone. Coming here had been a mistake.
I skirted the room and made my way out to the back alley. It was deserted, and I leaned against the empty kegs stacked along the wall. Wrapping my arms around my belly, I let the tears I’d been holding in since I saw Drake with that girl stream down my face.
"Hey, there." I glanced up to see a man approaching me. His dark hair set off his slate blue eyes, but the way his mouth curved up in the corners twisted at my stomach. The hairs on my arms stood up and I brushed my hands over them. My heart beat an odd rhythm as I scooted away from him, but he leaned against the kegs beside me.
"Don’t you know it’s not smart to come outside on your own? There’s all kind of creeps out at night. Let me take you back inside?"
He seemed genuine enough, but his teeth were too white and the sweet stench of his cologne stung my nostrils making my headache worse. I brushed at my eyes, hoping I didn’t look like I’d been crying, and nodded in agreement. "Yes, let’s go back inside."
He pushed the door open, and I entered first. His fingers found the small of my back, and I trembled, but not like I did with Drake. When Drake touched me like that, it made me feel safe. This guy made my skin break into goose bumps.
"What do you drink?" he asked, guiding me to the bar.
I scanned the club but still couldn’t see Mellie, or Drake and Will for that matter. Not that I needed them to look after me, but right now, I wished one of them would find me. Hell, I’d throw my arms around Drake and beg him to take me home with him instead of that blonde he’d probably left with. "I don’t drink."
"Sure you do," he said, "how about a soda?"
I didn’t know why I was reacting to him physically. He was only looking out for me and trying to be friendly. But the muscles in my shoulders bunched together, and the pain I got in my ear when I clenched my jaw was starting to throb. The barman pushed a beer and a soda in front of us, and I glanced around again before taking a sip of the soda. If anything his smile widened as I drank with him, and I tried to smile.
We leaned against the bar, and he yelled into my ear. "Sorry, I didn’t introduce myself. I’m Marcus."
"Birdie," I yelled back.
His arm snaked around my shoulder. I glanced at his hand, wondering how offended he would get when I brushed it off.
"You’re looking a little unsteady there, Birdie, are you feeling all right?"
Actually, now that he said it, the world did seem to be dipping more than it should. "I’m fine," I lied. Orion would show up any minute, and I could go home and put this whole god-awful night behind me.
"You don’t look very well. It looks like you could use somewhere quieter."
"You have got to be fucking kidding me." I stared up at him as my legs turned to rubber and the world darkened around the edges. How had I not realized? Ten years later and I was still as stupid as I'd been back then. My stomach plummeted and I silently begged Drake to find me. Wishing with everything I had that the one man I could trust to keep me safe would somehow know I needed him. My heart raced, speeding up the drug I knew was coursing through my veins.
"It’s all right." He pulled me against him as he led me out the front doors, and my body refused to obey my mind’s commands to fight him. I could throw a knockout upper cut, but all my boxing was useless to me when my body was numb. My mouth refused to cooperate, and he walked me down the steps as my brain raced to find a way out.
I’d thought I’d never forget his face, but ten years had changed him. His smile and the way he smelled. My body had remembered what my brain couldn’t. It had been warning me in the alley, but until he said those words, I couldn’t make the connection. All along, I’d thought I was to blame. I’d believed I’d created the mess I’d worked so hard to forget, but if he’d drugged me now, then I could only assume. Tears stung my eyes. I couldn’t believe this was happening again. I tripped on the last step, and he scooped me up.
"Drake." I screamed. To my own ears, it came out a whisper. Then everything went dark.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Drake
I swear I’d looked everywhere for her, but I’d come up empty. Mellie shrugged and threw up her hands. "Maybe she left."
I scratched the back of my neck. "If you see her tell her...Oh hell, I don’t know."
She patted my arm. "She misses you. Give her time."
I didn’t want to give her time. She was mine. Not that jerk’s who’d kissed her, or anyone else’s. The only place she was meant to be was in my arms. I nodded.
"I’m going to do one more lap and see if I can find her."
Will limped over to us. "Haven’t found her?"
Mellie shook her head and walked away.
"Let me know if you find her." I called out, but she was already far enough away that she didn’t hear me. I glanced at Will. "I’m going home."
I marched toward the exit, leaving him to follow or not. Coming out tonight hadn’t helped at all. If anything, it had made me realize how empty I was without her. Whether she wanted to see me or not, I wasn’t going to give her a choice anymore. Tomorrow, I’d go to her house and make her remember she belonged with me.
I caught a glimpse of her as I pushed through the glass doors and took in a deep cleansing breath. She was only a couple o
f feet ahead of me, and I stared as her legs crossed underneath her. Christ, she could barely walk, and the guy she was with held her tightly around the waist as he maneuvered her down the stairs onto the pavement. Flexing my fingers into fists, I trailed behind them. She wouldn’t go home with him, or would she? She’d left me so easily, I couldn’t be sure I’d known her at all. If she was willing to go home with that creep just to show me how much she didn't want me then I guess I never had. The fact that I had to let her go slammed through me, and I rocked back with the impact.
She stumbled on the last step, and he scooped her up as he turned on the pavement. Her hair cascaded over his arm, and the grin on his face made my stomach lurch.
"Drake."
Her voice filter back to me, a strangled whisper of a prayer, and it wrenched my heart. I went rigid as she kept talking, and I followed them, drawn by the sadness in her voice. "Please no."
I had to be imagining it. What I was witnessing couldn’t possibly be happening.
I stared at his back until he reached a beat up truck and propped her against the door, while he thrust his hand into his pocket. Keys dangled from his fingers as he tried to keep her balanced. How inebriated she seemed to be tugged at me. For a girl who didn’t drink it wasn’t surprising that she’d be drunk, but barely conscious? She was too controlled for that.
She slid down the side of the car, and he made quick work of propping her up again, holding her in place while he fumbled with the door. Her eyelids were closed and her face too relaxed. I couldn’t be sure she was still conscious.
Will stopped beside me, and I glanced at him watching the scene unfolding in front of our eyes. Other people exited Blazers but not one of them so much as glanced in her direction. "Will, do you think…?"
Will scowled and the lines in his forehead criss-crossed deeply. He let out a low whistle. "She wasn’t that drunk."
"Right." I didn’t hesitate any longer. This fucker had drugged my girl.
"What do you think you’re doing?" I growled as he got his key in the lock while keeping her balanced.
"My girlfriend got a bit too drunk, and I’m trying to get her home. Not that it’s any business of yours."
I leaned against the car. "Actually, it is my business. She’s not your girlfriend."
He glared up at me. "How do you figure that, asshole?"
"Because she’s mine," I growled and pulled her away from him. She slid into my arms, her body limp, and I pressed my lips to her hair for a brief second. "It’s okay, darlin’. I got you."
Will took hold of her as the guy tackled me, and I dropped him like the sack of shit he was with an uppercut to the jaw, and a knee to the stomach. My blood heated to the point where my eyeballs felt like they were steaming, and standing over him, I willed myself to calm down. There was only him and me, and I was going to break bones for what he’d done to her.
He lashed out with a kick to my shin that took me down on the road beside him. He scrambled backward, but there was no way in hell I was going to let him get away with what he’d done. How many times had the bastard preyed on girls and gotten away with it? His days were fucking up. Grabbing his leg, I flipped him onto his stomach and dropped my knee square in the middle of his upper back. I heard the oomph of his lungs expelling oxygen, leaving him winded. It was sheer luck that I'd found her, before he got her in the car. Adrenaline still surged through me, and I focused on breathing, trying to calm the anger that made me want to lash out at him again.
"What the hell?" Mellie yelled and raced over to join us. "What happened?"
"She’s been drugged," Will answered.
"I’ll call the police." Her voice faded as she walked away from us to make the call.
"What the hell is going on here?" Orion pelted across the road. His face gritted with determination, his eyes bulging.
"This fucker drugged her. He was going to…"
Orion didn’t need to hear anymore. He swung a fist at the man I had constrained and landed a punch to the guy’s face that snapped his head back with an audible crack.
"Orion, shit. We’ve got him," I yelled.
I had no idea Orion could hit like that, and while it lent weight to his threats, the idea of boxing a few rounds with him was enticing.
Orion raced to scoop Birdie out of Will’s arms, and despite the dire situation, I wished I could get off the ground and take care of her myself. The guy didn’t move after Orion hit him. I got up and brushed myself off. She whispered something, and we all turned to her. "You drugged me before. I thought it was my fault. You. It was you."
I spat on the bastard on the ground. "Do you think he knew who she was?"
Orion shook his head. "I guess we won’t know until he comes to."
Police sirens howled, as they got closer.
"I’m so sorry, Drake. I can’t give you the family you want." She shook her head, but her eyes stay closed.
Orion glanced at me. "What is she talking about?"
I shrugged. "I don’t know."
"I couldn’t do it." Tears streamed down her cheeks, and every now and then, she held her breath.
"Is it just the drugs, do you think?" Orion stared at me as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. His shoulders hunched over and his forehead creased deeply as he peered down at her.
"We need to get her to the hospital." I crossed the road with him as the police pulled up in front of Will and Mellie.
I helped Orion get her in the back of the car, and she grabbed hold of my shirt with her fist. "I couldn’t be a mum at fourteen. I couldn’t. I’m so sorry."
I pried her hand from my shirt, wishing I didn’t have to let her out of my sight, and strapped her seatbelt on. I didn’t know what to make of her words. One thing was clear. When she woke up, we’d be having a talk, whether she liked it or not. Closing the door, I tapped my hand on the roof of the car and sauntered over the road to deal with the police.
Birdie
I woke up in a hospital bed. I wriggled up into a seated position and glanced around to see Drake asleep in the chair beside the bed. His head was bowed; his hair deliciously tussled by vigorous hand thrusting, and small snores escaped from between his parted lips. It must have been the angle his head was on, because I'd never heard him snore. He’d be sore in the morning.
I didn’t understand what he was doing here. Partial memories of earlier in the night burst through my mind. With vivid clarity, I remembered that girl all over him, and I remembered meeting that guy Roy. He hadn’t been Drake, so I’d left him to get some air.
I remembered him then. Marcus, he’d said his name was. Mostly after that was a blur, and then nothing. Drake bolted upright when I reached out to touch him, his gaze colliding with mine. He looked exhausted, his mouth pinched and his eyes filled with pain, but when we were locked onto each other those things started to fade. For the first time in weeks, I could breathe again.
"Darlin’." He moved as close as he could to the side of the bed and held me. "Thank God, you’re okay."
"What happened?" I asked.
"You were drugged."
"Marcus?"
"Yeah, he’s been charged. You’ll have to speak to the police once we get you out of here."
"Good," I said, not because it brought me any relief to know now that what had happened the first time wasn’t my fault, but because he didn’t get away with it a second time, and he wouldn’t be able to get away with it with any more girls.
"I have to ask you something." Drake squeezed my hand.
"What?"
"You said some things while you were out of it."
I covered my face with my hands, scared of what I might have told him.
He peeled my hands away and held them between his. "You said you couldn’t be a mom at fourteen. Did he? Were you… pregnant, after he…?"
I closed my eyes and gulped, unable to look into his eyes while he asked me for my darkest secrets. My throat swelled with a lump I couldn’t swallow past and I dipped my head, u
nable to give him any more than that.
His hands tightened on mine. "It’s okay, darlin’." He stroked my hair.
"No," I whispered. It wasn’t okay. "I regret it every day. I don’t know what I could have done different. I was so scared… I was so young, but I didn’t think for a second about anyone but myself. Afterwards, I knew I’d done something I couldn’t live with."
The tears were dripping down my nose onto the thin white hospital blanket, and sobs shuddered through me.
"Hey." He climbed onto the bed beside me and pulled me onto his lap. His fingers scuttled the tears from my face, his lips brushing along the same paths. "You made the only decision you could. You have to let it go."
"I can’t." I hiccupped through the tears that clogged my throat. Telling him everything reopened the wound, letting everything I’d bottled up so carefully spill out of me. "I can’t let go of this."
I pushed out of his arms to stare into his eyes one last time. "While you were losing your family in a car accident, I was destroying mine. I can never let go of that. I can never have a family of my own, and I know… you want that. That’s why I don’t want to be with you."
I pushed him off the bed. "Leave, Drake. I don’t want to see you again."
He scrubbed his hands over his face. "Fuck."
Slipping down onto the pillows, I shut my eyes. Watching him walk away from me was a torture I couldn't bear. I didn’t want to see the look in his eyes, the hurt, and longing, and disgust intertwined.
He was a goddamn obstetrician for Christ’s sake. What I’d done went against everything he stood for.
He paced the room. I could hear his heavy footfalls moving to and fro over the linoleum, before they stopped beside me. "Look at me, Birdie."
His voice was commanding, but I shook my head. I couldn’t take the look in his eye.
"Dammit, Birdie." I felt his hands settle on the pillow beside my head. "Look at me."
I peeked out between my lashes, his face bare inches from mine. His eyes watered, but it didn’t dampen the effect he had on me when he was so close. His thumb brushed the side of my throat. "Darlin’, you are all kinds of fucked up if you think that I’ll let you walk away from me because of this."