Susie nodded. Every time she and Marlee were alone in her little Toyota, it had been uncomfortable and cramped. "Thanks for the ride."
"Anytime my friend. I hope Coach starts you on Tuesday."
Susie rolled her eyes. "Aay, I hope so. Riding the pine sucks." She stepped out of the car and grabbed her softball bag from the open trunk. She slammed the trunk shut and walked to the driver's side window. "If my car's not fixed by Tuesday, can you pick me up for the game? The last thing I want to do is ask Isabella to drive me."
"I hear you," Sam said with a grin. "I'll plan on it."
They said their goodbyes, and Sam backed her car out of the driveway and then drove away .
Susie ran up to her room for a quick shower and then afterward gathered up her dirty laundry. Out of habit, she scooped up her keys and put them in her pocket. Heading toward the main house, she stopped and patted her beloved little car on the hood.
"Tomorrow we're gonna get you fixed, girl."
Susie whistled happily as she took off her crocs in the mudroom and headed into the house. She nodded at the Virgin Mary and then headed to the basement to dump her uniform and a few other things in the washing machine. She bounced back up the stairs thinking about the amazing afternoon she'd just spent with her friends. She couldn't help the smile that burst on her face when she thought about the time she'd spent alone with Marlee after the trip to the diner. They'd stumbled on a nicely secluded park in Elmhurst. Sam and Lisa were in Sam's car a few parking spots away, but they could have been miles away for all Susie knew.
She headed back up the basement stairs. "Abuelita? Mami? Is there any dessert left? Flan maybe?" A girl could hope.
Her mother came in the kitchen. "Aay, no, sorry. Tu hermano polished off the last of the besitos de coco. Your father won't even get any, and he should be home any minute now."
Susie stuck out her lower lip as if pouting. She wasn't overly fond of coconut kiss cookies anyway, and she really didn't mind that her brother had eaten her share. He was entitled to it ever since his academy award ankle sprain performance in the driveway the weekend before. Come to think of it, though, he'd kind of been milking the sprained ankle a bit too long. It might be time for him to have a miraculous recovery.
"I'll need your help for tomorrow's dinner," her mother said.
"Sure." Sunday dinner was usually a big deal in the Torres household.
"Señora Rodriguez is coming over."
Susie cringed. "And Robbie, too?"
"Sí, claro." Her mother smiled. "Y Roberto, también."
Susie groaned audibly.
"Susana, why the face? Roberto is a nice boy. He's home for a week from medical school."
Susie groaned again, but this time inwardly. Her mother had to work in the medical school thing. "I don't like him like that, Mami." Somehow she needed to get her mother to listen to her. To do that, she'd need one of Marlee's two-by-fours.
"You need to think about your future, Susana. Y Roberto es puertorriqueño, mmm?" She singsonged the fact that he was Puerto Rican as if that would change Susie's mind.
"Are you, like, planning my wedding or something?" The words popped out of her mouth before she could stop them. She held her breath hoping she hadn't just set off a landmine.
"You need to start thinking of these things early." Her mother waved a dismissive hand. "All your nonsense about geology."
Before she could stop herself, Susie blurted, "I'm going to college, Mami, to study geology. And I might actually have a big wedding, but probably not in a church."
Her mother stared at her with sharp eyes. "Don't say such things." She turned her back and busied herself putting dishes away in the cupboard.
Quietly Susie said to her mother's turned back, "I won't be getting married at St. Catherine's," she looked down at the kitchen floor for a moment gathering her courage, "and I think you know why."
Her mother smacked the counter top with the palm of her hand. Susie jumped at the sound. Her mother spun around, eyes blazing. She poked the air and spat, "It's not natural." She looked like she wanted to add something else, but fled the kitchen instead, leaving Susie's ears ringing with the accusation.
Her father chose that untimely moment to enter the kitchen having just gotten home from his business trip. The master bedroom door slammed shut upstairs. He looked toward the stairs and then back at Susie with a confused expression.
"What'd I miss?"
Susie fled the kitchen not wanting to break out crying in front of her father. She ran out of the house without stopping to put her crocs on in the mudroom. Not knowing what to do or where to go, she flung herself into her car. She turned the key and felt vindicated when the engine roared to life. Maybe she could drive far enough away so her mother didn't have to look at her unnatural daughter ever again. Maybe she'd drive to California. Maybe Christy needed a roommate.
Chapter Thirteen
So Alone
SUSIE BARELY HAD the car out of the driveway when her tears came. She had no idea where she was going, but didn't care. She had to get away. Get away from her mother who thought she was a monster.
At that last thought, Susie banged the steering wheel. Why, oh why, had she said those things to her mother? Why couldn't she have simply shut the hell up and pretend to like Roberto. It would have been easier, but she'd have to deny her relationship with Marlee. She'd done enough of that already. That's why she hadn't shut the hell up. No way was her mother or Bree or anyone else going to take Marlee away from her. She'd almost let Christy do that. Never again.
The mere thought of losing Marlee again set her waterworks flowing even harder. Would she have to choose? Choose between Marlee and her family? The ache began deep inside her chest. The sobs started from deep inside, too. When she couldn't catch her breath, she pulled the car over to the side of the road. She threw the gear shifter into park and turned off the headlights, so she'd be in complete darkness. She was just about to turn the car engine off, but pulled her hand back in time. Thankfully the rational part of her brain had asserted itself. If she turned the car off, she might not be able to get it started again.
After several long minutes, she recovered enough to take stock of where she was, a minor detail she hadn't paid the slightest attention to before. Ah, she was on C.R. 62 heading toward Clarksonville. She had unknowingly headed toward Marlee. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the headrest. What was she supposed to do now? Her mother's rejection had cut her heart to pieces. No one should be expected to think clearly with a shattered heart like hers.
"If my own mother can't accept me," Susie said out loud to the universe, "what am I supposed to do?" She pounded the steering wheel.
Susie thought about Marlee, her sweet tender Marlee. How could anyone hate that innocent blonde-haired, blue-eyed cutie? Susie's shoulders relaxed at the thought of Marlee's chiseled features and high-cheek bones, her oh-so-kissable lips and the way her body moved when she pitched, so strong, so athletic. And the smile. Susie never wanted to lose the special smile that was just for her.
Susie took a deep breath and wiped her eyes on her t-shirt sleeve.
Now what? Without really thinking, she turned the headlights back on and pulled the car onto the highway heading toward Clarksonville. She didn't want to drag Marlee into her mess, but she couldn't go home either, so she simply drove on without thinking.
What if I were to just drift into the other lane? They'd all think it was an accident. She let the car drift toward oncoming traffic, but when the wheels thunked on the raised reflectors dividing the road, she jerked the car back to her side. That wasn't what she wanted. She just wanted to go numb.
Mile after mile ticked by. Susie wondered if that was the way Christy had felt all those years. Alone. Nobody in her corner. Did Christy feel her family would be better off without her? Susie's tears started up again and before she could stop herself, she was sobbing so hard she was gasping for air. The hurt came from somewhere so deep inside that she felt lik
e she was dying. Her rational self spotted a parking area ahead on the right. She pulled into it and remembered it was the same stupid parking area she'd pulled into the day she'd lost her mind and broken up with Marlee in May. Her brain barely registered the crowded parking area as she found a space. She threw the car in park and turned the headlights off. This time she consciously remembered to keep the engine running.
She couldn't get her sobs under control and was disgusted with herself. She inhaled in short gasps and then exhaled in a long moan. She'd heard pregnant woman on TV breathe like that when giving birth. If she hadn't been so miserable, she might have laughed at the comparison.
After an eternity, she finally caught her breath and laid her head back against the headrest exhausted. Somehow, impossibly, she stopped crying. She closed her eyes and tried to figure out what to do.
She jumped, her eyes flying open, when someone tapped on the window. She accidentally pressed the gas pedal down causing the engine to rev. A balding middle-aged man stood right outside the door. Reality came crashing in. She was at the parking area on C.R. 62, and it was late at night. She rolled the window down two inches.
"Hey," the man said, "I'm John Smith. Are you my date?"
"What?" Susie's confusion must have been obvious.
"Sorry, I'm a little late. Are you Lola?"
"What? No!" Her heart was pounding. She hit the car locks grateful that the doors were already locked. "Get out of here!" She shut the window as fast as she could. She turned the key to start the car, forgetting that it was already running. The piercing sound of metal on metal made her wince.
The man stood his ground. "Hey, c'mon. I already paid for this."
Susie had no idea what he was talking about and threw the car in reverse. She hit the gas not caring if she ran over his feet. Once clear of him, she shifted into drive too soon grinding the gears. She winced, but sped to the parking lot exit.
"C'mon, c'mon." She smacked the steering wheel, waiting for a car to pass by on the highway before she could pull out. She chanced a quick look behind her hoping he hadn't followed her on foot or something. No, thank God. He was standing in the now empty parking spot waving his arms around in anger. Two cars away from her newly-vacated spot, a feminine arm beckoned for him. He stopped his ranting and headed toward the car. Susie didn't wait to see what happened after that.
She pulled onto the road, her heart still pounding. She reached for her cell phone to check the time, but couldn't find it on the passenger seat where she usually threw it. She checked her pockets, but couldn't find it. When it wasn't in the center console or in the glove compartment or on the floor, it hit her. She had left the house so fast that she didn't have her cell phone on her. Or her wallet. In fact, she had no money at all. She didn't even have shoes on.
She took several deep breaths to calm her pounding heart. She had pulled into the parking area not considering that someone might bother her there. How naïve. The parking area obviously turned into a very different kind of place at night. A place she never ever wanted to be near again.
An occasional passing car illuminated the dark road as she drove. Her heart had slowed down enough, so she could think, but Dios, she wished she had her cell phone. She'd call Christy. She'd tell her everything. Christy knew she was queer and had known for a long time. Christy was cool about it. She hadn't flipped out and accused Susie of being a freak of nature, like her mother had. She passed a Valero gas station with a convenience mart. There were at least seven cars in the parking lot. She'd never given it much thought before, but realized how lucky she was to have a safe and secure place to be at night. Her nerves jangled at the thought of that man tapping on her car window. What if he had been more aggressive? What if her car door had been unlocked?
She shuddered and tried to shake the icky feeling crawling all over her. She wished she knew what time it was. It had to be close to ten o'clock already. She sighed. She couldn't turn around and go home now. She couldn't face another round with her mother. Since she was already headed to Clarksonville, maybe she'd keep going and park behind D'Amico's Restaurant. Marlee worked on Sundays and would find her there. But then again, the cops might come by and ask questions. There was no other choice, really. She had to go to Marlee's. Maybe she could pull into the McAllister driveway quietly and not wake up Marlee or Marlee's mother. She could sleep in the car until morning.
Susie brightened at the thought of Marlee's smiling face when she spotted her in the driveway. Explaining her presence to Mrs.
McAllister might prove challenging, but she'd think of something. She'd once told Marlee that lies come with the territory of being queer. She sighed and set her sights on Clarksonville.
Without warning, the car started making weird noises. Maybe the gear crunching had done some real damage. She looked at the dashboard controls and realized her problem immediately. How long had the damn gas light been on? She had no time to formulate a plan, because the engine went silent, and she lost power in the steering wheel. The car had enough momentum that she was able to yank the steering wheel with all her might and pull the car onto the shoulder of the road.
"Aaaah!" she screamed in frustration as long as her lungs would allow and pounded the steering wheel at the same time. What was she supposed to do now? She smacked the steering wheel one last time and then folded her arms defiantly. What else could go wrong? She stared into the darkness trying to go numb.
Several long minutes passed as she sat in denial in her dead car on the side of C.R. 62. The last thing she wanted was for some state trooper to pick her up and force her parents to come get her. She had to get to Marlee, but how? She had no cell phone to call her. No money to pay a taxi. The Valero gas station--it wasn't too far back. Hopefully it was still open. Of course she had no shoes on. She'd run out of the house so fast, she hadn't put her crocs back on. Wait. Her softball gear was in the trunk. She could put her cleats on and walk in those. She was about to be excited that she'd solved one problem in her rapidly deteriorating life when she remembered that Sam had driven her to the game and her softball gear wasn't in the car, it was in her room.
"Aaaah!" she screamed into the blackness again. "What does it matter anyway?" What was she going to do at the gas station once she got there? She had no money to buy gas, and she didn't even have a gas can. She punched the dashboard this time, sparing the steering wheel, and when she did, she heard the distinct sound of coins jingling. The ashtray. She had a bunch of change in there. She tore the ashtray out of its slot and dumped the coins in her hand. She turned the overhead light on and counted. She had two dollars and fifty two cents. She shoved the coins in her pocket. Maybe she could bribe the convenience store clerk to let her use the store phone. Or better yet, maybe the store had one of those old-fashioned pay phones outside. She'd seen people use them in movies. They probably weren't too hard to use. Hopefully, it wouldn't cost more than two dollars and fifty two cents to call Marlee's house in Clarksonville.
She doused the interior lights, in case anyone got interested in her or her car, and realized that her headlights were still on, so she flicked them off as well. The darkness completely overtook her, and she blinked until her eyes adjusted. She took a deep breath trying not to panic as she felt more alone than ever.
She pulled the key out of the ignition, and with another breath for courage, opened the car door. She stepped onto the shoulder and instantly regretted her decision not to stop for her crocs. The hard roadside gravel dug sharply into her feet. She persevered, though, and shut the car door gently, making sure it latched shut. She locked the door with her key and put the keys deep into the pocket of her shorts for safe keeping. She peered down the dark road toward Clarksonville, but didn't see any kind of store or lights or anything. She decided to stick to her original plan and turned away from Clarksonville heading back toward the gas station.
She held her chin up high and carefully placed one bare foot in front of the other.
Chapter Fourteen
I Can Stay?
SUSIE HAD NO idea how long she had been walking, but it seemed like an eternity when the lights of the gas station finally appeared in the distance. She walked faster which was hard because her bare feet were raw and bleeding. Along the way, she tried brushing the bits of road debris from the soles of her feet every now and then, but two seconds later the crap was imbedded again. She shivered in the cold night air, wearing only shorts and a thin t-shirt. She also shivered because of the unknown things in the dark. An animal had growled in the distance, but thankfully hadn't gotten closer.
Several cars had passed by her on her long trek, but none of them stopped. A carload of obviously drunk guys slowed down and yelled obscene things at her, but she ignored them, and, thankfully, they didn't stop. Yeah, the night was not as innocent as she had assumed. She wished she had her softball bat or a tree branch to defend herself against the human and non-human night creatures.
She slowed down as she limped into the gas station. Thank God it was still open. There was no one hanging out in front of the store, but she approached cautiously anyway. Ah, there were two pay phones right out front. She slinked to the one on the left, continually looking around and behind her. She didn't want to deal with any more creeps like the man at the parking area or those drunk guys. She looked at the phone unsure what to do first. There were no instructions anywhere. She snorted out a sigh. She was reasonably intelligent, so it shouldn't be that hard to figure out. She picked the phone receiver up off its hook and then began to press the cold metal buttons of Marlee's cell phone number. After only three pushes, she hung up. Marlee might have turned her cell phone off, and Susie couldn't risk wasting her money on voice mail. She wasn't sure she could walk all the way to Marlee's house at this point. Especially because it felt like she had something lodged in her foot. She doubted she could even walk back to her car.
Going, Going, Gone: Suzie's Story Page 11