“Xander, I do see you like that, I do. It’s just … I don’t know, I don’t know how to do all this. I really haven’t dated a lot, and … maybe it scares me a little.”
“You’re afraid of me?” he asked, sliding his palms lightly up her arms. Dipping his head, he looked into her eyes, waiting.
“No, not really. Not you, specifically.”
Nodding quietly, he took her hand, leading her toward his truck. “Come on, I’ll drop the tailgate and we can sit and talk. Will you tell me what you’re afraid of?”
Blinking back a sudden rush of embarrassed tears, Harmony nodded. “You’ll think it’s ridiculous, though,” she murmured. “It is ridiculous.”
“Just come with me,” he answered, his voice calm and low – reassuring. When they reached his truck, he lowered the tailgate, laughing slightly as he looked from the tailgate to Harmony and back again. He drove a huge truck, and even with the tailgate lowered, there was no way she would be able to sit there with him without some kind of footstool – or some very ungraceful climbing. “May I?” he asked, gesturing from her body to the impressive height of his truck. When she simply nodded, he took her waist in his hands, smiling softly as he lifted her onto the tailgate.
The truck dipped under his weight as he hopped up to perch beside her, and she smiled. “Are you sure you want to get into this?” she asked, turning to glance over at him before lowering her face again, watching as her feet swung softly back and forth above the ground.
“I’m sure. I like working with you, Harmony. I like talking to you. I like that you’re smart as much as I like that you’re beautiful. And I like the sexy gleam you get in your eyes when I piss you off just as much as I like the way you get quiet when you’re thinking. Tell me what you’re afraid of.”
“Trust. Betrayal. The same things that everyone else is afraid of, I guess. Only … for me … I’ve seen the worst possible consequence for trusting the wrong person, Xander. I’ve seen what happens when a man and a woman don’t work out and maybe one can’t let go, or when anger or resentment gets between two people and festers. And I can’t even tell you the whole story because it isn’t mine to tell, all I can tell is that I’m afraid of how ugly things can be.”
Shifting his weight and turning to face her, Xander took her hand and held it gently, his thumb sweeping little circles along the sensitive flesh of her inner wrist. “Is there more to it than that? I mean, everyone is afraid to being hurt, here,” he said, raising her hand and pressing it to the center of his chest. “But why do I get the feeling that heartbreak isn’t the kind of hurt you’re really afraid of? Harmony, are you afraid of me? That I could ever hurt you?”
“I don’t know,” she answered, her heart breaking as she saw the hurt flash in his eyes. “I don’t really know you,” she finished.
“Do you want to?” he asked her, standing and turning to face her completely. He stepped close to her, taking her hands and holding them together with his own, their clasped hands resting on her knees as he watched her face. “I can’t force you to trust me, but I’m willing to show you that I can be trusted, to work for it, if you’re willing to let me. We don’t have a long history, I know; we haven’t known each other for very long at all. But that’s how it all stats, Harmony, and there’s something good here; I know you can feel it.”
Harmony nodded, tipping her head back as she struggled to blink away a flood of tears. “It’s just so easy for everything to go wrong,” she whispered. “And now we work together too, and it makes everything so complicated. This is my job now, too, my income. My independence. And if we don’t work out, it’s all up in smoke, because it poisons everything here.”
“It doesn’t have to be that way,” he answered.
Looking into his face, she met his eyes. “I know. For some people, this is simple and fun. It’s as easy as finding someone you’re attracted to and going with the flow. Lunches and dinners and movies and sex. But for me … I’ve seen it go so wrong and my sister was … Xander, it’s just not easy for me to take risks like that with my life.”
“Well, let me ask you this, then. Have you ever seen it not go wrong?” he asked her, raising an eyebrow as he looked down into her face. “Have you ever seen a man and a woman meet, date, fall in love? Work through problems, make it stick? Obviously someone close to you has experienced a really bad guy, but have you experienced a good one?”
Smiling softly, Harmony nodded, turning her face away before looking back at him. She thought of her brother Drew, who was a gentle man and a romantic husband to his new wife, Cass. She thought of Mac, Cameron’s sweet husband, who had been such a blessing to their family. She thought of her other brothers, Michael and Evan, and how much they loved her, how much Michael had loved his ex-wife before everything had fallen apart.
And she thought of her parents, who’d been best friends almost since the day they’d met, who’d had years of struggle and quiet wishing before they’d finally ended up together. All good men, all gentle men who treated her with respect and dignity. Could Xander be the same?
“I have seen good men,” she answered. “And I have seen happy couples. But –“
“Don’t you want to know if it’s worth the risk?” he asked softly, slipping his finger under her chin to guide her face back to his. “You smiled to yourself, whoever you were thinking of just then.”
“My parents,” she explained.
“Harmony, they are special for making it work so long. I’ll agree that that’s not the norm anymore, maybe. But they aren’t exactly one of a kind, either. That kind of thing is still real … if you’re willing to go for it. Don’t you want that for yourself? What they have?”
“Yeah,” Harmony whispered, finally acknowledging a quiet, nagging loneliness that she’d been ignoring for years. “Yeah, I do.”
“Look, I’m not saying I’m Mr. Right,” he said, chuckling lightly as he turned to sit beside her again. Harmony waited quietly until he turned back, silent as he watched her.
“What, then? Just Mr. Right Now?”
“I’m just asking you to try. You said you don’t know me. So get to know me.”
Harmony turned her face away, looking out across the empty expanse of the garage floor, catching her bottom lip thoughtfully between her teeth. Finally, Xander sighed quietly, defeated. “Come on,” he said, taking her hand. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
Slipping silently down from the tailgate of his truck, Harmony allowed him to guide her to the other end of the garage, stopping as they reached the pocket of moonlight surrounding the yellow Xterra. “I’ll see you in training?” Xander asked ducking his head to meet her eyes, his own eyes darkened, his expression defeated.
She nodded as she looked back at him, her breath catching in her throat as she realized that he was going to walk away – that he would respect her, even in the middle of the night in an abandoned garage. He sighed again, looking down at their still-joined hands, his fingers tightening slightly on hers before releasing her.
“Xander?” she called, the quiet sound of her voice stopping him as he began to turn away. His back to her, he froze, standing tall as he waited to hear what she would say.
“I don’t know if I’ll be any good at it,” she continued, watching his shoulders stiffen, watching his throat work as he swallowed. “But … I want to try.”
And he turned, and then she was in his arms.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Wandering through the mall, Harmony thought about all the changes that the past months had brought into her life. She’d seen the end of a dream, yes – the end of her gymnastics career – but she’d also taken steps to embark on a fresh new career. She had made a promising start with AWG, and she was looking forward to a great career in entertainment.
She loved wrestling and she loved the people she worked with. She loved her new apartment – that first real taste of independent living. She loved finally feeling like an adult. And she loved finally having the courage to pu
t her anxieties behind her.
Watching Cameron suffer the effects of her rape at such a young age had been brutal. It had been shattering. Harmony had been a sheltered child, the beloved youngest daughter in the Kingsley family. Though she was not the youngest child, in many ways she’d always been treated like the baby of the family. She’d never known violence, she’d never known real fear – until the day she had reached to comfort her traumatized sister, only to watch Cameron pull away, unable to even accept the comfort of her own family.
It had taken Cameron many months to begin to heal, nearly a year to stop pulling away and begin to reach out again to her loved ones. But in those months, Harmony had seen the tragic result of misplaced trust, the effects of post-traumatic stress. She had experienced, through the eyes of her sister, one of the worst possible things life had to offer. And she had taken it all in, quietly observant, swearing never to trust anyone, never to reach out to anyone. Never to believe in the false illusion of security.
But another change was moving through the fabric of her life now, rearranging the threads of her existence, making room for hope. She’d spent too many years caught up in the worst that could happen; just as Cameron had for so long, Harmony had been too afraid to truly live her life. In the end, it had taken a giant man with a tender heart to remind Harmony of the loving relationships that surrounded her – to remind her that love didn’t always go bad.
She was beginning to wish for romance again, to dream of marriage and children, as she had when she was young; she was opening her heart to the idea that love wasn’t something to be afraid of.
Her phone chimed loudly from her pocket as she left a boutique at the end of the mall, tucking her mother’s Christmas gift under her arm. Digging the phone out of her pocket, she turned on the screen and smiled as she read the text: Thinking of you. –Xander
Imagine that, she typed back, We were both thinking of someone special.
And who were you thinking of? he asked.
I was thinking of my mom, Harmony wrote, smiling. Adding a photo of what she’d just purchased, she clicked send.
Har. Har. Xander’s response came through quickly, complete with a little yellow smiley face. Christmas shopping already?
I like to stay ahead of the crowds, Harmony replied. It’s the best way to make sure I get what I want, instead of being stuck with whatever the mob has left.
Stepping through the doorway to a small toy store, Harmony was assaulted with the throbbing beat of a dance club remix. The sound echoed through the space, vibrating through her chest – a reminder of the arena when she was working.
Where are you? Xander texted. Tell me where not to go. I wouldn’t want to buy something before you could get to it.
Harmony laughed as she read the text, looking around at the shelves brimming with toy guns, action figures, and a jumble of Lego action sets for boys. Stay away from the toy store in the mall, she wrote, smiling widely. If I even sense you coming near this place, the stuffed Superman doll gets it.
Wow, I had no idea Christmas shopping had gotten so serious, Xander answered, embellishing his text with a series of very surprised-looking smiley faces.
I’m not playing. Harmony typed, laughing quietly to herself as she added several video games to the shopping basket hanging over her arm. There are Nerf guns in here, and I am not afraid to use them.
A photo of a man in a suit came through as Xander’s next text. Confused, Harmony froze, withdrawing her hand from a puzzle covered with superheroes. “What the heck?” she muttered, touching the photo to enlarge it. It wasn’t Xander; the photo was of a man Harmony had never seen before. The suit he wore was dark and impeccably tailored to his body, complete with serious black sunglasses. In one hand, he held a megaphone, and in the other, he pressed the call button on what looked like a police radio.
The idea behind the photo clicked, and Harmony laughed again. You sent me a hostage negotiator? she answered, still smiling as she stepped into the line for the checkout counter.
Sounds like you needed one. He wants to know what your demands are. What will it take to save Superman? Xander wrote. Harmony’s cell phone remained silent as she stepped up to the cashier and paid for the things she’d chosen for Logan’s Christmas gifts. As she stepped away from the store, she heard the familiar chime of her ringtone and smiled again. Slipping the phone from her pocket, she opened the text, only to find a small group of question marks.
Sorry, I was considering the options. Keying in the words, Harmony imagined his face – she knew he’d be smiling, enjoying the game. And I have a confession; the full truth is that I’m starving so I’ve decided to let Superman go. I’m going to sneak out the back before the SWAT team can catch me, and then I’m going to murder some pizza in the food court.
It didn’t take long for the phone to ring, a photo of Xander’s smiling face lighting up on the screen. Swiping her finger over the photo, Harmony answered the call and pressed the phone to her ear. “Don’t send the snipers, it’s only a pizza!” she laughed.
“I think you need anger management, hon,” Xander replied. “In the last fifteen minutes, you held up a toy store, threatened a hostage, escaped a SWAT team … have you murdered the pizza yet?”
“Not yet, but I have been shopping all morning and I am seriously so hungry.”
“Alright, you vicious thing you,” he laughed. “Well, what if I said that I wanted to meet up with you after? Maybe a movie?”
Rounding the corner to the mall’s food court, Harmony waved as she spotted Whitney, who was just settling down at a table with a giant salad in front of her. “Sounds great to me. I’ll call you after I eat and we can choose a time, if that’s fine,” she said. After waiting for Xander to agree, Harmony ended the call and stopped beside Whitney’s table with a grin.
“Want some company?” she asked.
“Are you witty and entertaining?” Whitney retorted playfully. Arching one eyebrow, she watched surprise bloom on Harmony’s face, her lips trembling with a suppressed smile.
“I can be, but I’ll need fuel,” Harmony laughed, enjoying the joke and her good mood. “Watch my stuff and I’ll be right back?”
“Sure,” Whitney answered, mumbling around a mouthful of salad. “Just leave your bags on the seat.”
Leaving her bags, Harmony turned and wandered around the food court, passing the pizza place she’d been planning to go to in favor of the fresh colors and healthy look of the salad that Whitney had chosen. By the time she settled into a seat across from Whitney, Harmony had her own salad, topped with honey mustard and accompanied by a half frozen bottle of water.
“How’s the shopping been?” Whitney asked, gesturing toward Harmony’s purchases. “Anything good for me in there?”
“Right,” Harmony laughed, twisting the lid from her water. “Like you haven’t looked already.”
Rolling her eyes, Whitney crossed her arms over her chest and pretended to look offended. “As if I would snoop,” she muttered.
“Did you?”
“Of course I did.” Whitney winked. “I love what you got Logan, by the way. So cute!”
“I hope he likes it,” Harmony said. “But I’m not finished just yet; I still have several other people to buy for.”
“Doing that this afternoon? I could come with you if you want.”
“Nope. No more shopping today,” Harmony answered, grinning cheerfully. “I have a date.”
“Oh, the elusive and hermited Harmony Kingsley steps out into the world,” Whitney said in a mock whisper.
“Shut up,” Harmony laughed. “It’s just a movie with Xander.”
“Just a movie, my foot,” Whitney retorted. “I bet before too long, he’s got you doing a whole different kind of wrestling, Harmony.”
“Oh my god, Whitney – you are shameless.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Sorry I’m late,” Xander murmured, stepping close to Harmony and taking her hands. “Traffic was awful on the way her
e!”
“Yeah, no kidding. You should have seen the parking lot at the mall – I thought I was going to be the late one,” Harmony said, laughing softly. “Hopefully we can find something good playing without having to wait too long.”
Xander released her hand, slipping his arm around her waist as they walked toward the theater entrance, and it wasn’t long before they were settled into the plush seats of the theater, with giant sodas held in the cup holders to either side of them and a monstrous bucket of popcorn propped between them. “I still can’t believe you picked this,” Xander murmured, just before the previews faded away and the movie began.
“Please, I have two brothers,” Harmony whispered back. “And it’s three if you count Drew’s partner Nick, four if you count Cameron’s new husband. I’ve known Nick all my life; he was always around the house. And that doesn’t include the other friends who came and went, and now there’s Mac. I grew up surrounded by boys, Xander; I know how to watch an action flick.”
Wrestling Harmony (The Kingsley Series) Page 17