by Naomi Foyle
‘Then put me on trial!’ She tried to rise in the bed, but the belt around her waist prevented her. ‘Let me stand up and tell everyone what he did. He hated Hokma for Sheltering me. He was jealous of me from when I was a baby – so he told IMBOD about my shot. He knew they would kill her, but he didn’t care. He wanted to punish her, to get rid of her, so he could have a Code child with Congruence. Klor, he Gaia-played with Congruence when she was seventeen.’
She was pleading with Klor, but he was regarding her with pity, as if she were a suffering animal. ‘You’re confused, darling, Conguence is twenty-one, not seventeen. Her parents have spoken to her and she says she and Ahn have become close since working together, that’s all. It’s not ideal, and I know Vishnu was upset with Ahn, but it happens sometimes.’
‘She’s lying—’ she bleated.
‘Astra, no. And you mustn’t think Ahn would ever try to hurt Hokma. She died of a stroke, sweetheart. No one killed her – and especially not Ahn. He didn’t hate her – that’s simply not true. He loved her, for many years. We all knew you were a little jealous of him, but we thought that was normal. We never dreamed you would attack him the way that you did.’
Her – jealous of Ahn? She opened her mouth to protest, but Klor shook his head, kindly but firmly. He didn’t believe her; he would never believe bad things about Ahn. Not after what she’d done.
She sank back into the pillow. ‘Did I really hurt him?’
Klor paused. ‘Astra, you cost Ahn his fertility. He can still Code a child by cloning, but not by Gaia-bonding. It’s a psychological wound as much as a physical one. If you were eighteen, you would be on trial.’
She couldn’t meet his eyes – she couldn’t show Klor her pleasure, hard and bitter as a cough lozenge. Good: she had done it, she had taken something precious from Ahn, just like he had taken something precious from her: the most important person in her life.
‘He didn’t love Hokma,’ she said stubbornly. ‘He wanted IMBOD to take her away. That’s why he—’
‘Enough, Astra,’ Klor interrupted, his voice raised. ‘I understand that you were angry with Ahn, but he had to tell IMBOD the truth about your Security shot: it’s what anyone would have done. And in any case, your shot had nothing to do with Hokma’s arrest. It’s all come out now, as part of Dr Pollen’s trial.’
She punched the bed with the sides of her fists. ‘What has? What’s come out? What does everyone except me know?’
His sigh was as heavy as a bag of damp sod. ‘Hokma was a traitor, darling. She was sending top-secret Codes to Dr Pollen in Atourne, and Dr Pollen smuggled them into the Southern Belt on her field trips. They were part of a cell of dissidents, helping the Non-Landers breed Owleons and grow protein-enhanced grains and drought-resistant vegetables – they were giving away all these things other governments pay a lot of money for – to our enemies.’
He didn’t want to believe it, she could tell, but she had read the letter; she knew it was true. She opened her mouth, then shut it again. She couldn’t mention the letter. There would be hidden cameras in here, microphones, and she couldn’t get Klor into trouble. But everything Hokma had written was worming its way back into her mind and there were a thousand things she desperately needed to know: did IMBOD really torture Non-Landers and massacre children? Why had no one ever told her about the rare-earth mines in the Belt? And, above all, why on Gaia’s green earth had Hokma confessed? She had said in the letter she was going to use her trial to speak out about her beliefs. There was no way she would confess.
‘What happened to her?’ she demanded. It was too big a question, she knew. ‘To her body?’
Klor sighed. ‘She was cremated, darling, like Dr Greenleafdott told us. Her ashes were used for fertiliser.’
‘Then how do we know she’s dead?’
‘Oh, Astra … They sent us photographs, and the coroner’s report. I’m glad you didn’t see them, but perhaps you should.’
If IMBOD could wipe three months from her life, they could make a drugged woman look like a corpse. But why would they keep a traitor alive? Tears welling in her eyes, Astra slid back down on her pillow. Hokma had been returned to Gaia by anonymous aglabs without anyone to cry over her, without any stories to sail away in.
‘Did we have a ceremony for her?’ A tear seeped down her cheek into her ear. ‘At Birth House?’
Klor looked troubled. ‘No, darling, we weren’t allowed. And people didn’t want to. But I went to Wise House for you. I climbed onto the roof and picked some wildflowers, and then I went and sprinkled them in the brook.’
‘You climbed onto the roof?’ Astra sniffled.
‘I did. I strapped my leg on my back and hopped and hauled myself up.’
‘Nimma wouldn’t like that.’
‘Ah well. Nimma doesn’t know everything this mad old man does when she’s not looking.’
It was a Klor eyebrow moment. She smiled weakly, though the relief didn’t last long. There was a dead weight on her chest, burning a hole right through it. ‘What happened to Dr Pollen?’ she asked at last.
Klor was serious again. ‘She was sentenced to life imprisonment – and not a day too long.’
‘Did she say anything at her trial?’
‘Say anything?’ He was puzzled now.
She had to get this right. ‘About IMBOD? About Hokma?’
‘Oh Astra, she was incoherent – she was a traitor. You really don’t want to think about her right now. We need to think about you.’
But she wouldn’t let him change the subject. ‘What do you mean, incoherent?’ she demanded. ‘What did she say about Hokma?’
‘She accused IMBOD of killing her, of course.’ Klor shook his head in disgust. ‘She’s delusional, Astra, and deeply misguided. You don’t want to defend her or people will start thinking you’re their accomplice and not their victim.’
It all made sense now. She clutched the sheets in her fists, leaned forward and hissed, ‘But they did. IMBOD killed Hokma. She was going to speak out against IMBOD and the Wheel Meet at her trial, and … and—’ In a rush, she finally understood everything. ‘Ahn and Dr Blesserson didn’t want their reputations to suffer. They only agreed to testify against her as long as she was killed so they would never have to!’
‘Astra,’ Klor roared, ‘you cannot talk like that! It’s wrong – very wrong. And if you keep accusing people falsely you will have to stay in here forever.’
He was standing up, pointing his finger at her, and she was breathing at a gallop, but at last she shut up.
Klor sat down again, patting his hair back across his scalp. ‘Astra, please try to understand. You’re here because you assaulted Ahn, a grievous attack that permanently damaged him. You were sedated afterwards for your own good. Out of his love for Hokma, rather than take you to juvenile court, Ahn suggested that you come here for memory pacification treatment. Normally three months would be an effective first course, but frankly, I’m not sure it has helped you at all.’
She couldn’t blame him for not understanding. She would need proof, hard proof, before she got Klor on her side. Right now, she needed him.
‘Three months,’ she repeated, twisting the sheets. Her fingernails were very short, she realised. Much shorter than she liked to cut them. ‘But—’
‘I know.’ Klor’s anger sank without trace back into his kindness. ‘It seems like you’ve been dreaming – that’s the nature of the treatment. It helps many people, and it helps Is-Land too, to build a national archive of memories, especially childhood memories still fresh in a young person’s mind. That was another reason Ahn wanted you to come here, so you could give something back to us all. But it troubles me, Astra, for you to be getting this treatment. The other patients are old, or have a long history of mental illness: they need to be calmed. But you—’ Klor slapped his aluminium knee and stood up. ‘Oh Gaia,’ he exclaimed, ‘you just have a temper and we didn’t realise you needed extra discipline. We brought you up like a Sec Gen when we s
hould have been much tougher on you. I blame myself, Astra. I should have known, right from the start. When you came to visit me that day, before your shot, you remember? You were worried, and I understand now: you were worried that I would know you hadn’t changed.’
She let him pace, though his gait did not lull her. She was in a neurohospice for dying, mentally incompetent people, and Ahn had put her here in order to add her like a specimen to his National Museum. Dr Blesserson had given him the idea, no doubt. She was tied to the bed. And even though she’d been dreaming for three months, Hokma was still dead.
‘What’s going to happen to me?’ she asked dully.
His face flushed, Klor sat back down. ‘I can’t get you released, Astra, but you’re my legal responsibility until you turn eighteen and until then I have some influence over your treatment. You’ve had a full introductory course of memory reordering, as we agreed with Ahn, and it’s clear to me it didn’t work. I’m not going to authorise another treatment course, not unless you want it. But if you don’t, your options are limited. Ahn doesn’t want you back at Or unless you’re cured.’
His words whirled in her head. Flying among them was an image of small Elpis, snatched from her dreams. ‘What about Nimma?’ she asked, in a small voice.
Klor hesitated. ‘Nimma wants you to get better, angel.’
‘She doesn’t want me to come home.’
‘It’s not just Nimma who’s concerned, darling. The Parents’ Committee is anxious too. It’s been agreed that Or isn’t the right Shelter home for you right now.’
Oh.
‘Vishnu too? And Sorrel?’
Klor paused. ‘Darling, Vishnu and Sorrel have left Or. They’re living in New Bangor now and the children are spending weekends with Florence and Blossom. It’s a very difficult situation. And given Vishnu’s differences with Ahn, he’s not the right person to Shelter you.’
Vishnu knew about Ahn and Congruence. She clung to that knowledge like she had once clung to Hokma’s hand. But Vishnu wasn’t allowed to see her, and no one else wanted to. She was determined not to cry. ‘Where can I go, then?’
‘Dr Greenleafdott has recommended a Shelter school, but you can only stay there until you turn eighteen. Then, if you still aren’t cured, you’ll have to come back here, or to another neurohospice, and IMBOD will take full control over your treatment.’
She wanted to scream – but she couldn’t blot this out; she had to listen. She had to understand. ‘How will the school know if I’m cured?’ Her voice trembled.
‘By your behaviour, partly – but also by brain tests, using an implant like the one you’ve just had to monitor your honesty and loyalty.’
She was silent. She knew she would never be cured, and she could never pass their tests. She was glad she’d damaged Ahn. If she ever did go back to Or, it would be to finish the job. But first she had to get out of this bed – and not to live in an IMBOD school. There had to be somewhere else she could go.
The sun was brightening outside. Beyond the freshly painted window frame, the steppes had vanished in a haze of white light. Slowly she began to realise the only thing she could do; the thing she was born to do.
‘What if I want to leave Is-Land?’
It was as if she’d fired a gun. Klor jolted in his seat. ‘Leave Is-Land?’
‘People leave sometimes, don’t they? They go to New Zonia, or Neuropa.’
‘I suppose …’ It had never occurred to him, she could tell, but, Gaia bless him, he was considering it. But then his face shut down. ‘No, it’s not an option. You’re not trained for any job yet.’
‘I can garden – I can cook. I can speak Asfarian and Inglish. Well, I could soon, if I was living in—’
Klor wagged his finger at her. ‘Taking a poorly paid job in a world of non-Gaians would not be sensible, Astra.’
She raised her voice a notch. ‘Klor, do you know who my Code father is?’
‘We’ve never known, sweetheart. And even if we did, we can’t ask him to—’
‘He was a Non-Lander. Hokma told me before she got taken away.’
It was as if Klor had bitten into something that was too spicy, too bitter, too sour, too hot. She’d never seen his face host so many expressions at once. ‘Good Gaia, child,’ he sputtered at last. ‘No, no he wasn’t. Hokma was very wrong to—’
‘He was. Eya told her. IMBOD can ask Dr Pollen.’ She held out her arm. ‘You can take my blood and test my Code.’
Now he was purely and simply aghast. ‘What have they done to your mind? Why on Gaia’s good earth would you want that kind of stain on your record?’
‘I’m half Non-Lander. I want to be expelled to the Southern Belt.’
‘Astra, you don’t know what you’re saying – oh Gaia, please help me.’ His voice was claggy and choked. Abruptly, he got up and went to the window and looked out.
She stared at Klor’s tufty back, sagging bum, wrinkly elbows. ‘What do you see, Klor?’ she asked, at last.
Without turning, he softly replied. ‘I see Is-Land, my darling. The land we Gaians brought back to life so that all our children could flourish here.’
‘I love you, Klor.’ She had spoken so quietly she thought he hadn’t heard her.
But he had. ‘I love you too, my darling,’ he said, still gazing out of the window. ‘Look at those beautiful pink cherry blossoms drifting across the garden. Oh my dewy meadow, you came into my life just like that, like a petal on the breeze.’
She gulped, and the words came tumbling out of her. ‘I’m sorry, Klor. I’m sorry I hurt you … Thank you for loving me … I wanted to be a great scientist when I grew up – I wanted to learn how to regrow your leg. That’s why I didn’t want to have the shot.’
He turned at last to look at her. ‘Oh, Astra,’ he said, his eyes shining. ‘Angel. Don’t ever worry about my leg. You regrew my heart.’
She gazed back at his craggy face but he looked away and continued haltingly, as if speaking to himself, ‘I knew I should love Peat, but Gaia forgive me, I didn’t. I knew he needed care, and he was amusing, of course, but I was numb to him. Then you arrived, and oh my dewy meadow, your little face was so curious. Your eyes followed me wherever I went. Sometimes only I could make you stop crying. You liked my rolling gait, and gripping the fur on my shoulders. I tried to resist – I felt I was being disloyal to Sheba. But when you laughed, somewhere far away I could hear Sheba laughing too. And so I thought I should make you happy, if only for her sake. Then … well, then I fell in love, in the way only fathers do.’
He still wasn’t looking at her.
‘I don’t ever want to leave you, Klor,’ she said, ‘but you can’t let them keep me here. Please, help me escape.’
He was quiet for a moment longer, then he turned back to the window. ‘You were never mine,’ he whispered, ‘just like Sheba was never mine. Look, my darling. The wind is taking the blossoms away.’
* * *
When he sat back down beside her, he was calm. ‘I’m going to try my best, Astra. I will tell IMBOD what you’ve told me and they may test you, I don’t know. If it’s true, then there is no future for you here, no matter what we try. But Astra’ – he broke into a plea – ‘you don’t have to go to the Belt to live with illegal squatters and violent criminals – why? I could petition IMBOD to send you to Neuropa.’
‘No. I want to find my father.’
He was silent as he sat, both hands resting on his knees. Then slowly, he said, ‘There was a time when Non-Landers came here to work. Some Gaians, the dissidents, argued that they were peaceful, respectful people. The dissidents were blind to the wider dangers of such attempts at assimilation, but I will give them this – I have myself met one such Non-Lander, an aglab with an extraordinary knowledge of fruit trees. Astra, for the sake of that man, I am going to grant your Code father the benefit of the doubt. But’ – he raised his palm to stop her interrupting – ‘but before I let you go to the Belt I’m going to do some research. If CONC can fi
nd a decent job for you, and if they assure me that with IMBOD’s permission you may eventually be able to work elsewhere in the world, I will recommend your eviction. But you need to know that eviction doesn’t mean freedom from IMBOD. You’ll be monitored closely in the Belt.’
She touched the back of her head. ‘With an implant?’
‘I don’t think so – not yet, anyway. But you’ll certainly have to report to an officer and stay out of trouble. They don’t have neurohospices or re-education schools there, darling. They have prisons.’
‘Klor—’ Her voice cracked. ‘Thank you.’
‘You might not thank me later, Astra. But it’s your decision, and I’ve always known I must one day live with some version of it. It’s natural to seek your Code roots. You grew up in the richest land on earth, but if you are cross-bred from a harder soil, you’ll survive the transplantation.’
‘Will you say goodbye to everyone for me? To Yoki and Meem and Peat.’ She paused. ‘And Nimma.’
‘Of course I will, my angel. Of course.’ As he reached to embrace her, his dear face crumpled up like a brown paper bag, and for the second time in her life, she saw the tears come glistening from his eyes.
3.8
Later, an IMBOD doctor visited the room. He said that her Shelter father had requested an investigation of her Code origins, so he needed to take a blood sample. While they waited for the results, her memory pacification treatment was to be discontinued. Instead she would be put on a light mood elevator and her Tablette would be loaded with a programme of gentle entertainment: nature films, Gaia hymns and games. There were other quasi-lucid patients in the hospital and if she behaved and didn’t upset the others on her wing, she could play chess and hnefatafl with them out on the balcony, exchanging moves by Owleon. She would need a little more physical stimulation now that she was no longer having treatment, so in the evenings her bed would be brought back into the room and she would be allowed to do yoga. She would also be given solid food three times a day.