Around 10 pm, there are some scraping noises at the door. I rush out to see William and his friend stumbling under the weight of an enormous tree, branches waving everywhere – “Darling, this is a lot bigger than the one we picked isn’t it?” I ask, wondering how on earth we are going to get it through the door, never mind into a room. “Aye, I’ve brought you the most beautiful tree in Scotland! As the two of them stagger around I retreat into the warm. Typical men I think to myself, bigger is not always better! We are still trying to cut back one end of the tree to get it standing in the hallway.
This year, I shall be host for the first time. I have experienced three different Christmas traditions thanks to my English father, Polish mother and Swedish stepmother (in Sweden they are called bonus-mothers and bonus-children, terms we both prefer). It is a wonderful way of skipping the negativity of the ‘evil stepmother’ and bringing some joy to the idea of winning another person to love in your life. I shall have the pleasure of experiencing all the traditions this year. A Polish Wigilia43 and introduction to our traditions for William will begin the festivities; the reins will be handed to Iona, William’s mum for Christmas Day lunch and Boxing day will see us driving to my Dad’s for a Swedish lunch. It is truly the best of three worlds.
The Swedes like us Poles love herrings, smoked fish and a stiff drink. Christmas Eve finds them sipping glögg (mulled wine with a healthy dose of brandy), schnapps, washed down with beer and a Swedish version of coca-cola. A small glass of each is poured and you drink from each one periodically after a song. My bonus-mum sees one of the more poignant differences in these traditions as: the Swedes have to sing a song before a drink and the Brits only sing after too many! This usually bodes for a merry time especially since the food is served smorgasbord style, which involves standing up frequently (no chance of hiding any swaying!).
Our Polish Wigilia is a rich evening full of tradition. Everyone helps to decorate the tree with bompki44. Inevitably my Ciocia Irminka does all the cooking (on account of her supreme skill). Something which always stands out in my memory is the carp served on the Wigilijny Stół45; it is not amongst my favourite sea food with a pungent taste and many bones, however, it is a mass-slaughter across Poland. For about two days these sizeable fish have been swimming around the bathtub, looking at you as you brush your teeth. The afternoon before the big day finds my uncle brooding over a bottle of vodka. The next day the carp are miraculously presented as battered pan-fried cutlets and in aspic. Many people do not like the taste, but tradition persists even though you never feel quite the same about a relaxing bath again! We gather at the table when the first star shows in the sky. A prayer is said, over a glass of something and it is opłatek46 time. As we share a piece of opłatek with everyone present, we take a minute to appreciate them; often verbalising things we have not found time to say in the course of the year. Each person has a piece and when you share with the other, you break off some of theirs. It is fundamental that everyone shares with each guest.
There should be some straw under the tablecloth and twelve very different dishes. An empty space is reserved for a lost traveller or the homeless. A wonderful gesture, but in this day and age, no one realistically lets anyone into their homes. Excuse my cynicism, but they would perhaps be frisked first!
As I write this, I realise how much ceremony and ritual there is in our Polish way. For the Brits, Christmas Day is the apex of the festivities commencing with stockings, big presents and a champagne breakfast to gently ease the five hour wait for the turkey as I remember! The table presents: a bird, bread sauce, mince pies, puddings and all kinds of alcohol, not forgetting the childhood nemesis of boiled Brussels sprouts. Some families spread their gifts through the day, leaving something to look forward to. A resurfacing tradition from the deep past involves stuffing the turkey with a duck, which contains a grouse and cooking them all together, inside one another.
A pre-Christmas get together sees my girlfriends from university all gathered together in Leeds. Anna has just moved into a flat with her boyfriend and is proudly nesting. Assembled from all over the country, we make the last pilgrimage before the festivities. I am immediately pestered for Polish vodka and Vogue cigarettes, Becky for Sing Star – the karaoke you can actually lose at and Hannah is helped with her bags, containing pots of ready cooked delights. One thing is for sure, we may still behave like students when we get together, but thanks to Hannah; we eat like kings.
The girls are particularly attached to Zoladkowa Gorzka47 and Kraków owing to our post-graduation week there, when we revelled in our new-found freedom and each other’s company. However, I would not let the visit pass without showing off the motherland. We climbed up to Morskie Oko48, huffing and puffing, passing the Górale49 with their horse-drawn waggons – I wasn’t going to let them have it easy! At the summit, there were those who continued the short but vertical climb up to Czarny Staw50 and those who waited over a pint of piwo z sokiem51 – who shall not be named!
These meetings are invaluable to us. As young women who love each other we explore the different experiences we are having in relationships, work, study and emotional states. With every year I treasure the sharing more and more; lessons from our peers are easier to assimilate than from our elders. People often say that the friends one makes at university are special, I do believe this is true; when else in your life do you make friends so close they know your bra size, how you take your tea, what kind of hangovers you have, how you deal with break-ups and the style of your essay writing?! With time I also value the student luxury of being bored together. These girls are family to me (an amusing, often slightly inebriated one!) We now number amongst us: two lawyers, a primary school teacher, a nearly architect, a property manager, an artist and a journalist – not bad for a bunch of scruffs!
Kraków has gifted me with such wonderful moments. It is now a complete patchwork of different people and experiences. I remember the euphoria of graduating from university with all my friends and ‘The Snobs’. The motherland will never leave me, ensuring the health of our customs wherever I go on the planet. My darling friend Ania has been in Łódź, finalising her wedding plans. Our ‘Snob’ club has stood the test of time and distance. At the time of our reunion in 2010 it will have been two years since our paths separated, which fills me with optimism for the future. Ania is on her next step in womanhood. She wants a proper Polish wedding and ‘The Snobs’ are in charge of the bramy52 – I predict some serious vodka drinking and potato peeling challenges!
My dear Hamish has invited himself to our Christmas proceedings, although he is rather vague with dates and times, I presume he will arrive when he is hungry and I will pretend that everything is made by my precious hands due to his disdain for processed foods. Despite the fact that he is inconvenienced by having to wear shoes in winter, it is his season, the frosty mornings suit his white, bushy-beard and eyebrows – our very own eccentric Father Christmas!
This time of year courts reflection and a desire to tie up loose ends; a chance to look back at the year and see what we have achieved. It has certainly been a dynamic year: I have tried my hand at country life and committed myself seriously to a man, a land and dogs. The decision to do this has impacted my emotional health dramatically after a lifetime of gypsy-hood. It is time to go forth, love one another and depending on how rebellious one is, to make a list of resolutions or sins to commit… go ahead, take some risks!
Wesołych Świąt and Merry Christmas!
41 Uncle
42 Famous Polish vodka
43 Christmas Eve, the main celebration in Poland
44 Baubles
45 Christmas table
46 Rice bread which is broken before eating
47 A special type of Polish vodka which is excellent for the stomach (in moderation of course)
48 A glacial lake in the Zakopane region in Poland
49 People from the Polish mountains
50 Another even more pristine glacial lake just above Morskie
Oko
51 Lager served with either ginger or raspberry-flavoured syrup and often drunk with a straw
52 A custom which involves people obstructing the newlyweds from leaving. They often have to do tasks such as peeling potatoes or chopping logs which prepares them to work as a team in the first challenges of married life
Looking Into the Crystal Ball
Someone throwing some ‘baggage’ into the bonfire at Biggar
As the New Year chimes in, I think about people merrymaking all over the globe. No doubt there are people jumping into hot geysers in Iceland and Finns dipping in ice-holes. Thankfully, the locals of Biggar wrap up warm and offer their obsessions and neuroses for vaporisation into the ether. There are no fireworks, only the almighty blaze as tall as a building, which keeps everyone warm: teenagers, the elderly, young children and police enjoy the night together. Scottish bagpipe music blasts out of every pub and merrymakers show off their moves waiting for midnight when everyone surrenders their unwanted ‘baggage’ to the blaze.
I watch as one woman struggles forward with a beautiful leather Louis Vuitton suitcase and a box of pictures, throwing them with difficulty into the blaze. Pity about the case I think to myself, perhaps she was disposing of a lover’s memories. I catch a glimpse of a man at the other side of the fire, throwing in empty boxes of crisps and biscuits – we all understand that feeling – to enter the New Year without cravings, what a luxury! I wonder if we comprehend the layers which find us all addicts; beneath food, drugs and sex lay the subtler addictions: thought patterns, emotions and endorphins. Some have scrubbed themselves clean for the New Year, others wait with heavily bearded smiles, a contingent carry presents as an offering for 2010 and a few shamanic-trance dance their way into it. In whatever way we seek to bribe or win the favour of the New Year, we all hope it will be better than the last.
Thankfully, William and I were wise enough to fill the house with supplies; the cars were completely snowed-in for a fortnight! Mama and I introduced William’s family to the tradition of opłatek before eating Christmas Lunch. Everyone was touched and there were tears flowing as we sat down. I think this is one of our more beautiful traditions and I am sure they will always remember it, perhaps even adopting it into their annual ritual. On New Year’s Day, Mama and I were introduced to a Scottish custom. William was tearing round the house shouting something about “First-footers”; when you are the first people over the threshold in the New Year, you offer a piece of coal which represents warmth and a carrot to the person you are visiting. In our village in the South of Poland, we give people a candle to light their way in the coming twelve months. Over William’s mum Iona’s hearty steak pie, we all reminisce and talk of our plans for the future. I rather like this tradition of gathering the family after the partying (or not) of the night before, to regroup and face the next year together.
As I began preparations for my 25th year which commenced on the 2nd of January, I decided to start with this season’s buzz-word; ‘detox’. Detoxification or garbage disposal can occur in more ways than one; physical, emotional and psychological. That morning saw me frantically cleaning the house and feng-shui-ing my mind and wardrobe! I did not want to meet my birthday with too much junk!
Drastic and often unrealistic resolutions seem to be out of favour; perhaps the reality of our economic situation has shocked us into living within our means. Many friends greeted the New Year in a low key fashion, quietly at home with their families. A couple of girlfriends channelled more of the Bridget Jones spirit, happily eating ice-cream in their pyjamas. Seeing as this one was a quiet affair, Mama and I decided to call everyone who would really appreciate the thought. I talked to young women my age scattered across the globe and many were envious of my ‘settled’ position in my relationship; the single state seemed to be a widespread cause of depression. Their mothers shared a worryingly limited dream: they implied that having a partner was the ultimate goal, as they were craving grandchildren. My personal words of warning: children are not an extension of our successes or failures; neither are they an antidote for our loneliness. I am surprised because the majority of my single friends have chosen some time off from the rollercoaster of relationships, enjoying freedom. The hysterical approach I fear, will not only scare away potential suitors, it also makes one miserable company and is certainly a questionable approach in courting the New Year.
In a chilly -19.5° in Scotland, I watch as people are stranded, abandoning their cars, trains are cancelled, air travel is near impossible, hundreds of schools are empty and roads are closed. The country has broken down in the worst winter for thrity years; it is colder than in my freezer! I feel proud of my motherland; in Poland the temperatures dance below freezing for the entirety of winter and people still go to work, use public transport, children go to school and everyone knows to stock up well with coal over winter otherwise they will freeze! We learnt this the hard way; lesson number one – never start making a fire when you have not got enough wood or coal inside the house; going out when you are glowing is awful! However, with the heating oil gone, a week to wait and wood leaving our shed fast, we may soon be hacking up furniture to keep us warm! On a record night it reached -27°, and William and I were still cold even with each other, cashmere bed socks (always an appreciated present), the electric blanket Mama gifted us for Christmas and two huge dogs!
As the recession takes its toll, high flying career women are suddenly finding themselves in a close embrace with domesticity; the once shunned roles of housewives and mothers are being rediscovered. The world analysts are looking into their crystal balls to predict our economic future. As we collectively rise from the ashes, open hearts and minds are at a premium. We must begin to invest in emotions, relationships and love, rather than material possessions. Even the spiritual can become waylaid; on one of my travels to India, I was told a story about a guru when he was still a young student. His father was dying as he sat meditating, adorned in beads and his teacher told him: “If human life is a school, you are avoiding the curriculum! Go and be with your father!” From the statistics, these times of hardship are not exactly pushing us to tie the knot with rates plummeting to an all time low since records began in 1862.53
For those who are brave enough to make the vows, a break from tradition is on the rise: Vera Wang unveiled a black wedding dress as bolder colours are now being worn for the ‘big day’. The classic white dress symbolising a maiden’s purity gained popularity when Queen Victoria married Prince Albert in 1840. Until this time, women had simply worn their best dress; white and cream not being easy to clean meant brides were a colourful breed. It seems that tradition is being abandoned on account of financial and fashion statements; brides desire dresses that can be worn again and evening weddings where the bride marries and celebrates in an elegant gown to conserve finances are on the rise. With the average UK wedding setting one back approximately £20,000, it is no surprise.
We find ourselves one step closer to the controversial 2012 – a couple of years ago it was the domain of the spiritual and the conspiracy theorists – now it has passed into the popular lexicon. Everything from Mayan prophecies, web-bot projects, Hollywood movies and magnetic pole reversals are pointing to some kind of cataclysm. Some are calling it a shift in consciousness; or the next step in our evolution.
Ancient Mayan civilisations dedicated themselves to the art of predicting the future using astrology and time-keeping. They predicted the End Times in 2012. We may face elimination by our beloved planet which we are destroying, or be forced into the collapse of our speculative financial system –the figurative jugular of our world. Perhaps only something so extreme, affecting each of us could force change.
The imminent release of the Hollywood movie 2012 will no doubt dramatise these prophecies to terrifying heights. 2012 will surely become another one of Hollywood’s displays, flexing their special effect muscles, only to hang it up alongside zombies and vampires when the commotion dies down. At university, I avi
dly read fantasy and I studied the periods in history when sci-fi and fantasy gained popularity. We find a mainstream interest in these genres when reality becomes bleak and unmanageable; it is a reflection of our subconscious. Sci-fi is ‘the literature of change’ and fantasy is the ‘literature of longing’. Fantasy usually closes with the ‘reestablishment of order’, whereas sci-fi climaxes with ‘the evolution to a higher order’, exposing what we really crave as a society.54 If time is a river, we can never step twice into any one part of it; the New Year is a powerful time on the planet when global energy is pushing for a new path, a time to create a new experience for ourselves.
Let us not propagate the hypnosis, disempowering ourselves into stagnation, because things are irreversible and one cannot possibly combat such a snow-balling force as climate change or political chess. We can, and do, have the power within our psyches to move mountains. Simply sitting at home or walking outside whilst generating positive thoughts will send out vibrations, attracting better things into your life and give the planet something of a feedback forum! The planet needs happy feet walking on it.
The Mighty Matterhorn Mountain
53 Office for National Statistics:
Scotland and Aye Page 7