by Leah Banicki
“How did you find this place?” Jackson asked as he found a corner out of my way and free of any dangerous debris.
“Oh, a local girl with a camera can find her way into all kinds of trouble.” I grinned.
“This place is interesting, what’s your plan?” Jackson asked.
“Well the staircase has a lot of potential for layering in intrigue. Even if I don’t use it as a focal point I can use it to shadow or add interest to a tamer scene.”
“Wow.” He laughed. “You lost me, but I can’t wait to see what you mean. Do what you do best, Hannah.” The way he said my name, sounded like Anthony and I turned to look at Jackson for perhaps a second too long. His look was friendly, appearing curious to watch me work.
I am working…stop thinking about Anthony. Focus Hannah! I said to myself. Never in my life had I been this scattered. I was glad that Jackson was a patient client. I kept thinking of him as a growing friendship role but I didn’t want to push it. For now he was my client and paying me. I needed to keep this professional.
I started taking pictures of the sunbeams and some debris on the floor, even the cobwebs. I was waiting for the sunbeams to get to a certain place for the perfect lighting affect.
“Ok, I need the blanket if you want to help.” I said and pointed at a pile.
“Gladly!” Jackson got the thick ugly blanket from the pile of things we brought in. I pointed to the spot where I wanted it laid.
“Are you going to lay on this?” His eyebrow were raised with a protective look.
“Yep!” I said.
“Uh, nope.” He stated and shook his head.
“I have done this before, I will be fine.” I smiled sweetly at his protective gesture, but would not be dissuaded.
“I am not sure that lying beneath a dilapidated, steel framed, rotting staircase is the wisest choice.”
I looked up and saw his point but this was not the first time I had been in a dangerous position to get the shot.
“Next month I will be hanging off glaciers…” I said to ease his mind.
He “harrumphed” and laid the blanket where I wanted it. He used to be a cop. He could see stubborn written across my face. I was going to do this with or without him.
“Whatever, Evil Knievel. I am here to save you should the world collapse in on you.” He pursed his mouth in a grimace to show his displeasure. I would make my stunt quick. No need for heroics.
I scooted on the ground and got into position a minute or two before necessary. The sun hadn’t hit the right spot yet, but I took a few shots to get my bearings and remembered the shadow and lights of the room from this angle.
“This better be worth risking your life.” Jackson said smugly.
“I don’t even want to know how you got all the experience you write about.” I answered with my own playful sarcasm attached.
We both laughed at our “pretend” bickering.
The sunbeams were moving closer to me. I got quiet and held my breath to get the shot steady with no movements at all. The sun hit the edge of a broken window and the sunbeam split for a few minutes. The reflections off the steel beams of the staircase created a refracted light affect that shot through the dark corner of the room, creating shadows and lights that were unreal. My camera clicked and whirred through the silence as I tried to capture it all. Each angle I turned had a different mood. When I shot through the staircase beams, it was like a modern art piece with strange lights bouncing to and fro. When I caught the far wall, the lights bounced off the cement stones and graffiti with the eerie yellow refractions. I did my work and could hear just my own breathing as I took low and slow breaths and the clicks from my camera. I loved my job!
I scooted out of my dangerous position; Jackson grabbed the blanket and gave it a few shakes to get any junk, dirt or spiders out of it. I snapped a few more shots of the room, it was showing off for me, today. I saw another potential shot as I looked through my lens. Through a broken window I see a flower bud on the other side in an abandoned lot. I went to my camera bag and got a bigger lens. I wanted to get the shot with the flower through the dirty window. It was a bit poetic and I loved it.
I attached my zoom lens to my camera and I went back to the same spot I stood just a moment before. I had taken the picture with the other lens but I wanted the zoom to get even closer. I took the shot I wanted but got very disappointed when I saw a big scratch across the lens.
I gasped out loud.
“What is it?” Jackson ran to me, his boots crunching across the dirty floor.
“Oh, I have a scratched lens and I was gonna get all artsy.” I tried to sound less disappointed than I was. To my ears I failed and sounded like a four year old who dropped her ice cream.
“Are you sure it’s scratched?” Jackson asked.
I used a thin cloth and touched the lens through the cloth. I could feel the scratch. It had a ledge. Drat!
“Yes.” I muttered, disheartened.
“I haven’t looked through this lens since my equipment made the flight with me from New York, before the show started. I definitely need to get this fixed. I wonder since we are so close, if we could stop by Gene’s Camera shop?” I said and batted my eyelashes at him. He nodded and smiled.
“You need to be careful with those eyes girl. They are dangerous.” He claimed.
I couldn’t help but enjoy the compliment, as we packed up the gear and headed to the car. I told him about some of the other places I wanted to photograph. After we climbed in the car, I started the engine and we headed off to the camera store.
“We need to look through the book of head-shots I got from a few local modeling agencies, if you want a person on the cover anyway. We can look through pictures of hunky guys.” I giggled waiting for his reaction.
“You know, that sounds dreamy.” He said in a whispery voice. He batted his eyelashes. He sighed dramatically and shook his head from side to side.
We continued laughing for a few minutes as we weaved through traffic. I parked in front of Gene’s Camera and grabbed my bag.
“You don’t have to wait in the car if you don’t want to. I can show you around my favorite store.” I grinned big showing all my teeth. I watched Jackson untangle himself from the seat one leg at a time. This car was not built for his long legs. I make a pouty face when he rolled his eyes at me.
“Sorry…” I said through a small grin. “I am trying not to laugh.”
“I can see that.” Jackson said as he reached a long arm around me and pinched my shoulder. I feel a little jolt being so close to a guy. I tried not to overreact. I could tell a second later that Jackson noticed my discomfort.
“Sorry.” He said and backed away a little. His mouth usually smiling now had a small frown.
“Nah just me, break up junk stuck in my head. Ya know…” I said quickly fighting off weird emotions.
OH-my-gosh, I do not want to do this in front of him! No crying, NO CRYING. I yelled at myself in my head.
“Been there, Hannah.” He gave me a slightly secretive smile.
We walked into the downtown camera shop and I felt better already. I loved this store, so many good memories. My dad bought my first good camera at this shop, then for my graduation present he gave me a few good lenses.
I oohed and aaaahed over some pieces. A new model of my current camera made me take a glance or two. I called over the guy behind the counter and we talked “geek” for a few minutes. I tried out the new camera and talked to ‘her’ to see if we could be friends. I could hear Jackson chuckling quietly behind me. I turned and gave him a playful glare.
“I don’t judge at all sweetie, I even laugh at my own jokes in my books while writing. I am all about dorky.” Jackson threw up his hands in surrender at my glare. I could picture him in my head laughing out loud with his dog Bailey, wondering what all the fuss was about.
I put away the new camera with wishful thinking and proceeded to bring out my damaged lens. I filled out all the forms to get it repair
ed and signed the papers. I rented a replacement while mine was being repaired and I purchased a few extra memory cards for giggles.
“Refurbs?” I asked the guy behind the counter. He knew what to do and pulled out a box of cameras that had seen better days.
“Which one should I get?” I asked pointedly. I was looking for something usable.
“This one was dropped a few times but with the work I did to her, she still works well enough. She is a bit of a clunker.” The clerk said. He pulled out another one.
“Ok this one is the ugly duckling. I got a few pieces from several cameras and made a franken-camera. Works like a top. It’s a few years old but needs a good home. She is all scratch- and-dent, but it’s all cosmetic. Her insides are perfect.”
The price was good so I bought it.
Jackson and I left with my purchases in hand.
“You are a curious lady.” Jackson said.
“I know.” I grinned.
“South Bend Chocolate factory is about a block and a half away.” He suggested.
“Mmmm. Sounds perfect before the next stop.” I liked the way Jackson thought.
“So why did you buy the scratch-and-dent camera?” Jackson was trying to figure me out.
“It’s just my thing. I sometimes run into someone who needs to learn photography, a kid usually. I like having a few spares around to bless someone. I have been buying rebuilds from these guys for a long time. I had a place in New York where I got some good deals, now and then but it wasn’t the same. Do-gooders are harder to find in the big city.” I shrugged, not sure why.
We locked my camera bags and purchases in the trunk and turned in the direction of the chocolate shop. The buildings in this part of town were nothing like New York. I felt safer here, especially with my own body guard walking next to me. The morning chill was gone and the spring air was nice. My light jacket was a pleasant change from the heavy coats and other accessories of winter outer wear.
Jackson kept the conversation light until we got to the chocolate shop. I ordered mint meltaways and Jackson got a box of caramel turtles.
We sat and enjoyed the sweet treats and then started walking back to the car, when I saw a group of women staring at me. The show was actually far from my thoughts and it took a second for me to register that they might want to talk to me.
“It’s Hannah Parker from Soulmate!” One woman pointed at me and I tugged on Jackson’s sleeve. “Let’s go, now. Okay?” I said in a savage whisper.
“Yes, we can do that.” Jackson said and looked for a way around the gawking women. The traffic was congested and there was no way across the street easily at this time of the day.
The women approached and I could see at least two of them frowning seriously.
“Hannah Parker, how dare you show your face after you… you killed someone?” A woman with short permed blond hair and a bright red jacket, said first.
I sighed and said nothing.
“All you are is a fame hungry slut and a baby murderer. I am ashamed that I believed all your sweet lies on the show just to learn you were a hussy behind closed doors. What a terrible person you are!” Another woman in the group said with her face red from nearly yelling. She looked older than my parents.
“Please excuse us ladies.” Jackson grabbed my arm and started pulling me through the women who were trying to block my path.
“Your parents must be so ashamed of you.” Someone behind me said. I didn’t turn to look. I could feel my heart pounding and gaining momentum. I was getting hot.
The temptation to defend myself and say ‘I never slept with him,’ or ‘I never had an abortion,’ was strong. I swallowed down my arguments. They all believed the rumors. It wasn’t real.
I stopped walking and felt my heart pounding faster. My chest was swelling inside me and getting hotter and hotter. The ringing in my ears had started too. This was worse than the first panic attack. This hurt.
I was literally gulping for air and freaking out. Jackson was talking to me but I couldn’t hear him. I was looking at the street. The cars were going by, one by one.
I could hear people yelling at me. Words like ‘whore’ and ‘murderer’. I was just trying to breathe.
“Give me your keys.” I heard for the third time. I looked up as I was holding my hand on my chest, it hurt so much to breathe. My ears were still ringing. I wanted to lay down now. I looked at the sidewalk and considered it. I heard Jackson talking and handed him my car keys from my jacket pocket. I bent over at the waist to tried and get some air. It doesn’t work and I felt dizzy. I stood back up, stumbled a few steps forward, and bumped into the lady in the red jacket accidentally.
She said something I could not hear over the pounding in my ears, but I felt the sting of her hand as it slapped me across the left side of my face. I saw stars a second or two. It’s hard to tell how long a moment like this lasted, really.
I felt myself being lifted.
I think Jackson was carrying me. I saw his face close to me, when the stars cleared and I rested my head on his shoulder and tried to keep breathing.
Within a few minutes we were back on the road. I sat in the passenger seat and cried – and tried to breathe. Neither of us said a word.
* * * * *
I was in the red leather chair sitting in the bliss house. My heart rate had slowed to a reasonable level but I felt so tired and weak. Jackson brought me a small plastic bottle of orange juice then told me he was going out to the car to get my camera stuff. I nodded and sipped my juice. I wanted to cry more but I couldn’t. I was numb.
After a minute he put all my gear down and I saw his tall frame fold into the chair next to me. I tried not to get nervous but I knew he was going to want to talk about what happened, eventually.
“You are going to get a bruise.” Jackson said and broke the silence. “You want ice for it?”
I shook my head ‘no.’
“You want to rest for a while?” he asked quietly, looking in my eyes, reading my reactions.
I nodded. “I would like to stay a bit.” I said hoarsely.
“I am so sorry…” I started to say but my throat closed and I started crying.
“Please don’t apologize. I am the last person on earth that you need to explain anything to.” Jackson took my hand in his for a minute. “I have been exactly where you are right now. I could see you having a panic attack. I knew I needed to get you out of there. Traffic was not cooperating fast enough.” Jackson explained quickly as he handed me a box of tissue. “I was watching the lights and missed you stumbling, I am so sorry that lady struck you. My cop skills aren’t what they used to be.”
Jackson looks so ashamed, I wanted to comfort him instead I asked him a question.
“Where?” My voice was almost a whisper.
“I was a cop in Chicago, working my way up to detective.” Jackson said in a low tone. His eyes went far away and I waited. He was a good storyteller and I needed a distraction.
“I was a workaholic cop, taking every shift and staying late, being overzealous. Trying to date was a nightmare; I stood up a lot of girls. I was such an idiot.” Jackson shook his head.
Bailey trotted into the room, his collar jangled as he ran. He had his doggy senses working and nuzzled his head against my leg. I gave the double-tap on my lap for the universal invite and the dog jumped up and maneuvered a second until he got in a comfortable position. I had a hand resting casually on his head; I could easily stroke his ears. It seemed to sooth me more than him, if that was possible.
“Why aren’t you a cop anymore?” I asked. I saw a flash of something dark pass over Jackson’s face and wondered if I had crossed a line.
“I am sorry Jackson. I should mind my business.” I saw him look me in the eye and smile. I breathed a deep sigh of relief. I hadn’t offended him at least.
“Things got hairy on a case and I was called in on my way to clock out. I have relived that call so many times in my head that I am wearing out the broken
record.”
“When I arrived the scene was in chaos, domestic disturbances always are. There were guys and girls standing around and everyone was yelling. One person was in handcuffs and being led to the cars outside. I was in charge of checking ID’s and getting statements. Mine was a simple assignment, just to help get things calmed down so we could keep everyone safe and understand exactly what had happened. One guy across the room was giving a fellow officer trouble and I was questioning a girl, when I heard an unmistakable sound. There was the sound of a gunshot in another part of the house.”
“I don’t want to scare you, but are you sure you want to hear this?” Zee watched me so intently. I nodded and waited for him to continue.
“People started screaming and the girl in front of me throws herself on the floor. I pulled out my gun and ran through the house, watching the corners, following procedure. I heard someone yell ‘Clear’ and I turned down another cramped hallway and saw a tall guy in a hooded sweatshirt run toward the window. Another man was there gesturing and yelling. I saw the guy closest to me had a gun. I yelled, I think I told him to put down his weapon and that I was CPD. The guy running toward the window tucks the gun to his side and squeezes off a few rounds. One hit my leg. I yelled ‘I’m hit’ and heard yelling and scuffling in the house. I shot the first guy in the shoulder and he fell and tossed the weapon out the window. The guy outside the window grabbed it and shot me three more times. I shot back, I hit him once and shot the guy on the ground, as I was falling.”
I didn’t know when I had gasped. I was holding my face. To watch crime shows was something I had always done but this was different. He was flesh and blood, shot four times by some criminals.
“I am so sorry you were hurt Jackson.” I said, I sipped my orange juice then sat it down. A few more tears slipped through, I did not like the thought of him being in danger.