“It might be. I acted like a complete jerk, and I think I may have broken the heart of America’s sweetheart. How do I recover from that?”
Gareth squatted and removed a weed that had sprung up in the neatly groomed plot. “I devoted a huge part of my life to being alone, we all did. Hell, we practically made an art of it. But it’s wrong, Jacob. It’s wrong.” He paused, his eyes on the headstone. “Do you love her?”
The thick, wet, frigid air was a far cry from Antigua’s warm breezes. But the current weather mirrored the state of Jacob’s soul. He’d denied it for so long, had done his best to convince himself it wasn’t true. “Yes,” he said, his throat tight. “I love her.”
Kieran’s gaze was a mix of sympathy and challenge. “Then go. Do whatever it takes. But don’t wait anymore.”
His brothers abandoned him to his vigil, and he sighed as he acknowledged what a fool he had been. The walls he had built for his ivory tower were as insubstantial now as the clouds that scudded over the mountaintop. There was no armor in the world strong enough to protect him from Ariel.
She had offered him her innocence, her trust, her joyous outlook on life. And he might as well have ground it under his heel. He knew she loved him, but he had been too scared to let her tell him so. And even worse, he had abandoned her, allowing her to believe that she was no more to him than another roll in the hay.
The man who looked back at him from the mirror this morning was not someone he admired. Not anymore.
For one more day, he pondered the mess he had made of his life. Fate had dealt him dreadful blows. Losing a beloved parent and an adored fiancée. Jacob had thought of himself as strong and invincible because he had survived. But the truth was less palatable. Maybe the hermit-like existence he had cultivated was nothing more than cowardice in disguise.
His life to date had been marked unfairly by tragedy. But the present debacle was his fault, and his alone.
Ariel likely hated him. At the very least, she must think him a user like so many people in her life, men in particular. But even knowing that he had committed unforgiveable sins, he had to tell her how he felt. She deserved to understand that what had happened on the beach in Antigua was as pivotal a moment in his life as it had been in hers.
He had packed for an indefinite trip and was preparing to fly out on the family jet when his cell phone rang. The area code was southern California.
Heart pumping, he answered. “Hello?”
“Wolff? This is Rod Brinkman.”
Jacob’s knees turned to water. He sat down hard. “Is it Ariel? What’s wrong?”
“She needs you, Wolff. Her mother died early yesterday morning.”
His poor princess. Throat tight, he demanded details.
“It caught everyone off guard. A heart attack. The chemo took its toll.”
“Email me the specifics, please.”
“Will do. Just get here as fast as you can. She’s handling the details all alone.”
* * *
Even flying in one’s own family jet didn’t lessen the mileage between the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia and the West Coast. Jacob tried to sleep and couldn’t. All he could think about was Ariel—young, lionhearted, heartbreakingly vulnerable Ariel.
He landed at LAX and wasted no time. The private limo service had a car waiting. The address he gave the driver led them to a pleasant, though not opulent neighborhood north of town. It was a gated community with a guardhouse.
Jacob rolled down the window. “I’m Jacob Wolff here to see Ariel Dane. She’s not expecting me. But her director, Rod Brinkman, sent me.” Jacob was hoping the name-dropping would get him in.
The seventy-something Barney Fife lookalike leaned down to peer into the car. “Jacob Wolff? Well, hell, man. Brinkman’s a household name here in Hollywood, but you’re a Wolff. Everybody knows who you are, or your family anyway. Welcome to California.”
Jacob concealed his impatience. “Thank you. I’m here to help Ariel with the funeral.”
The guard removed his cap and scratched his head. “Yep. It’s a damned shame about Mrs. Dane. She was a real nice lady.” Finally, he stepped back and pressed a button. “Tell Miss Ariel I’m thinking about her. She always gives me chocolate chip cookies and a five-hundred-dollar bill at Christmas. I love that little gal.”
The massive gates slid aside, and two minutes later, Jacob was knocking at the door of an attractively landscaped, stucco and terra-cotta tile, two-story condo.
The door swung wide. Framed in the opening was the woman who had turned his life upside down. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying. The sloppy ponytail, sweats and bare feet were the dress of a woman not expecting company.
To Jacob, she had never looked more beautiful. He kept his hands shoved in his pockets to keep from grabbing her. “Hello, Ariel.”
Her blue eyes stared at him warily. “Go home,” she said bluntly. “I know about the promise you made to my mother. She told me. But I don’t need you. You’re off the hook.”
She started to close the door. He stuck his foot in the gap, his temper rising. “I’ve come a damned long way to see you.”
“And I’m supposed to be grateful?”
Her cold expression made him wince. He was responsible for her antipathy. “Let me come in.” He softened his voice. “Let me in, Ariel. Please.”
* * *
Ariel felt brittle as glass, as if one wrong move would shatter her into sharp-edged pieces. Seeing Jacob in the flesh was agony. She had dreamed about him for weeks. Though she tried every way she knew to eradicate them, the memories of making love with Jacob were as poignant and beautiful and immediate as if they had happened only yesterday.
Now, here he stood. Imposing. Handsome. Broodingly masculine.
She was defeated by her own yearning. “Fine. Come in if you must. I’m not very good company at the moment.”
She turned her back on him and sought the protection of a small armchair, thinking he would sit across the room on the sofa. But Jacob had other ideas. He took her wrists and pulled her to her feet, wrapping his big arms around her and tucking her face into his shoulder. “God, I’m sorry Ariel. I’m so sorry.”
He smelled of soap and starch, a fragrance she had come to identify as uniquely Jacob. Without words he was offering her a good cry, the opportunity to lean on a big strong man for comfort.
That was a risk she couldn’t take. She’d shed buckets of tears in the last thirty-six hours. Her chest was hollow with grief. But she would not allow herself to be lulled into the fiction that Jacob cared.
Oh, sure, he had a physician’s compassion. He knew all about offering support to the bereaved. But that wasn’t what Ariel wanted or needed. She could handle her mother’s death. They had talked it through many times, and with brave honesty.
Ariel was as prepared as a person could be to lose a loved one.
She shoved her hands against his chest. “I’m fine, Jacob. We knew this was coming.” More than anything she wanted him to hold her and never let go, which was why she had to be strong.
He released her reluctantly. “That doesn’t make it any easier.”
“Mama had made her peace with life and with God. She was ready to go. I’m honoring her by choosing to celebrate the life she lived.”
Jacob folded his arms across his chest, staring at her with that X-ray gaze that reminded her of the first day they met. “You don’t have to put on a brave front with me.”
She shrugged. “We’re having visitation and a small memorial service tonight. You’re welcome to come.”
“And then?”
“Then nothing. You go home.”
“I didn’t make a hotel reservation.”
“You can sleep on the jet.”
“I thought I would stay with you for a few days.”
“No.” She stiffened her spine, wrapping her arms around her waist. “I don’t need your pity or your charity. I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“How charming. Anything else about me you’d like to insult?”
He glared at her. “You are the most provoking and contrary woman I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet.”
“Sorry I don’t live up to the memory of your sainted Diane,” she retorted. “Most of us are mere mortals.”
He took three steps in her direction and stopped dead, his face contorting with anger and something she couldn’t decipher. “I can’t remember what she looks like,” he said in a low, tormented voice. “I destroyed all her pictures, because I couldn’t bear to look at them.”
A thousand knives pierced Ariel’s heart, drawing a choked gasp of pain from her numb lips. “Not my problem, Doc. Would you mind leaving now? I have things to do.” The tears she had thought were momentarily dried up clogged her throat.
Jacob stared at her, his dark eyes filled with secrets she couldn’t decipher. “I don’t have a single picture of you,” he said hoarsely. “And yet every day you were there, driving me insane. I didn’t want to remember you. But I had no choice. Awake or asleep, working or staring out the window in a blank stupor, it was you, always you.”
“What do you want from me, Doc? Is this some weird man-of-honor thing about deflowering me? I assure you, it was no big deal.”
Jacob stumbled forward, dropping his head on her shoulder, his hands caressing her arms. “It was to me,” he said in a broken whisper. “I love you, Ariel.”
Her fingers stroked the soft short hair at the nape of his neck, before she jerked her hands away, hardening her resolve. “Like I said before, you suck at this boyfriend thing. My mother just died and you pick now for your dramatic speech?” She shoved him away and strode to the other side of the room. “It’s your guilt talking, Doc. I know your kind. But you’ll get over it. Don’t worry.”
He stalked her, determination in every muscle of his body. “My timing sucks. I’m a jerk. I get that. And yes, this damn sure isn’t anyone’s version of a Hollywood happy ending. But you have to believe me, Ariel. I love you. For better or for worse. Most couples start with the better. I’m sorry, but you’re stuck with me for the worst. I won’t leave you. Not today.”
Everything inside her ached for him. She wanted to fling herself into his embrace and sob out her grief and desolation. But she was all alone in the world now. She had to protect herself. “It’s your choice. We head out for the funeral home at five o’clock. I’ll be in my room resting.”
Jacob had expected some resistance from Ariel. But not outright hostility and the cold shoulder. He had hurt her terribly. And now her mother was gone. For once in his life there was no clear path, no road to follow. All he knew was that Ariel was his heart, his soul, his only reason for being. And as long as he had breath in his body, he would protect her.
She emerged from her room at ten before five, perfectly turned out in a Chanel-style black suit and heels. Her hair was caught up in a smooth chignon. Sheer black hosiery showcased her fabulous legs. A small, stylish hat in black linen perched at the back of her head.
In her hands she held a black leather clutch and enormous black sunglasses. She was beautiful and remote.
Skillful makeup had erased evidence of her tears. Movie star Ariel Dane was ready.
He grabbed his suit jacket and followed her outside. The studio had sent a limo in addition to the enormous bouquet of flowers that took up half of Ariel’s dining room table.
She slid into the car and ignored him for forty-five minutes as they drove. He kept his silence, unwilling to do anything to upset her at this moment.
The parlor at the funeral home was filled with friends and acquaintances of Ariel and her mother. Ariel seemed taken aback at the turnout. She really had no clue how many people genuinely cared about her.
The two hours of visitation seemed endless. Jacob stayed at Ariel’s elbow through it all, abandoning her only now and then to bring her a glass of water. Never once did she introduce him to anyone. He might as well have been invisible. Though some people stared at him curiously, he smiled as necessary and kept his vigil.
Seeing Ariel so proud, so young, so dignified in her grief brought more than one person to tears. But Ariel had shed her tears in private. Now she performed her role with touching grace.
When the funeral home staff signaled the need to adjourn to the chapel, Jacob felt Ariel inhale a sharp breath. He put a hand at the small of her back. “You can do this, princess. I’m proud of you.”
Together they walked to the family pew and were seated. No casket or urn graced the front of the room. Mrs. Dane had been clear in her wishes.
Moments later, the service began. A world-renowned female recording artist sang a beautiful song with lyrics about partings and hope for the future. An unassuming minister spoke kind words about a woman who had faced hardship in her life but rose above it to be a good mother to her only child.
At last, only one song remained. The room was hushed, hundreds of mourners lining the aisles and spilling out into the hallway at the rear. The soloist completed her final verse, and sat down. The lights dimmed. As a screen lowered from the ceiling, Mrs. Dane’s smiling face appeared.
Jacob felt Ariel’s hand reach for his. He gripped it tightly, sliding an arm around her narrow shoulders and pulling her close.
Mrs. Dane spoke to the crowd.
“Many of you in this room live in a world of make-believe. You weave stories and tell tales and entertain us all. Sadly, real life is not so easily manipulated. All of us face moments of pain and loss.
“I have never asked the question ‘why me?’ My life has been graced with so many blessings, not the least of which is my dearest daughter, Ariel. I love you, my angel.
“To all of you I leave this one great lesson I have learned. Family is everything. And though families come in different shapes and sizes, the important thing is that we cling to those we love. Life’s measure is never certain. Don’t let bitterness and envy and past hurts define who you are. Live. Be free. Love.
“Don’t grieve for me today. But instead, hold those who are important to you close to your heart and be glad.”
The screen went blank.
Ariel got to her feet. Perhaps only Jacob was close enough to witness her unsteadiness. “Thank you for coming,” she said, her usual sunny smile dimmed but functional. “It means a lot to me. Good night.”
Leaning her head toward Jacob’s, she whispered urgently, “Get me out of here…please.”
At the front of the chapel, a doorway led to a private hall. As they walked rapidly, Jacob sent a quick text to the driver who met them at the back entrance.
One of the funeral home employees intercepted them, his sober face worried. “Everything okay?”
Ariel lifted her head like a wilted flower struggling to stay erect on a broken stem. “I appreciate all you did. The service was wonderful. Thank you.”
She swayed on her feet, her face ashen. Jacob hurriedly tucked her into the car and instructed the driver. With the privacy shield in place, Jacob gathered her into his arms. “It’s over, princess. You did well.”
The tears came then, great choking sobs that seemed almost to tear her slight frame asunder. Jacob held her tightly, his own eyes damp. For a third time in his life, he was helpless to protect someone he loved. The inability to do so was humbling for a man who had been known to work miracles in the lab.
He smoothed his hand over her back repeatedly, murmuring words to comfort her. At long last, the storm abated. One of her hands curled against his lapel.
“I got snot on your Italian wool suit,” she said, her voice shaky.
Stunned laughter burst from his throat. “Good Lord, Ariel. That’s the least of our worries.” He paused, unsure of how to please her. “Do you want to go to bed when you get home? Would you rather eat something? Tell me what you need.”
She wiped a hand across her cheek, smearing mascara. “Take me to the beach. In my car. I want to see the ocean.”
When the driver dropped them of
f in front of Ariel’s door, Jacob helped her out of the vehicle. “You should go in and change,” he said. “It will be cold.”
Shaking her head, she pulled keys from her purse and handed them to him. “Just drive.”
The car in the garage shouldn’t have surprised him. It was a VW Beetle, sunshine yellow with a vanity tag that read Mermaid. He folded his lanky frame behind the wheel and backed out. “Tell me where to go.”
They weren’t far from the shore. Ariel directed him in a quiet voice. When they parked in the driveway of a darkened house, Ariel got out. “This cottage belongs to a friend of mine. He’s traveling in Europe, so I’ve been checking on things for him.”
Jacob thought she meant for them to go inside, but instead, she headed down the path to the beach, cutting between houses that were no more than darkened hulks in the night. There was no moon at all.
She kicked off her heels. Jacob bent to pick them up and tucked them in his jacket pockets. “Where are you going?”
His only answer was the screech of a gull. Ariel made a beeline for the water, her feet still clad in nylons. She was a tiny, solitary figure framed by the immensity of the sea.
For one heart-stopping moment he thought she intended to walk straight into the waves. And then he knew better. Ariel Dane was no coward.
She stopped when her toes were at the very edge of the surf. The water had to be icy, but she didn’t flinch when rivulets of phosphorescent foam danced around her ankles.
Kicking off his own shoes and socks, he joined her. They stood, shoulder to shoulder, staring out at the horizon, a barely perceptible line where the steel gray of the ocean met the inky dark of the sky.
Ariel sighed. “Do you know why I like to come here?”
“No. Tell me.”
“It reminds me that I’m insignificant in the grand scheme of things. The world would spin with or without me. That is comforting in an odd sort of way.”
He took her shoulders, forcing her to face him. “You’re wrong,” he said hoarsely. “Without you, my world would stop.”
“Is that a line from some low-budget movie? You’re no actor, Doc. Leave the drama to the professionals.”
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