by Mark Eller
Jolson didn’t respond. Ani hoped her resolve would remain strong when Jolson once more became aware. Demons or devils or something else would come for Jolson. Part of her hoped they came soon.
* * * *
"Momma?"
Missa's soft voice floated through the darkness. Sleepily blinking her eyes open, Ani sat up and found Missa standing beside her bed. A thread of moonlight peeked past her rag curtains, illuminating Missa’s hair in a thin halo.
"Honey? Why are you up? Is something wrong?"
"Please don't make Jolson go away." Missa begged. "He needs us."
With those words, Missa sat down on the edge of the bed. Her hair hung in a long braid down her back, and she wore an old, worn gray nightshirt which once belonged to her father. Worry lines crinkled the corners of her young mouth.
"Missa." Anithia sighed. Always a debate, always a challenge. "How do you propose we fight off Athos’s demons when they come hunting? Do you want Mommy to get hurt? Do you want to get hurt?"
Missa shook her head. "The demons can’t hurt us."
Ani snorted. "Do you think we’re gods? Or maybe you just think we’re immortal?" Despite her best effort, anger and bitterness rose within her. This was all Larson’s fault. He had filled Missa's head with nonsense about her being special and blessed. Now Ani had a child who thought herself invincible.
Ani rubbed the back of her neck and gritted her teeth.
Missa folded her hands neatly in her lap and looked down. Tears streaked her face, leaving a glittering trail on her cheeks.
Oh great. Make her cry you big jerk, Ani chided herself. "Missa Markie, look at me."
Damp eyes glimmering in the moonlight, Missa looked up.
"I know you want to be like daddy, but you’re not old enough yet. Daddy trained a long time to be a demon killer. He had to go to the Anothosia’s Temple in Grace and be anointed by the goddess herself, back when he was still little more than a boy." Ani wiped at Missa's tears, pulled her close, and started to sing. Her voice rose, sweet and tender, into the still air. It wrapped itself around them like a warm blanket, soothing and loving.
Shine, shine, wherever we may be,
Shine your light on my baby and me.
Bless us with your truth and light,
And keep us safe all through the night.
We sing in the morning to her light.
We sing in the evening in candlelight.
We ask her guidance in all we do,
And she gives us wisdom to see us through.
Shine, shine, wherever we may be.
Shine your light on my baby and me.
Bless us with your truth and light,
And keep us safe all through the night.
Come those who seek justice true.
Come to the goddess of Seven and Two.
Praise her for she is wisdom and truth.
Anothosia, we worship you.
Shine, shine wherever we may be.
Shine your light on my baby and me.
Bless us with your truth and light,
And keep us safe all through the night.
Joy, peace, and the love of man,
She comes to all who call her friend.
Righteousness shall lead the way,
And a savior she’ll send to us one day.
Shine, shine, wherever we may be.
Shine your light on my baby and me.
Bless us with your truth and light,
And keep us safe all through the night.
Missa was almost asleep when Ani finished singing. She rose, pulled Missa deeper into the bed. "Go to sleep, little one. I’ll talk to you tomorrow." Smiling, Ani gently kissed her daughter's forehead.
"I love you, Momma." Missa whispered.
"I love you too, baby."
Ani waited until Missa fell into a deep slumber to slip from the bed. She went into their small sitting room, unable to go back to sleep. Mind weary and body tired, she sat down in a rickety chair and quietly rocked.
Movement at the window caught her eye. Ani jumped, squeaked, grabbed for her knife.
Jolson stared at her.
"What are you doing out there?" she demanded.
"Your song…drew me." Jolson said in a dull, stumbling voice. "It made me fe‒feel. Please. Sing it again."
Ani stared, dumbfounded. Her song made him feel? Did spawn have feelings? Did they have the ability to understand music or art? Larson had told her spawn emotions were limited to fear and pain. He told her they were incapable of joy, but then she had already determined Jolson was not exactly normal for a spawn.
"Please." Jolson said. He tried to pull himself through the window. Failing, his eyes fastened on her like she was a flame and he the moth.
Ani frowned. She sighed and then cursed. "Jolson, get out of my window."
She stopped speaking and looked at him. What would Larson expect of her? Should she tell him no? Larson said spawn were put through terrible pain and torture. Maybe she should sing for him if her voice brought him some ease. Then again, Larson had also cautioned her about singing for anyone but their family. Ani felt uncomfortable, torn by indecision. She wasn’t supposed to sing, but it was such a little thing he asked for.
"All right. I’ll sing for you." She gave him a small smile, gave him directions, and waited for him to come around to the back door. When he began scratching on the door’s wooden planks she let him in and gestured for him to sit in front of her on the floor.
"This is a song my mother used to sing to me. It’s called The Shepherd’s Passionate Love for Fleas.”
Ani sang to the spawn until well past midnight, watching his eyes swirl like glittering stars caught in a snowstorm. She marveled at the way he seemed different when he heard music, almost entranced. It was as if he were a different person inside, as if her songs brought the other person out. Was this the person he had been before becoming spawn? Did all spawn react this way to music, or was it just Jolson? What if her singing, her voice, affected him? Did her voice have special qualities which made another person or hellborn entranced? Was this why Larson had wanted Missa to stop singing? Did Missa’s voice also contain these qualities?
Later in the evening, in bed, Ani mulled those thoughts over, unable to go back to sleep. Something nagged at her as she tried to make the pieces fit. Finally, somewhere in the wee hours of the morning, Ani’s mind gave up, and she drifted off to sleep.
* * * *
Another day passed and then a week. Each day brought fresh torments for her at work. Farnon became bolder and brasher. On one morning the pig came in, still intoxicated, and tried to rape her in the back storeroom. Ani thanked the gods the Hellhole's newest regular morning patron, the strange old man, intervened before she had to knife the sodden bastard. Of course, Farnon beat the old man to the ground for interfering, but, oddly, the man didn’t complain. He just took the beating, and left after making sure Ani was okay.
That night Anithia fell into a chair and felt like she wanted to die. Jolson and his nightly enticements were bad enough. Adding Farnon into the mix made her life impossible.
"Momma?" Missa said. "What's wrong?"
Climbing into Ani's lap, she rested her head on Ani's shoulder.
"Nothing is wrong, Little Miss." Ani replied. "Why don't you go and play. Better yet, go tell Jolson his dinner will be a bit late."
When would she get that particular millstone off her neck?
Missa looked hurt, but Ani didn’t care. More than anything else she just wanted to be left alone.
During dinner Missa chatted endlessly with Jolson since he was currently out of his stupid stage. Whenever it happened Missa took full advantage of the situation. On average, Ani had noticed Jolson was dim-witted eight or ten hours for every few minutes his brain actually worked. However, tonight seemed to be an exception. He and Missa had been chatting most of the evening.
Ani did not pay much attention to Missa's questions or Jolson’s answers. Like always, she found herself drawn to Jolson's ho
ok. She couldn’t help herself. For some reason, its evil aura drew her to it, reaching into her soul.
"Won't you, Momma?"
Blinking, Anithia shook longings for the hook from her mind. Since she had not been following the conversation, she had no idea what Missa had asked. She tried to focus her eyes on her daughter, but they kept trailing back to the putrid, green hook. Jolson rested the hook on the table, putting it within inches of her. Ani grimaced and slid her hand over to caress it.
"Momma!" Missa reached across the narrow table and smacked Ani's hand away.
Anithia jumped. “What!” she shouted while Jolson cowered away from her daughter’s touch.
Missa's eyes showed panic. "I was just saying to Jolson that you'd sing to us tonight. You know, the song about Flinstar’s promised savior?" Missa swallowed hard and shifted in her seat.
Lost in confusion, Ani shook her head. "No, not tonight, Missa. I'm not up to it."
She rose from the table and walked out the back door where a cool breeze carried the day's stench away from her. Once there, Ani sat on the step, hung her head, and cried. Despair washed over her, sucking her down, drowning her with its darkness.
Ani cried quietly for a long time. She cried so long part of her wondered if she would ever stop. Hating her weakness, she wiped her eyes and then heard a light shuffling. Jolson stood in front of her, his face a luminescent white in the pale sliver of moonlight.
"I can help you, Anithia." Jolson said in a voice devoid of emotion and yet so seductive it almost didn’t seem real. His eyes swirled and sparkled with unusual intelligence. Moving closer, he shifted his hook to draw her gaze. It waved gently before her, glowing jade green in the darkness, like a saving beacon calling home a lost ship.
"Go on." Jolson said, his voice a soft purr. "Touch it. I promise it won't hurt. My hook can give you what you want, Ani, what you need, and it will demand only a very little. Touch it and the pain will go away. You will never be lonely again."
Jolson moved the hook closer to her, so close it almost touched her skin.
Ani lifted her hand to the hook, ready to heed its sweet calling, needing to caress it, wanting to feel its comfort, but something else subtly tugged at her. It intruded— wiggled— wormed its way through her, working itself between her and the hook. She heard a noise. Sounds.
Ani blinked slowly, and when she looked upon the hook again, its pulsing light had taken on a muddy tinge. From the kitchen, Missa's clear voice rose in song. It ascended above the pounding in Ani's head and cleared away a fog she hadn’t realized was there. The song rose, slow and careful, gaining in strength as it burst from the open window and was taken up by the night's wind.
In the dark, there is a light, the light of your soul
It keeps me from the endless night, this I know.
In my heart, there is a song, a song of love so true,
A song of endless love, my love for only you.
So come to me tonight, so we may never part.
Say you'll never leave me. I'll forever have your heart.
So come to me tonight, I know you love me too.
Say the words I long to hear, I love you.
Let us ride the endless heavens, side by side.
Let the stars and moon above, be our only guide.
Let us ride the wind and rain, just you and I.
Forever in each other's arms, every single night.
So come to me tonight, so that we may never part.
Say you’ll never leave me. I’ll forever have your heart.
So come to me tonight, I know you love me too.
Say the words I long to hear, I love you.
Drawing in a deep breath, Ani fought back a sob. It was their song, hers and Larson's. She had composed it and sung it to him on the night he proposed to her. She had sung the same song to him countless times over the years, especially when he was battle weary and soul embittered. Their song lifted her spirit out of the pit it had almost been sucked into.
She looked up at Jolson and realized how close she had come to being lost.
"It-it's so beautiful." Jolson's eyes swirled a misty white, and the hook no longer glowed. Feeling repulsed by the sight of the filthy thing, Ani stood. She ran into the house, cursing her stupidity. What had she been thinking? She had almost given a piece of her soul to the creature in exchange for the mix-matched pieces of other souls. What would have happened to Missa if she had given in?
"Momma, are you all right?" Missa stood in the doorway to Anithia's bedroom, her face a mixture of concern and fear. "I'm sorry, Momma. We promised daddy I wouldn’t sing, but I was scared and couldn't think of what else to do." She glared toward the back door where Jolson still stood outside. "He was going to hurt you. I hate him!"
"Oh baby." Ani whispered, fighting back tears. "Come here." She held out her arms. Missa flung herself forward to bury her face in Ani’s shoulder.
"I love you, and I need you, and I’m so sorry you're alone, but I don't want to lose you." Missa wept.
Holding her daughter tight, Ani rocked them both while her shoulder grew wet with Missa’s tears. She had almost lost it all tonight, almost wasted their lives, just as she had been wasting them since Larson died. Even her short time with Lady Simta had been a waste. It was time for a change, time for her to change. Maybe it was time to leave Yylse. She could go to Grace. Larson had once said he had family there. She was sure one of them would welcome Larson’s wife and daughter, and if not, she could find a job well away from Farnon and the god’s cursed tavern.
Several hours later Ani put Missa to bed, went outside, and waited nearly another hour before Jolson approached. He stepped up the pathway, his gaze never leaving her. In the bright moonlight she could see his eyes judging her, calculating and intelligent.
He’ll probably pretend to be stupid or coy, Ani thought, but she would believe neither.
"Out for a walk, are you?" Ani asked when he stopped before her. "Or are you trolling for fresh souls?"
"Why are you still awake?" he asked. "Do you want something from me?" He raised his hook in front of him, twisting it back and forth before her, almost as a warning.
Well, I guess he knows about the knife in my pocket.
"I brought you into my house because I pitied you," she said evenly. “I fed you, gave you a place to stay, and treated you as a guest in my home." She took two steps closer to him, remaining just out of arm’s reach. "If it weren’t for me you would be dead and your soul sucked back into Hell."
With those words Ani took another quick step forward. Her hand snaked out and grabbed his hook handed wrist hard. "How dare you play on my weakness? This vile thing would have damned me forever if not for Missa." Her calm slipped. The anger she held in check spilled into her chest like a beast slamming against her ribs.
He jerked his arm away from her grasp. "How dare I what?" His voice sounded cold and warning. “How dare I repay you for your kindness? Is that what you mean?" His eyes bore into her. "You wanted to leave me to die. You took one look at this," he shook the hook before her, “and judged me unfit to live. If not for Missa, you would have left me in the crate."
Ani stood still, unable to say anything. His words cut deep. If not for Missa and the strange presence she held, Aniwouldhave walked away, but did that give him the right to corrupt her soul? Life was finite. Souls were forever. Besides, he couldn’t deny he still owed Missa, and she would have suffered more than any other if Jolson’s plans for Ani had carried through.
"You are a coward." Jolson said. "You will always allow others to push you around. I was a coward, too, but I got over it. I’m not like you. Not anymore."
"No." Ani agreed. "You’re not like me. I was thoughtless and cruel, but I still own my soul. You are wicked and already damned. I was wrong for what I almost did. I was wrong. I pray the next time I’m more careful in my judgment. What you tried and almost succeeded doing was worse. Missa loved you, but you destroyed it. Her love is more beautiful, more precious th
an anything you could ever steal from another person.”
She looked down at her feet and then back up at Jolson. Without realizing it, Ani had slid her hand inside her tunic to finger the knife. Grimacing, she pulled her hand away. She had no right.
Her anger slid away. "I prayed for you after I put Missa to bed," she confessed. "I prayed to Anothosia, something I haven’t done in a long time. I prayed you would somehow relearn some semblance of humanity. You were human once, just like all spawn. Something tells me you can be human again. I prayed I could learn to forgive you, and you might somehow forgive me."
Jolson’s thin smile held no meaning. His eyes were dead pools. "Forgive you?" he sneered. "You won’t find such fiction from me, woman. I come from Hell where there is no forgiveness or mercy. Those are human weaknesses. I will never be human again."
Swallowing, Ani nodded. "Goodbye, Jolson. You’ve worn out your welcome. Maybe I’ll see you again someday. If so, I pray the gods will have taught you something of forgiveness and mercy by then." She gave Jolson one long last look, turned, and walked up the path toward her home.
Tomorrow she would pack up a few belongings, a few memories, and take Missa away. She would not stop at the Hellhole Tavern. Mercy and forgiveness was a lesson she also needed to learn. Farnon was safe from her knife.
"The gods have already taught me!" Jolson shouted. "They have taught me pain and humiliation. They have taught me that strength means survival. I will survive, Anithia Morlon. I will be strong. I will live to challenge the gods themselves, and I will show them the same mercy and forgiveness they have shown me."