Finding Our Forever

by Brenda Novak

  Choosing the path she did had enabled her to create some beautiful memories. But if she lost Eli and Aiyana, mere memories would never be enough...

  Eli opened his eyes and smiled the second he realized that she was awake. “Morning.”

  She returned his smile. “Morning.”

  “Merry Christmas.”

  “Same to you.” She tucked her hands up under her pillow as she studied him. “Would you like to open your present?”

  He covered a yawn. “We’re not going to wait until we have dinner at your parents’?” They’d spent Christmas Eve with Aiyana and all his brothers last night so that they could join her family today.

  “I’d like to give it to you now.” Because it was something she hoped would speak to, and comfort, his inner child, she didn’t want him facing an audience when he opened it.

  “Okay.” He sat up. “Let me have it.”

  She slipped out of bed to grab the box she’d put under the tree after they’d returned from his mother’s house last night. Until that time, she’d hidden it in a closet at her place.

  “It’s heavy,” he said as she put it in his lap.

  “I hope you’ll like it.” She sat nervously on the bed beside him as he tore off the paper. “I mean...it’s not something the typical guy would probably like, but... I don’t know. It seemed to me as if...”

  His expression changed, grew less anticipatory and more reflective, as he lifted her sculpture out of the box. Although it was conceptual, she hoped he could tell that it depicted a man holding the hand of a little boy.

  “Wow,” he murmured. “You made this?”

  “I did. I admit I’m not as good as I want to be, but I was trying to create something for you that represented the difference you are making here at New Horizons—in so many lives.”

  “I love it,” he murmured. “I’ve often stared at that sculpture you created of a mother cradling her child. That piece is the reason I hired you. I’ve always loved it.”

  “I’ve noticed. That’s why I attempted this. If you like that one better, you can have it. I just thought it was more important to focus on what you are giving others.” And not highlight the fact that he didn’t at first have the kind of mother who would nurture him as a mother should.

  “I don’t even know what to say, Cora. This must’ve taken you hours and hours. I couldn’t love anything more.”

  He seemed so sincere that she let her breath go in relief. “I’m glad. I struggled so long with the way their hands come together. That was the hardest part. It still doesn’t look right to me.”

  “Are you kidding? That part—all of it—is perfect.” He studied her gift for several more seconds before setting it reverently to one side. “And now I have something for you.”

  “You’re going to give me your present now, as well? You can wait until we go to dinner, if you want.”

  “No, I think this is the right time.”

  “Okay.” She felt such excitement. He’d bought her plenty of things so far—lots of meals and treats and even a few clothes when they’d happened upon a blouse or something she liked. She’d bought him stuff, too. But this was their first formal exchange. She thought maybe he’d purchased some art supplies or the painting she’d fallen in love with at the boutique off the beach they’d found last time they went to LA. But what he retrieved from his drawer was far too small to be either of those things.

  It was jewelry. Clearly. But what kind?

  She grinned at him as she tore off the tiny bow and the pretty wrapping. Inside she found a box with a lid. Under the lid was another box, this one the velvet type. “I never would’ve expected you to get me jewelry,” she said. “We’ve never even looked at it.”

  He said nothing, just watched as she opened the lid.

  Her jaw dropped the moment she saw the ring, and she blinked several times, trying to decide what it might mean. “This is...this is stunning!” she said. “Literally. I don’t know what to say. It must’ve been so expensive. And...” And it looked like an engagement ring! She searched his face, trying to figure out if it was an engagement ring as he took her hand.

  “Will you marry me, Cora?”

  Cora could hardly breathe. This was a proposal—nothing she’d expected to come from Eli. Not this soon. He’d convinced her that he would never take that step, that he couldn’t trust enough to take that step. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she’d always hoped he’d find his way around that barrier. But now? She wasn’t prepared! She still hadn’t told him the truth!

  “You keep talking about moving away after next semester,” he said. “But I hate the thought of that. I hope you’ll stay here, with me. You gave me that statue to symbolize what I’m trying to do here at New Horizons—”

  “What you are doing,” she broke in.

  “But you’re doing the same thing—making a difference in the lives of young people who need you. I need you, too, even though I’m not so young,” he added with a grin.

  Her gaze met and locked with his. “Are you saying you love me, Eli?”

  “How can you even ask that? Nothing else could ever make me take this risk. You’ve changed my life, Cora. Made me whole,” he added softly.

  Tears filled her eyes as she stared down at the big diamond he’d bought. “This is gorgeous.”

  He leaned in to catch her eye. “I was hoping you’d simply say yes. Don’t you love me?”

  “I do. Without question. I just...” She wiped her cheek with the back of her hand. “I have to tell you something before I can accept this. I wasn’t going to do it on Christmas—I didn’t want to ruin the holidays. But... I’m afraid I’ve put it off too long already. And now you’ll hate me, which will make this ring a moot point.”

  Lines of consternation appeared on his forehead. “What are you talking about?”

  She shook her head. “You won’t believe it. And what makes it all worse is that I don’t even know if I have the right to tell you. I feel like this should come from Aiyana, since you’re her son. But...but it hasn’t come from her. No one seems to know about me. And once I met you, I couldn’t resist you. I tried. Lord knows I tried. Anyway, here we are.”

  He got off the bed. “That just confused the hell out of me. What are you talking about?”

  “Aiyana’s my biological mother, Eli.” There. She’d said it.

  For a moment, she wished she could snatch those words right back. She was so terrified of what they might destroy. But she couldn’t continue to live a lie. That wasn’t fair to Eli, which meant she didn’t really have a choice.

  “That’s impossible,” he said.

  “I assure you it’s not impossible. It’s true.”

  “She had a child.” His words rang with disbelief.

  “Yes. One she gave up for adoption twenty-eight years ago—to a couple in LA. Brad and Lilly, both of whom you’ve met. I’m that child.”

  “But...why would she give you up? Was she too young? Unable to care for you? Aiyana loves children!”

  “I can’t provide the reason. She was twenty-one, so not outrageously young. That’s the thing. I’ve always wondered why she didn’t want me. That’s what drove me to come here—that and wondering what my biological mother might be like.”

  “Does she know who you are?”

  “No.”

  He shoved a hand through his hair. “Holy shit.”

  “I’m sorry. I would’ve told you sooner, but...it’s all been so complicated for me. Once the private investigator helped me locate Aiyana, and I saw that she ran New Horizons and was looking for an art instructor, I believed it was meant to be. What an opportunity, right? I thought I’d apply and hope to land the job so that I could get to know her a bit before...before divulging my identity. I felt if I could only learn more about her, I might under
stand why she gave me away and be able to determine if she might welcome me back. That’s all. I wasn’t trying to trick anyone, not in a harmful way. And I certainly wasn’t planning on falling in love with you.”

  He began to pace. “That’s why you wanted the job so badly.”

  She nodded.

  “And that’s why you were so set on leaving at the end of the year.”

  “Yes. I didn’t see any other choice.” She sniffed to keep her nose from running. “As I said, it was never my intent to hurt anyone. That’s partly why I haven’t spoken up. Once I got to know Aiyana, I realized that there must be a good reason she cut me out of her life. But I’ve been afraid to find out what that reason is—even while curiosity eats me alive every day. Why would someone like Aiyana walk away from her own baby? It’s been nearly thirty years—why wouldn’t she come looking for me? And why has she never mentioned that she once had a child—to anyone? No one seems to know about me, which is why I feel guilty telling you. It feels disloyal to reveal all of this, as if I’m divulging her most intimate secret—even though it’s my secret, too.”

  His chest lifted as he drew a deep breath. “Are you going to tell her who you are?”

  “I don’t know. I go back and forth on that every day—another reason why I never told you. I didn’t want to burden you with the same uncertainty, didn’t want you to wonder if you were being disloyal to your own mother by not telling, if that’s the way you decided to go. So... I’ll ask you the same thing—are you going to tell her?”

  He sat on the edge of the nightstand. “I feel like I should—like we should do it together.”

  “What if she’s not happy to have me back, Eli?”

  “How could she not be happy about that? Look at you! You’re gorgeous and so smart and good. What mother wouldn’t be proud of you?”

  At that point, the emotion Cora had been struggling to hold back got the best of her. As tears began to run down her cheeks in earnest, he walked over to scoop her into his arms. “Don’t cry,” he murmured. “It breaks my heart to see you cry. Everything’s going to be okay. We’ll figure it out together.”

  “You don’t hate me?” she asked.

  He laughed as he kissed the tip of her nose. “No. If this is the worst thing we ever have to get through—I mean between us, I understand it’s been very difficult for you and I’m not making light of that—we’re going to be okay.”

  “So are we getting married?” she asked. “Do I get to keep the ring?”

  He reached over to get it. “Absolutely,” he said as he slid it onto her finger. “Do you like this setting, or do you want to take it back and pick another one?”

  “I want this one,” she replied. Somehow it meant more that he’d gone to the trouble of finding what he thought was just the right thing for her.

  “I’m glad you like it.” He held her chin while he kissed her. “Merry Christmas.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Eli was so happy that he and Cora were to be married that he tried not to let the little detail of her maternity bother him. He could see why she hadn’t told him that she was Aiyana’s daughter, so he didn’t find it hard to forgive her. Being in love for the first time made him hesitant to let anything destroy the excitement they were feeling. He knew how wonderful Aiyana was, couldn’t imagine her reacting negatively to the news, so he figured they’d wait until the holidays were over and sit down with her and explain everything. He told Cora that Aiyana probably didn’t have the support she needed, so she’d made the decision to go with adoption because she thought it would be the best alternative for Cora—and had simply been too engrossed in helping others to search for her.

  But the more he mulled over the situation, the more he began to think there had to be other factors he should be taking into consideration. Cora kept saying that the woman she’d come to know would not have walked away from her child unless she felt she had to. So, why did Aiyana feel she had to resort to adoption? And how could they find out before dropping a bombshell that could either make her incredibly happy, or bring up a part of her past she preferred to leave buried, even if it did include a child?

  He didn’t dare approach his grandparents or uncles with the conundrum he and Cora faced. Like Cora had said, it felt wrong to bring anyone in on this, especially Aiyana’s family, since they didn’t have her permission. But there was one other person Eli trusted, one person who also loved Aiyana with all his heart.

  “Sorry for the delay,” Cal said as he walked into his wood-paneled office, where Eli had been waiting for the past ten minutes.

  Eli smiled as they shook hands. He believed Cal to be one of the finest men he’d ever met—and still it felt awkward to speak to him about something so personal. Maybe it would be easier if Cal’s relationship with Aiyana had been more clearly defined over the years, if Eli felt as if he could look at him as a father figure instead of just a particularly generous friend of the family. But as much as Cal loved Aiyana, and Aiyana seemed to love Cal, the relationship had never progressed—a mystery in and of itself. “Thanks for seeing me.”

  “You said it was important.”

  “It is.”

  “What can I do for you? Do you need food, equipment, money for the school? If so, you came to the right place.”

  “Thank you, but...this has nothing to do with New Horizons.”

  Cal’s ruddy face showed concern. “Then what’s it about?”

  “My mother.”

  A frown tugged at the corners of his lips. “I should warn you that might change my position. I care about you a great deal. I hope you know that. But my first loyalties will always lie with her.”

  Eli let his breath go in relief. “Thank you for confirming your devotion. That’s why I’m here—because I knew I could depend on that.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “You’ve met Cora.” Eli knew he had; Cal and Cora had joined them for several of the Sunday dinners they’d had at Aiyana’s over the past few months.

  “Yes. A very nice woman. You chose well.”

  “Thank you.” News of their engagement had obviously spread, but Eli wasn’t here to talk about that. He scooted forward. “I’d like to ask that what I’m about to say doesn’t leave this room. If anyone is going to tell Aiyana about...what I plan to reveal, it should be Cora. Can you give me your word?”

  “As long as whatever you’re keeping from her isn’t harmful to her.”

  “That’s what I’m hoping you can help me decide.”

  Cal, more somber than Eli had ever seen him, leaned back in his seat and clasped the wooden arms of his leather swivel chair. “What is it?”

  As Eli explained, Cal sat motionless, listening.

  “You know Aiyana as well as anyone,” Eli said when he was finished. “You love her, too. Should we tell her?”

  “No.”

  Eli blinked in surprise. Cal hadn’t sounded the least uncertain when he gave that answer. At a minimum, Eli had expected a bit of deliberation. “Because...”

  “I’d rather not say.”

  Another surprise. “You need to tell me. Otherwise, I won’t know how to protect both of the women I love.”

  “I’m glad you came to me before...proceeding. I’m sorry for Cora. She must’ve come to Silver Springs hoping for a happy reunion with her mother, but I’m afraid it’s not that simple.”

  “Why?” Eli lowered his voice. “Was it rape? That’s where my mind keeps going. What else explains such secrecy? Was Aiyana brutally attacked? Is Cora’s father some scumbag rapist who’s spent time in prison?”

  “I think it would be easier for Aiyana if that was the case. Maybe then she’d be able to forgive herself. As it stands—” he shook his head “—no amount of atonement seems to be enough.”

  Eli’s heart leaped into his t
hroat. “Forgive herself for what?”

  He didn’t answer, was obviously still wrestling with his reluctance to break a confidence.

  “Cal, as you’ve no doubt heard, in June Cora will become my wife. Please help me to understand the seriousness of this situation. Trust me to guard the secret as carefully as you have.”

  “I would if I thought it would help Cora to know...”

  “But if she doesn’t have a good reason not to, she’ll eventually tell Aiyana who she is! The closer they become, the safer she’ll feel to do that. And, as my wife, I can only imagine they will get close. That’s already happening.”

  Cal dropped his head into his hands. “Aiyana will never forgive me.”

  “She’ll never know. I swear it.”

  “Even if she learns, I care more about her than I do myself,” he said on a fatalistic sigh. “So...if this might possibly protect her, I’ll do it.”

  Eli could feel his heart pounding in his chest. “What happened?”

  “When Aiyana was just a teenager, maybe eighteen, she fell in love with her stepfather.”

  A sick feeling crept into the pit of Eli’s stomach. This was not what he’d been expecting. “She what?”

  “He took advantage of her youth and inexperience, touched her where he shouldn’t, convinced her they were meant to be together—and, eventually, she gave in to his entreaties and ran off with him.”

  “You’ve got to be kidding.”

  “I wish I was. She realized almost immediately that she’d made a terrible mistake, but by then the damage was done. She felt she could never go back. She’d betrayed her mother and taken away the father of her two younger brothers, was positive Consuelo would never be able to forgive her.”