“Just making sure no one tries to come in,” he said reassuringly.
Damn, I still had to pee.
I shuffled quickly into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. After taking care of business, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. It was the moment that it finally dawned on me. It was the moment that I realized why everyone was quick to stare at me with Tex. I shook my head, and laughter took over. I had tears streaming down when I opened the door and walked back into my room.
“What’s so funny?” He asked.
He hadn’t noticed either I guess. The two of us were oblivious and we clearly looked ridiculous. It must’ve been the reason that girls were about to rip off my head. Not only were we hand in hand, but the two of us were both sporting flannel shirts. It’s so weird. I noticed the shirt he was wearing earlier but didn’t give it another thought once I saw what was under it. I had on a white short tank top that revealed my stomach with a dark blue flannel shirt over it. Yes, his was red but I thought it was freaking hilarious that we were matching. Those girls must’ve really thought I was his girlfriend.
“Did you see the way those girls looked at me in the hallway when we walked through?”
He just shook his head. “I didn’t pay any attention to them.”
I pointed to his shirt then back at mine.
“Yeah so.”
Boys, I swear. He had no clue. “We match. We’re both wearing flannel.”
“Yeah, and we both look good. I still don’t get it.” He had this funny look on his face. His nostrils were flared and one eyebrow was cocked up.
That face of his made me laugh harder.
“Those girls probably thought we planned it. Like you and I are a thing, and we wore matching outfits to the party. Doesn’t that sound ridiculous to you?” I queried.
“Maybe the fact that we would have planned matching get-ups, but not the part about being a thing as you called it.” There was seriousness in his face. His eyes found mine and his gaze was so intense that I had to look away. The intensity of it could cause my heart to flutter off beat. “I’d be lucky to have someone as pretty as you as my thing.” He smiled, and I did too. Just the way he said the word “thing” would make you melt. That southern drawl was sexy.
My mouth was suddenly dry and my palms were sweaty. I felt the need to get out of the room and get some fresh air.
“We should go,” I said.
“Yeah, let’s go.” He reached out his hand again. My fingers twitched at my side, but I took his hand anyway. Sometimes your gut and your heart have to separate strings to your brain. My gut won.
I let him lead the way back downstairs. We hadn’t been gone too long, but Josh wasn’t where I’d left him. I asked Garrett where he went, and he pointed to two double doors leading to the back of the house. I left Tex there with Garrett and walked out the back doors. There were several people around, but I didn’t see Josh. Peeking around every corner and through the crowds I couldn’t find him. There was a gate leading around the side of the house. I opened it slowly.
“Oh shit, sorry,” I called out. There was a girl on her knees in front of a guy, and I didn’t have to let my thoughts wander too far to know what she was doing. The blonde haired girl turned around and I stood frozen in front of the fully erect penis in front of me.
“Lee.”
Oh God. It was Josh. My eyes met his and I couldn’t even tell you what happened next. I got out of there so quickly that you could’ve mistaken me for FLASH.
I don’t know if he followed me. I didn’t turn back around to see. The heels of my boots clanked across the walkway as I ran back inside. People were probably staring but my vision was so blurred that I wouldn’t have noticed.
“Garrett,” I said breathlessly.
“What’s wrong?” He grabbed hold of my shoulders as I tried to catch my breath.
“I have to go. Can you guys call a cab, or find another ride home?” I just had to get out of there.
Fast.
“Uh, yeah. Are you sure everything is okay? Where’s Josh?”
“Outside,” I replied. “I have to go.”
“Okay.”
I moved as fast as I could through the crowd of people and out the front door.
“Paislee!” Tex yelled. I knew it was him from the accent in his voice. I didn’t stop though. I kept running straight to my car. He caught up with me.
“Hey! What’s wrong? You okay?”
I rummaged through my purse for my keys. “I have to go.” That was all I could say.
“I’ll come with you.” He touched my shoulder and I flinched.
“I’m going back home. Garrett said you all could find a ride home.”
He touched my shoulder again, but my breathing had slowed and I didn’t flinch this time. I turned around to look at him, and my eyes were filled with unshed tears.
“You shouldn’t be driving like this. Get in the passenger seat, and we can go back to my house.”
Oh, I wanted to, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t even think straight. I pulled the string that was attached to my heart this time. “I can’t. I’ve got to go.”
I slammed the car door behind me and pulled out of there as quickly as I could.
I rolled my windows down all the way so that the freezing night air would keep me from crying. I wouldn’t cry. I wouldn’t.
The only thought that kept replaying in my mind was that he was going to know. Because I ran, he’d know that I had feelings for him. My cover was up, and I didn’t know what that meant for me.
“He’s a guy for crying out loud!” I yelled to myself.
It was a blowjob.
Geez, it hurt. It was hurting like hell. Knowing about the other girls, and seeing it was two very different things. I didn’t know how I was going to erase the memory of that from my brain.
He was my best friend. We’d been through everything together. I had to tell him now. There was no way around it. I never wanted anyone else touching him but me.
I pulled the car off the side of the road and locked the doors. Then I cried. I let it all out. I cried because I was afraid, because I was sad, and because things would soon change and I feared rejection more than anything.
My phone buzzed in my pocket. It was a text from Josh.
Garrett said you left. Call me when you get home. I’m sorry babe.
I cried even harder then texted back.
It’s okay. Happy Birthday.
I was such a liar. It wasn’t okay. I just wanted to go home and pretend this night didn’t happen. Once I got myself back together, I pulled back onto the road and headed in the direction of home.
Four
Josh
I was home for Christmas break and for once I was ready to come home, since this time I was taking Lee back with me. We spent too many months separated and I was ready for her to move to Trinity. I missed having my best friend around every day. I missed the way we could bullshit for hours. Sure, things had been strained between us, but we always fell back into sync. Things never stayed weird between us for long.
I hated that the two of us went days without talking. It was all my fault. She should’ve never had to witness what happened with Brynn. I still can’t believe it happened. I’ll never forget that look on her face. I felt like shit for days over it. It stirred something inside me. Like I had broken her heart.
But I knew that couldn’t be it. We were best friends and nothing more. Sure we flirted, but it was just light-hearted. The two of us had never even talked about anything more. It was just this easy, comforting love that didn’t need explanation and didn’t involve unspoken feelings.
She was more than my best friend; she was family, and the only person who ever got me. She forgave me even though I acted like an ass. We never mentioned my dick, and after a few minutes of awkwardness, things were good.
I was so glad to be home and with her. Being around her was like being with one of the guys; only she was way better to look at.
<
br /> “Are you two planning on getting out of bed today?” I heard my Mom ask, but I didn’t bother opening my eyes. I was back in my bed and tangled in the sheets with Lee. Was there any reason for me to get up?
Um, no…
“Go away Mom. I need more sleep.”
“It’s lunchtime and it’s Christmas Eve. We’ve got a lot of things to do today.”
Lee stirred beside me and I pulled her closer. “Don’t move, Lee. It’s a trap.”
She giggled. “Hey, Mrs. Lowe.”
“Hey Honey,” my Mom called. “See if you can get his ornery butt out of the bed.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
The door closed as Mom left my bedroom and I locked my legs around Lee’s where she couldn’t get up.
She looked up at me with those big, brown doe eyes. I loved the way she looked in the morning. God, I missed her.
“Damn Lee.” I didn’t miss that morning breath, though. “Brush your teeth Woman!”
“What? Like your breath is any better. Smells like you’ve been licking your ass.” She shoved my chest and climbed up off the bed.
The tiny shorts she was wearing barely covered any skin. Her pale white cheeks were poking out the bottom. She had a hot little body. Too bad, she was off limits.
She strutted over to the en suite and I watched her every move. Don’t think I haven’t thought about having her a hundred different ways right there on the sink she stood in front of. For years it was the biggest struggle ever. I fought the urge, and I’m glad I did. She’s my best friend, and I wouldn’t ever do anything to jeopardize it.
Anything.
“Get up butt head, you need a shower.”
“You taking one with me,” I waggled my eyebrows. She turned bright red. I loved messing with her. She was an easy target.
She tried to act like my words never affect her, but she couldn’t fool me.
“There are three other showers in this house. I think I can find another one, thank you. Is your brother here yet?” She peeked out the door into the hallway.
“How should I know? I’ve been in the bed with you.”
She rolled her eyes. “You’re useless.”
“You could just put on pants and you wouldn’t have to hide from anyone.”
“It’s two doors down. I can make it.”
She peeked out the door once more before making a break for the bathroom.
“Looking good, Paislee!” I heard my brother’s deep voice from the hall.
Oh shit. I nearly died laughing. She knows how Adam is. She should’ve seen that coming. He’s always picked on her. I mean to the point where she’s punched him in the stomach. He was probably listening down the hall just waiting for her so he could pounce.
Never underestimate the Lowe boys. We always have something up our sleeve.
When I heard the bathroom door close and she was inside, I hopped in the shower too. As much as I hated to, we really had a million things to do. I still had two more gifts to buy and I had less than twenty-four hours to do it.
“What smells so good, Momma?” I leaned down to kiss her cheek.
“I’ve got a pie in the oven. Gram and Pa will be here around five for dinner. Is Lee going home tonight?”
“I don’t know,” I shrugged. “Does it matter?”
“She’s been here all week. I’d say her parents probably want her home for Christmas. Especially since she’s leaving for school next week.” Mom leaned back against the island and folded her arms across her chest.
“I’ve missed her.”
“Uh, huh.”
I knew that look. She’s always thought that Lee and I were something more, that the two of us were meant to be together. No matter what I said, I could never convince her that she was wrong. And she was. I was wasting my breath trying to tell her any different.
“I would count on her for dinner tonight, but she’ll probably go home afterward.” I reached in the fridge to grab a soda. “I have to go pick a few last minute gifts, what do you need me to do?”
“Glad you asked,” she handed me a list, a very long list.
Would it do any good to argue?
Nope.
I groaned, and shoved the list deep inside the pocket of my jeans.
Lee walked into the kitchen with her wet hair hanging loosely over her shoulders. She had on that light blue sweater that I got her last year for Christmas. It looked so good on her.
“I’ve got to head out and run some errands for Mom and pick up a few more gifts.” My car keys jingled as I picked them up off the counter.
“Will you drop me off at home?”
“No, are you crazy? That’s too far.”
“Shut up, Ass. Let’s go.” She grabbed my arm and yanked me towards the door. “Bye, Mrs. Lowe.”
I pulled up in her driveway, parking in front of the first door of the three-car entry. “You coming to dinner tonight?”
“I can’t.” She tossed the strap of her bag over her shoulder. “I have plans tonight.”
Oh yeah. That was news to me. “What plans?”
“The usual. I’ve got a date. It’ll be really late before I get home. If you know what I mean?”
“What? Hold up.” I grabbed her hand. “You’ve got a date.” It was more of a statement than a question. Not that I thought she couldn’t have a date; it was just weird hearing her say it. In all the years I’d known her she’d only been on a handful of dates, none of which made it to a second one. As beautiful as she was, it just wasn’t her thing. Or it didn’t use to be.
“A. Hot. Date.” She narrowed her eyes.
“With who?”
“I don’t kiss and tell.” She winked at me just before she stepped out of the car. “Pick me up at seven.”
“Funny Lee.” I shook my head.
“You should’ve seen your face,” she laughed. “That was priceless. And don’t look so stunned next time. I could get a date if I wanted to, you know? I’m not a prude.”
My hands went up in surrender. “I’m sorry, Lee. You got me. You got me good.” The thought of her randomly dating hit me in the gut. Nobody would ever be good enough for her.
“See ya later hot stuff,” she waved as she headed inside.
What was I thinking? Naturally, she could get a date. Jesus! The girl was beautiful. Maybe dating would be good for her. But the thought of it makes my stomach knot up again. Why couldn’t she just be lesbian? I could get on board with that.
Something was holding her back. It’s not something we’ve ever really talked about. The few times she had dates, they were over before they ever really started. It was nothing serious. Ever. Maybe something was holding her back. Maybe once I got her out of town things would be different.
I want her to be happy. I needed to make time to talk to her about it soon.
“Ugh,” I groaned. If I ever got finished with Mom’s list.
Five
Paislee
Josh and I made it through the holidays without having another emotional setback. I never told him how upset I was after the Fox’s party. I played it off like I was just mad that he’d been such a jackass. More or less, I told him that I was pissed that he’d run off and left me alone at a party where I didn’t know anybody. Of course he believed me. He had no reason not to.
The initial moment we saw each other for the first time after the incident was odd to say the least. Once we made it through the whole –I saw your penis so lets awkwardly hug now, talk, it was easy. We fell right back into the same routine. We watched our favorite movie, Ice Age, and all was right with the world.
With last night being my final night at home in my bedroom, I spent it snuggled up in my bed. It was the first night since Josh had been home that we spent a night apart. I had this overwhelming need to be alone. I wanted to make sure the last of my packing was done, and that I had everything ready for the big move. It was kind of a bittersweet feeling that I was leaving, heading off to college, and saying goodbye to my parents. I
technically shouldn’t have been leaving for another six months but the early graduate program made it possible for me to leave the nest early. I always knew that Josh and I would be going to UTN. We’d talked about it since we were young. He was going to major in business and marketing, and I was going to become a child psychologist. Of course, over the years I’d changed my mind a million times. I’d settled for undecided because I couldn’t make up my mind. I figured after a semester or two of my basics, I’d figure it out. This was just a stepping-stone leading me through to the right path. Sooner or later, I’d make the right decision for me.
Hopefully.
The morning sunlight came too early, way too early. Mornings just weren’t my thing. The sunshine felt like something from the pits of hell as it beamed directly on my eyelids.
It only made me love rainy days even more.
Before cracking open my eyes, I made a mental note to make sure my class schedule was mostly afternoon and evening classes. Anything before noon would be unacceptable.
Even though it was finally moving day, and I should’ve been up before the chickens, I still had the hardest time getting motivated. Zombies moved at a faster pace than I was. I had to overwork my coffeemaker just so I’d have brain-to-mouth function for the day. It took three cappuccinos, but I was finally feeling recharged.
I felt like I was ready to venture out into society without hurting anyone. Obviously, I was over exaggerating, but sometimes I felt like I needed a flashing warning sign to let people know that I hadn’t had my caffeine fix yet.
My car was packed full, and I was following Josh down the interstate. Mom was behind me in her SUV, and the three of us were on our way. I figured there wouldn’t be many people moving in today considering the year was half over; most people would just be coming back from Christmas break.
Most of my drive was easy. Being alone, I thought a lot about what would happen now that Josh and I would be alone. It stirred some crazy feelings inside me. There’d be no parents, no rules, and no one to tell us what to do. Unfortunately, I was hoping I wouldn’t have to witness anymore-outdoor PDA sessions. I feared that next time it wouldn’t be so pretty. Of course, when I replayed the events in my head, I pictured myself pulling that blonde chick up off her knees by her hair.
Do you love me? (Trinity Series Book 1) Page 4