by Lori Foster
Not for the world would he let her know that. He forced a wicked grin, hiding his hurt. Then he bent to press a hard, possessive kiss to her parted lips. He hadn’t completely lost, he thought. He was still with her, and they were both in bed.
He could prove to her it didn’t matter, that she meant little to him.
And then maybe he could prove it to himself.
9
“NO, damn you!” Carlie gave Tyler a shove that nearly knocked him from the bed. She scrambled away from him, quickly rising.
He lounged back, surveying her with a look of arrogant annoyance, his arms behind his head. “Calm down, Carlie.”
“Get out! Get out now.” She was trembling from head to foot, still completely naked, her hands squeezed together so tight her knuckles ached. Did he actually think he could make love to her while he was angry?
His eyes coasted over her slowly, with deliberate insult. But his words were a contrast, and terribly hurtful. “You’re magnificent.”
Carlie was speechless for just a moment. Then she narrowed her eyes. “I want you to leave now, Tyler.” Her words quavered, but she couldn’t help it. Everything had fallen apart. Tyler was acting like a stranger, treating her with the same callous insolence her husband had always employed whenever he’d been angry with her. She couldn’t bear it.
Realizing that she was standing there, completely naked, waiting to see what else he would do or say made her throat go dry. She wasn’t helpless and she was no longer young and naive. She angled her chin toward him, then forced a semblance of calm into her voice. “I won’t let you do this, Tyler.”
“Let me do what? You’re the one who lied and made a fool of me, Carlie.” His gaze pierced her, hot and hard and filled with contempt. She briefly closed her eyes against the pain of it.
“I’m sorry. I never intended it to be this way. I should never have done any of it. You’re right to be angry. I knew you would be. That’s why I decided to put off telling you until this morning.”
“You want me to believe you would have actually confessed? I’m not stupid, Carlie. Look at you. You’re shocked that I know. You wouldn’t have said a word if I hadn’t stumbled across your contacts and found out on my own.”
She couldn’t deny she was shocked, but it was because of Tyler’s reaction, his disdain. She expected anger, but not disgust.
She watched Tyler rise from the bed, unmindful of his nudity as he stalked toward her. She couldn’t bear his touch, not now, not with the way he felt about her. She pressed back against the wall.
Tyler glared at her retreat, then roughly ran his hands through his hair. Carlie realized, rather stupidly, that he was even gorgeous in the morning, beard stubble and all. His voice, when he spoke, was practically a sneer. “What’s with the timid act, Carlie? I thought that little charade ended at the pool house.”
Of course, it hadn’t been an act, but she wasn’t going to remind him of that. She understood his anger completely; she simply couldn’t deal with it at the moment. She scooped up his pants and threw them at him. “Get dressed and go, Tyler.”
She pulled a robe from her closet and quickly slipped it on. Tyler watched her, his eyes taking in every minute movement of her body. She hated his scrutiny.
His sweatshirt hit him in the chest when she threw it. He caught the garment, but made no move to put it on. He clutched the clothing in his big hands and started toward her again.
Carlie steeled herself, pushing away her guilt and nervousness, calling on her anger. No man would ever intimidate her again. She held up her hand, and Tyler halted. “I’m sorry for what happened, Tyler. Sorrier than you can know. I take full blame and I understand your anger. But it’s over now. I won’t bother you again. I promise.”
His eyes looked dangerously bright. “Is that right?”
“Yes.” She swallowed heavily. “I understand how you feel…”
Tyler threw back his head and laughed harshly. “Lady, you haven’t got a clue. How could you understand my feelings when you don’t have any of your own? Hell, you’re not even real. You’re make-believe—and there’s too damn many of you for me to keep track of.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She hated feeling defensive, and she hated lying. Deep down, she knew exactly what he was talking about.
“Who are you now, Carlie? I haven’t met this woman before. The harem girl I know intimately, I met that timid little kitten at the pool house. She blew my socks off, wanting my body and very little conversation. A good woman if ever there was one. And then I met the schoolteacher. Prickly woman, with the worst taste in clothing I have ever seen. Of course, she made up for it with her show of honesty and compassion and concern. Aborn actress. And now you. A woman who offers abject apologies left and right. A woman who lied and manipulated without a single qualm, and now, apparently, is sorry for it. It’s a good act, I admit, but somehow I can’t quite believe you’re all that repentant. You played your little game too damn convincingly.”
Carlie’s mind went blank. All her barely contained emotions settled into one dull ache that she suppressed deep inside herself. The more emotion she gave him, the more he would mock her. And she couldn’t bear it. “You’re right. But each of those women had something in common, Tyler. Something you obviously missed. They were each a fool and an idiot. And you can believe me this time—liar that I am—they’re gone. You won’t see them again. Well, perhaps you’ll see the schoolteacher, but that’s entirely up to you. If you wish to quit the program at school, I’ll understand. I even encourage you to do so. I’ll find someone else. It would be for the best if we didn’t expose the children to any animosity.”
She turned and began pulling clothes from her closet, all but dismissing Tyler. She wasn’t going to continue to apologize. He obviously didn’t want to hear it, and just as certainly, he didn’t believe her regret. She’d learned long ago, if one apology wasn’t sufficient, a hundred wouldn’t do, either.
Tyler caught her arm, turning her to face him. “You’re trying to make me out to be the villain here, Carlie.” His eyes were clouded with confusion. “I’m the one who was used, the one who was made to look like a fool.”
Carlie jerked her arm free. His touch was still disturbing, regardless of all that had happened. “I’ve thought you many things, Tyler, but never a fool. And as I recall, you didn’t object overly to being used. You initiated the…intimacies. And as far as the other…well, you should remember I tried to keep our relationship platonic. You’re the one who pushed, not me.”
“You called me one night,” he accused softly, ignoring her words. “Why would you do that except to taunt me?”
Carlie managed a casual shrug, but it was difficult. Her humiliation was gone, buried with her regret. But he was so large and imposing, she couldn’t help being very aware of him, of his maleness in contrast to her femininity. He was naked, he was angry and there was no avoiding a confrontation.
She refused to cower, to lower her eyes from his perceptive stare. “I already admitted to being a fool. Just think of that call as another example of my foolishness.” She wasn’t about to tell him she’d been searching for some truth behind his attentiveness, some sign that he wasn’t just playing with her. She’d already given enough of herself away.
“But why, Carlie? Why the damned charade in the first place?” He was back to shouting, his face dark with renewed anger.
And he still hadn’t put a stitch of clothing on.
Carlie stepped quickly away from him, and headed for the bathroom. She had to get away, had to find a moment’s privacy to collect herself and call up her reserve. She had the choking need to break down and cry like a baby. She would never feel a loss as greatly as she felt it now. She had lost Tyler.
Who was she kidding? She’d never had Tyler in the first place. She’d reminded herself of that often enough. But somehow, because they had shared sex—she would no longer consider it lovemaking—she had allowed herself to indulge in a wh
imsical dream. She was such a fraud.
She turned back to Tyler, and caught him watching her intently, a look closely resembling concern shining in his eyes. She disregarded that possibility. He hated her now. She could feel it. “The charade was unintentional, if you’ll remember correctly. I had left the party. You followed me. But I suppose some part of me was pathetic enough to appreciate the attention you gave me. It surprised me. It…” She swallowed. “I was flattered. But I learn from my mistakes, Tyler. Believe me.” She laughed, then, a bubbling, nervous sound. She lowered her head with the force of it.
She felt Tyler move toward her and reach out a hand. “Carlie?”
The single word was sharp, edged with a vague emotion Carlie couldn’t begin to fathom. She stepped away from him, still chuckling. “Oh, it’s too funny. Tyler Ramsey, the stud of the community, feeling used by Carlie McDaniels! It’s too absurd to be real. But don’t worry, Tyler. I won’t tell a single soul. After all, who would ever believe me?”
He flexed his jaw, his stance deceptively mild. “You think it’s funny?”
Her smile twisted into a sneer and her eyes narrowed. “I think it’s hilarious. One of those too-strange-to-be-true scenarios better shoved to the back of the closet, never to be thought of again.”
Tyler caught her chin, and her grin vanished instantly. “You won’t be able to forget, Carlie. At least be honest with yourself now.” His thumb teased over her bottom lip, and there was genuine regret in the words he muttered. “You won’t ever be able to forget.” Then he straightened, all signs of disappointment magically disappearing. “I’d actually thought you were different. And in a way you are. You were able to fool me completely. No other woman has done that. You’re to be congratulated.”
Carlie nearly cried out at those words. Instead, she bit her lip, whirled and slammed into the bathroom, locking the door behind her. The pain nearly suffocated her, making her knees weak and stealing her resolve. She sank, defeated, to the edge of the tub, her fist in her mouth to stifle her low sobs.
She stayed there, hearing Tyler dress quietly, hearing the sounds of him preparing to leave. And then the closing of the door, so soft, so final, so very, very real.
And she broke, crying with all the energy of someone who knows she’s lost something invaluable. Something she’s never had but always desperately wanted.
“TYLER! My goodness, you’re a sight!”
“Why the hell didn’t you tell me, Brenda!” He stuck his face close to hers. “I’m your brother-in-law! I’m family! I can’t believe you would stab me in the back like this!”
Brenda covered her chest with one hand, her eyes wide. “Whatever are you shouting about? What’s happened?”
Jason entered the room, took one look at his brother and put himself in front of his wife. “Calm down, Tyler.”
“Calm down! Do you know…?”
“Yes.” Jason’s voice was very quiet in comparison to Tyler’s. “I know. But I can’t let you yell at my wife. Now settle down.”
Tyler was thunderstruck. “You knew, too?”
“Don’t look so shocked. No one told me, but I figured it out quickly enough. I have to admit, I was surprised you didn’t.”
Brenda gasped then, shoving her husband aside. She faced Tyler with the most alarmed expression he’d ever seen on her face. “This is about Carlie? You’ve found out?”
“Yes, dammit! Your little game is over. Did you two sit down to tea and laugh over watching me make a fool of myself? Did she give you all the juicy details?”
Jason opened his mouth, but Brenda didn’t give him time to interject. “Oh, Tyler, it wasn’t like that!” Then she bit her lip. “You’re angry. You…you didn’t hurt her, did you?”
Tyler threw up his hands in a gesture of despair. “I don’t believe you asked me that! Since when have I been such a bastard that I’d hurt a woman? I may have felt like strangling you both, but I would never—”
“I don’t mean physically. I know you would never lay a hand on a woman.” Then she reached up to touch his cheek. “But she’s so fragile, Tyler. She’s been hurt so much. Please, tell me you didn’t do or say anything to hurt her feelings.”
She was looking so anxious, Tyler frowned at her. Reluctantly, he admitted, “I was damned angry.”
Brenda searched his face, then turned to Jason, her eyes huge. “I’m going to go check on her.”
Jason nodded, then bent to kiss her cheek. “Be careful driving. Don’t hurry. I doubt she’s going anywhere.” He handed Brenda the car keys from a hook by the phone, catching her just before she started out. “Everything will work out.”
Brenda glanced quickly at Tyler, who only looked back in exasperation. She sighed. “Don’t be so sure of that, Jason. I’m not.”
Tyler watched her rush out, then turned to his brother. “Aren’t you the least bit irate on my behalf? Do you even know the whole story? I was lied to.”
Jason sat, crossing his arms on the kitchen table. “No, you weren’t. Unfortunately, Carlie’s been honest with you from the start. She’s been herself, and that’s as honest as it gets. Now, I sincerely hope you’re going to sit down here and tell me you didn’t just manage to ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to you.”
Tyler sat, but it wasn’t a concession as much as he suddenly needed the stability of a chair. He could hardly credit his brother’s defection. “A woman who lies to me and plays juvenile games is the best thing that’s ever happened to me? What the hell would be the worst?”
Jason gave him a long look, then sighed. “The worst, the way I see it, is if you just did so much damage, Carlie crawls back into her shell and never gives you a second chance. And that’s a very real possibility.” Jason looked his brother over, taking in Tyler’s still-disheveled hair and unshaven face. “Why don’t you tell me what happened?”
Tyler realized how foolish his part sounded in the charade, but he needed to talk. He could barely absorb the reality of what he’d discovered. “I just realized that Carlie and my mystery woman are one and the same.” He laughed in self-derision. “Do you know, I was actually feeling guilty because I thought I cared so much for Carlie, and yet I was still curious to know who the other woman was. What a joke.”
“What did you do?”
Tyler winced at the suspicion in his brother’s words. “I kicked up a fuss, of course. I mean, Carlie knew it was her I had—” Tyler halted. He hadn’t told anyone he’d made love to his harem girl—and he was pretty certain Carlie hadn’t said anything either. Regardless of what had happened now, that night was special, and he wouldn’t ruin it. He stared at his brother, then looked away. “Hell, Bren probably told Carlie I’d been asking about her. It’s all so humiliating.”
“Yeah. Imagine how Carlie feels.”
Tyler’s jaw dropped open, but he shut it with a snap. “What about me?”
Jason snorted in disgust. It was a good simulation of Carlie’s snort, but without her flair.
“You’re a big boy. You’ve been around. So you were a bit embarrassed? You two could have talked about it, about why Carlie felt so unsure of herself as a woman that she’d have to hide behind a disguise in the first place. Who knows, you may have even been able to laugh about it.”
“Fat chance!”
There was silence, and Jason got up to pour Tyler a cup of coffee. After setting the cup on the table, he clasped Tyler’s shoulder, giving him a brotherly squeeze.
Tyler shook his head. Jason always did that. He could give Tyler hell about something, but he always let him know he cared, either by a pat on the back, a squeeze to the shoulder or an occasional bear hug. They were closer than most brothers, and Tyler never doubted his loyalty.
He waited another second or two until Jason had reseated himself, then he took the bait. “So why is Carlie so insecure?”
Jason idly traced the edge of his coffee cup with his fingertip. “Don’t you think that’s a question you ought to ask Carlie?”
Swamped
with emotions he couldn’t sort out, Tyler chose to go on the defensive. “I shouldn’t have to ask. If she has a good reason for doing what she did, she ought to come to me and tell me.”
“And if she doesn’t do that?”
Tyler stubbornly shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“I think you better make up your mind fast.”
That was impossible to do. God, things could get so tangled. He’d only just decided he loved Carlie…. Tyler felt his chest squeeze tight. Love? That word had the ability to scare him spitless, but that was probably what it was. Because now that things had soured, he was hurting worse than he’d ever hurt in his life. Surely only love could do that to a man. And what if Carlie did have good reason for doing what she’d done? He hadn’t even asked her. He’d let his injured pride guide him, when in his heart, he knew Carlie was incapable of simply using anyone. If she felt she had to resort to deception, she must have had a very good reason.
And he’d probably just ruined whatever trust she’d previously had in him.
Tyler dropped his head onto the table, and it landed with a solid thud.
Jason went on, apparently unmoved by his brother’s dejection. “This is going to be really hard for Carlie to take. It’s not enough that you know, but now both Bren and I do, as well. I would imagine she’s feeling utterly alone right now. She doesn’t have anyone, you know. No family, no—”
Tyler raised his head, and pounded it back down on the table. Twice.
“Tyler, quit trying to shake your brains loose and tell me what you’re going to do.”
He sat back up, his eyes bloodshot and burning, his head aching abominably, feeling totally defeated. “I think I might have blown it, Jason. Some of the things I said…”
“So you’re going to try to work it out?”
Tyler covered his face with his hands. “I don’t know. Hell, she’ll probably never speak to me again.”
“Give her a few days. She’ll calm down.”