“I’m still trying to decide.” He grinned at her. “Can I pick you up here?”
Maya nodded. “As long as you bring me back to get my car afterward.”
“Of course. Though one of these days, I hope you’ll let me pick you up at your home.”
Maya hoped that whatever was on her face looked like a smile to Gabe because it sure didn’t feel like one to her. “Maybe one day.”
When the phone rang, Maya turned to answer it, telling the person on the phone that Makayla was out of the office for the day.
When she hung up, Gabe said, “Makayla’s off today?”
“She sent me an email saying she wasn’t feeling well and wouldn’t be in. Weird though because Ethan is out today too.”
“Both of them?” Gabe frowned. “Hope they weren’t felled by the flu or something.”
“Bennett might have more information,” Maya said, also concerned about the two people who had become important to her.
“I’m going to go talk to him and see if he knows what’s up. I’ll talk to you again in a bit.”
Maya watched him go then sank back down into her chair. She swung around to face her monitor, but she didn’t see what was on the screen. Instead, all her focus was on the way her heart ached. It was an ache like she’d never felt before. Deep, intense, and reaching into every area of her heart. She pressed a hand against her chest and tried to take a deep breath, fighting against the constraints her emotions had wrapped around her.
The pain was all encompassing, but she knew it was necessary. She could accept this pain if it meant that Gabe could continue to do what he loved. She wouldn’t hold him back from that.
When Gabe returned from Bennett’s office, he looked a lot more serious. “I’m going to head over to Makayla’s. I’ll be back to pick you up for dinner, okay?”
Maya nodded. “Tell them I’m praying for them.”
From the look of Gabe’s expression, Maya was beginning to think it wasn’t the flu that had kept Makayla and Ethan from coming in. That added another layer to the emotion she was already feeling. And it scared her. The inability to control things—especially for the people she cared about. She didn’t want them to hurt. She didn’t want them to be facing difficult things. But there was nothing she could do. Nothing but pray that God would give them what they needed to face their situation.
Gabe gripped the wheel of his truck tightly as he drove to the apartment building that his dad owned. He thought of Bennett’s words, of his suppositions on why both Ethan and Makayla were out for the day. Though he supposed that Makayla might not necessarily want to see him, Gabe felt the need to offer his support. Too often he’d been far away when things had happened with his family. If he had the opportunity to help this time around, he was going to take it.
During the drive there, he prayed that Bennett was wrong in his assumptions. He parked in Mitch’s spot and used his code to get through the security door. Taking the steps two at a time, he moved past the second floor that held the two apartments where Bennett and Grace each lived to the third floor where Makayla and Ethan lived with Ethan’s teen sister, Sierra.
He knocked on the door then stepped back and waited to see if they’d answer. Quicker than he’d imagined, the door opened to reveal Ethan. He wore a sweatshirt and faded jeans, and his usually friendly expression showed signs of strain.
“Hey, Gabe.” Ethan rested a hand high on the door frame. “Welcome home.”
“Thanks. I’m glad to be back.”
There was a beat of silence before Ethan said, “What can I do for you?”
“I was just worried when they said both of you were away from work because you weren’t feeling well.” Gabe paused. “Is everything okay?”
Ethan glanced over his shoulder then back at Gabe as if contemplating his response, then he stepped back and waved for him to enter. Once Gabe was inside, Ethan closed the door and walked to the kitchen. “Can I get you a cup of coffee?”
“If you’re having one, sure, but if not, I’m good.”
Ethan began to go through the motions of making coffee in the pot that sat on their counter. “Did you enjoy your trip to Thailand?”
“I did. It was nice to have it all come together after we’d been planning it for what felt like forever.”
“I watched a few of your videos.” Ethan went to the fridge and pulled out a container of half & half then set it on the counter. “What was your favorite part of the trip?”
Gabe knew he’d get the question a lot, so he was prepared. “I loved the kayaking trip we went on, but the diving we did was even more incredible.”
“I can’t even imagine going on trips like that.” Ethan poured coffee into two mugs and slid one across the counter to Gabe. “Does the prospect of danger not cross your mind?”
Gabe shrugged. “Safe isn’t fun.”
“Seriously?” Ethan arched a brow at him. “What does that even mean?”
Between sips of coffee, Gabe told him how he’d come up with his life motto. “The adrenalin rush has always been what drives me to do things.”
“What are you doing here, Gabe?” Makayla’s question caused them both to turn to where she stood. Her hair was pulled back from her pale face, but there were wisps of it all around her head in uncharacteristic messiness. She wore a baggy sweatshirt that looked like it might be Ethan’s and a pair of leggings.
When she shuffled closer to Ethan, he set his mug down and reached out to take her into his arms. Makayla leaned against him, and Ethan stood firm as he supported her weight. She regarded Gabe with weary eyes that had dark circles beneath them.
“I was worried about you when you both called in sick today.” Gabe paused, cupping his mug in both hands. “Everything okay?”
Makayla tilted her head back as Ethan looked down, then she let out a sigh. “The whole purpose in not telling people right away was so that if the worst happened, we wouldn’t have to tell everyone.”
Ethan pressed a kiss to her forehead. “They’re family, babe. You know they want to support you through the good and the bad.”
“What happened?” Gabe asked.
The two exchanged another look then Makayla shrugged before resting her head on Ethan’s chest. The man looked up and met Gabe’s gaze.
“Makayla was pregnant, but she started bleeding last night, and after a trip to the hospital, they told us that she was miscarrying.” Ethan swallowed hard and leaned his head down against the top of Makayla’s. “We just got home a couple of hours ago.”
Gabe’s heart clenched at the thought of a little life lost. His niece or nephew never even had a chance at life. Abandoning his mug, Gabe circled the island counter and wrapped his arms around them both as best he could. He felt Makayla take a shuddering breath as Ethan wrapped an arm around Gabe’s shoulders, holding the three of them together.
When Makayla’s soft sobs reached Gabe’s ears, he didn’t even bother to hold back the tears that slid from his own eyes. He and Ethan both murmured words of comfort. Not Everything will be okay. Or You’ll be able to have another baby. Or even This was God’s will.
No, the words of comfort they offered were just to reassure her of their love and their support because that’s all they could do for her. They couldn’t take away her pain—physical or emotional. They couldn’t change how things were unfolding. They couldn’t give her back the baby that was being taken from her prematurely.
Gabe could see the grief on Ethan’s face too, reminding him that the loss was there for his brother-in-law as well. Though it was Makayla going through the physical loss, Ethan was also losing the child he would no doubt have loved as deeply as Makayla.
“I’m so very sorry this happened to you,” Gabe said when Makayla finally looked up at him, her eyes ringed with redness.
Makayla gave him a sad smile. “Thank you.”
“Is there anything I can do for you guys?” Gabe asked as he lowered his arms and stepped back a bit. “Do you need anything?”
“We’ve got everything we need.” Makayla remained in Ethan’s embrace as she shook her head. “We just needed a day off.”
Gabe’s respect of Ethan grew even larger as he watched the man care for Makayla. And it spoke volumes about how much Makayla trusted Ethan by being so vulnerable with her emotions. It wasn’t something Makayla did easily.
“I won’t be sharing this information,” Gabe assured them. “It’s for you to share as you want.”
“Thank you,” Ethan said.
“You can tell Maya if you’re talking with her.”
Gabe nodded, acknowledging to himself how much he did want to share this with her. His own feelings of loss, even though on a much lesser scale than Ethan and Makayla’s, were real and painful. He hoped that even if they didn’t tell everyone in the family, that they at least would tell their mom and dad.
After a final hug for them both, he made his way down to Mitch’s apartment where he decided to take a quick nap before heading back to the office to pick up Maya. Unfortunately, he had a difficult time falling asleep as his mind spun with so many thoughts. Usually, the most stressful thing after a trip was recovering from jet lag. This time around, however, so many other things were demanding his attention.
Finally, Gabe gave up any attempt to sleep and got up and left Mitch’s apartment. Though it was just after five, the office parking lot was empty of all but Maya’s car.
With his thoughts having been preoccupied with Makayla and Ethan’s situation, Gabe hadn’t given a lot of thought about where to go to eat. He kind of wished that he had a place of his own where they could go, but he knew that his dad would caution against doing something like that. It was just that he didn’t feel like sitting in a restaurant to discuss things like the miscarriage and where their relationship might be going.
The snow crunched beneath his boots as he walked toward the front door of the building. It was hard to think that just three days ago, he’d been walking around in a tank top, shorts and flip flops. Though he didn’t usually hate winter, right then, the cold seemed to have seeped right into his bones.
As soon as he stepped into the office, he spotted Maya sitting at the desk, her head bent over her phone. She looked up as he approached, and right away he noticed a wariness in her gaze that hadn’t been there earlier. That coldness he’d felt as he walked from the truck suddenly had tendrils wrapping around his heart.
“Do you think we could just talk here?” Maya asked as she got to her feet, her phone gripped in her hand. “In the lunchroom?”
“You don’t want to go out for dinner?” Gabe asked, the sick feeling that had lingered from his time with Makayla and Ethan intensifying.
She hesitated before shaking her head. “I’d rather be able to talk to you here, where it’s quiet.”
Since he had been thinking the same thing, Gabe could only nod and then follow her as she led the way to the small lunchroom. Once there, she turned to face him, her arms crossed tightly across her body. What had happened in the few hours he’d been away?
“What’s wrong?” Gabe asked, torn between needing to know what was going on and fearing what was causing Maya to act the way she was.
Maya sank down on one of the chairs and waited until Gabe did the same before meeting his gaze. “I want you to know that I…care more about you than I have for anyone outside of my family.”
“But?” Gabe prompted. He saw tears well up in her beautiful brown eyes before she looked away, blinking rapidly.
“I just don’t think this can work out between us.” The words were laden with a sorrow that echoed deeply within Gabe.
17
“Why?” Gabe asked, unable to get more than that word out beyond the tightness of his throat.
“There’s something you don’t know about me,” Maya said as she turned her gaze back to his. “I’m a cancer survivor. Twice.”
Air rushed out of Gabe’s lungs at the thought of what she must have gone through, and he couldn’t find the words to respond.
“My parents have been very protective of me, so it’s only recently that I’ve been able to spread my wings. With the job here.” She waved her hand to indicate the room. “With church. With things like the rock climbing. With you.”
“And you don’t want a relationship?” Gabe asked, struggling to understand what she was telling him. “You don’t want to tie yourself to someone so soon?”
“No, it’s not that at all.” She sat for a moment in silence as if trying to formulate her next words. “Last year, I decided that I wanted to have new experiences. Things I’d missed out on for so long.” The corners of her mouth quirked up briefly. “You gave me the opportunity to do that with things like going to your gym and spending time with your family at Christmastime.”
“I don’t understand.” Gabe frowned. “Then what’s the problem?”
Maya’s mouth tightened as her brow furrowed. “In that time, I saw what it was that truly brought you joy and happiness. You enjoyed skating around that rink with me on Boxing Day, but you absolutely lit up when it came time to play the hockey game, and it seemed that you got a rush from the danger that came with skating fast, fighting for the puck and the slams into the board.”
Gabe couldn’t argue with her. Playing hockey like that always lit a spark in him, but skating with her had lit him up in a different—but no less enjoyable—way. When he opened his mouth to tell her that, she held up her hand to silence him.
“I realized something more as I watched your videos on YouTube—and I’ve watched every single one—and that is that while I spent months…years…fighting to live, what brings you the greatest joy is flirting with death. I just…” She paused and looked away from him, lifting a hand to brush away a tear that had spilled over onto her cheek. “I just can’t be with someone like that. Life is something precious to me, and I can’t even contemplate any type of relationship with someone who gambles with theirs on a regular basis. I just can’t. No matter how much I might…care for them.
“The day I just took off? I did it to have a scan to see if there were signs of cancer growing within my body again. I also had bloodwork taken a couple weeks ago, and on Friday, I’ll be going to my doctor to see if I am going to be faced with another battle or if I’m in the clear for now. I have no guarantee that I will live to a ripe old age, but I do know that my death will not come by my own hand or a desire for adventure.”
Gabe stared at Maya, shaken to his very core. Looking at things from her point of view, he could see why she felt the way she did. He’d never considered things from that perspective. Chasing death? No, that wasn’t what he did. On each of his adventures, he’d stared death in the face and won. He wasn’t chasing death. He was challenging it.
But still, if that was what stood between them, he suddenly found himself ready to give it all up. “I won’t go on any more of the dangerous adventures. Just give us a chance. Please.”
More tears spilled from Maya’s eyes as she shook her head. “I won’t ask you to do that. I’ve seen with my own eyes how much you love those adventures. I won’t be responsible for taking away something that clearly brings you so much joy.”
Gabe felt desperation fill him. He didn’t want to lose her, but how could he convince her that she would be enough for him? They hadn’t known each other long, but already she meant more to him that he’d thought possible. The thought of losing her was tearing his heart apart.
“Please, Maya,” Gabe said, unable to believe he was prepared to beg. He’d never thought he’d beg a woman to be in a relationship with him, but suddenly, the thought of losing Maya overrode any thought that begging was beneath him. “Give me a chance to prove that you mean more to me than any adventure possibly could.”
She shook her head again. “I can’t do it. I know you’re an honorable man and would stand by your word. If you said you wouldn’t go on any more adventures, you wouldn’t, even if the longing for that excitement ate away at what you might feel for me.” Sh
e looked away from him as her shoulders hunched forward and her breath caught on a sob. “I’ve seen how I’ve already robbed my mom of the joy she might have had in a child because of my health problems. I’m not going to do that to another person.”
“But the cancer wasn’t your fault,” Gabe said, the anguish he saw on Maya’s face piercing his heart. “Surely she never said that to you.”
When Maya lifted her head, the shattered look on her face took Gabe’s breath away. “She didn’t have to. The woman she was before my first diagnosis was completely different from who she is now. She’d tried so hard to have me, and those first thirteen years after I was born, she was happy. We had a lot of fun together, doing things as mother and daughter, but after I was diagnosed with cancer the first time, everything changed. Even to this day, five years since I was declared in remission, she hasn’t shown that joy she had before cancer entered our lives. It’s like she’s just been waiting…” She swallowed, pulling her shoulders back as she lifted her chin. “I can’t watch the same thing happen to you. Please don’t ask that of me.”
Without waiting for him to respond, Maya pushed to her feet, and after one last look at him, she left the room. Gabe sat at the table, feeling as if he’d just been beaten up. He’d always been the easy-going one. The one who drifted through life without experiencing much emotional upheaval in his life. He had his family. He had his friendships. The previous times he’d dated, he never felt anything like what he felt for Maya, and now she was walking out of his life.
Except that she wasn’t. Any time he visited his family, he would be faced with her presence in the company. Constantly reminded of what he’d lost because she had seen something that he hadn’t even realized he put out there through the lifestyle he had chosen.
He wanted to prove to her that she was wrong, but how could he do that when he still had commitments to carry out? As he sat there alone in the silence of the office, the thought of those commitments didn’t bring forth any of the excitement he’d felt when he’d signed the contracts for them. Back then, he’d been thrilled at the prospect of working with the various companies, doing what he loved. Now, the thought of it left him feeling hollow inside.
The Love of Her Life: A Christian Romance (The Callaghans & McFaddens Book 3) Page 21