~*~
Just as anticipated, my mother arrived at my door at 5:00 PM like clockwork. “Andrea, dinner’s ready. I made your favorite—pot roast with the little red potatoes you love.”
“I’m not hungry,” I said through the door.
“Look, Andi, I know we’ve all been a little edgy lately, but my door is open if you want to talk.”
“Thanks.”
“Well, if you change your mind about eating, you know where it is.”
I didn’t answer, and she left a couple seconds later. uhh! I stuck my head under my pillow and tears skittered down my cheek. I hated when I fought with my parents. It didn’t happen often, but this time I’d been so rude to my mother. She just wanted to talk, but I knew what the outcome would be. She would convince me that the best option was her option. Either way, it meant I had to tell Luke that I would not be attending homecoming with him. Not to mention the grounding I would undoubtedly get as well for breaking house rules.
Poor Luke. He’d tried to text me a couple times, but I didn’t have the heart to respond. What would I say, anyway? “Remember when I told you I’d go with you to homecoming. Well, gotcha, I was just kidding.” He was going to hate me.
Dad would probably forbid me from seeing Luke again anyway after the way I acted. As if he knew I was thinking about him, my dad knocked on the door the next minute. “Andrea, open the door.”
“Leave me alone, Dad.” I sat up in bed and crushed a pillow into my stomach.
“Open the door, now.” I knew from his tone that he’d get the door open with or without my help. It was best to just comply.
I unlocked the door, and then hurried back to my bed and covered up with my Superman fleece blanket.
Dad whipped open the door. With an ominous glare in his eyes, he looked angrier than I’d ever seen him.
Self-preservation made me take on the daddy’s-little-girl persona.
“Hi, Daddy.” I smiled at him and a tear leaked down my cheek. My surliness with my mother had totally evaporated. I was really in no mood for a fight, anyway. Crying really takes it out of you.
Dad pulled out my desk chair and took a seat facing me. He braced his right foot on his left knee and folded his fingers on top of his stomach. “Andrea, what’s going on? This isn’t you. You don’t behave like an out-of-control teenager with your mother.”
“I know, Dad.” My eyes started filling with tears. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s not me you should be apologizing to, is it?” He was right.
I totally owed Mom an apology. I was a horrible, horrible daughter and deserved to be flogged.
“Your recital is on Saturday. Now isn’t the time to start acting like this.”
Tears spilled down my face. I really felt bad about the way I’d behaved, but my heart hurt because I knew whatever had started with Luke was coming to an end.
“I know you seem to really like this boy at school.”
It felt really weird to be talking to my dad about this. Weird in a nauseous sort of way. “His name is Luke.”
“Well, are you sure this Luke is a good influence on you?”
“Dad, no. Luke hasn’t done anything wrong. It’s all been me.” The tears were becoming so thick I couldn’t see. “He didn’t know.”
“Even so, you know the rules around here. You’ve been sneaking around behind our backs with him and breaking our trust.”
“I know. I…I’m sorry.” A sob escaped me. “I’m really sorry and I want to apologize to Mom for how I acted. In fact, I’ll go have some dinner now and tell her.” I wiped tears away with the side of my hand.
“That sounds like a good idea.” He pushed the chair in, and then turned back around. “We’ll talk later about your grounding.”
I nodded to him and my appetite for dinner dwindled to nothingness. I didn’t think I could ever eat again after all this. How could I tell Luke? It really was over.
Dad held out one arm to me. I got off the bed and he gave me a quick hug. “There will be other times for things like homecoming. I know you’re under a lot of pressure, but it will get better. I promise.”
“I know.” And yet I knew it never would. Once this recital was over, there would be another one to take its place, especially if I got into the performing arts school. Then I’d probably never have time to see Luke again.
~*~
Dear Luke,
I just want you to know how much I value the time we’ve spent together. As much as it pains me to do this, I regretfully have to let you know that I can’t go to homecoming with you on Saturday and I really don’t have the time to date. I hope we can still be friends.
Take care,
Andrea
I read the email over once and knew what had to be done. Delete, delete, delete. I couldn’t send it. I couldn’t tell him. It didn’t even sound like me. Besides, letting a guy down and breaking up with him after less than twenty-four hours should probably be done in person.
I thought about calling Amy and asking her opinion, but I already knew that she’d say a break-up over email was really cold. Of course, she’d tell me to try to get my parents to allow me to date Luke. She just didn’t get it even if she has known my parents since she was six. For some reason, she thought they were cool and reasonable like her mom. She had it so easy.
Instead of the email, I sent Luke a text. If you have a chance in the morning, can we talk?
Not even a minute later, he replied. Sure. Or we could talk now. :) WRUD?
HW and piano practice. Meet me at the Coffee Cup @ 6:30 tomorrow am. Or is that too early.
Not too early. I’ll B there. Night, Andrea.
Luke was way too sweet, and after tomorrow, he was going to despise me. Sometimes I really hated my life.
~*~
October 20
Nugget of Truth: Proverbs 5:12-14 How I hated discipline! How my heart spurned correction! I would not obey my teachers or turn my ear to my instructors. And I was soon in serious trouble in the assembly of God’s people.
What can I say more than the words from these verses I read this morning? I am in the mess I am in because I did not listen and obey. I’ve been so focused on myself and my own neurotic problems that I’ve neglected everything else. If I had spent a second thinking about others, I might have realized how this situation would affect my parents, and then I might not have been so horrible to them and we might have just sat down and talked it out like we usually do. Instead, I am grounded and miserable.
I glanced at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. Still, the endowment fairies neglected me. My hair remained flat and lackluster, my eyes just as much a greenish murkiness as ever, but my complexion had actually improved and remained clear and creamy. Go me!
Now I had to leave for the Coffee Cup and meet Luke to break up with him. It’s really strange. I’ve never had a boyfriend before and now after only a day I get to let him go forever.
And then he’ll see Stephanie while decorating for the banquet this afternoon, and she’ll convince him that she’s the one. And they’ll go out and flaunt it right in front of my eyes and live happily ever after including a Cinderella style wedding followed by three adorable kids with his stunning eyes and her gorgeous skin.
Getting accepted into the performing arts school sounded better every second. Wait! I had to stop this. I was being self-centered again. I should be thinking about Luke. I covered my face as my eyes grew misty. Life was so unfair. Sniffing back the sob in my throat, I stood straight and peered once more at myself in the mirror.
Well, time to face the music. I gave myself an encouraging smile, and then flipped off the light. I hurried out the front door and started my trudge to the Coffee Cup. It was like my Trail of Tears except I wasn’t being removed from my home and forced onto a reservation. I just had to hurt the one person who’d been nicer to me than anyone ever has.
I made it to the parking lot and spied Luke’s car, and there in front of the entrance to the coffee house st
ood Luke himself. He was even punctual. How unfair was that? He really was the perfect guy, and I had to give him up. My heart cracked just a little bit more as I marched toward him.
He greeted me with a smile. “Good morning.”
Why did he have to look so happy and expectant as though seeing me would actually improve his day instead of ruining it? Or maybe I’m giving myself too much credit. He might not even care that much. Except, I hoped he did care. I mean, I didn’t want his heart to hurt because mine felt like a truck had run over it, but at least there should be a little tremor of loss.
We both got some coffee, but instead of sitting inside, we decided to walk to the park across the street. The sun had just peaked above the horizon and sent an amber glow over the damp grass as we plodded through it to the sidewalk. The air felt brisk and moist. I wondered if it would rain. That would be the icing on the cake to this whole affair.
Luke clasped my hand as we walked. He smiled, and then took a sip of his coffee. “It’s nice here this early in the morning—like nothing bad can happen to you.”
My eyes scrunched closed and my stomach muscles tightened. Why did he have to say something like that? It made this that much more difficult.
“It’s nice, but I think it might rain.” I glanced up at the dark clouds moving in around the emerging sun.
“I didn’t think it rained much here this time of year.”
“Not like in the summer or anything, but we have a downpour every once in awhile especially if it’s related to a tropical storm or hurricane. It does make everything impossibly green.”
“Yeah, I noticed. Not like the brown foothills of the OC. That’s Orange County where I lived in California, in case you didn’t know.” He grinned.
I tried to return the smile. “Wait until January or February. We might actually get snow.” Why was I going on and on like a crazed weather person? I guess it was better than actually breaking up with Luke. How did one even broach that subject? Just throw it at him and run like the wind, right?
But he was currently holding my hand and it felt so good. I didn’t want to run away from him. I wanted to walk with him all morning and listen to the bluebirds and cardinals as they flitted from tree to tree. I wanted to look into his sparkly eyes and smell his fresh-from-the-shower scent until I got dizzy.
We came to a bench, and I took a seat which allowed me the opportunity to let go of his hand. It seemed eerily symbolic, feeling his warm fingers slowly slip away from my own and have in place a cold northeastern wind chilling my fingertips enough that I had to squish them into my jacket pocket.
“Luke, I, uh, I feel so stupid.” I peered down at my lap because no way could I look into his eyes. They might sparkle or twinkle even in the subdued sunlight, and then I’d be lost.
“Why do you feel stupid? What’s wrong?”
I hated this. And it was all Amy’s fault. OK, it’s because of my parents, but ultimately Amy. If it hadn’t been for her filling my mind with Luke, I would never have contemplated asking him out which means I would have never blurted out the idea in front of him, and then he would never have insisted in changing our status. We’d still just be friends and study partners and everything would be fine.
Instead, I am sitting next to Luke on a park bench at 6:45 in the morning and about to bum us out for the rest of the day. Or in my case—the rest of my life. OK, I guess I hadn’t dealt with this situation right, either; so, I should take some of the blame, too.
“Come on, Andrea, tell me.” Luke’s arm folded around my shoulders, and I didn’t even panic. In fact, I really wished I could have cuddled into him, but I couldn’t. Not now.
“You know you can tell me anything,” Luke said. “Someone teasing you about your Supes fetish?”
I loved the way he was trying to get me to smile. I only wished it could work and we could sit here and share about our favorite superhero films. Instead, it made me even sadder because we’d probably never get to talk like this again. I glanced up and a tear stuck to my eyelash. When I blinked, it trailed down to my mouth.
Then Luke gave me an encouraging smile like he’d be there for me no matter what problems came along. Sunlight found a way through the clouds to glint off his cocoa-colored eyes. How could I combat that? I had to just suck it up and tell him even if I never saw that smile or twinkle ever again.
“Luke, you’re so great, and I hate myself for doing this.” I played with the edge of my jacket so I didn’t have to look into his disappointed face. “It’s homecoming. I can’t go. I’m sorry, but I have to cancel.” I jumped to my feet. “I think maybe we rushed into the whole thing. I’m really sorry.” More wetness settled into my eyes.
“Why? I mean what happened? Can’t we talk this out?”
“Sorry, no.” I couldn’t face him anymore. I turned to take off back home.
Luke took hold of my hand and turned me back to him. “Andrea, I don’t get you. I thought I did, but I guess I don’t.” He searched my face, his dark eyes looking more sad than angry.
“I just can’t go, OK. It has nothing to do with you.”
“Like I haven’t heard that one before.” He let my hand drop and crossed his arms.
“Really, Luke, I’m so sorry.” Drops started falling down my face.
“Don’t be sorry. Just tell me why. Why did you agree the other night if…you know what? Forget it. It’s just the way my life has been going lately. I thought you were different from other girls, but I guess I was wrong about that, too.” His face curved into a cynical expression with his mouth twisted to the side and his eyes looking over my head and not into my eyes. “I’ll see you later.” Leaving his coffee behind, he sank his hands into his pockets and left me standing there.
I was a terrible, awful person and deserved to have a piano or something fall on my head. I didn’t deserve to breathe air. I should just hold my breath and fall down from asphyxiation.
That was when the rain started plummeting in huge drops.
Or maybe I’ll just stand here and drown.
17
The thumping sound of steps moved across the stone flooring of the hallway and into the kitchen. It startled me, and I hopped, nearly dropping the fork in my hand which overflowed with cheesecake and blueberry topping. “Mom, you scared me.” I covered my heart with my free hand.
“I see you’re enjoying the breakfast of champions. Want an egg sandwich or something to go with that?” She took the fork from my hand.
I slid down into the bar stool behind me and licked the last of the cream cheese from my lips. “It’s the only thing that sounded good considering the circumstances.”
“You know you’re seeing the oral hygienist this morning.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll brush before we go.” I slumped lower in the stool and pressed my cheek into the smooth granite countertop. I wanted to die.
“Andi, you look like the world is ending. I promise you are going to make it through this.”
“Through what?”
“Your teenage years,” she chuckled. “Listen, daughter, I’m sorry things got so out of hand between us yesterday, but I hope all of that is over and behind us now.”
“Over in more ways than one.”
“What’s that supposed to mean, sweetie?” She stood beside me and rubbed my back.
I felt something well up in my chest. “Oh, Mom, it means that I had to tell Luke this morning that I couldn’t go to homecoming.”
“Well, if he’s the right guy, he’ll understand.”
“Yeah, right. He’ll understand. He’ll probably never speak to me again.” I piled my arms together on the counter and stuck my face in the hole in between them. “Do you seriously believe that? That he’ll understand?” My voice echoed from the cavernous opening.
“I know right now it seems like high school homecoming and a guy named Luke are the most important things in the world, but these things seem to work out if they’re meant to be.”
I had no idea what she was ta
lking about. Was she even speaking English? Tilting my head to the side, I watched my mother rinse my fork and place it into the dishwasher. “The thing is, Mother, I am in high school.” I raised my head completely and swiveled the stool her direction. “And for the first time in my life I had a date. A real date. Someone asked me instead of every other girl in the school to go out with him, and today I told him I had to back out. It feels like the end of the world because it is. My life is over. You better get ready to teach me yourself because I am never going back to school. Homeschooling is the only other option besides becoming a high school dropout.”
My mother tried to stifle her smile before moving across the kitchen to the refrigerator. She poured me a glass of milk and filled it with chocolate syrup. Then she produced a homemade cherry Danish and set both in front of me. “Cheer up. You might get into the performing arts school and you won’t be forced to be a high school drop-out.” She hung up a dishtowel, and then started out of the room. “Eat up and be ready to leave in thirty minutes.”
Mom may not understand everything, but she sure knew the things that brought calm to my small little world. Homemade Danish definitely placed at the top of the list.
~*~
After getting into the car, I pulled out my phone and checked messages. Nothing from Luke. I turned it off and stuffed it back inside my backpack. “Oooh,” I winced, touching my sore jaw. I leaned back into the headrest. My teeth cleaning appointment had turned almost as torturous as watching Luke walk off on me this morning. They found two cavities on the right side, and I had to get fillings. Must be all the sweets, lately. “Mawm.” I tried to address my mother with cotton still stuffed in my mouth.
“Don’t try to talk, Andrea. Just rest.” She put the car into drive and we pulled out.
“I dun’t fee goo.”
Andrea and the 5-Day Challenge Page 15