His Heart's Desire

by Julianna Douglas

  “Actually, there's one more thing I think you might want to do that will give you even more closure. It's why I insisted we talk out here.”

  Becca gave him a quizzical look. “What's that?”

  Ethan slipped a hand into his jeans pocket and withdrew the tiny plastic card. After he had told her of its existence, she had asked him to keep it for her so it wouldn't become a constant reminder of the past, and of what she might have to do with it. He had readily agreed.

  As she looked at the memory card, a host of emotions played over her face. “I'd almost forgotten about that.”

  Silently, he handed it to her, then glanced at the fire.

  Her eyes glittering with unshed tears, she took a deep breath and tossed the memory card into the flames.

  He wrapped his arm around her, drawing her into his side. She laid her head against his shoulder, and together, they watched it burn.

  When the final physical reminder of that dreadful night had burned to a cinder, Becca said, “You know, it's like all the tension and anxiety I've felt for the last eight months has floated away with the smoke. I'm finally free.” She laid a delicate hand on his thigh. “How is it that you always seem to know exactly what I need?”

  Her touch fueled Ethan's desires. He knew she didn't mean it to be intimate, but it felt that way. In fact, he wished she'd move her hand a little higher.

  If he wasn't careful, those kind of thoughts were going to cause him a huge embarrassment. He closed his eyes for a moment, willing his lust under control. It seemed to take forever, but eventually his brain formed a coherent response. “I think it's because we're a lot alike.”

  Becca turned her face up to his. “Well, it's the best Christmas present anyone could have given me.”

  Her tempting lips were mere inches away. From where she sat, nestled in the crook of his arm, it would have been a simple matter to close the distance between them. Instead, he swallowed hard and looked back at the fire. “I'm glad you liked it,” he murmured.

  She hummed in response and laid her head back on his shoulder. He rarely had the opportunity to hold her so close, and he relished the feel of her in his arms. He contemplated telling her that he loved her right then and there, but somehow the moment didn't seem quite right. She'd just closed the book on a very painful chapter in her life. He was happy that he'd been able to ease her heart, but he didn't want to cause her any further stress in the event she didn't return his feelings. So he simply held her in silence.

  Ethan wasn't sure how much time passed, but he was roused from his sense of contentment when Becca shivered. The small fire he'd set was starting to burn low.

  “Why don't we go back inside where it's warmer?” he suggested. He didn't really want the moment to end, but he didn't want her to catch cold either.

  She hesitated, and for a moment he thought perhaps she was as reluctant to leave his arms as he was to let her go. Then, without a word, she slid from his embrace and slipped back inside.

  Taking a small piece of wood from the pile, he spread out the ashes in the pit so that the fire would cool down.

  A moment later, Becca returned with a cup of water.

  He smiled. “Great minds think alike.”

  She handed him the water, which he poured into the fire pit. The embers hissed and sizzled in protest. He stirred the ashes around some more, and when he was satisfied the fire was out, he joined her in the living room.

  “Make yourself comfortable. I'll be right back,” Becca said before heading into her bedroom.

  Ethan went to the kitchen to place the cup in the sink. He turned around to find Miss Kitty sitting next to her empty food bowl. She looked up at him hopefully and let out a piteous, “Meow!”

  Ethan laughed. “So you're hungry, huh? Did Becca forget to feed you?”

  Miss Kitty meowed again in response.

  “OK, mooch, I'll get you something to eat. Now where does Becca keep the cat food?” he asked while opening cupboards.

  The first few held only dishes. When he leaned down to check the lower cabinets, Miss Kitty came closer, winding her way around his legs while purring like a little motor. He scratched her head, and she pressed back against his hand affectionately. He picked up the cat and looked her in the eye. “So are you going to tell me where your food is?”

  When no answer was forthcoming, Ethan chuckled again. “Well, you're no help.”

  Cradling the feline in one arm, he continued his search. Finally locating the food cupboard, he was shocked to find it nearly empty. It held only a few spices, cooking oil, a single packet of ramen noodles, a box of mac 'n' cheese, a can of tuna and a jar of peanut butter. A quick perusal of the other cabinets revealed nothing more. Suspicious, he opened the refrigerator to find it in a similar state.

  His brows drew down into a frown. Did Becca always have so little to eat?

  As he contemplated that question, Becca walked into the kitchen.

  “Becca, why don't you have any food in the house?” he asked, beginning to suspect there was more to the situation than met the eye.

  Becca appeared surprised by his inquiry but quickly masked it. “Why are you going through my cupboards?”

  Her tone held a touch of annoyance, but he wasn't about to let the subject rest. “Miss Kitty said she was hungry, so I was looking for the cat food.”

  “Oh.” Now she seemed nervous. “Um...I ran out yesterday, but I think I have a can of tuna.”

  “Yeah, you do, but that's about all you have. What on earth are you eating?”

  She laughed uneasily. “It's not that big a deal, Ethan. I get meals at the restaurant on the weekends.” She shrugged it off. “I just haven't had time to go shopping.”

  Somehow that didn't ring true to him. He knew she didn't have work or school today, so why hadn't she gone to the store? The only thing that made sense to him was that she didn't have enough money in her bank account to afford groceries.

  That thought left him with a sick feeling in his stomach. He couldn't bear knowing the woman he loved was going hungry, but if her prideful response when he paid off her credit cards was any indication, she probably wasn't going to fess up about her financial difficulties. It was looking like he'd have to get sneaky again.

  Ethan handed a happily purring Miss Kitty to Becca. “Why don't you get that tuna for her, and I'll go order us a pizza. My treat,” he was quick to add.

  Thankfully, she didn't argue with him. He ordered a larger pizza than usual to make sure there would be leftovers to hold her over until he could put his plan into action. When the food arrived, they sat it at the kitchen table, eating and sharing conversation like they always did at their Tuesday lunch dates.

  A couple of hours later, finally satisfied that Becca was not going to starve, Ethan took off, but he was damn sure going to return tomorrow with enough groceries to keep her belly full for the next several months.

  * * * * *

  The next morning Becca stood in her kitchen having a slice of cold pizza for breakfast. It wasn't exactly her favorite meal to start the day, but at least she wouldn't be hungry. There was enough leftover pizza to get her through today, and she was having Christmas dinner with Edna and her family tomorrow. It was a good thing the other woman had invited her. Otherwise, Becca would probably be eating mac 'n' cheese.

  She had been trying to stretch her budget as far as she could, but even still, there were some days she didn't eat much. At least she ate well on the weekends. Milano's gave their employees a free meal during their shift, which she always split into two. Despite that, she'd lost five pounds, and she could ill afford it on her slender frame.

  When Ethan had asked her about the food shortage last night, she couldn't bring herself to tell him the truth. He would have run out and bought her an entire grocery store. It was bad enough he'd paid off her credit cards and given her that outrageous tip. The last thing she wanted was him buying her anything else.

  After witnessing some of the things her mom had gone thr
ough when money was short, Becca couldn't stand the idea of being indebted to anyone, especially a man. The rational part of her brain tried to deny that Ethan would ever treat her the way that her mom's horrible “friend,” Trent, had treated them all those years ago. Somewhere deep inside, she knew it was true, but it didn't stop the increasing anxiety she felt over owing a man money.

  The phone rang, breaking into Becca's ruminations. She hurried to the living room to answer it. The caller ID revealed that it was the very man she'd been thinking about. After clicking the on button, she spoke. “Hi, Ethan.”

  “Hey, Becca.” His voice was sunny and cheerful, but it didn't quite chase away her dark mood like it normally did.

  “What's up?” she asked.

  “I was thinking that rather than having our usual lunch date, since it's Christmas Eve, we could do something special.”

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “Well...” he hedged. “It's a surprise.”

  “Ethan...” She drew his name out on an exasperated sigh. When it came to Ethan and surprises, she usually ended up uncomfortable, because it almost always involved large amounts of cash.

  “Now, don't be like that, Becca,” he gently reprimanded. “Trust me. It'll be fun. If you don't have any plans, I'll be over around four.”

  A small smile finally touched her lips. She couldn't deny how nice it would be to see him again. Even though he'd been over last night, she missed him already. “All right, I'll see you then.”

  Becca spent the next hour tidying her apartment. Then she wrapped the small Christmas gift she'd made for Ethan, placed it under her little tree, and had another slice of pizza for lunch. With those tasks finished, and with hours left before Ethan's arrival, she curled up to finish the romance novel she'd been reading. Miss Kitty lay sleeping, a warm, furry, comforting weight in Becca's lap.

  Before long, she was caught up in her fantasy world where Ethan was her knight in shining armor. Three hours later, she turned the final page and closed the book on a contented sigh. The couple's happily-ever-after had been absolutely perfect, exactly what she wished for herself and Ethan.

  As she contemplated a possible life with Ethan, Becca began to ask herself what was holding her back from revealing her feelings for him. When she had first realized she was falling in love, she'd been in a vulnerable state and didn't trust her emotions. Now, nine long months had gone by since her mom passed away, and her grief was beginning to subside. The uncertainties surrounding Jay had finally been resolved too, and although vet school was stressful, it was also fulfilling. Things were finally starting to look up for her, so maybe it was time she told Ethan the truth.

  But what if he didn't reciprocate her feelings?

  That thought weighed heavily upon her. In all the time she'd known him, he'd always been sweet and affectionate toward her, but from what she could tell, he was like that with everyone. He hadn't really given her any indication that his feelings went deeper than friendship. It would definitely make things awkward between them if he didn't feel the same way, and could eventually end their friendship. She couldn't let that happen. He meant too much to her.

  Before Becca could reach a decision, there was a knock at the door. Jolted out of her musings, she realized it was already four o'clock. She hurried to answer.

  Ethan greeted her warmly. “Merry Christmas, Becca!”

  Becca's mouth dropped open at the sight that met her. She'd been expecting just Ethan. Instead, he was flanked by three other people. A woman in a white chef's uniform carried covered dishes, and two men held at least half a dozen large reusable grocery bags apiece.

  “You can go put everything in the kitchen,” Ethan instructed the trio.

  Becca stepped back so they could enter, but a sinking feeling took up residence in the pit of her stomach. “What is all this?” she asked.

  “It's your Christmas presents and Christmas dinner.”

  She shook her head in disbelief, then wandered back into her apartment in a daze and lowered herself into a chair.

  Ethan trailed after her, holding a sizable box wrapped in brightly colored paper. After sitting it down next to the end table that held her Christmas tree, he knelt beside her and took her hand in his. “What's wrong, Becca? Are you feeling sad because it's your first Christmas without your mom?”

  “No, it's not that, Ethan.” She glanced toward the kitchen. “As soon as they leave, we need to talk.”

  “All right,” he murmured, his brows drawn down in concern. He looked over his shoulder to check on the progress of his helpers.

  As the two men headed for the door, one said, “We put all the perishable items in the refrigerator, Mr. Montgomery.”

  Ethan rose. “Thank you, guys. Have a Merry Christmas!”

  The pair returned the sentiments, then left.

  A few minutes later, the woman came back through the living room. “Everything is set up like you asked, Mr. Montgomery.”

  “Thank you, Susan.” He followed her to the door and said, “Merry Christmas!” before closing it behind her.

  Ethan returned to sit on the sofa across from Becca. “So what did you want to talk to me about?” he asked softly.

  Becca closed her eyes for a minute, trying to gather her thoughts. When she opened them again, she began. “You're so down to earth, most of the time I forget how rich you are. Then you go and do something like this, and I can't ignore it anymore.”

  “It's only some groceries and a little Christmas dinner. I don't see the problem.”

  “It not just groceries and dinner.” Tears welled up in her eyes, and she choked out, “First it was paying off my credit cards. Then it was that ridiculously huge tip you left at the restaurant. Now this. There were at least a dozen bags of groceries. That alone must have cost hundreds of dollars, and I can't even imagine what kind of premium you must have paid to get that caterer or chef or whatever she was to deliver food on Christmas Eve. Ethan, this has got to stop!” Throughout her tirade, Becca's voice had been increasing in volume, and she finished on nearly a shout.

  When she risked a glance at Ethan, he looked genuinely hurt. A little stab of remorse hit her in the gut.

  “Becca, I have to admit I don't really understand your issues with my money. Especially today. All this was a gift. Gifts are given freely, without strings attached.”

  Becca stared morosely at the carpet. “Not all gifts,” she replied, barely above a whisper.

  Ethan appeared confused. “What do you mean?”

  She shook her head. “Nothing.”

  Ethan leaned forward and placed his hand on her arm. “I get the feeling this is coming from a deeper place than simply being uncomfortable with my financial status. If there's something bothering you, you can talk to me. You know that, right?”

  For a moment, she considered telling Ethan the truth about what had happened to her mom all those years ago when she had relied on a man for money. He would probably understand. After all, he hadn't judged her for what had happened with Jay. But hot shame washed over her as she recalled the things Trent had said, the things he'd done, the threats he had made toward her and her mom. Christmas was already a shambles, and she didn't want to ruin it any further by going down that painful road. Instead, she locked her emotions down tight and refused to let them out.

  Clearing her throat, she answered, “I told you before. It's important for me to be independent, to take care of myself. When you keep throwing money out every time you think I need something, it makes me uncomfortable.” At least that wasn't a lie. “Promise me you won't do it anymore.”

  Ethan sighed. “It's hard for me to not step in when I see a need, but I don't want to upset you either.” He seemed reluctant but finally finished, “I promise.”

  Once the agreement was reached, Ethan took Becca into the kitchen and seated her at the table like a proper gentleman. The caterer had decorated it with a green damask tablecloth and napkins and matching lit taper candles. Their Christmas Eve din
ner was laid out on pretty china plates. While eating, they conversed pleasantly about Christmas traditions and what each of them would be doing the next day. Despite the delicious food and the lovely ambiance, a measure of tension still hung in the air, but Becca tried to ignore it and simply enjoy the moment.

  When dinner was over, they cleaned up together and shared the task of putting away the mountain of groceries Ethan had brought. After those tasks were finished, they made hot chocolate and took it to the living room to drink while they opened their gifts. Ethan insisted that Becca go first.

  “Ethan, you really didn't have to get me a present on top of everything else.”

  “I know,” he answered patiently, “but I wanted you to have something fun and not just something functional.”

  The box was rather heavy, so Becca left it sitting on the floor as she broke the ribbon and ripped into the wrapping paper, which was bright red and sprinkled with festively decorated trees. She opened the flaps of the box, lifted the tissue paper, and promptly giggled at what she found inside.

  “Aw, it's so cute,” she crooned while pulling out an adorable black-and-white stuffed kitten wearing a Santa hat.

  “When I saw it, it reminded me of Miss Kitty, and I couldn't resist.”

  Becca snuggled the soft, fuzzy kitten to her cheek before turning it around and taking another look at it. “I love it. Thank you, Ethan.” She laid it on the sofa next to her cat. “Look, Miss Kitty, a playmate for you.”

  Becca and Ethan both laughed when the feline gave the fake cat nothing more than a bored stare.

  “There's more,” Ethan said as he nodded toward the box.

  “I thought it was way too heavy for a stuffed animal,” Becca answered while pulling out another layer of tissue paper. Underneath were a dozen of the latest romance novels, a couple by her favorite authors. “Oh, thank you, Ethan.”

  “I wasn't sure what genre you like best, so I picked up a variety.”

  “As long as it's romance, I'll read almost anything.” She pulled out all the books, stacking them neatly on the coffee table so she could see the titles. “They're perfect. Although I have no idea when I'm going to read all of them.”