I bristle at his judgemental tone. ‘Why? I mean, sorry. Yes, you’re right. I should have told you, but I was going to discuss it with you when I’d sorted this thing out for my dad.’ Despite the distance, I can sense Rob’s eye roll. Something snaps. ‘You’ve never liked him, have you? Admit it, Rob.’
Rob takes a deep breath. ‘This isn’t the right time, but…alright, Allie, you’ve put me on the spot, so no, your dad wasn’t my favourite person. He was unpredictable and irresponsible and…and quite frankly, this latest stunt of yours – leaving your job, spending all that money – well, it makes me wonder if you’re going the same way.’
I’m speechless. Rob can’t be serious! Just because I left my job to honour my dead father’s wishes, I’ve been branded reckless and unreliable. I clutch my phone, wondering why this conversation feels so significant, why Rob’s words feel like the end. And why I suddenly feel as though a huge, crushing weight is being lifted off my shoulders.
‘I just… We seem to be going in different directions, Allie,’ Rob says, sounding pained. ‘I want to be deputy head in the next two years and you…what do you want? Where are you going? What do you want from me…from us? What are your future plans?’
I rub my head, feeling a familiar crust of sea salt beneath my fingertips. ‘Wow, Rob. That’s a lot of questions. Serious ones. I’m due to say goodbye to my dad in the morning and you want me to write a ten-year life plan.’ I tune Rob out, not sure I want to hear whatever he’s saying – quite frankly, I feel too overwhelmed with everything to cope with all the criticism. But he’s right about one thing; we’re going in different directions. My heart is in Hawaii and his is in the gymnasium at Portersvale School. Or in the office adjourning Miss Bearden’s with a shiny plaque that says ‘Deputy’.
‘When you’re back, we’ll need to discuss our relationship, Allie,’ Rob says primly. ‘But I’ll tell you now…you’ll really have to convince me you’re serious about me and about your career before I’ll even consider moving forwards.’
Jolted, I make a decision. ‘I don’t think that will be necessary, Rob,’ I reply. I sound cheerful, but I don’t feel it. ‘Because honestly, I don’t know where I’m going or what I’m doing yet. My dad’s death has been really traumatic for me and I can’t make any big decisions until I’ve let go of him.’ A wave of jet lag washes over me.
‘Don’t bother,’ Rob says tightly. ‘Let’s just end it here and now. You go and find yourself in Hawaii.’
I’m shocked. I’ve just lost my dad and now my boyfriend is dumping me over the phone. I don’t want him to know how crappy he’s made me feel though. ‘Okay, Rob. I’ll do my best. And good luck with Miss Bearden; I hope she makes you happier than I did. Aloha and all that.’ Ending the call, I lie back against the pillow. Although Rob made the decision for me, it’s definitely for the best and something I hadn’t faced up to for a while. Me and Rob – we’re poles apart – we probably always have been.
As my eyes close, all I can think about is how sexy Gray knows my name because I’m sure I didn’t tell him…
The following morning, I am up bright and early as I need to be at the whale-watching boat by seven thirty. I shower and dress in a yellow halter-neck dress my dad had always liked me in, my shoulders covered by a thin jacket. Even in Hawaii the mornings can be chilly. I check my phone; nothing from Rob. I feel sad about the end of our relationship, but it feels right that everything has come to a head. I pack my dad’s urn carefully in a bag and go downstairs to join the minibus in the foyer. Enjoying Maui as the sun comes up and wishing my father was here with me properly, I stand by the small crowd of people due to go on the cruise, hugging the owners as they unexpectedly remember me. I accept their commiserations about my father uncomfortably, certain I’m about to cry and make a fool of myself. I climb aboard the boat, suddenly feeling rather alone. Damn Rob… He wasn’t right for me, but I could really have done with a bit of moral support on this trip. I guess he just didn’t love me enough to take even a few days off work or to understand my ‘irrational’ behaviour in the wake of my father’s death. Feeling emotional, I look up as a shadow falls across me.
‘Is this seat taken?’ Gray asks, pointing to the space next to me on the bench. He looks rueful. ‘I’m not stalking you, I promise. I just thought you could do with some company. A shoulder to cry on or whatever. And it’s my day off so…’
‘That’s really sweet.’ I’m touched. So touched, I might blub. ‘Y-you don’t even know me.’
‘Aaah, but that’s the thing.’ Gray sits down and swivels round to face me. ‘I feel as though I know you really, really well.’ He screws his face up. ‘Can I make a confession? Firstly, the reason I know so much about Greg is because he’s my big brother. He told me all about you, showed me your letters, and I even met you a few times, not that you’d remember. I was a bit of a nerd back then.’ Gray bites his lip. ‘And secondly, it’s actually my fault that Greg didn’t meet up with you that time because I begged him to support me in the surfing competition on the Big Island because I was totally shit-scared.’
I gape.
‘Oh yeah.’ He nods. ‘All my fault. I would apologise…except for the fact that, in retrospect, I’m secretly pleased.’
I gape. ‘Gray…Graham. You’re Greg’s geeky little brother!’ I can’t believe it. It dawns on me that Gray has read all my lovesick letters to Greg. Oh, the shame… They were probably really juvenile and cringe-worthy. I feel my cheeks go pink. ‘Little Graham. Well, the last time I saw you, you were…’
‘Spotty, greasy, aggravating?’ Gray provides with a grin. ‘I know, I know. Not my finest hour, back then. I had the biggest crush on you, though. The BIGGEST. I didn’t breathe a word to Greg because, you know, he’s my big bro. Not the done thing.’
I really blush now. He’s making it up, surely? Gray had certainly improved with age; there were no spots to be seen and his hair made me want to reach out and stroke it, not offer him special shampoo. ‘Greg used to talk about you all the time,’ I say, to change the subject. ‘He adored you, even when you were following him around and being annoying. Sorry, you said he was watching you surf...’ Realisation dawns. ‘Well, that explains it! I’ve spent years feeling heartbroken about him leaving me stranded for a sport he didn’t even like.’ I frown. ‘Hang on, what do you mean, you’re “secretly pleased”?’
Gray steadies me as the boat starts to move. ‘I’ll tell you later. Are you ready to do this?’ He gestures to the urn. ‘Saying goodbye can be difficult, especially to someone you really love.’
I steel myself, grateful for his reassuring presence. ‘I think so. As ready as I’ll ever be.’
We sit back as the boat speeds out to sea, exclaiming with everyone else as dolphins leap and dive beside us. I feel freer than I have in a long time, maybe because I’m single again, maybe because I am back in Hawaii. Or is it because Gray is sitting beside me, just when I really need someone? As the boat slows down in anticipation of some whale action, I take a deep breath. It’s time. I get to my feet and clear my throat.
‘I hope no one minds me doing this, but my father really wanted his ashes scattered here, at his favourite spot.’ The other passengers make encouraging noises, so I continue. ‘Okay. So now that you’re all listening, I don’t know what to say.’ I dry up briefly then force myself to organise my thoughts. ‘Well. Let’s see. My dad was a truly amazing man. As someone recently pointed out to me, he was both irresponsible and unpredictable, but that’s what I loved about him.’ I dip my head, choking slightly. ‘He made some mistakes and some bad decisions, some of which affected my life too, but he wore his heart on his sleeve, you know? He really lived. He lived passionately, spontaneously and completely. No one could ever say that Ross Badger came and went without anyone noticing. And that’s…that’s what made him so special. That’s why I loved him so much.’
Gray starts clapping and everyone else joins in. Moved, I take the lid off the urn and with Gray’s help, I tip t
he contents into the sea, watching the ash spill out and mingle with the waves curling around the boat. For a second, I almost feel as though dad is standing next to me, whooping and doing a silly dance in his flip-flops. Hawaii has reunited us, just for the briefest of moments. I feel my dad’s arms around me and hear the wisp of a goodbye, snatched away by the wind. Or was it simply the wind? Feeling oddly at peace, I take my seat next to Gray and there is an explosive burst of noise as a gigantic whale erupts from the sea, flips and crashes back again, hurling spray all over the passengers in the boat.
Gray bursts out laughing, shaking water out of his fringe. ‘He certainly likes to make his presence felt, Allie.’
‘Doesn’t he?’ I agree with a smile. ‘Always had to be the centre of attention, bless him.’ I take some photographs, wanting to remember this incredible moment. Bye, Dad, I say to him mutely. This is for you; Hawaii 5–0. I know I will always feel close to my dad here, in Maui. In fact, the thought of leaving him – and everything else – is unimaginable. I miss him so much already, but here, I feel his presence acutely. It feels good.
‘That was great,’ Gray says, taking my hand. ‘You’re pretty brave coming here all on your own and doing that.’
‘Yes, well, my boyfriend was supposed to come, but he let me down. He’s now my ex,’ I add. ‘Hey, thanks for being here, Gray. It means a lot. Which sounds weird as I don’t really know you, but…’
Gray smiles. ‘Strange, isn’t it? We don’t know each other, but we do, kind of.’
‘What did you mean about being “secretly pleased” that Greg didn’t see me that time on holiday?’ I ask, leaning into Gray. This is totally bizarre, but it feels right…he feels right.
‘Because if he had seen you, he might have ended up marrying you instead of Sue, his wife. He was the marrying kind, my brother, ripe for it. I have an idea that he might have proposed if he’d seen you again.’ Gray gives me a sidelong glance. ‘Please don’t hate me.’
I don’t, because Greg wasn’t right for me, any more than Rob was. Greg was my first love, but can I see myself shacked up with him and three children at this point in my life? No way. And he married pretty soon after I left, so I guess we weren’t really love’s young dream, anyway. I feel Gray’s warm fingers sliding through mine.
‘When are you due to fly back to England?’ he asks, his dark eyes serious. ‘I want to get to know you, but I have this feeling I’m about to get my heart well and truly broken.’
‘Officially, next Wednesday.’
‘Officially?’
‘I might stay for a bit longer,’ I explain hesitantly. ‘A long holiday. Maybe…I don’t know. Maybe something more than a holiday.’ I meet his eyes. ‘There isn’t much waiting for me back in England now. I’ve split up with Rob and my dad’s ashes are here, in the heart of Maui. I was always happy here and not because of Greg. I’ve spent all morning wondering what to do and I have such a strong feeling about it. About staying.’
Gray looked as though he was holding his breath. ‘You have? So you’ll be here for a while, at least?’
I nod. ‘I think so. I can’t promise anything; it’s all been a bit dramatic recently with Dad dying and Rob letting me down. Let’s just… let’s just see how this goes.’ I had a strong feeling about Gray too, but I wasn’t about to say that out loud.
‘Thank God, Allie!’ Gray lets out a sigh of relief. ‘I’ve been trying to work out how my beach hut salary could pay for flights back to England every month if you went home after this.’
‘You were? Such a romantic. But I’m staying right here, so you don’t need to worry.’ I faltered. ‘I’ll need to get a job and everything.’
‘I’ll help you,’ Gray grins. ‘I could do with a junior assistant in the beach hut… I’m joking…’
Shrieking as a dolphin playfully splashes us both, I whisper another thank you to my dad. Somehow, despite the flip-flops, the mad-cap motorbike capers and his unconventional approach to life, he had finally guided me back home.
About the Author
Sasha Wagstaff worked in banking for nearly a decade, as an Assistant Vice President, before starting to write a novel on her long commutes into London. Encouraged by her husband, Sasha walked away from her banking career to follow her dream of becoming a writer. She is the author of four novels: CHANGING GROOMS, which was the Asda bookclub pick for April 2009, WICKED GAMES, HEAVEN SENT and last year’s RECIPE FOR LOVE, which is set in Sorrento, Italy, against a backdrop of chefs, weddings and family curses. Sasha lives in Essex with her husband and two young daughters and she is currently working on a new novel.
Website: www.sashawagstaff.com
Twitter: @sashawagstaff
Visit the Sunlounger website at www.va-va-vacation.com/sasha-wagstaff
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A FOOL’S PARADISE
***
Anna-Lou Weatherley
Destination: Ibiza
‘Where are we going?’ Rebecca Barrett trotted behind her husband, her Heidi Klein leopard-print kaftan gently flapping open with momentum as she struggled to keep up with him.
‘You’ll know once we get there.’ He flashed her a cheeky wink from over his tanned shoulder, offsetting his boyish good looks that appeared not to have been too affected by the onset of middle age.
‘Getting warmer…’ he sing-songed, kicking hot, powdery sand behind him as he strode ahead with purpose. The midday sun was biting down onto the willing recipients of La Salinas beach, their nut-brown, glistening bodies absorbing the intense rays, neon-painted toes twitching in time to the chilled-out beats emanating from canopied beach bars as they re-charged their batteries in lieu of another night of hedonism before them. Ibiza: the White Isle; a merry-go-round of mayhem for the perennially young and beautiful. Like a faithless lover it called to you, whispering seductively in your ear, drawing you into its infectious magic.
They were off the beaten track now, past the beach and high up into the hills of La Salinas’ surrounding fragrant pine forest.
‘Ringing any bells yet?’ he enquired, approaching the edge of the cliff, tiny beads of sweat sparkling across his brow like crystals in the harsh glare of the sun. She looked down and caught sight of the yellowing, aging old rope ladder and glanced up at him with a wry smile.
‘The Cove…’
He nodded, his wide grin taking over his handsome face.
‘How on earth did you remember where to find it?’
‘Ah, now that would be telling.’ He squinted up at her, already making his descent down the ladder.
‘Be careful, Jed, it’s a long way down and it looks steeper than I remember… we’re not twenty years old anymore.’
‘You’re only as young as the woman you feel!’ he called back up at her and she inwardly sighed, the dull ache inside her chest swelling like the waves of the surf below. And how old might that be this time, Jed?
The Barrett’s twenty-year relationship had been punctuated by her husband’s infidelities; the beautiful Asian supermodel he’d dismissed as an ‘occupational hazard’, the overly attentive and terribly young assistant who had ‘flattered’ him and a pretty and highly ambitious journalist who had since upgraded to proper A-list, securing her own TV show as a result. And these were just the one’s she knew about. Doubtless there were plenty others she didn’t. Invariably, he had always sworn that this time would be the last, until the next time anyway. But when you loved someone liked she loved Jed Barrett, walking away simply wasn’t an option.
Rebecca had always felt as if she was punching above her weight where her husband was concerned, the ridiculously handsome and now famous fashion photographer, a Peter Pan party animal who had shot some of the most famous, beautiful women in the world. Who wouldn’t feel intimidated by that? She had never truly understood what he had see
n in the shy, awkward young woman she had been when they’d first met. She supposed this lack of self-esteem had largely contributed to why she had always forgiven his myriad ‘misdemeanours’ as he dismissively referred to them. This time, however, was different; this time she could not, would not, forgive…
‘Nice view!’ he remarked cheekily as she carefully navigated her way down the old rope ladder, her kaftan blowing up in the breeze, exposing her bikini bottoms.
‘Cheeky,’ she playfully chastised him.
‘My thoughts exactly!’
It was dark inside the small cove, the pungent salty air tickling her nostrils as she reached the clearing at the bottom.
‘That rope’s seen better days, a bit like me,’ she remarked a little breathless, clapping her hands together to remove the sandy residue from them, ‘I’m surprised it held my weight.’ Jed Barrett was oblivious to his wife’s self-deprecating remarks. Over the years he’d become desensitised to them. ‘It’s even more treacherous than I remember.’ She tugged at the scratchy old rope and felt the lack of purchase between her fingers.
It was a nice touch, he thought, remembering this little place. They had stumbled across it quite by accident on their first time in Ibiza some twenty years ago – a tiny private cove that was more of a secluded gap between the rocks really, the small entrance of which faced the cliff and could only be reached via the old rope ladder, a place that only lovers knew of; their secret place. He remembered the night they had slipped away from the thumping chaos of the water party in Es Paradis as though it were last week, a beautiful white-washed paradise of a club whose open-top roof made you feel as if you were one with the stars, the two of them de-robing as they’d sprinted across the beach, powered by youthful lust, kicking sand behind them with abandon. He recalled the feel of her naked skin as he’d pressed his own against hers for the first time, the softness of her flesh and the sparkle of mischief in her eyes against the moonlight as they had lain there breathless and naked in the sheltered darkness. She had been so young and beautiful then; a quiet sort of beauty that had crept up on him. She had been different to all the aspiring young models who’d willingly throw themselves at him at any given opportunity, more considered, harder to read. He had been quite enchanted by her. Sadly, that sparkle he had witnessed all those years ago had long since faded. Life had seen to that, he suspected, somewhat guiltily, with his help along the way.
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