by Quil Carter
“If you say he loves Reaver one more time… I will make it so you never speak again,” Killian suddenly said, his tone bringing a frost into the room.
Kiki shrunk down. “I just… I just wanted Reaver to know…” Kiki looked at me for help, but my stomach was churning over his words.
“I’m sorry for what he did, Reaver,” Kiki’s voice broke, and I saw his eyes well. “Please give him a second chance.”
“A second chance?” Killian said haughtily. “You’re fucking acting like Nero stole Reaver’s fucking bike. Are you so used to Nero torturing and raping men that the reality and consequences of what he did is lost to you? Are you that fucking–”
“Killian… you’re not helping,” I said. A deep chasm of nausea was being created inside of me, and it quickly bred dizziness. I looked down at my now empty bowl of soup just in time for Killian to take it from me and put a hand on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry, baby,” Killian whispered. Then his voice got sharp. “Go to your room.”
“No. He can stay,” I mumbled.
But then I shot to my feet. I ran outside and made it out just in time to throw up noodles onto the greywaste ground. I closed my eyes, my breathing laboured, and once again tried to purge myself of the contaminated feeling that still remained months after Nero had raped me. Why was that asshole’s presence still buried inside my core? Why was this happening to me? I had once been able to control everything but now I felt like I was in the middle of the ocean, at the mercy of the tide in a shitty little life raft. The weakness that felt like it was embedded in my bones was maddening.
I slammed my hand against a support beam of the porch, and turned and stalked inside, wiping my face of the vomit stuck to my facial hair.
Killian was a blur. He sat perfectly still as if expecting me not to notice he’d moved. Feeling frustration and vexation I shot him a glaring look which he cowered down from.
“I’m in charge,” I said, my tone so low it made my throat vibrate. I looked to Kiki as well. “I’m leading this. I will help you get back Nero, but in doing so, you’re going to let me pay him back… understand me, Kincade?”
I saw Killian do a double take, and I realized he must not know Kiki’s real name.
Kiki nodded. “Yes, sir.”
“Good,” I said, and then I turned to Killian. “I need to trust that you won’t hurt him. Can I trust you, Killian?”
Killian met my gaze for a fleeting second, but still cowering under the look I was giving him, he nodded, showing me submission and obedience which calmed the maddened beast that stirred inside of me. “Yes, Reaver.”
I nodded at the both of them. “We all have things to gain with this and we have the element of surprise, and Kiki… you know what the inside of the mansion looks like, right?”
“Yes.”
“You’re going to draw us a map. Killian, while he does this, you’re going to brainstorm with me a plan to get Nero back. You were the one to pull the worm out of me, you know how it’s done. All we have to do is come up with a plan on how to either get inside, or lure them out.”
Killian stood up straight and gave me a smile. A smile of confidence and lightness, one I now rarely saw on his face. “We can do it. I know we can.” Then he glanced at Kiki and I heard his heartbeat spike, then a flash of both sadism and lust replaced that sweet smile I’d once come to depend on during the darkest times of my life.
Then as quickly as it came, as if catching himself, it vanished.
“We can get Nero and Ceph back,” Killian said in a deceptively sweet voice I found unnerving. Kiki looked up and gave him a shy smile, and Killian matched it with a smile of his own. “… and then we can all get what we want.”
I woke up and saw that Killian had his arm over my chest. He was sleeping face down, his boxers pulled halfway off of his ass and his head tilted towards me. His mouth was half-open and he was snoring lightly, a damp patch visible on my arm from either the heat of his breath or drool, I wasn’t sure which.
He looked so innocent while he slept… and yet he was so different when he was awake. What had once made up the millions of little pieces that stitched together to make Killian, had changed, the fabric of him had changed, and seemed to be shaping into something completely different. Now in front of me, on full display like he had willingly stripped himself naked, was someone I didn’t recognize.
No, I did recognize him… I was seeing him take my own essence and weave it into a new cloak, a new mask. I was seeing parts of me starting to combine with parts of him, making this whole new person step forward from the remains of who had been my Killi Cat. It had started out with him taking charge when I had admitted my issues stemming from Nero, and now with every step I made into instability, I was seeing him take several more into… I didn’t even know what to call it.
It was a toxic combination. It was a boy who had been abused, raped, tortured, and mentally destroyed finally tasting power, and now not fearing death. And the active ingredient, the catalyst I was now seeing… was that I didn’t have the power over him to keep his ass in check. He’d never admit it, but he was taking advantage of my weakness.
And here I thought I could count on him to help me through this…
I had to fix myself… not only for me, but for Killian.
And not only for Killian – but for our relationship.
Because it was changing, and with it…
I hated to admit it. I hated myself for feeling it… but I truly was starting to hate who he was becoming. It was my responsibility to fix this, I had broken it in the first place. And right now was a vital time because we were establishing the foundation for a relationship that was going to last forever. No matter what I had to do.
No matter what I had to do.
I would fix myself, and fix Killian… and fix Reaver and Killian.
“Wake up, sleepy boy,” I whispered, my heart heavy over my own internal thoughts. I took in a deep breath and nudged him.
Killian’s eyes squinted, the sun from outside probably stinging his beautiful blue eyes. Even though my heart was steeling over this person I was seeing, never for a second did I think of leaving him. It just motivated me to repair what mess we had made.
This boy would one day be my husband, and I was going to marry him as Killi Cat… not whoever he was now.
No matter what.
I kept repeating that, and maybe I knew why I was, because I think it was a harbinger to what things were to come.
“Morning’,” Killian said, the corners of his mouth rising. “You slept all through the night.” He puckered his lips and I pecked them with my own.
“You did too,” I said with a yawn. I laid my head on the pillow and looked at him, going over every part of his face. He’d shaved just yesterday and he looked beautiful. His hair was a bit over two inches long now, and he no longer looked like how cancer patients did on TV.
I realized he was looking at me too, his blue eyes full of love. I was relieved to see that.
Our eyes locked, and he reached a hand up to brush my face. “You look troubled,” he said quietly. I felt his thumb stroke my cheek. “You know I’m immortal. We’ll be fine.”
He could always read me. I never thought of myself as wearing expressions on my sleeve, but Killian always seemed to know what I was thinking and feeling. That boy knew me inside and out, but yet he didn’t know the storm that was gathering inside of me, or the thoughts in my head.
Thoughts that seemed outlandish to think when we were lying in bed together, calm and content.
“It’s not that,” I said, and I sighed before I could stop it.
Killian paused. “What’s wrong?” His voice rose, as did his heartbeat.
“I just…” I tried to think of a way to say this. I wasn’t going to tell him everything, but maybe planting the seed inside of his head would help him at least be more aware of it. “… I’ve noticed you’re changing a lot,” I began. I saw his mouth fall into a frown, and his eyes b
ecame troubled as well. “And… I don’t like it.”
Killian removed his hand from my face, and I caught a fleeting flicker of apprehension. “I said before… I just want to be treated more like an adult, instead of some weak damsel.”
His eyes downcasted as he said this, but they lifted when he saw me shake my head. “It’s not just that, Killi. It’s how you acted at the festival, how we almost came to blows; it’s this roughness towards me when you’d usually be… I don’t know, submissive? You’re challenging me, and you’re stepping above just wanting to be treated like a man, you’re acting like a little prick when the mood takes you.” Killian’s mouth dropped as I said this but I pushed on. “And I’ve seen you hiding your treatment of Kiki from me, and it’s gotta stop. Killi… I don’t want to argue, I just want you to promise me something, okay?”
Killian’s mouth snapped shut and his lips disappeared into it. He deflected his gaze and said, over a sheet of ice: “Okay.”
“Promise me you’ll pay more attention to yourself… okay? And you’ll tell me if you start seeing what I’m seeing. ‘Cause I’m seeing you become more like me and… and I don’t want to be partners with me, Killian.”
Killian’s face fell and his eyes widened. He started pulling away from me but I was confused as to what had triggered that reaction. I’d said a lot of things that could potentially cause this but this was rather sudden.
“What…?” I sat up as he ripped off his boxers and grabbed a clean pair of briefs. He turned around with the clean pair in his hands, and I saw his eyes become two blue flames.
“You’re implying you’re going to break up with me if I don’t become that weak pathetic bitch I was before?” Killian said, his voice raising.
What? I rewound my mind to go over the words I had said, before I found the culprit. Saying I didn’t want to be partners with myself.
I sighed at the stupidity of him. “I’d never leave you, Killian. I’m just using my fucking words and talking to you about what’s bothering me, just like you’ve always dreamed. Don’t shove it back in my face by throwing me a paper tiger.” He’d taught me that saying by accusing me of doing it. I bet he regretted it now.
Killian pulled up his briefs. He opened his mouth to unleash hell, but as I rose off of the bed, I saw the anger disappear… and a look of anxiousness take its place.
“I don’t want to be weak anymore,” Killian said in a subdued tone. “I want to be a partner beside you.”
I walked up to him and took him into my arms with a cluck of my tongue. “But it doesn’t mean you have to go all psychotic, Killer Bee,” I said lightly. “You’re kinda going a bit overboard with this ‘trying to be a man’ campaign, and now you’re starting to act like a little shit. Can’t you see that?”
Killian put his arms around me too and rested his head on my shoulder. “Maybe…” he mumbled.
I smiled and kissed his ear. “I know you want us to be partners, and we are. We always have been… if you have to make the effort to be a little shithead, then that’s not naturally you, right?”
His heart was beating rapidly against his chest, and it was meeting my own. Together they pushed against our ribs like they were knocking on one door, waiting for the other to answer.
“What if… I’m not trying,” Killian suddenly said. “What if… I’m starting to have to try not to be like that…?” My brow knitted at this. “I’ve found myself getting angry a lot and I find myself… getting angry at you. When you talk to me and order me around – for some reason my brain no longer lets me take it and accept it. I keep feeling like I have to challenge you and… I don’t like it.” Killian pulled away; he looked concerned. “Reaver… I’ve been thinking.” He put a hand to the back of his head and touched where his scar had been. “I think after we do what we need to do with Nero and Kiki… we should go back to the plaguelands house and look at the notes Perish left me.”
I pulled back, surprised and taken aback by his words. “W-what? Why?” I asked confused.
“Because before he knocked me out for surgery he held up his own O.L.S, and something else,” Killian explained. His expression was strained and I got the distinct feeling he was treading lightly over Perish’s mention. Not for my benefit, but because I think he missed the crazy idiot.
But wait… it took a moment before my brain clicked. “Something else?” I said out loud. My eyes widened. “You think he put something in your head to make you into an asshole?”
Killian’s stricken gaze turned flat. “I was going to phrase it better, but… I just want to rule it out. It was an interesting looking thing.” He rubbed his short blond hair. “A small piece of metal but coming off of it was at least a dozen thin wires with silver balls on the end.”
“You don’t think… he put his O.L.S in you…?” As I said that I realized that couldn’t be true. He’d eaten one O.L.S, the other was still in my pocket.
Killian shook his head, but then hesitated. “I… I actually ate Perish’s O.L.S and it was empty. He used the brain matter inside to make me immortal, and no remnants of who made you immortal remains after. I tricked Silas but…” He sighed. “I dropped Sky’s O.L.S.” As I reached into my pocket Killian made an angry noise, directed at himself. “If we had it, we would have Silas eating out of… oh my fucking god!” I pulled the O.L.S out of my pocket and grinned at him.
I could almost hear Killian’s mind explode as he took the O.L.S from me and examined it. “How!” he gasped. I had never seen that much awe on his face. It was like I had just told him that Santa Claus was real. “Where did you find it?”
The grin didn’t leave my face, and in truth, it wasn’t because of the O.L.S. It was over the prospect that what was happening to Killian was organic, something Perish might’ve implanted in him. If that was the case, it meant it could be taken out… and I’d have one less thing to worry about. It made me want to say fuck Nero and run to the plaguelands now.
“You had it clutched in your hand when you were resurrecting,” I explained. I almost felt giddy and my jovial aura was being matched by his own. The entire room seemed lighter now. I never realized how much I missed Killian until the prospect that it could all be a device was presented to me. “We could fucking destroy Silas if we ever wanted to.” But then my grin turned into a smirk. “It’ll be a gambling chip for all of eternity, but we’re not doing shit now.” I took back the O.L.S and kissed his cheek. “Right now we’re going to pay back Nero, then go to the plaguelands and find out what Perish did to you. Then we can take it out and make you normal again.”
Killian kept his smile but I saw unease in his eyes. “It… it might not be that though, hun. I just wanted to make sure… you know?”
I shook my head, my mind concreting it as fact automatically. “No, it is. It explains your attitude perfectly. It was something Perish did to you. I know that for sure now. That’s why you’ve been acting so unlike yourself, that’s why I don’t recognize you sometimes.” I kissed his cheek before my lips shifted to his own.
But when I tried to kiss them, he pulled away.
“You… don’t recognize me?”
“It doesn’t matter… it was Perish. You’ll be back to normal soon,” I said reassuringly, joy ripped through my heart. I started to change into my clothes. “We have our plan there is no need to wait. Let’s get that asshole back so we can go back to the plaguelands house; and when we find out what that device is…” I put a hand on Killian’s head and shook it playfully, refusing to have his crestfallen look kill the happiness and pure relief I was feeling. “… we can take it out and I’ll have my Killi Cat back. Just think, Killian… after you’re fixed everything can go back to the way it was. I can go back, and you can go back.” I took in a deep breath and sighed.
Then I saw Killian’s eyes well. “What…? This is good, Killian… it means you’re–” Killian pushed past me, and with a shuddered sniff, he walked out of our bedroom.
Chapter 24
Reaver
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nbsp; It felt good to have the wind in my face, and the goggles that Kiki had given me were a godsend. There were no more annoying little specks of greywaste ash getting into my eyes, even though I always thought I looked like a tool with riding goggles.
Killian was behind me and he had his arms wrapped around my stomach. He’d been sulking ever since I’d expressed my joy over getting that implant out of his head, but now that we were on the road and heading towards Melchai, all of this had been pushed aside and the mood around the three of us had taken a more serious turn. Before anything happened with the potential implant in Killian’s head, we had to break out Nero and Ceph.
And Killian knew how to do it… he’d pulled the same worm out of my neck. Killian had reassured me that he could do it and quickly, and as soon as we had one brute with his mind back he’d be able to break Mantis’s fucking neck. I’d seen that guy, we could take him, and Angel Adi if he was there. All we needed was just one brute chimera.
As the greywastes flew past me, a quiver of adrenaline ignited. It made my lips curl into a smile, but to say that it was happiness I was feeling was a gross understatement. There was nothing positive taking place underneath my skin, only the dark satisfaction that tonight I would finally have my revenge. I would have Nero underneath my muddy boot and he would be the one strung up like a puppet and dismantled.