by Barbara Goss
Amanda tipped her head in confusion. “What do you mean?”
“Ruby,” was all he said.
“How is what she did your fault? You weren’t even there.”
With downcast eyes, he hesitated, looking uncomfortable. He scooped his hair from his face and squinted slightly.
Amanda smiled. Same, lovable Luke.
Finally, he stuttered, “I--I encouraged her behavior. It’s my fault. I could have stopped her. My male ego stopped me, I guess. I’m so sorry.” He looked at her solemnly. “I’ve never been so sorry. You could have been killed. You scared me out of ten good years of my life as it is!” He smiled a little, and then sobered. “Honestly, Amanda, I am sorry.”
“You’re forgiven.” She smiled. “I hope you’ve forgiven Ruby, too.”
“That’s something I’m still working on.”
“Remember what you told me about the weeds?”
He grinned and nodded. “I’m going into Laredo today. Maybe I’ll stop and set things right with her.”
Amanda could feel a bit of the old jealousy stab at her again. “You don’t have to overdo it, you know.”
Luke smiled. “You still care?”
“Of course I do. I wouldn’t want my best friend involved with someone so dangerous,” she said, trying to make light of her concern.
He stood. “Yes, that’s right. Your friend.” He turned to leave, calling over his shoulder sarcastically, “Adios, amigo.”
“Luke!” She called after him.
He stopped and walked slowly back. “Yes, my good friend, what can I do for you?”
“Please don’t leave angry. Did I say something wrong?”
He sighed and sat down beside her. Searching her eyes, he said simply, “I’m growing a bit tired of this friendship thing. Is that all I’ll ever be to you?”
Amanda felt her heart pounding. Here it is, she thought, a confrontation. She couldn’t hide behind friendship any longer, for he was asking, and she must answer. She recalled the answer his mother had given her and decided to use that, at least to hold him at bay temporarily.
“Why not? Your mother told me that your father is her best friend.”
Luke shook his head slowly and said, “My parents happen to also be very much in love. That makes it different.”
Amanda felt sympathy for Luke. She was making this difficult for him. Hadn’t she promised Helen she’d encourage him? She loved Luke. Why couldn’t she let him know it? Why was she afraid to commit herself?
“Luke ... ‘ she began hesitantly. As he waited for her words, she could see hope in his eyes. She couldn’t disappoint him!
“Luke ... I ... I” The words stuck in her throat. Seconds passed and she just couldn’t get the words out. Why couldn’t she get the words out?
“Amanda,” he interrupted. “Helen is waiting. I’ll see you at supper.”
“Helen?” she asked. “Why is Helen going to Laredo?”
“She insists on getting a job.”
Amanda looked at the table, where Helen and Margaret were still having a serious discussion.
“Luke, not the saloon,” she said with a worried look.
“Mother is trying to lend her enough money to start a business of some sort, which is what they are discussing.”
Amanda sat up straight, eyes wide. “Luke, that’s a wonderful idea! I have some money from my father. I could help.”
Luke looked displeased and said, “I thought you wanted to travel to California once you’ve recuperated. That’s another reason I’m going to Laredo. Father suggests you sail to San Francisco instead of traveling overland. I have a friend with a small ship who might give you passage, but it will cost a few hundred dollars.”
Amanda closed her mouth quickly instead of blurting that she would rather stay and go into business with Helen. She wasn’t sure. What did she want? Luke hadn’t asked her to stay.
“What do you think I should do?” she asked.
“Oh, sail. It’s much safer, and the gulf isn’t far. Once you get around the cape, the rest is a breeze. No Indians, no pushing heavy wagons up mountains and across rivers.”
“Would I sail alone?” she asked.
Luke hesitated and rubbed his hands together nervously. “Well, perhaps we can find someone else who is interested in going. I’ll discuss it with my friend Seth Turner, who owns the ship. He may have other passengers, with the Gold Rush fever still spreading heavy in these parts.” He stood. “I’ll let you know.”
Amanda’s heart sank. He didn’t show even a hint that he’d like her to stay. But she supposed she had only herself to blame. Why can’t I tell Luke how I feel?
Supper was served in the loveliest, most elegant dining room, and afterwards they all retired to the drawing room. Elvira played the piano while they enjoyed freshly brewed coffee.
“Would you like me to carry you outside for some air?” Luke whispered.
Amanda nodded without hesitation, and he lifted her effortlessly.
He sat beside her on the patio sofa.
“Did you talk to your friend Seth?” she asked anxiously.
“Yes, and the news is not good, I’m afraid.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s making a trip to San Francisco, but not until after Christmas. He’s transporting a large shipment, and it won’t be ready until then. However,” he added, “at that time there will be fifty other passengers, both men and women. So it may be well worth the wait. What do you think?”
Amanda studied him closely. His face was bland. She couldn’t detect a clue from his looks as to his true feelings about her leaving.
“If your family doesn’t mind me staying that long, I’ll wait,” she answered without enthusiasm.
“Cheer up.” He lifted her chin with his hand. “The time will go fast, and in no time at all you’ll be safely with Aunt Hattie”
She smiled weakly. “What about Helen’s business venture?”
“I probably should let her tell you the details, but it looks promising. We rented an empty store today, though she hasn’t yet decided what to do with it. Mother thinks Laredo needs another good clothing store, with hats and furs. Helen is leaning toward a bakery. She wouldn’t need as much money to start a bakery as she would to stock a clothing store. Mother is still trying to make her understand we’ll back her up financially for as long as need be.”
“That’s very generous of your family,” Amanda said. “What happened to the girl
I knew as Louise?”
“Dad sent her to New Orleans, where she has family. Her story was much like yours and Celia’s. She was a decent girl from a respectable family. Mother said she promised to write, but we haven’t heard anything yet.”
“Your folks enjoy helping others, don’t they?” she asked.
“Yes. They always have.”
“You’re like them. That’s why you were so anxious to help me when my family died. I can see where all your good traits come from: your helpfulness, your concern, and your godliness.”
Luke smiled shyly. “Where do you suppose my bad traits come from?”
Amanda’s answer was a yawn, and Luke jumped up. “You’re tired. I’ll take you to your room immediately, and Mother will help you get ready for bed.”
When he lifted her, she put both arms around his neck, instead of one, and rested her cheek on his. Hadn’t she promised Helen she’d encourage him? She couldn’t get words out, but she could show him physically how she felt.
His grip on her immediately tightened. Luke turned his head slightly, and their lips touched, softly at first, then longingly.
How good it feels to be in his arms and kissed by him again, she thought.
He broke the kiss and gazed into her eyes deeply, their foreheads touching. Ask me, she silently coached, ask me to stay. This time I’ll say yes. He kissed her lips again lightly and planted small kisses on her cheek and down her neck, until goose bumps stood out on her arms. Goose bumps from Luke! She looked at
her arm in wonder. His eyes followed.
“You’re cold, I better get you inside.” He hurriedly rushed her back to her room, with Margaret immediately behind to assist.
He let her down on the bed gently, and while his mother’s back was turned, as she fished in the drawer for a nightgown, he kissed her lips lightly.
“Good night, Amanda,” he whispered hoarsely. “I’m glad you won’t be leaving for a while.”
“So am I,” she whispered back.
He turned and smiled before leaving the room. Amanda felt warm all over and thrilled by her romantic encounter yet disappointed that he hadn’t asked her to stay. She must think of a way to encourage him toward asking her, for now, the last thing she wanted to do was leave Luke Sterling and the SOS Ranch.
15
Amanda hobbled about the kitchen, using her hand-carved cane, helping Annie and Margaret can and preserve for winter. It felt wonderful to be walking by herself, though she had to admit she missed Luke carrying her. She smiled as she filled her jar full of hot, steaming peppers. The Sterling household felt like home. Yesterday she’d made her first trip to church in Laredo and heard Pastor Edward Sterling give a moving message. She had met Emily and Margaret’s precocious but precious grandsons, John, Raymond, and Theo. Amanda still hadn’t met Sarah, because she was home awaiting the birth of their first child. Luke promised to take her for a visit as soon as the baby came. Sarah and her husband lived ten miles from Laredo, while the Sterlings only lived four miles east of the rustic town.
The Sterling home seemed quiet now that Elvira had gone back to live in Laredo, where she had a room behind the schoolhouse. Helen had moved in behind her new bakery.
Luke was gone nearly every day, either helping Helen in Laredo or helping his father with the ranch.
While she daydreamed, Amanda toyed with the pepper-covered ladle, circling the jar rim lazily.
Margaret asked, “Is that jar ready to be covered?” When Amanda didn’t answer, she asked a bit more loudly, “Amanda? Is that jar ready to be covered?”
“I’m sorry.” Amanda jumped to attention. “I was thinking about yesterday. Yes, the jar is ready.”
“Sundays are my favorite, too,” Margaret beamed. “I get to see my grown children, my grandchildren, and hear my son preach in the same church where Mr. Sterling and I were married. I can hardly wait until Sarah’s baby is born. I’m anxious to fill my home with all the grandchildren I can squeeze in!”
Amanda smiled. “You do enjoy them so much. And Joanna is such a lovely girl! When are she and Jared to be married?”
“They postponed the wedding because of Celia’s death and illness in Joanna’s family. They’ve decided to wait until summer.”
“Oh, dear!” Amanda gasped. “I’ll miss it, then!”
Margaret straightened her apron. “Yes, I guess you will.”
Amanda thought she was about to say more but bit her lip and remained silent.
Disappointment surged through Amanda. Not only was she to miss the wedding, but also neither Luke nor his mother had even asked her to reconsider and stay.
As if in answer to Amanda’s faded look, Margaret finally said, “We will all miss you, but think of the exciting trip you’ll be taking. A trip to California by ship. It sounds wonderful! And you’ll see your aunt again. I doubt Jared or Joanna would want to spoil that for you. None of us would. But you’ll be with us in spirit.”
Before Amanda could respond, the men burst into the room to wash for lunch, as the noon meal was served in the kitchen. Stewart Sterling bent his tall frame over the large kitchen sink and washed briskly; then drying his hands, he moved over so Jared, Aaron, and Robert could wash.
“Where’s Luke?” he asked in a voice that still startled Amanda with its intensity.
“He and Jack are breaking that new stallion,” Jared replied.
“Didn’t they hear Annie ring the bell?” he boomed.
“Guess not,” said Robert. “Annie’s getting weak in her old age and probably didn’t ring loud enough.”
“You won’t say I’m so old when you want seconds on this blueberry pie tonight!” Annie retorted as she moved toward the back door. She rang the dinner bell again, pulling on the rope with all her strength.
“Let me show you how to ring the bell,” Robert laughed and pulled the rope with all his might. The heavy rope snapped, Robert fell over backwards with the remnant in his hands, and the bell gave out a slight tinkle.
“Guess you showed me! Now better fix that thing before supper, or no one will eat!” Annie scolded.
Mr. Sterling and the boys roared with laughter until a gunshot silenced the room.
“Who’s hunting so close to the house?” roared Stewart.
“I’ll check,” Robert yelled as he flew out the door.
Amanda and Margaret cleared the table of the canning bottles and helped Annie by handing her the bowls to fill with hot, steamy soup. Stewart paced by the door while Aaron and Jared rolled up their sleeves and pulled out their chairs, preparing to eat.
Everyone froze when they heard Robert racing toward the back porch, yelling, “Hurry! Pa, come quick, Luke’s hurt! The horse threw him, and then trampled him! Jack shot the horse!”
“Dear God,“ Stewart prayed aloud as he raced for the corral.
Margaret, Amanda, and the boys followed. When they turned the corner of the barn, they stopped, frozen in their tracks. Amanda gasped. Could that be Luke? Margaret grasped her hand and squeezed it. Amanda squeezed hers back. They needed each other.
Amanda would have doubted that the bloody mass before her was Luke, were it not for his familiar shirt and vest. Luke’s father carefully turned him over so he lay face up. Amanda and Margaret looked away with a shudder of tears. Luke’s face was puddled in blood and covered with hoof prints and dust.
Stewart Sterling momentarily hesitated between breaking down and taking charge. Taking charge won, and he began shouting orders. “Jack, get a stretcher. Jared, prepare his bed. Robert, fetch Doc, fast. Aaron, help me loosen his clothing and put him on the stretcher.”
He bowed his head then, and Amanda knew he prayed for his crushed and broken son.
Watching them lift Luke onto the stretcher, Amanda wondered if there was any hope. Was he alive? His body, so bloody, bruised, and broken, seemed incredibly limp and lifeless. Should she pray? Or should she simply let the Sterlings pray. Would God listen to her this time? To any of them? If God’s will was to take Luke, could she accept that?
Margaret’s hand patted then squeezed hers. She looked up at Luke’s mother, who gave her a tearful smile. “Trust in the Lord,” she whispered.
How can I? How can we? Amanda cried to herself. To Margaret she said, “I will.”
As they followed the stretcher into the house Amanda felt the urge to cry, yet could not. The strong mother beside her encouraged her. If Luke’s mother could be strong, so could she. Besides, if she broke down it might upset Margaret and her brave courageousness.
Amanda wondered that the hall clock ticked so loudly. Why had she never noticed it before? She, the Sterling family, and Jack had been waiting hours in the drawing room while Doc Hawley and Stewart were in a bedroom with Luke. There had been no verdict yet, except that at the time they carried him in, he was alive. Edward had arrived with Doc Hawley, but Aaron had decided not to alarm the other siblings until more news became available.
Amanda poured herself another cup of coffee and stood silently by the window, gazing idly at the vast meadows. Jared joined her, taking her cold hand in his. “You poor kid!” he whispered compassionately. “Lost your family, and now…“
“Don’t, please!” she interrupted sharply. “Don’t give me sympathy!” She added more kindly, “I’ll crumble.” She looked up at him with tearing eyes. “What I need is strength.”
“God is our refuge and strength...,” Edward said, joining them.
“Yes, but…“
“You’re remembering the last time you asked God f
or a life, aren’t you?” he asked. “Luke told me everything.”
She nodded sadly.
“I thought you had gotten over that when you found out what future your family would have had, had they lived.”
“I did, but my fear has returned. I know that God will do what’s best for Luke, because Luke lives for Him, but it’s still difficult to accept.”
“It always will be for us, because we are human. Even Jesus was sad to hear his friend Lazarus had died, not because He would never see him again, but because He’d miss Lazarus here on earth. Remember how Lazarus’s sisters carried on when he died?” He looked at her and smiled, “Jesus was deeply moved because of the sorrow that sickness and death brought. The Bible says, ‘Jesus wept.’ Just continue praying and asking for strength. Luke belongs to God. God has the right to claim him whenever He chooses. Death is not the worst thing that can happen to Luke.” Edward put his arm around Amanda gently. “I’d grieve more if Luke were falling away from God and into the world of sin. That, in my opinion, is real dying.”
“This is the most wonderful family.” Amanda sniffled. “How you can minister to me, when your own flesh and blood is perhaps dying, I’ll never know. This whole family is so strong, good, and unselfish.” She looked up at Edward and smiled. “A short time ago, my biggest goal in life was to reach California and my aunt. Now, all I want is a chance to tell Luke that I love him, and that I don’t want to go to San Francisco.”
“Very often,” Edward whispered close to her ear, “it’s the unselfish prayers, such as yours, that are answered the quickest.”
The door to Luke’s room opened, and everyone turned expectantly.
Doc Hawley entered the room calmly and ordered them all to be seated. Amanda’s heart raced, and she was only too glad to sink into the closest chair, for her knees no longer felt capable of holding her up.
“First of all, I’d like to thank you all for your patience and silence,” he began. “This type of thing is difficult enough without families making it more so by carrying on.” He removed his spectacles and held them up to the light. Evidently finding a slight smudge, he began wiping the glass vigorously with his handkerchief.