by Tanya Hanson
On the tray table next to Ned’s bed, Kelley smoothed the sweatshirt she’d gotten in the hospital gift shop and laid her head on it. During their four years together, she had often imagined watching Ned sleep. On a honeymoon, maybe. Or after a long night with a newborn child.
Never as he was now, so pale he might not have spent one single second in the sun. Tubes every which way. A quick glance at her watch told her it was Wednesday morning. Very early. She’d been here almost two days.
Thank God for the gift shop toothbrush, too. Even with the memory of Jason’s taste on her mouth, Kelley hadn’t been able to leave Ned’s side. Despite Pike’s pleas she return to the ranch after the transfusion. Their last conversation on Monday afternoon rang again through her mind.
“I can’t leave him, Pike. He doesn’t have anybody.” There had never been a dad in the picture, and his mom had passed well before Ned’s rootless life as a rodeo rider had begun.
Pike’s hand on her still-shaky shoulder had been firm and big-brother. “He doesn’t have you either, Kel. He had his chance. You’ve done all you can. Don’t get yourself sick over this. Or go all guilty about the might-have-beens.”
She had hung her head. Ned didn’t have her. He could have at one time, but never got around to doing things the right way. But it wasn’t exactly guilt or even regret she was feeling. Just a night or two ago, she’d been able to throw herself into Ma’s arms and be reminded God would make things right. Ned didn’t have any arms like that unless she counted hers.
“Pike, I’ll be fine, really. I’ll call you to come get me. Soon as he’s stable. I still don’t have my car.” She tried to giggle, but she was really swallowing a tear. Suddenly the broken down car and Vegeterra seemed another life ago.
Reluctantly, Pike left her to herself and a past she hadn’t wanted to recall. Not with Jason in the present. The trouble with Jason; she didn’t know if they’d have a future. It seemed his nature to move along.
Just like Ned.
Ah, poor Ned. In the dark dawn, she watched him breathe. He wasn’t in a coma or anything. Just drugged against the pain. Her own need for sleep had her nod off. Footsteps and a scuffle of equipment outside the door woke her. The morning shift had begun.
“Good morning. Mrs. Lane, is it?” A large, friendly nurse Kelley hadn’t met surged through the door. “I just read his chart. Our boy had a good night.”
“Oh, I’m just a friend.” Mrs. Lane? Where had that come from? From her tears, her never-ending presence in this room? Heart pittered. She couldn’t stop it, for at one time, becoming “Mrs. Lane” had been her dream.
“I’m Renarsha, charge nurse. He’s doing great. “
Kelley’s forehead crunched. He looked so helpless tied to IVs. As the nurse turned on some soft light, Kelley noticed some color had returned to his cheeks.
“I’m Kelley Martin. I came down to donate some blood. And, well, I just couldn’t leave.”
“He’s a cutie. I can see why.”
“But I’m going back home in a little while.”
The nurse nodded, and after checking Ned’s vitals, Renarsha bustled around the window drapes. For the first time, Kelley noticed the vista outside. Strong mountain shoulders with spines of pine forest and aspen shuddering in the morning dawn. The image sent such a blast of comfort she shivered. I will lift up mine eyes to the hills…
How lucky Ned was to get a room with a view. Something that had sent Hooper comfort and joy during his cancer struggle. In His way, Kelley was reminded once again that everything God did was good. Shame at her lack of faith brought a new tear. Whatever was going on with Vegeterra would be all right.
“I’ll be bringing in his breakfast,” Renarsha said from the doorway. “He’s already starting to rustle around. Then it’s bath time.”
Kelley got the hint. “I got it. I’ll go down to the cafeteria.”
“Kelley?” Ned’s blue eyes flickered, and his voice trembled. “You still here? My little vampire.”
She chuckled and came to his side, took his fluttering hand in her own. “You’re the vampire,” she said. “You took my blood.”
“Well, I thank you kindly. I can’t believe it…” He straightened his shoulders against the pillow and grimaced. His fingers, though weaker than she remembered, found hers and squeezed. “I can’t believe you’re still here.”
Suddenly she wondered if it had been a mistake, her staying. Had her presence built up his hopes? Shame heated the back of her neck. In spite of his bad way, she couldn’t lead him on. That had never been her intention.
“Ned, I didn’t want to leave before, you know. Before I knew you’d be okay. And the nurse says you’re doing great. I’ll be getting back to the ranch now.”
The blue eyes clouded, and he looked away. “I thought, maybe...” His gaze turned to hers, sharp and determined now. Although still shaky, his voice grew stronger as he cast off the shards of sleep. “I messed up, Kel. I’d do anything to fix things. When I woke up the first time and saw your face….I wondered, you know. If we had a second chance.”
“I’m sorry. No.” She could barely look him in the eyes, but their years together let him deserve that much. “I…you were in such a bad way. I didn’t want you to be alone. But Ned, nothing’s changed.”
“Just the blood.” He sniffed a little. “Well, I gotta thank you for that.”
“I’d do it for anyone. That’s what donors do.”
“So now I’m just anyone.”
Kelley stood back, desperate for Renarsha’s return. “Ned. Don’t.”
“Everything’s all gone and screwed up.” He slumped against the pillow. “Won’t be riding for a long time, either.”
“Be glad for that! That horn nicked your femoral artery, tore up your thigh. Maybe that’s a sign of some kind.”
“Just what you’d have liked. Me stuck in some dead-end-nothing-I-want-to-do job.”
The unfairness of his statement had her lean into her gut. He’d loved the ranch, loved everything about it. Had plenty of opportunities with her brothers. He just didn’t want to stick around when all was said, done, and offered. Even her hand. Now was the time for the big gun…even if she didn’t know Jason would stick around, either.
“Ned, I won’t deny you were my first love. Just not my last. I’ve met somebody else. And maybe it’s time for you to do the same.” She took a step forward to place one last kiss on his forehead. “Renarsha said you had a good night. And I’m sure you’ll be up and around soon. I pray for a quick recovery. This really is goodbye.”
It ached, though, to say the words. Memories both good and bad stabbed her mind as she turned from the room.
“Kelley…” His voice was weak again, but she didn’t let the pain she heard seep into her heart.
On the way outside, where she’d found the best cell phone reception, she reflected on the wagon train full of greenhorns. Hospital-sitting was sure not how she’d planned to spend the last two days. The group would be at Old Joe’s Hole about now, with its lovely grotto. Burial place for her ancestor’s faithful mule, Posy. Where the ashes of Daisy’s precious black Lab had been scattered. The place Kenn’s wife Christy had designed the outdoor wedding chapel where Mallie and Hoop had wed.
A place that symbolized what Hearts Crossing was about, love and loyalty, the passage of time, family, death and resurrection. A place she’d longed to show Jason. Not the wedding part, not really. But a place so beautiful it had to hem her into his heart, just a little.
If she left soon, she could get back to Hearts Crossing well in time for tonight’s celebratory hoedown. Oh. The tourists loved it, a down home non-vegetarian barbeque and all the fixin’s. Country music with a big helping of bluegrass, even some cloggers and square dancing when Ma could get a caller. For added fun, Hooper had taken to holding a little “graduation” ceremony for surviving their first Wild West adventure, with certificates and a nickname for each guest.
Kelley’s heart leapt with longing to get back in time to hel
p cook. Slip in some delish veggie fare. More than that, she needed a shower. And…dare she admit it?
Jason.
Despite the lovely view from Ned’s room, her skin tingled, being outside in the fresh clean air, seeing the sights around her firsthand. Nothing like the wide and brawny outdoors. And her heart had lightened, even if she had caused Ned some pain. She believed in second chances, to be sure.
Her call got through to Ma first time around. “Ma, Ned’s going to be fine.”
“Praise God,” Ma interrupted.
“And I’m ready to come home. I want to be at Hearts Crossing in time to get ready for the hoedown.”
“Calm down, honey. You’re talking so fast my old ears can’t catch up. I get your drift. There’s a fine recipe for deep dish apple pie with a tad of sage in that cookbook. I’m itching to try it.”
Kelley had no doubt which cookbook the recipe came from. Snowy September’s. What on earth was the woman really like? Well, she’d done one good thing. Produce Jason.
“OK. It’ll save time, me renting a car. Pike’ll have better things to do then chauffeur me. Besides…” She didn’t want to deal with his chidings about her staying with Ned. Likely she ought to regret it, having lifted Ned’s hopes, but at least she had figured out her own heart.
“Nope. Somebody’s already on their way.”
Confusion rumbled. “What? I didn’t decide to leave until now.”
“No matter. Somebody’s already on their way. Save you some rent money. I’ll get started on the pie dough. It’ll be chilled proper by the time you get here.”
“But Ma!”
“Daughter, I said your ride is on its way. Get some food down your gullet. Take a walk. Just hang tight and wait.”
With Ma, there was no arguing. Kelley stumbled back inside the hospital lobby, aching for a full-body shower, not some quick touch-up in a sink with baby wipes from the pharmacy, and headed to the cafeteria. Yesterday’s veggie omelet with artichoke, zucchini and feta hadn’t been half bad. Might have been something she’d put on a restaurant menu along with her own salsa of Roma tomatoes, green olives, and celery. If she could ever hold on to a restaurant, that is.
She swallowed a sob. She needed Jason right now, sure as she needed air. But he was at Old Joe’s Hole with the wagon train. After leaving him for Ned like she did, whoever was retrieving her this time couldn’t be him, and her heart splintered just a little.
****
As Jason drove into humble Fairmont, his surprise at seeing the small but well-appointed county hospital was intense and real. As for Fairmont itself, as with most tiny Colorado ranch towns, the rolling range and alpine heights surrounding the city limits made up for any municipal deficiencies of a cow town long past its heyday.
Fact was, seeing Posy’s Grove without Kelley just hadn’t cut it. Fact was, being at Old Joe’s Hole without her, his hands had no fingers, his eyes had no lashes, his heart had no beats. In just these few days, his gut feeling upon seeing that mantelpiece portrait of her had come to life. And so had she. He’d moped all over the camp while the tourists swung on ropes into the lake, rowed boats, fished, sunbathed.
Sleep hadn’t come easy last night, no matter Bryce at his feet. And before dawn this morning, Hooper had ordered him home before the camp woke up. “Get back to the ranch. Wherever Kelley is, you go and find her. Fight for what you want.”
“I need to help Daisy,” Jason had protested, not wanting to appear a lovesick fool.
“Pooh. I can do this in my sleep,” Daisy told him with a yawn as she filled Dutch ovens with bacon. “Actually, I think I am. Now get yourself gone.”
“And leave Bryce here.” Hoop ordered. “That pup’ll never forgive you, ending his ride early.”
“And you sure don’t want to share Kelley’s kisses with a dog.” Daisy said boldly, but with a bright red blush.
So bent for leather and back again, Jason had hustled Zee to the ranch, dawn warming his back, brim slanted just so that he could fill his eyes with the panorama of God’s country around him. God. He shook his head. God had been with him all the while. Seeing the faraway ranch looming in the distance, getting closer and more real with every hoof beat had his heart rolling through his chest like those wagon wheels.
He was really coming home. God had planned it. All of it.
As he headed for the corral to unsaddle Zee, hustle-bustle assailed him. Of course. He’d heard about the hoedown tonight in the barn. Wanted to be there, be there with Kelley. But if chasing her down in Fairmont didn’t work, why, maybe he’d just head on west. His heart clunked like a dropped key.
Because Kelley was the reason he was meant to stay. The reason he’d been led to Colorado, to Hearts Crossing—finding faith, finding love. He knew it now as well as he knew his own name. Showering quick in the bunkhouse, he primped for a drive to Fairmont. To claim what he wanted most. As he headed to his truck outside the parking area near the barn, however, Elaine Martin hailed him. Nerves flared a little.
Her long denim skirt flapped in the wind. “Jason, you back already? Wherever you’re bound, get some breakfast in you first.”
A flush warmed him that had nothing to do with leftover hot shower. This was Kelley’s mother. Her brother already knew, Daisy, too, but Elaine Martin was a formidable being. Good grief, she’d gotten her husband to change his name. Her approval was the most important of all.
“Everything all right, young man?”
“Truth is, Mrs. Martin. I’m off to that hospital in Fairmont. No disrespect to the wounded.” He grinned, had seen the crooked smile in the mirror, been told by others it had charm, and he hoped it worked magic on Elaine right now. “But I’ve got to let Kelley know.” Here you go, cowboy. A warning droned in his brain, but he couldn’t stop. You just might get shot down the more you flap your lips. “I need to let her know what I’ve found in my heart.”
Elaine smiled back as if she knew something Jason didn’t. “Well, I reckoned you discovered a treasure.”
“I reckon I did.” A funny little heat touched him. Was it just a temporary treasure? Nick would be back soon and Jason’s temp job here at the ranch over and done.
“You liked that wagon train adventure, didn’t you?” Elaine’s eyes were shrewd.
He nodded. “Loved it.” Wish Kelley had been able to stay. Wish she’d been there so I didn’t have to cut things short. Wish Ned hadn’t gotten hurt so she didn’t have to run to him. The words in his head sounded so real he wondered if he’d spoken them out loud.
“There’ll be many others. It’s what we do around here.” Elaine nodded, feet firm in the dusty gravel. “We’re always needing good hands. And things are happening in town, too. Seems Oscar and Peg Coleman have decided to sell the Butterbean Café.”
“The Butterbean? For sale?”
“They’ve been talking around retiring for quite some time. And their boy Eric, well, he’s on the mend but will need a bunch of rehabilitation. Sophie will need some helping hands with the kids, so the folks will be moving to Rifle. And yes, the café is up for sale. Just saying….” Elaine’s red lips softened around the words with a smile. “Now you get on your way. I’ve got pies to make.”
About an hour later, Jason parked the truck in the hospital parking lot; the words still a chant inside his head. The Butterbean is for sale. There’ll be other wagon trains. The Butterbean’s for sale…
Opportunities churned throughout his brain. But for once, he wasn’t alone in the opportunity-decision department. All he could do now was pray that Kelley felt the same. About not being alone, that is. Because there was somebody else in the picture besides him.
Ned.
Fight for what you want…You sure don’t want to share Kelley’s kisses…I reckoned you discovered a treasure.
Words from those who knew Kelley well spun through his mind with encouragement. Nonetheless, Jason sighed, deep, for this was one of the few times in his life he felt scared. And he shouldn’t be scared. He’d starte
d too many new schools, said goodbye to his dad too many times, been a lonely boy loving sisters he’d never see—but he was scared to death. Too scared to call. If she’d ended back with Ned, he wanted to watch her eyes when she told him. Then he remembered something he was sure about today that hadn’t mattered one single whit a week ago. There was somebody else in the picture beside him. At his side.
God.
He wasn’t sure how to find Kelley, felt no desire nor had enough courage to disrupt Ned to find out. Fact was, he might discover her back with Ned and knew he’d never bear that pain. No choice now. The reception desk told him Ned’s room number, and he headed toward A6.
As he turned down the corridor, he hailed a large nurse surging down the hall like a clipper ship, and she sailed toward him. To personalize things, he took notice of her name tag. “Uh, Renarsha. I’m looking for a friend of Ned Lane’s.”
“Ah. You must mean Kelley Martin. She’s been here two days, but told me she’s on her way home in a bit.”
On her way home. He couldn’t help the shiver. Of course that didn’t mean she was leaving to see him, but at least she didn’t seem to have fallen back in love with her old boyfriend. A peace like something he’d never known swathed him from head to toe. Now Jason just needed to find her.
He went back outside. Kelley wouldn’t be stuck inside anywhere on a day like this.
He saw her then, eyes closed, head tilted toward the sun, at a picnic table with a coffee cup. Her smart phone glistened in the sun. So did her hair. Hopefully she’d left her hat with Pike and hadn’t lost it in the tumult. Much as he liked the hat, he longed to run his fingers through the gold-streaked masses. Part of him wanted to stay put drinking in the sight of her as though engraving an image of her in his memory he’d always have at his beck and call. But the bigger part of him had him start jogging over to her, no matter if she’d push him away.
Suddenly, she looked up then as if his shadow had preceded him. He couldn’t help it. He stopped so he could watch her run into his arms. With a whoosh, she landed against his chest, and his arms closed her.