by Tanya Hanson
Could he ever let her feel calm and settled?
Her heart stilled. She couldn’t deny her attraction for him, the regret that she hadn’t invited a simple kiss last night. She couldn’t deny how much he stirred her blood. But a man who kept secrets, who held his own set of blame wasn’t something she had the emotional armor to defend. Hadn’t foolhardiness changed his life? One man doing that to her was enough for the time she had left in this world.
However, honesty was one thing Nick had left behind. And she’d told Brayton that much. And whether or not she agreed with his explanations, he’d given them and been honest, to boot. He hadn’t prevaricated, made excuses. He was impetuous and admitted it. Brayton, well, maybe he wasn’t the most forthright banana in the bunch, but the almost-kiss haunted her. She wanted it. She wanted him.
There was no shame in wanting somebody despite his foibles. Truth to tell, she had plenty of her own.
Felicity gently cleared her throat as she fiddled with her briefcase. “Would you…would you like to see another model?”
Rachel breathed out deep. Brayton… Just one more day. Just a little more thinking. “Sorry. I just…You know. ” She didn’t need to say anymore. With Nick in an empty conversation bubble over everybody’s head, and Brayton flitting in and out of her thoughts, she just needed time.
Her own heart imploding, Rachel clearly read disappointment in Felicity’s smile. As often in her life, in her profession, she grabbed onto logic to supplant an emotional onslaught. Swallowing hard against the desires she’d felt, the hope that had surged, the images in her mind, she understood. God had touched her, led her to that balcony at the right time to open her eyes. To all possibilities, not just her own. Why not Brayton and Carol? They were kindred spirits almost to a T. Each widowed ten years, both with teenage sons and daughters the same age.
Lonely people who had lost their mates in tragedies beyond their control. She knew that now. She hadn’t known Brayton long, but she knew for certain he hadn’t been overconfident that fatal day. She knew Carol’s overwhelming loneliness. Carol without the support system of a swarm of siblings. Carol who deserved someone special.
Maybe God had led Brayton here for Carol. With her heart panging, Rachel forced a smile and looked across to the Metcalf balcony, empty now. Suddenly it hit her. Actually Woodside Meadows was like coming home again. This was former Hearts Crossing ranchland sold at a time the family had needed an infusion of cash. The past could be part of a new start. A variation on a theme.
The view of her homeland, her ancestors’ homestead, grabbed her. Love, loss, life, grief. Holding off the hubris of success and pulling up the bootstraps of disappointment had written her family’s history for a century and a half. Reality pounded home. And faith. God had been the guiding light.
Why had she shut her eyes to it?
To Him?
And Nick had been part of it all. Without him, she wouldn’t have her son. Without him, those seven men in his unit wouldn’t have survived. Nick had had a purpose, and then God had taken him home. Release? Reward? It wasn’t up to her to judge the method, the timing. A breeze touched her face, breathing insight and new life into her. New faith in Him. As if God Himself had touched her cheek.
Just as He had touched her on Sunday when she’d slapped away a bug that wasn’t there.
Like a little girl rearranging doll house furniture, Rachel reached out as if to touch Hearts Crossing. She was ready to move on. Brayton Metcalf had come into her life at the right time, after all.
Had found his way to Hearts Crossing.
Looking down, she surveyed the pretty neighborhoods surrounding her as peace started to swathe her. If Brayton was to be with her, God would direct her, him. Both. But if God wanted Brayton for Carol... It might break her heart, but hers had been broken before and always healed.
A stair step squeaked under her footsteps as they headed down. Would the sad sounds go away when a family lived here day to day? She almost ached at the lonesome emptiness. Where she might have allowed herself to imagine her and Matty making noise in Brayton’s condo across the way, now she imagined Carol’s handsome boys wrangling and wrestling, along with Nate home from college. Addie and Stella whispering girlish secrets.
Indeed, if God so deemed, better all around. At the landing, she leaned against a blank white wall to catch her breath. She’d rejected Brayton, and he’d believed her.
“I’m so sorry, Felicity. I thought this would be a slam dunk today.”
“No worries. Buying a house is a big step.” Felicity chirped. “I’m here whenever you need me.” Her briefcase flapped against her side as she closed the front door.
“Felicity, I want you go to ahead and sell the place to Maria Alomar.” Pa had left all the kids come acres. “I might even build a little place on the ranch.”
“Aw, I understand. Hearts Crossing wins out every time. But like I say, I’m here if you need me.” Felicity leaned back into her high heels and looked around the award-winning development. “I’m usually not crazy about open spaces being filled up by developers, but BrayMet sure knows how to do the mixed-use, green approach. Recycled materials, architecture fitting the natural surroundings. Native landscape. Exceeding all environmental standards…”
Rachel halted. “No, this project is by Tranquility Group. My sister-in-law, Christy, worked for them in Los Angeles. They hired her to landscape Woodside.”
“Oh, yeah, but it’s just part of the whole. Tranquility is under the umbrella of BrayMet Industries.” She bent down and dug in her briefcase. “Largest home builder in the west. Or was, of course, until the housing bubble burst.”
BrayMet? What made that familiar? Rachel’s brain roared. Felicity handed her a glossy brochure bearing a headshot of…Brayton Metcalf, CEO and founder. The picture was so small and so hidden in a corner you’d never see it unless you...went looking. Her heart didn’t have much strength anymore, but it stopped for one full second. Before she dropped the brochure into the wind, Rachel stuck it in her pocket.
“Sorry, Felicity, for wasting your time.” God had surely led her here to this place, at this time, to let her know this wasn’t the right home for her. “I can’t quite explain. But sometimes, decisions are made for you, you know.”
On the way to the realtor’s car, childish shrieks split the quiet of the sun-dappled afternoon. The breeze took a chill turn as it picked up some wind bouncing down the mountains, and Rachel slipped into her jacket sleeves as Addie Metcalf dashed quickly but carefully across the road. Back straight, body spritely. Even in her dull mood, Rachel rejoiced at the girl’s good health.
“Hi, Rachel! Is this your new house? Daddy and I and Nate are moving in right over there!” She pointed eagerly, eyes bright. “This is so cool. We can be neighbors.”
Brayton was the last person Rachel wanted to see. The person she wanted to see most. But he walked straight toward her. Her throat hitched with longing, with distrust, with everything good and everything bad. Against the chest she longed to hold, he held his Stetson. And Carol, no longer appearing bereaved, neither looked lover-like as she halted to berate Stella for some misdemeanor.
“Hi, Addie. I’m so excited for you. But I’m not moving here after all.”
“Hi, Rachel.” Brayton’s voice wasn’t the confident, conference-table voice he’d used to describe the art gallery. It held regret, tenderness. Everything good.
But she wasn’t ready. “Good luck with your new house, Brayton. I know you’ll love it here. And I had a great time last night. Honest.”
There. Let him stew on that.
“Felicity,” she continued. “Can you take me back to the ranch? I need to get home.”
For once, she didn’t listen to her heart. Rushing home was the only thing she could think to do. She raised her hand to wave, but Brayton caught it between his own. Her flesh sizzled.
“Let’s go for a trail ride later.” It wasn’t a request. Definitely not a date.
“We’ll se
e.”
Back at the ranch after the short drive, she longed to revel in the usual comfort, find the answers.
“That you, Rachel?” Ma called out as Rachel shut the big front door. “Careful now. Matty’s down for a nap.”
Glad for a dose of normality, she tried to chuckle.
Ma met her at the archway outlining the dining room. “What is it, honey? You look pale as death.”
“I’m just confused, Ma. I…just don’t think buying that townhouse is for me.” She didn’t explain further.
She didn’t need to. Ma’s eyes bored into Rachel’s heart the same way she’d found out Rachel loved Nick before Rachel did. What did Ma suspect now? Her heart beat way too fast.
“You can stay here. Then again, there’s no shame in moving to a husband’s house. No regrets, however it all works.”
“What did you just say? Pa moved to Hearts Crossing at your request. Even took your last name. I don’t get you, Ma.”
“Let’s sit down. I’ve got things to say.”
Rachel leaned against her mother as they headed down the hall to the study. The study where she and Brayton could have kissed. If she’d invited him into her heart. But something told her this was Ma’s moment. “Doyle and I spoke on the telephone all afternoon, Rachel.”
Rachel frowned...this wasn’t about her. “What about, Ma?”
“He loves me, darlin’. I was so lucky once, with your pa. But Doyle and I are getting married.”
“Wow, Ma, that’s terrific. And I’m glad. He’s a nice man.”
“I never thought I’d find love again. Not after I buried my heart with your pa. Not this far into my golden years.”
Love? Rachel almost didn’t want to hear the rest because Ma had herself and her wants and needs, her heart, all figured out. But Ma’s news was thrilling. “Ma, you’re not exactly teetering. You’re smart, fun and fabulous.”
“Well, I’m past my prime, though I don’t feel like it one single whit. I need to make the rest of my years count now. ”
The front door slammed and Kelley’s howl all but shook the timbered ceiling. “Ma? Where are you?”
“Study.” Ma’s cheeks bore a pretty pink and she, who was never shy or reserved, coyly tucked her chin. “Let’s wait for your sister.”
Like she’d had a long day on her feet, Kelley crumpled next to them, feet up on the coffee table made from an antique children’s play wagon. Her lean freckled face with its high supermodel cheekbones seemed rounder than usual. All that good cooking of hers at the café had to be tasted by the chef, of course. Rachel smiled. Three musketeers for a second lost in their own thoughts and plans.
Kelley trained her eyes on Grim-Gram’s masterpiece of Jesus the Good Shepherd. The painting that had so inspired Brayton last night. Maybe Grim-Gram’s message of how Christ is everywhere should be shared with the world. Rachel chewed her lip.
Some of the peace she’d lost tapped gently at her shoulders, and her smile grew. She was that little bighorn lamb, and Jesus was holding her.
“You found your way again.” Ma said the beautiful fact out loud.
“Yes, Ma. I did.” Heat fringed Rachel’s eyes and cheeks. “It was a long slog, but He kept knocking. I’ve let Him back in.”
“All’s good then.” Ma’s arm tightened across Rachel’s shoulders.
After a glance at her watch, Kelley nodded, scrunching farther into the couch. “This isn’t exactly what I came to say, but ‘The Lord is my Shepherd’ over there reminded me. Has Brayton touched base with you? With his plans to open a gallery at Pac Arts and feature Grim-Gram’s work?”
“Yeah, he did.” Rachel rushed to reassure Kelley whose mouth made a large O. “You both know about dinner last night.” Her voice slowed. She ached to recall being with him in the glow of a hundred candles, snuggling against him in front of the fire. “He explained it. It’s a memorial to his...wife. And I’ve been kind of thinking about it all day, exhibiting Grim-Gram’s work, and I actually think I’m onboard. Not because of the commercial aspect, the money-making part of it. But to share her message on how Christ is everywhere no matter where we find ourselves.”
Indeed, the message must be shared. Truth washed over her. Was God urging Rachel back to His heart? As well as leading her to Brayton? After all, He was her Heavenly Father. She knew well the love of an earthly parent, the trust she’d long placed in her mother’s advice. Just as she leaned on Ma just now, she needed to lean against Him.
Right now. Tomorrow, next week. Next month, next year…
“I guess it’s something we could think about,” Ma, ever kind, mentioned.
”I agree.” Rachel stood up, straightened the seat of her jeans. A ride through His cool, clean world was just what she needed. Viewing the beauty of Hearts Crossing, reminding herself of the years and hard work that had made it so, always cleared her head. “If you gals don’t mind, I’m going for a ride.”
“All right. You’ve been looking a bit peaked. We can talk later.”
“OK by me.” Kelley said with a yawn. “I’m gonna kick my feet up for a while. Close my eyes.”
Outside, the remedies Rachel had craved, cold air tussling with the wind, white clouds pummeling each other across the endless sky, and the pulsing life of livestock, started to do their healing. She grabbed her saddle from the tack room and hustled toward the corral. Over the breeze she heard Brayton’s request at Woodside to join her for a ride.
Smelled his scent above the aromas of hay and horse.
“Rachel?”
Her heart stopped almost with a thud. Oh, she knew the voice. Had heard it in her sleep for two nights running. The last person she wanted to see. The person she wanted to see most.
14
Brayton’s heart surged just watching Rachel saddle her horse. Although her motions were practiced and professional, he almost heard music. The afternoon wind brushed her hair in a rhythm of its own.
“Care to go for a trail ride with me?” He kept his voice soft. “Carol’s taking the girls back to town in my truck.”
Turning toward him, Rachel’s beautiful face wore the wide eyes of a kitten caught in the stare of a coyote. Did she fear him? His heart bumped hard. “I...I didn’t mean to startle you. Or put you on the spot.”
“No, um. I’m good.” She looked back to her task so quickly his spirits sank to his boot heels.
Surely it was anger he’d seen raging in the brightness behind her lashes. He sighed. Carol, of course. Back at Woodside Meadows, Rachel’s turquoise scarf had flickered from the opposite balcony. Certainly she’d seen him with Carol in his arms.
And after last night, yet, when she’d thought his romantic date was nothing but a ploy. What next?
Then her gaze returned to his face, softened like she actually wanted him there in front of her.
“And yeah, I do want a ride. But how are you gonna get back?” Her lids lowered like in high school. He knew she was being coy.
“I thought I might beg a ride from one of the fine people on this ranch.”
She flirted, sure as shooting. “You’ll have to take your pick.”
“Then I pick you.”
Her smile grew while she stroked the horse’s flank. Then her hand fluttered, shy, like a bird against her cheek. “Addie must be beside herself with jealousy. You going on a ride and her stuck in town.”
“You’d think, but no, not with her new Siamese twin. I have some competition.”
Then she turned so serious they might be in a library. “Speaking of competition...Brayton, I, um, I really, really like you. But Carol’s my friend, too. If you’re interested in her—”
He shook his head and held out his hand. “Rachel. I meant what I said last night. I’ve been mesmerized by you from the first time I saw you. And no offense to Carol. She’s a great woman. She’s just...not you.”
“Oh.” Rachel paused, squeezed between the corral fences and came close to take his hand.
“Addie invited Carol and Stella t
o come with us after school.” He felt the spark as their fingers met, but his voice stayed normal.
Rachel’s eyelids widened. Stunned? Relieved? “Addie brought her?”
“Yep. I wanted to be with you, but I thought I better wait a day or two to do my begging. Addie did admit she thought Carol was pretty and I ought to ask her out. But in reality, the big deal is that she thinks it’s okay for me to date. Anyone. I pick you.”
“Yeah?” She touched his cheek, like fire then waved her hand over the collection of fine horses. “But Brayton...”
This time she didn’t look at him, but fiddled with a buckle. “I know Tranquility group is a subsidiary of BrayMet. Of which Brayton Metcalf is founder and CEO. Something I found out from a glossy brochure. Not you. I guess I feel you’re holding back.”
The longing in her voice got to him.
She flushed. “Why so secretive about owning that fine enterprise?”
“Nothing. I don’t want to seem like I’m bragging. I guess I just feel guilty, sometimes. I made a fortune on the inflated prices of homes. Foreclosed homes, empty homes. It’s hard to envision the hardships families go through. The staff I had to lay off when I’ve reaped so much.”
She nodded, sunlight glinting from her hair. “But you’ve done good things too. From those given much, the Lord expects great things.” Her voice softened. So did the hand on his cheek.
“What?”
“It was my confirmation verse. From the gospel of Luke somewhere. Wow. I…can’t believe it. I haven’t thought about it in years.”
Her eyebrows rose as she spoke, but he knew she spoke sincerely. Her shoulders straightened as if a load had been lifted.
“Well, there’s a good reason you remembered it now.” He took one hard swallow, aching to hold her, finally and for real. “I’m realizing it too. We aren’t traveling down here alone.” God was nearby, to guide and lean on. Brayton knew it more than ever. “I didn’t mean to, well, withhold information from you. I’m so sorry.”
“I understand. Apology accepted. I haven’t known you long, but I know you’ve done good things. And will. Look at the art gallery. Look at Addie. You’ve no need to be unsure of yourself.”