Juliet felt herself frowning.
She’d fallen in the damned bayou. Even with people right there around her. A couple of big, strong people. And with a life jacket on. She’d fallen into the bayou where there were snakes and alligators and sharks.
Because of Sawyer. Not that he’d meant to, of course. She didn’t think that. But he’d clearly overreacted. And then…he’d frozen up.
Once she was in the water and struggling with Cooper, Sawyer had frozen up.
It had probably been for only a minute or so, but it had felt excruciatingly long. Juliet put her hand over her heart. It was racing now, remembering how it felt to hold onto Cooper with her strong arm and try to paddle with her weaker side. She’d known she couldn’t keep it up for long. But she’d known that Sawyer was right there. That he’d come and get her. But he hadn’t. Not right away. Not at first. Not before she was terrified.
Juliet forced herself to take a deep breath.
Okay, part of her terror was her. Her past near-drowning, the fact that she never swam, that she was afraid of water, that she’d panicked once she’d ended up immersed by surprise. Sawyer hadn’t hesitated more than a few seconds, she was sure. But he wasn’t without his demons around the water. They’d clearly established that. She just wasn’t so sure they could both have water phobias. She couldn’t help him with his if she was freaking out. And vice versa.
They pulled up to the dock seemingly eighty-four years later.
Gabe and his kids climbed out first. Sawyer waited until it was just the two of them.
For some reason, Juliet couldn’t handle the idea of him helping her off the boat. She was jumpy and wet and cold, and the rain seemed to be an unrelenting mockery of her hatred for water.
She tried to scramble up the single step onto the dock, but Sawyer was right there, his hand on her elbow, helping to lift her up. When she stepped up onto the platform she swung around.
“Stop, okay? Just stop. I don’t need your help. Now.”
Okay, she probably hadn’t needed to add that now on the end.
He didn’t seem surprised though. In fact, he looked miserable. “I’m so sorry.”
“I just…” She took a deep breath and glanced around. Gabe and the kids had moved into the main office, out of the rain, and no one else was around. Juliet focused on the man in front of her. The man she’d fallen in love with. The man who lived a life that seemed like a horrible mismatch for her. “I don’t belong here.”
“I don’t think that’s true.”
Her heart clenched in her chest. “Sawyer, I will always be a liability. That’s what you have to understand. The bayou, all of this…” She pushed her wet hair back from her face. “This place is physically demanding, and I will always have a deficit in that department.”
“You didn’t fall in today because of your stroke, Juliet,” he said, looking frustrated. “It was an accident, but I pushed you. It wasn’t you.”
“But it could easily be me,” she said, feeling the fear still pumping through her veins, mixed with frustration over the truth of what she was saying. “If I was someone else, maybe I wouldn’t have fallen in. Maybe I would have grabbed the railing. Maybe I would have grabbed Cooper faster and pulled him back so you wouldn’t have lunged. Maybe you wouldn’t have worried and lunged at all, if I was someone else. Maybe I fell in partly because I don’t have good coordination.” She held up a hand as he started to speak. “Or maybe it all would have happened exactly as it did, but I would have been able to get Cooper back to the boat on my own. That was on me. I needed your help for that when someone else wouldn’t have. And that freaked you out. And me. And Cooper.”
Sawyer shoved a hand through his wet hair. “I froze up, Juliet. I’ll admit that. And I’m so fucking sorry. I had this bad reaction to the bayou and having someone else I love out there, in trouble, needing me…” He blew out a breath. “And I can’t promise that won’t happen again.”
Juliet nodded, swallowing hard, forcing down the lump in her throat. “I know you’re sorry. I know it was an accident.” She took a breath. “But, I don’t know if we’re a good combination—you, me, and the bayou.”
Sawyer shook his head. “God, please tell me that’s not true. Please tell me we can work this out. I can do this, I promise. I can get my shit together and be there to help you when you need me. I swear it.”
Juliet shook her head. If she started crying, no one would be able to tell if the drops on her face were tears or rain, but she had to hold it together until she was alone because she feared she was truly going to crumble.
Sawyer pulled himself up out of the boat. Juliet started to turn away, realizing that staying around long enough for him to get close had been a huge mistake.
But he caught her wrist and made her turn back. “Your mom learned,” Sawyer said, leaning in. “She was scared. She probably froze up sometimes, too, but she learned, right?”
Juliet sniffed. “The thing is, Sawyer, eventually… I left.” Her voice got softer. “She doesn’t have to worry about the bike rides and what might happen because she’s not there waiting for me to come home now.”
Sawyer’s jaw tightened. “I want to be waiting for you to come home.”
“It will get old,” she promised him. “You are a protector. You will worry. And I can’t promise you it will get better. It won’t. You worry about Tori and Josh and Maddie and Owen and Kennedy. But they can fix things. They can do better next time.” She swallowed. “I can’t.”
“Jul—”
She pulled back from the hand he lifted to her face. “I need to go get dry and…” She looked down. She was muddy and dirty and confused. No, she couldn’t see the confused, but it was definitely there. “I need to…go.”
He paused, but finally nodded and released her.
“I—” She really had nothing more to say. So, she turned on her heel and headed up the ramp. She’d go to Cora’s, she’d get in the shower, she’d clean the bayou off, and she’d…figure out what to do next.
“Thanks, Juliet.”
The little voice stopped her at the top of the wooden walkway. She looked over to find Cooper Trahan standing under the eaves of the building with Gabe.
She gave him a smile. “Hey, sweetie. Are you okay?”
“I think so.” Cooper looked down as if checking. “Stella thought that was—” He looked up at Gabe, then back to Juliet and whispered, “Badass.”
Juliet felt herself smile in spite of everything.
“I think that maybe in this case, badass is appropriate,” Gabe said with a low chuckle, setting his hand on his son’s head. He looked up at Juliet. “Are you okay?”
“I’m…” She looked down at Cooper again. “Fine.” She was. She was fine. She was who she’d always been. She’d done what she’d had to do. But she’d learned from the experience. After she’d skinned her knees, she’d started carrying the first aid kit. After she’d fallen in the bayou, she was going to…avoid the bayou from now on.
Gabe didn’t look like he was buying the “fine” thing though. “Sawyer would have never let anything happen to you,” he said.
She nodded. “The thing is, it happened to him, too, you know?”
“Did I scare you about the lightning?” Cooper asked. He looked sincerely worried. “I sometimes say stuff that scares Stella. And it’s true. But I sometimes need to learn when to keep stuff to myself or say it at different times than I do.”
Juliet didn’t laugh but she kind of wanted to. That sounded like a talk that one or both of his parents had had with him in the past. “Well, the idea of being struck by lightning is a little scary,” she said. “But I don’t think that’s a good reason to not say it. We should all know when things are dangerous so that we can make plans and be as safe as we can be.”
Cooper’s eyes got wide. “That’s what I think, too!”
She smiled. “I knew we had a lot in common when we first met.”
Cooper beamed at that. “And I’m goin
g to have to work here at Boys of the Bayou, too,” he said.
“Oh, I don’t work here,” Juliet said.
“You don’t? You don’t help Sawyer out?” Cooper asked.
“I…” Did she help Sawyer out? She liked to think she had, in some small way. “I do. But I’m his friend.”
“Oh.” Cooper nodded. “Well, I’m Stella’s brother. But I’m going to work with her, too.”
“You want to drive airboats?” Honestly, that didn’t seem to fit the little boy.
“No,” Cooper said adamantly. “But, I will,” he said. “Someone has to look out for Stella.”
That grabbed Juliet by the heart. “You would do that? Even though you don’t like the bayou that much?” She’d figured that out by the way the little boy had stayed in the middle of the boat and had strapped his life jacket on first thing just like she had.
“Well, yeah,” he said with a shrug. “Stella is excitable,” he said, in a tone that indicated perhaps he’d also heard that from a grown-up or two. “I’m practical. I keep her safe and she makes sure I have fun. Everyone needs someone to balance them out.”
Juliet felt the lump in her throat again. Everyone did need that. It had seemed that she and Sawyer could be that. Did she have anyone else to balance her? To be there for her when she was excitable? Or to calm when they were excitable? Chase, maybe. She smiled at Cooper. Brothers could be so awesome for their sisters.
And their brothers. Sawyer’s brother and his cousin and sister were great for him, too.
But she wanted to be great for him.
“Do you want us to walk you up to the house?” Gabe asked.
She gave Cooper a smile because she really did want the little boy to know there was nothing for him to worry about. “No. I’m really okay. It was really great to meet you both.” She stretched her hand out for Cooper to shake. “Stella is really lucky to have you.”
He nodded. “Yeah. Both of my sisters are lucky. And the next one will be, too.”
Juliet looked up at Gabe. He chuckled. “We aren’t really telling people that we’re having another baby yet, but yeah, the next one—brother or sister—will be lucky to have Coop, too.”
Juliet laughed. “Congratulations.”
“Thanks. And it was great to meet you, too.” He paused. “It’s great to have Sawyer back.”
She gave him a smile and headed toward Cora’s again.
Once she was under the shower and the rivulets of water on the tub floor were clear rather than muddy brown, Juliet braced a hand on the wall and decided to let herself cry.
She’d been scared. She’d needed help. And Sawyer hadn’t come through.
She thought about that. She squeezed her eyes shut. She relived those moments in the water.
But after a few seconds, she lifted her head.
The tears weren’t coming.
Because she didn’t need to cry.
Sawyer had been there. Had he pushed her into the water and frozen up for a second or two? Yeah. But she’d had her life jacket on. Her arm and leg had worked for as long as she needed them to. Nothing bad had happened.
And, then, Sawyer had dealt with it. He’d been the one to swim to her and pull her and Cooper into the boat. It had taken him a few extra moments, but he’d battled his own fears—in seconds—had pulled himself together and hauled her butt out of the water before anything bad had happened.
Juliet turned her face up into the shower spray, letting the water course over her face.
She didn’t love the bayou. She maybe never would. Or maybe, now that she’d fallen off this particular bike and skinned her knee, maybe she’d try it again.
After all, Cooper Trahan, even at age nine, recognized that sometimes you sucked it up and did stuff you didn’t like because the people you loved needed you to.
Her eyes flew open and she almost choked on shower water as she gasped.
Coughing, she shut the shower off and reached for a towel. She dried her face and cleared her throat.
She was considering staying? Even after today?
Was that even an option? Would Sawyer want that? Did it make any sense at all?
She was a lawyer. There were plenty of people in New Orleans, if not in the towns and parishes around Autre, who could use a patient advocate, of course. It wasn’t as if she wouldn’t be able to find work.
And she loved the Landrys. All of them.
It was hotter than Hades down here. There were lots and lots of bugs and creepy crawlies, but there was also a big Cajun who seemed happy to hang mosquito netting and deal with things like bats. And, if she did end up bit, Ellie and Cora seemed to have a cream or salve for it, no matter what it was.
Yeah, maybe she could stay.
As long as she didn’t have to go out onto the bayou very often. Or ever.
She honestly couldn’t think of a good reason that she’d ever need to get on an airboat again. There were millions of people that lived their entire lives, happy and fulfilled, without ever getting on an airboat.
Sawyer was the only reason she’d ever considered it in the first place. But he had plenty of people willing to go out there with him. Hell, in a few years, Stella would be taking the business over and Sawyer would be lucky if she let him take the boats out.
Juliet grinned. And damn, it felt good.
She could live beside the bayou on the dry land. A loud clap of thunder rattled the house and she rolled her eyes. Okay, solid ground, if not always dry.
Juliet wiped the steam from the mirror and ran her fingers through her hair. She needed to go find him and drying her hair at this point would not only take more time than she wanted to give, it would also likely be pointless. The rain was still coming down hard and she didn’t have time to search for an umbrella that would probably just blow away anyway.
Her phone rang as she was rummaging in her suitcase for clothes.
She grabbed for it, hoping it was Sawyer. But it was Tori.
“Hi, Tori, what—”
“Is Sawyer with you?” the other woman interrupted her greeting.
“Um, no. I’m not sure where he is.”
“Dammit.” Tori sounded upset.
“Is everything okay?”
“No. Crap. Dammit. I’ve been calling him but he’s not answering. He’s probably down trying to secure stuff with the guys but I was hoping I’d catch him. None of them are answering.”
Juliet hit the button to put the call on speaker and started getting dressed. “What’s going on? How can I help?”
“It’s Gus,” Tori said. “It’s maybe nothing, but I’m at the clinic with a dog that was hit by a car because of the rain, and it just occurred to me that Gus might be in the cage.”
“The cage down on the bank?” Juliet asked, pulling her hair up into a ponytail.
“Yes. I mean, he hasn’t gotten in it yet and maybe he’s not, but if he is and the water is rising…” She trailed off.
Juliet’s stomach flipped. The cage had been set up so that Gus would go inside for the treat Tori had left and then close behind him. It was hidden and anchored securely on the bank so he’d think it was just part of the vegetation that was there. If the water rose because of the rain and he couldn’t get out to float and swim with the water, he could…
“I’ll go check it,” Juliet said.
“Oh, no. You don’t have to. Can you just find Josh or Sawyer maybe?” Tori asked.
“It’s fine. It’s way faster for me to go directly over there. If I see them, I’ll ask for help but if I don’t, I’m not going to leave Gus down there.”
There was a long pause, then Tori sniffed. “Okay. Yes. Thank you. If he’s there…you’ll have to get in, Juliet. You’ll have to pull the cage out and get him up and out of there.”
Juliet nodded, then realizing Tori couldn’t see her, said, “I know. I’ll handle it.”
“Okay.” Again Tori paused. “I know this is a big deal.”
“It’s not,” Juliet told her firmly.
“This is just what needs to be done.”
“Okay. Please call me when you get there and let me know if you need to get in or not. Be careful.”
“I will.”
Juliet pocketed her phone, slipped her shoes on, and headed for the docks. She wasn’t going to think about the rising waters, the pouring rain, or anything else. She was going to focus on Gus and the fact that he might need help.
But she almost wilted with relief when she saw Sawyer striding up the hill toward the house.
“Juliet!”
“Come on!” she said, hurrying past him and making sure she was out of arm’s reach. She knew he’d try to stop her and want to talk about what had happened and they didn’t have time right now.
“What’s going on?”
“I need your help.”
That was all it took to get him to turn and fall into step beside her. If she hadn’t loved him before, that would have done it.
“Where are we going?”
“To the dock. We have to check on the cage for Gus,” she said, hitting the wood and hurrying around the corner. “If he’s in there, he could be in trouble.”
“Fuck.”
Juliet headed for the railing where Sawyer had found her that first morning. She was sure he realized it, too, especially as she got down on her stomach to peer over the edge. The bank where Gus lived and played for the tourists was right below where she’d nearly fallen that first day. The cage was right about where she’d dropped her phone.
“Oh, crap,” she said quietly.
Sure enough, there was a frantic river otter inside the cage below the dock.
“Fuck.”
She looked over at Sawyer who was lying beside her.
“We have to get him.”
Sawyer nodded.
“You have to lower me down there.”
He didn’t seem surprised by her suggestion. But he shook his head. “No way.”
“Yes. It’s the fastest way, Sawyer.”
“But what if—”
She covered his mouth with her hand quickly. “We don’t have time for that. Yes, there are things that could go wrong. But if they do, we’ll deal with them.”
Beauty and the Bayou: Boys of the Bayou Book 3 Page 25