Her mom smiled, but tears crept down her cheeks.
Jess pulled in a breath. “I’ve upset you. Mom, I’m sorry.”
“Jessie, I’m not upset. Not really. I didn’t expect anything quite like this. It’s very sweet of you, dear, to offer your home to me.”
“I want to take care of you, Mom. Aren’t you tired of taking care of everyone else?”
“Yes, but moving away? Destiny Falls is my home. Sweetie, you have your life and career in Toronto, I have this house and my memories.” She patted Jess’s hand.
“Exactly. Your mother and father both died while living here. Then Dad, now Pete. How can you live with all the ghosts?”
“Because this is my home. I belong in this house, this town. I couldn’t bear to leave.” She spoke slowly, each word distinct, yet resounding with love and compassion. “I’ve failed you, Jessie. You loved Danny Galloway with the same passion I felt for your father—with a woman’s passion. Yet, when Danny died, I treated you like a child, hiding my hurt for your father, not acknowledging that you’d lost your whole future. I drove you away,” she stated baldly. “Then I started seeing Peter, and my world came alive again. I let him see the parts of me I should have shown to you.”
“Mom, we’ve been through this. I’m okay with what happened now.”
“Are you, dear? Or are you still pretending?”
“That’s what you think?”
Her mom hesitated. “I know at times it’s difficult for you to hear me talk about Peter. To hear me express my grief for him in a way I never did with your father. But I need to do it this way this time, Jessie. I know a lot about pretending, and I’m finished with it. I need to voice my hurt so I can work through it. And I promise that I’ll listen to you, too. But I would never ask you to give up your lifestyle for me, and I don’t feel you should ask it of me, either.”
Jess heaved a sigh. “I know you’re right, but—” She leapt off the bed. How much misery should her mom have to rehash three weeks following Pete’s death? Their focus should be on her, not Jess. “I’m filled with nervous energy tonight, and I can’t seem to contain it. I need to take a walk, maybe a drive.” She grabbed her purse. “I don’t want to leave you alone—”
“But you need to think. I understand.” Her mom rose. “Should I wait up?”
Jess shook her head. As she headed to the bedroom door, her gaze lingered on the framed picture of the family she’d lost nine years ago. Her stomach knotted. “I’ll be back soon.”
Her hands trembled on the steering wheel, anxiety clawing her chest, causing her to forget the turns in the road, the trees and houses zipping past, even the direction she drove. She’d felt so close to Adam today, closer than she’d ever felt with a man. But instead of relishing the excitement of a new relationship, she experienced dread.
Something was missing from her life. Something incredibly important that Mom and Adam and Tim and Molly had all found. Despite her progress with Mom, despite her attempts to fit in while she was here, she was beginning to believe she just didn’t belong.
She didn’t belong in Destiny Falls, and she had a sinking feeling that she didn’t belong in Toronto, either.
Reaching the community baseball park, she parked the SUV and hopped out to walk. A barking tan-and-black blur raced up to her, pawing her sweatshirt and nearly knocking her to the ground.
“Sheba?” She blinked. “Why are you here?” She scanned the fields and dugouts in the gathering dusk. No Adam. She grabbed the dog’s collar and commanded her to sit. A broken link dangled from Sheba’s collar. “Did Adam forget you?”
The young shepherd panted, tongue lolling.
“No, of course not. He wouldn’t drive to Valemount without you.” She surveyed the fields again. A large yellow Labrador skulked around the bleachers. “Oh, I see. You escaped to meet a buddy. A boyfriend? What will your master think?” Damn it, she couldn’t leave Sheba stranded at the ball park. “Come on, girl. I have a plan.” Tugging the dog’s collar, Jess led her to the truck. “Cooperate with me, and I won’t tell Adam about your lover. Do we have a deal?”
“Sheba!” Jess struggled to hold the squirming dog while she wrestled with the yellow cord she’d found in the SUV. “I’ll never fix your running line at this rate.” The dog’s long running leash dangled from a six-meter clothesline set up between two trees in the side yard bordering Adam’s carport. As Adam had explained, the line allowed Sheba to explore the unfenced portion of yard while ensuring she didn’t chase deer in the woods behind the house.
At least that was the idea.
The dog barked and slipped away. “Sheba, no!” Jess grabbed her collar and instructed her to lie down. “Do you hear Adam on the sundeck? Once I’m gone, you can bark at him for all you’re worth.”
Sheba yapped as if Jess had commanded her to speak.
“Sheba, pipe down!” Adam’s deep voice carried around the house. The dog barked again. Seconds later, Adam’s footfalls crunched on the driveway.
“Thanks a lot, girl,” Jess muttered. “What about our deal?”
Sheba barked and ran toward her master’s voice, leaving Jess standing there holding the cord.
“Sheba! Hey, Sheeb, what happened, girl?”
Fingers shaking, Jess stepped out of the shadows. Bare-chested, Adam crouched in the driveway and examined the dog’s collar. Jess gazed at him, longing panging in her chest.
“It’s me, Adam,” she murmured.
He looked up. “Jess? Hi.”
“I found her at the ball park. She must have broken her lead.”
He stood and dusted his hands on his green-and-white baseball pants. “It’s been sticking. I meant to replace it when we returned from Valemount. I had a game tonight. I took her along, but I guess she didn’t get enough playtime. Did you, girl?” He scratched the dog’s muzzle.
“Guess not.” Jess’s smile wobbled.
“Why were you at the ball park? Looking for me?” Leaving Sheba, he strolled toward her. “I was about to take a hot tub. Want to join me? Bathing suits not required.” Inches away from her, he stopped. His blue gaze searched her face. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Jess gripped the cord. He stood too close. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t breathe. She didn’t know what to say.
“Bull.” He cradled her chin, his voice tender despite the blunt words. He smelled of salty perspiration and dugout dust. Athletic. Masculine. Wonderful. “Tell me.”
She shook her head. “I should go.”
“No, you should tell me what’s wrong.”
She remained silent. He extracted the roll of cord from her hands.
“What’s this for?”
“I wanted to fix Sheba’s running line.”
“Why didn’t you put her in the fenced yard? Or knock so I could help?” He gazed over her head to the SUV. “And why did you park so far back from the house?” He looped an arm around her shoulders. “What’s going on?”
Jess sighed. His chest felt so warm, so strong. She was falling in love with him, damn it, and she didn’t know how to stop herself. “I need to talk.”
Adam tucked Jess beneath his arm as they walked around the house to the sundeck, Sheba at their heels. He didn’t breathe a word while she explained her idea for Nora to move to Toronto to live with her—and her mother’s reaction. While he admired Jess’s desire to take care of her mother, he identified more closely with Nora. Her love for Destiny Falls matched his own.
“This all happened tonight?” He placed the cord on the patio table, then sat with Jess on the cushioned love seat. She rested her head on his shoulder, her warm arm curling around his naked waist. Sheba flopped down at their feet.
As Jess nodded, her curls tickled his chin. The springtime scent of the soap he’d lathered her with this afternoon lifted off her soft skin.
He wanted to absorb her.
“And I don’t know what to do about it,” she replied, worry lacing her tone. “Mom says she wants to stay here, an
d I know I need to respect her decision, but I can’t help thinking...”
“What?” With one hand, he kneaded the tension knotting the back of her neck.
“Oh, that feels wonderful. I know she’s only fifty-nine now, but what about in ten years? In twenty? Except for the eight months before she married Pete, she’s never really lived on her own. Now he’s gone, I’m back east, she’s over here.” Her hand flip-flopped, her speech gaining speed.
“You’d like her to give a move more thought.”
“Yes. I guess so. I mean, I didn’t ask her to keep it in mind, but what sort of daughter would I be if I didn’t advise her to look out for her own welfare?”
Adam rubbed her arm. “Sounds to me like she’s already doing that.”
Jess’s head lifted. “What do you mean?”
“Well, you have to admit that moving to Toronto would create a drastic change in lifestyle for your mom. Take where you live, for instance.” He hugged her. “Hey, I just realized, you’ve never told me about your place. Do you rent? Own? House or condo?”
“I have a spacious, two-bedroom apartment in a safe urban neighborhood,” she replied in a tone that reminded him of a real estate agent listing of amenities.
“So you rent?”
She nodded.
“Any roommates? Pets?”
“No.”
“Hmm.”
“What?”
“Well, you said once before that you lease your car.”
“Yes. So?”
“So, you rent your apartment, you lease your car. Don’t take this the wrong way, honey, but is there anything you actually own?”
Her gaze narrowed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He shrugged. “You’re an executive. What’s your salary?”
She quoted a substantial amount, and he whistled.
“There’s a high cost of living in Toronto.” A defensive note entered her voice.
“Yeah, but you still have the resources to buy a car or put a down payment on a condo if you wanted.” He massaged her neck again. “The way you live, sweetheart, it’s like you’re not rooted. You could pack up and move any day. Your mother, on the other hand, is rooted, here in Destiny Falls. Given the difference between your lifestyle and hers, is it any wonder she doesn’t want to leave?”
Jess crossed her arms over her sweatshirt and leaned forward. His hand fell away from her neck.
“What you’re saying makes sense on an intellectual level. Emotionally, though, I’m having trouble. I love my mom. I want to do what’s right for her.” She glanced back at him.
“Then quit your job and move back here. She’d love that.” So would I.
Her gaze flinched. “That’s impractical, Adam.”
“Why?”
She shook her head so swiftly, her curls bounced. “How would I live? Where would I work? Pete’s life insurance and their savings will provide enough for Mom if managed properly, but I want to help her out when and if she needs it, not become a financial burden.” She sprang off the love seat and paced the deck. He must have hit one hell of a nerve.
“Jess, wait.” He jumped up, too, bonking Sheba. The dog yelped and scampered beneath the table. “I know Destiny Falls is small, but you have a wealth of job experience that’s bound to fit in somewhere.”
“Where?” Her eyes sparked. “Waverly Foods?”
“If necessary. If being with your mom is what you want.” He raked a hand through his hair. Jess, a supermarket checkout clerk or gas station attendant? Get real. “Look, I know how important your job is to you.” Her gaze flew away, and his neck prickled. “Your job is important to you, isn’t it?”
Her shoulders squared. “Of course it is.”
He wasn’t so sure. She made a great show of loving her life and career in Toronto, but she’d told him zip about that life in the weeks he’d known her. In fact, now that he thought about it, she rarely mentioned her work or Toronto friends unless he questioned her point-blank.
And he was tired of being shut out.
“Why haven’t you said anything to me about this before?” he asked.
“About what?”
“Moving your mom east. Tonight’s the first I’ve heard of it.”
Red splashed her face. “I didn’t think of it before.”
“Interesting, then, that you’d think of it now.” The evening air raised goose bumps on his chest. He grabbed his slo-pitch jersey from a patio chair and jerked it on. “You didn’t want to see me tonight, did you? That’s why you tried to fix Sheba’s running line instead of knocking on the door or risking me seeing you near the fenced yard. That’s why you parked so far back from the house. You didn’t want me to know you were here.” His gut twisted.
She gasped. “That’s—”
“Not true?” He threw his hands up. “Come on.”
She frowned. “Why are you upset?”
Because I’m falling in love with you, woman, and telling you will only scare you away. He clenched his jaw. “Because. This afternoon was fantastic, Jess. I felt on top of the world with you.”
Her eyes grew big as saucers. “I felt that way, too.”
She didn’t sound very excited about it. “Then why do I get the feeling that this thing with your mother is a way to keep yourself distanced from this town and the people who love you here?”
Her eyebrows snapped together. “I asked my mother to move to Toronto because I want to do what’s best for her!”
“I don’t think so. You asked Nora to move to Toronto because you want to do what you think is best for you.”
“What? What would you know about it? She’s not your mother. She’s mine.”
“I know what it’s like to feel rooted to a town, to feel a commitment to a place.” He strode to the hot tub and yanked the heavy thermal cover into position. He didn’t want to relax anymore. He wanted to get to the bottom of what was happening between him and Jess. “That’s something your mother and I have in common, and I don’t need to be related to her in order to realize it.”
“Low blow, Adam.” Her voice quavered.
“Maybe, but it’s the truth. I was born here, like you, like your mom. I wasn’t as lucky, though—I didn’t get to stay. I spent my childhood being dragged from one logging town to another, wondering if Pop would ever pull himself out of the damn bottle. By the grace of God and AA, he finally did. But it wasn’t until I moved back here that I felt like I was coming home. Can’t you understand what that means to a person?”
“No, I can’t! Because I lost any connection I had to this place when Dad and Danny died. Can you understand what it means to have the people you love ripped from your life like that?” Her face crumpled.
“Damn it, baby. I shouldn’t have said it like that. I’m sorry.” He crushed her to his chest.
“No.” Pushing away, she wiped her eyes on her sweatshirt sleeve. “You’re not sorry you said it, only for how you said it. Am I right?”
His hands stiffened. If he spoke his mind, he could lose her. But he had to risk it, for both their sakes. He softened his tone. “I believe there’s some truth in what I said. I could deny it, but that wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”
A bitter laugh popped out of her. “Then I guess that’s that.”
“Oh no, you don’t.” With one step, he closed the space between them. “We can talk this through, Jess. We can work it out.”
“Great. Now I’m an emotional screw-up, and you have all the answers. It must feel wonderful to be so on top of things.”
“I don’t think you’re a screw-up. But I do think you’re looking for an excuse to run as far away from me as you can.” He touched her arm. “Does the thought of having a relationship with me frighten you that much? Is caring for me too much for you to handle?”
She brought up a hand. “Stop right there. We never said we were looking for anything heavy between us.”
“But feelings aren’t easily controlled, are they, Jess?” Clasping her hands,
he drew her to him and kissed her. A squeak escaped her, but she didn’t resist. She opened to him like she was drawing her last breath.
“I care for you, Jess Morgan,” he whispered against her mouth. “I care for you a hell of a lot. And I think you feel the same.”
“Adam, I—” Her voice broke. “My feelings for you are complicated.”
“Damn it, baby, they don’t have to be.” She glanced away. He fanned his fingers along her jaw, urging her gaze to connect with his again. Those velvet doe eyes he loved. “I know you have a lot of bad memories associated with this town. I’d like to give you some good ones. Not so complicated.”
Her shoulders lifted. “I don’t belong here. Why force it?”
“Because forcing it might prove you wrong.”
She shook her head. “I think we should cool things off for awhile.”
A knife gouged his gut. “Oh, really?”
Gaze lowering, she whispered, “Yes.”
He swore. She hadn’t said she never wanted to see him again. Although, if he pushed, that might come next.
“Whatever you want.” It went against every instinct he possessed, but he backed down. “You need the space, and I have to finish the Jamison bid when I return from Valemount. I’ll still expect you at the Young Achievers meeting Thursday night, though. Not just your mom.”
Expression numb, she nodded. Turned and bolted to the SUV.
Adam scraped his hands over his face, chest cramping. He had no choice—he had to let her go.
But if she thought he would give up on her, she’d quickly discover it wasn’t so.
Chapter Eleven
“WHAT A GORGEOUS day for a slo-pitch tournament! There’s not a cloud in the sky.” Molly paid for their coffees at the concession stand and passed a cup to Jess. “I’m glad you came.”
“Me, too.” Jess trailed her friend to the bleachers from where they would watch Tim’s game. Aside from the Young Achievers tribute for Pete two days ago, during which she’d avoided Adam enough not to pique her mom’s curiosity, she’d spent the week cooped in the house. Coordinating the buying trip had absorbed most of her time, including several conference calls with the junior colleague accompanying her. Although she risked bumping into Adam again at the two-diamond ball park, she couldn’t bear wasting this sunny Saturday indoors.
Where She Belongs (Destiny Falls) Page 14