“Of course not. I’m sorry. I’m not making sense.” How could she, when the thought of leaving tore her in two? “But I can’t go to the waterfall. There’s not enough time, considering everything I have to do. That doesn’t mean we can’t have our picnic here, though. On the porch, or the lawn, or in my room.” She caressed his upper arm. “Mom left to buy groceries for an early supper. I asked her to give us an hour.”
“To indulge in a little afternoon delight?” He brushed a stray curl off her cheek. “As tempting as that sounds, sweetheart, it doesn’t solve the problem. You see, I thought you had another week remaining in your leave of absence. In fact, I was counting on it. I’d hoped that, somehow, during that time...” He glanced away, jaw firming. Then, looking at her again, he gave a hollow laugh. “The truth is, I don’t want you to go at all. Can’t you call Garth and—”
“Gareth.”
“Whatever. You’re entitled to your full six weeks leave, so call him back and tell him you can’t make it.”
A tremor raced up her spine. “Excuse me?”
He waved a hand. “Look at it this way. You don’t own Arlington Shoes. You’re a valuable employee, but they’ve survived the last five weeks without you. Is it imperative that you take this trip? Can’t someone else go instead?”
The back of her neck prickled. She’d expected him to understand, as a businessman if not as a lover.
“Two of us are going, but that’s not the point. Gareth Lind is my boss, and these trips are a major facet of my job.”
“A convenient facet. I don’t know, Jess, maybe this phone call from Garth—”
“Gareth!”
“His name’s not important. What’s important is the way you hop-to when he snaps his fingers.” Adam’s features hardened. “Okay, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you are doing the right thing. But it seems to me—no, it’s pretty damn clear—that this phone call is an excuse for you to run out on me. On us.”
Hurt carved deep lines on his face. Oh, Adam. If she were in his position, she might not immediately understand, either.
“But I’m coming back in July for a few days, then two weeks at Christmas. You can fly east to see me—I have a million airline travel miles that need using. We’ll fly back and forth for a while, take long weekends whenever we can. Can’t we start from there and see how it goes?”
Chapter Fifteen
“SEE HOW IT goes?” Why hadn’t he pushed the marriage talk when he’d had the chance? This waiting-for-the-right-moment business sounded noble in concept, but proved useless in practice. “I asked you to marry me a week ago, honey. My feelings haven’t changed.”
“But you said—”
“That you didn’t have to answer me right away. I know. But that was when I thought I had two weeks to encourage you otherwise.”
Her gaze softened. Spirits lifting, he cupped her chin. “How about it, Jessie Noreen? Will you marry me?” Her lips parted, and he placed a light kiss upon her mouth. “I love you, Jess. Please don’t say no to me... to us.”
Tears sparkled in her toffee-brown eyes. “I love you, too. But the thought of marriage is too much for me right now. It’s too fast, too soon. I thought you understood that.”
She loves me. “And a long-distance romance isn’t too much?”
She shook her head. “It’s a beginning, something we can build on. And far more than I could have offered two or three weeks ago.” Her gaze pleaded with him. “Don’t you see?”
A rope of tension knotted inside him. “I wish I could, honey, but I can’t.” There it was—his failing, his shortcoming. He couldn’t stop from feeling that this was his last chance with her.
He let his hand fall away from her face. Out of sight, out of mind. If he didn’t fight for her now, he might lose her forever.
“Don’t get me wrong, Jess. I’ve tried seeing your point of view. But every time I think I do, something else happens and we have another setback.” He paused. He sounded like a jackass. “The thing is, I want a life with you, honey, not a now-and-then relationship where we see each other maybe twelve times a year. I want to hold you in my arms each night, not talk dirty to you over the phone.”
“It’s too soon for me, Adam. Please understand.”
He dragged in a breath. “I understand. In fact, I think I’m beginning to understand too well.”
Her mouth thinned. “What do you mean?”
Out with it. She has to know. “I mean that you’re still playing the same old tune. You want to be with me, but only for the present. You love me, but there’s no future, no hope. Face it, Jess, you can’t take a chance.”
She stepped back. “I’m willing to take a chance,” she said, her voice trembling. The breeze fluttered her long, dark hair. “For me, a long-distance relationship is taking a chance.”
Adam’s heart twisted—for her, for himself, for the dreams disintegrating right before his eyes. “And, for me, it’s not enough. If you’d be honest with yourself for one damn minute, you’d realize it’s not enough for you, either.”
Her gaze snapped. Voice low and controlled, she said, “There you go again, telling me what I should think or feel. I had to learn to trust that my mother knows what’s best for her. Can’t you at least try to do the same for me?”
He ground his teeth. “It’s not—”
“But, no, you’ve already made up your mind. You know what you want. Now all you have to do is convince poor, deluded Jess that she wants the same thing.” She glared at him. “Did I say I would never move back here and marry you? Did I? If you’d let me deal with our relationship at my own pace and in my own time, you might be pleasantly surprised. I might actually decide—without being bullied—that I want to return to Destiny Falls and spend the rest of my life with you!”
He grunted. “That sounds jim-dandy, Jess, but what guarantee do I have that you won’t get sucked back into your mile-a-minute life in Toronto? That you won’t leave me hanging on the line for the next two, ten, or, given your style, twenty years while you decide what you want?”
“And here I thought you’ve been trying to show me that life comes with no guarantees. That I have to reach out and grab one of those fabulous risks you’re always raving about. Remember what you said about Crysta? You pressured her. Even if you didn’t mean to, you did. And she wasn’t ready.” Jess poked her chest. “Well, neither am I. You’re pressuring me, Adam, and I can’t take it. I won’t.”
Fury lanced him. He didn’t need his mistakes with Crysta thrown in his face. Not now. Not ever.
“Let’s leave ancient history out of this,” he said.
“To quote you, I don’t think I can. Because it’s not just me with the problem here. You asked me to marry you. I asked for a compromise. But you won’t take any less than exactly what you want.” Tears welled in her eyes. “Well, guess what, Adam? I’m leaving town tonight because my job demands it. I’m leaving because I need time, I need space, and I won’t allow you to ‘encourage,’ pressure, or otherwise bully me into rushing into marriage!”
Ceasing her tirade, she began trembling head to toe. Sobbing, she ran into the house. The door slammed behind her, windows rattling.
“Jess!” He pounded the fence, pain stabbing his injured arm. He spun around, swearing, fighting the urge to storm in after her and press his case until she stopped playing hardball with his emotions.
But what would that accomplish? He’d given her a choice—she’d made it. More pressure wasn’t the answer.
He threw back his head and searched the clouds scudding across the pale blue sky.
A shroud of utter hopelessness fell over him.
“I’ll miss you, Jess.”
“I’ll miss you, too, Molly.” Jess hugged her best friend tightly, blinking back the tears that sprang up all too often since her fight with Adam this afternoon. They stood in the convenience store parking lot, the bus idling nearby. The acrid odor of diesel permeated the early evening air. “But I’ll be back in July for our double birthd
ay party, remember?”
“If your boss lets you.”
“He will. I’ve already promised Mom.”
Molly released her. With an unhappy expression, she smoothed the collar of the jacket Jess wore with her jeans.
“And Adam?” Molly asked.
Jess stared at the pavement. She’d told Molly about her argument with Adam when she’d called for a ride to the bus stop. After spending the afternoon unloading her hurt onto her mother, she couldn’t bear reliving the pain and heartache. “Moll, I’m sorry, but if I talk about Adam again, I’ll cry.”
“Aw. I shouldn’t have mentioned him. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s okay. It’s just been a harrowing day.” Jess rubbed the tension between her eyebrows. “Part of me expects him to pop up again, determined to ‘talk some sense’ into me. Even Mom thought it might be him when we heard your car in the driveway.”
“Do you wish it had been?”
Yes. But only because she hated leaving with so much bitterness between them. If he had tried contacting her, would they have fought all over again? Probably. The pain from this afternoon was too fresh, the time afforded them too sparse, the stress and pressure of her hasty departure all too real—for them both.
“I need to put some space between us,” she mumbled.
“Well, you’re doing that.” Molly glanced around the deserted parking lot. “I don’t think he’s coming here, if that’s what you’re afraid of. He knows when the bus leaves, right? If he were coming, he’d have shown up by now.”
Insides freezing, Jess nodded.
“Aw, Jess, don’t discount my cousin completely. He’s stubborn, but he’s not stupid. He’ll realize what he has with you, what you can have together. It’ll work out. You’ll see.”
“I don’t know.” In the meantime, she wouldn’t cross her fingers. She needed to concentrate on the buying trip instead of dwelling on Adam and his thinly veiled ultimatum.
At the moment, however, she found it impossible to think of anything but Adam.
The stocky bus driver approached them. “Excuse me, Miss? This yours?” He pointed at her luggage on the pavement.
“Yes.” The word felt charged with finality.
He stowed her suitcase and carry-on, then returned for the spare suitcase she’d borrowed from her mother to carry her purchases from The Clothes Horse.
“A couple more minutes, but that’s it.” The driver tapped his thick-strapped watch. “I got a schedule to keep.”
Jess thanked him and turned to Molly. “I have to go.” She pasted on a smile. “Return Adam’s truck soon, okay? I don’t want Mom worrying about it.”
Molly patted her jeans pocket. “Key’s here, instructions duly noted. Now, climb onto that bus and get out of here before I try to stop you myself.”
The sheer curtains drifted away from Nora’s fingertips. Although the bus route to Kamloops didn’t follow Old Village Road, she hadn’t been able to resist stealing one more glance out the living room window. Five minutes ago, she’d thought she’d heard the bus rumbling down the highway, which was silly. The highway was miles away.
The Greyhound was taking her daughter away, yet contentment flowed through her. I’m proud of you, Jessie. Her daughter had found love again, yet hadn’t allowed that love to rule her the way Nora had let Frank Morgan’s love swallow her up so many years ago, the way Jessie had allowed Danny Galloway’s love to consume her following his untimely death.
It wasn’t that she didn’t want Jessie to experience the richness of a deep, mature love like she’d experienced with Peter. Oh, how I do. But a rich love couldn’t be forced. When the time was right for Jessie and Adam, Jessie would know.
Nora wandered to the kitchen and put the kettle on the stove. The silence of the house descended, but she didn’t mind. She was home, in her heart and soul. And one day soon her daughter would find her way home, too.
Whether Jessie remained in Toronto or returned to Destiny Falls, Nora remained confident that Jessie would find home. Because home was a certain sense of peace, a welcoming, a gathering warmth, belonging. Home had very little to do with geography and everything to do with finding that peace and contentment within oneself.
While waiting for the kettle to boil, she returned to the living room. Yesterday she’d arranged several framed pictures on the fireplace mantle. Photos of her and Peter, and the Waverly Foods photo Marie Shaverton had delivered. Then pictures of her with Jessie, Jessie and Frank, her and Frank, and several smaller photos of family outings.
One by one, she touched each photograph.
“I love you all,” she whispered.
She’s gone.
He could tell without looking at his watch. He felt it in his bones.
Adam leaned his good hand on the railing of the viewing deck, staring out at the waterfall. The rushing cascade thundered in his ears. The wind blew moist and cool against his skin. But his heart ached for Jess with every beat. The waterfall held no solace for him tonight.
Coming here hadn’t been his first choice. When he’d stalked out of Nora Olson’s back yard this afternoon, he couldn’t think straight. He’d holed up in his office and drowned himself in computer work. Later, trying to run off his frustration on the trails behind his house, the need to go to Jess, to say, do, offer anything to make her understand his behavior and open her life and heart to him again, had devoured him. He’d jumped in the pickup and sped halfway to her house before realizing she might think he was trying to bully her. So he’d pulled a U-turn in the middle of the damn road and sought refuge at the waterfall instead.
“What do you think, girl?” he muttered to Sheba. “Dumb move, huh?”
The dog gazed up at him with her big brown eyes and panted.
“Yeah. I haven’t a clue, either.” Hell, he was exhausted. As he scraped his casted hand over his face, he focused on the trees in the distance. They lined the canyon walls like proud, wooden guards.
It’s not just me with the problem here. Jess’s words reverberated in his mind. Harsh words, however, in this case, so very true.
Wright, you really are king of the idiots, aren’t you?
He knew he could be pushy at times—all right, damn often. Knew he didn’t like to lose out on anything he perceived as a challenge. And, although it cut him to the quick to admit it, he knew Crysta had walked away from him two years ago for about the same reasons as Jess had today.
Because he was too damn pushy.
Pressuring Crysta had stolen the life from their unborn child. Had she not felt so cornered by his desires, his wants, she might not have gotten drunk or high night after night. Might never have fallen down those damn stairs.
And today, instead of being alone, Adam would have an active toddler in his life. My son or daughter.
He tightened his grip on the railing, and a splinter bit into his palm. Hell, he’d thought he’d learned his lesson with Crysta. He’d thought he’d mellowed over time. During these last couple of weeks with Jess, hadn’t he exerted effort after conscious effort to pull back, to be patient? He’d almost succeeded, too... until today, when he’d finally pushed her too far.
She’d said she was returning for a few days in July. Two long months away.
Could he handle two months without calling or emailing or buying a one-way ticket to Toronto? Could he give her the time and space she needed? And if she decided against him—that was, if she hadn’t already—could he deal with that, too?
The breeze rustled his hair, cooled his skin, however, neither it nor the canyon offered any answers.
He felt like he’d hit the wall of pain in a marathon.
He just didn’t know if he could survive the race, let alone win.
Purse tucked beneath one arm and laptop case bumping her hip, Jess tossed her mail onto the dinette table. Then she trudged to the spare bedroom she used as a home office.
The same room she’d asked her mother to move into.
Whatever had possessed her to do
such a thing? Considering her long hours and unpredictable travel schedule, the idea now seemed doomed to failure. Even if she replaced Gareth when he obtained his promotion and her travel decreased as a result, her take-home work would escalate. Her mother deserved so much more than to get treated as a tag-on to a harrowing day. Besides, her mother belonged in Destiny Falls... as surely as Adam did.
Chest heavy, she plopped her purse and computer case on the desktop, then sagged onto the swivel chair with a groan.
Work had never felt so much like work as it had since her return to Toronto twelve hectic days ago. From discovering that Gareth had hired a senior buyer out from under their fiercest rival to facing the collapse of a favorite line, every time she turned around another crisis erupted or a meeting required her presence. She’d spent most of last week in dazed shock. Then she’d poured herself into readjusting to office routines. On Sunday she’d finally come up for air, but tonight was Tuesday and she was flying to Asia with the new senior buyer on Thursday, ready or not.
Tramping into the kitchen, she fixed herself a cup of tea in the microwave and sat at her desk again with the steaming mug. After firing up her laptop, she began inputting the number-crunching she rarely had time for at the office. The mundane task allowed her mind to roam as she paused now and then to sip her tea.
She’d hurried back to Toronto at Gareth’s bidding, believing he’d meant her to travel to Asia alone. Her colleague was to have caught up with her after she’d met with Mr. Wong. However, as Gareth had explained over their briefing dinner, their new senior buyer, an energetic woman named Louisa, already possessed connections with the factory responsible for Jess’s schedule change. As a result, Louisa was too valuable an asset to leave behind. So now two of them were going, three once their colleague arrived. A waste of manpower, if Gareth had bothered to ask her.
How about tossing the trip in the bag and flying home to see Adam instead?
As if that was an option. She set down her mug and continued data entry. Adam had taught her so much during her five weeks home. Because of him, she’d finally learned to let go of her haunting memories of Danny. Through Adam, she’d discovered what it meant to feel whole again.
Where She Belongs (Destiny Falls) Page 20