by Kira Blakely
“Small towns. I don’t have any experience with that. I grew up here. I guess I never noticed it’s such a big city until I was way older. It just always felt like the place I lived. Sometimes, when I’m out driving around, it hits me just how big and crowded and crazy it is.”
“I know.” Her fingers caught his. “Sometimes, I still get as excited as I did the day I came up the big hill out there on the highway. It was dark and all the lights were on, and that’s how I first saw it. It was just this giant glittering place, and I couldn’t believe I was lucky or crazy enough to live here. Sometimes I still don’t believe it.”
“Do you miss home at all?”
She shook her head. “No. It was not all bad either. It was just boring and suffocating. Everyone knew everyone. I always felt like I was living in a fishbowl, and I hated that feeling. I like being free, and I need freedom I guess.”
She fell silent. Had she just seen something shift in his eyes? Had she said something wrong or really right? Given how fast he was to run, she hoped he heard a promise that she wouldn’t ask more from him than she could give.
Ashton sat up carefully. He said, “I can see that.” There was a guarded tone in his voice, and she had the feeling she had just reassured him in a way. But she wanted to take it back. She wanted to tell him she would not press him for anything but that she would be willing to trade all the freedom in the world for whatever time he would give her.
He said, “I forgot to order our dinner. Do you like steak?”
“I love it,” she said.
He picked up the phone and hit a button, then said, “Hello, room service? I would like to order dinner please.”
“I’m starving,” she put in. She was. She’d skipped breakfast because she had heartburn from the meager amount of cafeteria fries and chili she had had the night before, and she had worked through lunch as well.
Laura giggled as Ashton spoke into the phone that sat on the small oak desk. “We’d like steak, oh, scampi. Shrimp and crab please. Two orders. No, steak and scampi. We’re starving.”
He threw her a wink over his shoulder. Laura, still naked and flushed, suppressed a giggle with one hand. She was starved, no doubt about it. She was sure she was about to die from hunger in fact, but not all that hunger was in her belly.
Ashton was also still nude, and her eyes roved over the sleek skin and muscles of his body as he shifted from one foot to the other while trying to make sure the room service order was right. He added, “Oh and bread – lots of it. We need our strength.”
Now, she did laugh. Her laugh was restrained though by her hand. Ashton had a way of making her laugh, and she loved that about him.
Loved.
Her heart sank.
Nope, she told herself, loving something about someone is not the same as loving them and don’t you forget it either. You barely know this man and even if you did, you already know he’s not in it for the long term. What’s wrong with you anyway? You never wanted something like love in your life.
Ashton hung up the phone and padded back to the bed. He sat down on the edge carefully, and she sat up. The sheets were a tossed and tousled mess. Outside through the windows, she saw dusk falling in dark shades that accented the jewel-like tones of the city skyline.
She said, “I suppose we should get dressed so we don’t shock the staff.”
“I’m sure they’ve seen things far more shocking.” He smiled but fished his pants off the floor and slid his legs into them, standing to get them the rest of the way on.
Laura left the bed and dressed hastily. “How are your ribs?”
“Good.” He smiled at her, and they went to the sofa. He leaned his head back and said, “Listen, about that app. I wasn’t kidding about that. I really want to work on something like that. I drew up a few ideas but they’re in my car, so if you can grab that laptop over there I can give you a rough idea of what I had down, but I can’t promise I remember all of it.”
“Cool.” Now that the desire had been tamped down, she, too, was interested in creating that app, though she was more interested in it as a reason to spend time with him than in actually creating something.
Ashton opened the laptop, a top of the line model that was both functional and sleek, and expensive. He hit a few keys and buttons, and said, “So here’s what I was thinking. I heard you the other night when you said you hated Fly by Night because it’s geared toward men. And I wonder just how many people are more interested in having like a fun date that means a second without pressure to find their perfect match.”
“Lots.”
Laura was not really paying attention. She was focused more on Ashton. His excitement was palpable, and he seemed truly interested in the app! That was a side of him she had never seen before, and a sudden surge of excitement filled her, too. If it meant that much to him, she’d help.
9
ASHTON
TWO MONTHS LATER, the app was nearing completion. Ashton had moved into a nice place near Dawson – not in the same building but in a far more decent section of town than he had been living in. His place was not far from Laura’s either. Dawson asked him why he didn’t just buy a great home, but Ashton was not ready for that. For one thing, Laura had no idea just how wealthy he was yet, and while keeping that a secret had been something that soothed him at first, it had begun to chafe at him lately. What if she was pissed at him for withholding such a huge secret from her? She’d see that as a sign he didn’t trust her, and he knew that he had not trusted her at first. He trusted her now, but that secret was causing him a lot of problems.
The other issue was within himself.
The more time he spent in her presence, the more it was clear that he had fallen head over heels in love with her.
Laura was still not giving him any signals that she felt the same way though, and his guard began to rise as the days passed and the app drew nearer to completion.
It was apparent, too. Not that he hadn’t meant it to be, but he could sense Laura getting frustrated with him as the days began to wind down, and he began to put less effort into being with her and focus more on simply working with her. It only made sense as far as he was concerned. She’d leave sooner or later, and the thing that was holding them together – the app – was about to be finished, so why would she stay?
Ashton knew he was running, and fast. He managed to find every excuse to not spend the night, and quite often he found himself leaving before they could make love, too. He didn’t want to, but he knew how badly he was going to miss her, and he knew that he had to sever that relationship before she did if he was going to have any kind of control over his heart afterward, and to make sure he was not left hurt.
He knew what hurt felt like. He never wanted to feel that ever again. He didn’t think he could take it. He’d blocked himself off from hurt for so long, and now that he was trying his best to keep from getting hurt, he knew all too well that he had a lot of hurt coming. Laura made him feel things again: joy in life, excitement, hope, and love. All the things he had refused to let himself feel for so long. It was going to hurt, and he knew it. Now, he was just trying to minimize the damage.
There would be damage. How could there not be? He had felt all those things again, and now he would never feel them ever again.
There was no other woman like Laura anywhere in the world. He could sleep with every single woman in the city and never find a one like her.
And he had to let her go.
Had to.
10
LAURA
“I don’t understand,” Laura said as she leaned over Ashton’s shoulder. He’d been sitting there, lost in thought for the last few minutes, and she was desperate to have him say anything at all.
She’d sensed he was withdrawing from her for a while, now but she did not know what to do about it. She had hoped, as time passed and they continued on together, that they’d be able to keep dating. But while she had had a huge change of heart and found herself wanting more t
han just a friends-with-benefits thing or a passing fling, Ashton still didn’t want that.
It was obvious he didn’t want that, and she had no idea how to change his mind or to tell him how she felt. Her tension mounted when he looked at her with a carefully blank expression on his face that just made the distance growing between them seem even wider. Her heart ached, and the words she wanted to say to him quivered on her tongue. I love you. I want you. I want us. Please talk to me. Please try to stay with me.
Tears gathered in the corners of her eyes and a lump formed in her throat. She had known from the start that this – that they – would end, but now that it was so clear that they were, she was being sideswiped by a pain unlike any she had ever felt or known ever before, and she didn’t know how to deal with it, or his withdrawing from her the way that he was doing.
Ashton said, “Well basically, we upload it and wait.”
“Wow. I mean, it’s never really felt real until just now.”
She was not talking about the app. She was talking about the two of them breaking things off. Ashton said, “Yeah I get that,” in a voice so neutral she wanted to scream and yell at him to look at her, to hear her and understand what she was trying to say to him. Her heart ached so much, it hurt all the way down into her bones. Her body missed his, and the increasing lack of sex between them frightened her. Were they so far gone that they didn’t even have passion anymore?
Ashton took a slow breath and hit a button. He stood up, snapping the laptop closed. “I’m sorry to say it, because it’s been such a big night, but I have a super early morning, and I need to head out.”
Laura licked her lips. Lexie had moved in with Dawson officially now, and Laura hadn’t bothered looking for a new roommate yet, because Lexie had insisted on paying a final month of rent before going. Now she wished that she had. The place was lonely and too quiet.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, sorry.” He dropped a casual kiss on her cheek and headed for the door. Laura stood there, staring at his back as he went out the door and closed it. Her lips pressed together. The tears sprang out of her eyes and fell down her cheeks. It was true whether she wanted it to be or not – and she didn’t want it to be true, not at all – they were done.
11
ASHTON
THE DAYS PASSED. Ashton put as much distance between himself and Laura as possible, even though their app was an overnight sensation. He sat at a bar one night, his head down and his eyes locked on the melting ice at the bottom of the glass. His body hurt. He missed Laura so much he could barely breathe.
“Well, look who it is.”
God damn it. This was all he needed. Ashton lifted his head and stared Gerald in the eye. His voice was weary. “Yeah, it’s me. Tell me something, did you even consider I might call the cops after you jumped me like that?”
“Nah,” Gerald’s rotting teeth gleamed as he leaned against the bar. “You’re from the hood. You know how that would play out.”
“Yeah, I was. But you know what? I am a really fucking rich dude now, Gerald, and I could tear your world out of the frame without ever calling the cops. Because that’s what rich fucks do. You know that. You know what else? I can’t believe after all these years you’re still trying to run up on me over that arrest of yours. You came at me with that shit in your pockets. I didn’t have a choice in that fight, but you did.
“You could have handed that dope off before it ever got started, or something. You came at me trying to defend your dad’s block and got yourself jammed up as a result. That’s how it was, and I am damn tired of your pretending otherwise.”
Gerald’s face shifted. He looked uneasy. “You shouldn’t have been running lookout for the enemy.”
Ashton shot back. “Pete had the right to do business, and I’d be real careful calling him your enemy if everything I hear about him is true.”
Gerald went pale. “They say he’s a killer.”
Ashton said, “That’s what I hear, too. You sure you want to keep running that road with me or get yourself twisted into a mess with Pete because you’re still pissed about your dad slipping the way he did? It was his own fault, you know, just like you deciding to beat me down while you had that much dope in your pockets was your fault. But I’m telling you right now, you pull some shady shit like you pulled in that garage on me ever again, the next stretch you do won’t end until you’re wearing that underwear that keep old folks from pissing their pants.”
Gerald sighed and leaned against the bar. “He’s dead, you know. That’s why. I mean, I was reeling over it that night at the bar and after you and that chick went crazy on us, I had to break even with you. You got to know that.”
“I’d say we’re even.”
Gerald’s eyes went to the glass in Ashton’s hand, and he licked his lips in a gesture he probably wasn’t even aware of. Ashton pointed to the bartender and held up his glass and two fingers. The bartender set a glass in front of them, and Gerald said, “Thanks.”
“I didn’t know he was dead. I’m sorry if you’re miserable about it, but I can’t say that I care.” Ashton swallowed the whiskey in his glass in one shot. Gerald sipped his slowly, his beady eyes walking across the bottles behind the bar.
“Course I’m miserable,” Gerald said softly. “No matter what, I loved my Pop. Yeah, he was dumb, and yeah, he went down like a little bitch but…well you know…it is what it is.”
Ashton wanted to give out some caustic retort to that, but he didn’t. “I wish it hadn’t been the way it was, but I doubt if I had told you that you would have listened back then.”
“I guess you might have a point. I mean, you know how that is right? You got to take care of your own. You have to take care of your family, man,” Gerald said. “What can you do?”
“Nothing.” Ashton stood and headed for the door. The last thing he wanted to do was keep up a conversation with Gerald or think about the woman who’d stolen his heart so easily.
12
LAURA
“Oh, my God!” Laura sat down on her sofa, her mouth hanging open. It was impossible! But the truth was right there in front of her. Ashton had put her in charge of payments through the app because of her accounting degree, and that he trusted her with that had not seemed odd at the time. She had not expected that they would make a single dollar off it.
But they had. They’d made a million dollars in fact, and in just a matter of days!
A low squeak came from her lips. The room swayed around her. Panic set in. She had to tell Ashton! Now!
She grabbed her phone and then stopped. He would probably not answer anyway. So, fuck that. She’d go to his place.
But what if he didn’t answer the door, or worse, he did and he had another woman with him?
That was enough to leave her standing there, stunned with indecision. God, she could not take it if he had moved on already and she had to see that firsthand!
Her heart told her that she didn’t dare risk it. That she was too fragile and she needed him too much. That if he was with someone else that was okay, as long as she didn’t have to face that woman.
But the strong and resilient part of her called bullshit on that. She had to see him. That app was blowing up, and whether they were over or not, that app was a marvel – something they had created together and now they were partners in. It was time to go to him and tell him that.
And everything else, too.
It was time to tell him just how she felt. To lay it all out on the table and leave nothing unsaid. If they were over, she had the right to know that, and she had the right to tell him how she felt, too, even if he didn’t feel the same way.
Laura grabbed her handbag and headed out the door.
***
She stood outside his door, her resolve slowly dying away. Her hand, raised to knock, hung in the air and a lump formed in her belly. Should she do it, or just leave him a message that they were rich and walk away?
“Laura?”
His
voice came from behind her, and she turned slowly, her heart pounding in her chest. He stood there, his wheat-hued hair disheveled and a slight tang of alcohol rising from his clothes. “Hi,” she said softly. “I…do you care about me? I mean, I know you need your freedom. My God, I do know that. I just need to know – are we over? Is there any chance that we’re not? Any at all?”
Jesus. Now she was in a hallway, saying things she had planned to say to him in private, with tears running down her face. It would not have surprised her at all if he had called security and had her hustled out of the building!
Ashton stepped forward. His arms went around her, and he hugged her close for a moment before muttering, “Let me get the door.”
He released her and opened the door. He held it open, and she stepped inside with him close on her heels.
He looked at her, and the expression on his face tugged at her heart strings. He said, “I do, Laura. I do. I shouldn’t because I know you don’t want what I want…”
“What do you want, and how do you know I don’t want that, too?”
His face showed surprise and something else: hope. He licked his lips. “I want you but I want you all the time. I don’t want to let you go. I know you need your freedom. I know you don’t want marriage and you don’t want kids. I want marriage, but I’m with you on the kids. Jesus. No way do I want to screw up some little kid’s life, and I’m pretty sure I would.”
Her voice was thick with tears. “I do want that: marriage, and maybe even kids one day. I know we’re both screwed up and neither of us know the first thing about love, but…but I love you, Ashton. I don’t know why or how this happened. All I know is that I love you, and I want to be with you. I’m done running wild. I have been for a long time I think. Ever since the day you came into my life.”