The stiff silence in the air between Kelly and her father lay juxtaposed upon the slowly brightening morning sky. The sun kissed the tree leaves with the promise of a beautiful day, but Emily could already feel that dark storm cloud of guilt and remorse hanging heavily overhead.
She had to rethink this plan. She wouldn't be able to handle the secrecy, even if it was only until the end of the war. She didn't want to wait that long to get her best friend back. It wasn't fair to Kelly, it wasn't fair to the pack, and as the guilt grew, her distraction wouldn't be fair to Nick and all of the people that they had promised to help.
As Emily stood with renewed resolve, intending to walk out between them and tell them the entire truth, David took a deep breath.
“Nicholas has tasked me with the duty of coming up with the best damned formation that I can think of to help them win this fight,” he began. “And as we sat there conversing about who was supposed to stand where and what roles were being delegated to which bear, I couldn't for the life of me formulate a formation that didn’t have you in it, Kelly-Anne.”
Kelly's eyes snapped up at the declaration, surprise evident on her face as she opened her mouth to speak. David held up his hand to stop her.
“I'd been waiting for the right moment to tell you, hoping beyond hope that you would learn to humble yourself and do the dirty tasks before running off into a war and risking your life for glory the way so many dead bears have done before you.” A shadow of memory darkened David's eyes as he spoke and Emily knew that he was speaking of the past. “But you wouldn't relent. You just kept pestering and pestering and pestering, and I know it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me—because it's you—but an old man can hope right?" He chuckled softly to himself. “But see, we’re out of time now. The battle is brewing close behind closed doors and there's nothing I can do to slow it down. There's nothing I can do to build you up properly the way I tried to do since we arrived here. I agreed to the training because I knew you'd be out on the battlefield whether I wanted you to be or not, so at least we have that going for us,” he quipped, grimly.
“But I don't know if it will be enough,” he admitted. “I don't know if you're disciplined enough to make the right calls. I don't know if your resolve is strong enough to do what needs to be done while keeping a level head. I don't know if you can keep yourself alive when I'm too busy to do it for you.”
“What, am I supposed to pity you because of that?” Kelly snapped, interrupting her father. “Newsflash, dad, I didn't ask for you to be so overprotective! I didn't ask for you to keep me from my freedom as a shifter and as an adult. I didn't ask for any of it! And now you're taking out your stress and worry about whether I'll survive or not… on me?" Her breath puffed out in a white plume of mist, conveying her anger. “Well let me save you the moral tug-of-war. If I do die out there on the battlefield due to your negligence and ill preparation, you have my permission to believe without a shadow of a doubt that it is one hundred percent your fault!” Without another word, Kelly tore off down the road into town before David could compose himself enough to stop her.
Emily saw a flurry of emotions worrying on David's face, wondering whether he should go and salvage the relationship he had with his daughter or go back inside and prepare for the war that he’d agreed to fight. She watched as he took the first slow step forward… before freezing in place. With a heavy sigh, he turned and walked back into the office.
When Emily was sure that no one else was going to depart the shop, she launched from her hiding place at the side of the building. Her heart was in her throat with apprehension and stress, and her breath came in pants as she scrambled clumsily over to where she desperately hoped that Adam was waiting. His scent greeted her almost immediately, though he was nowhere to be found at first. As she jogged earnestly into the depths of the forest, she could finally just make out the dim figure of Adam's body just a short distance away. When she finally made it to him, she didn't even hesitate to throw herself into his arms, woefully on the verge of tears.
“It's okay, Emily, it's okay,” Adam murmured softly petting her hair in soft circles to comfort her. She knew he'd heard everything that had gone on between his sister and father; she could feel it in the gentleness of his hand on her head and in the soft whispers of his voice as he soothed her.
“It's not okay, Adam! It will never be okay!” Emily sobbed. “When she finds out about us, when she finds out that I've been lying to her after five years of telling her almost everything and keeping nothing from her… When she finds out…” Her voice stammered and stuttered over her words as she cried, tears blurring her vision in the already dark forest. “I'm messing everything up,” she whispered. “I only wanted to find my purpose and I'm destroying everything in the process.”
“You're doing no such thing,” Adam denied. “You took your life and you turned it into something new; you made it something more." He tilted her chin up but she couldn't see him through the tears. “You made it something that you can be proud of, something worth living. No one can fault you for that. Not even my immature sister."
“She's trying to do the same!” Emily argued. “She's trying to make her life her own, something worth living, but your father won't let her. He'll never let her. You may not care, but I contributed to it. She is my best friend and I contributed to her staying locked in this cage where she’ll never be able to fly towards her own purpose. And now… and now…" Emily dissolved into another bout of tears, holding herself close to Adam as he went back to caressing comforting circles on her head.
“You have no blame in this, Emily,” Adam said once the tears had died down again. “My father has been this way our entire lives, and I almost fell into the same trap that he did. And just like you did, my sister will one day find her purpose in life despite the control, even if it won't be right here in this moment." He wiped tears from her eyes, but not quick enough as more quickly took their place. "So please stop crying, Emily. When this is done we can all move forward and find our purpose together."
Emily wasn't convinced. “How can you be so sure?” she asked. “How can you be so sure that after all of this time with us beating her down over and over again and telling her that she can't live the life that she feels she was meant to that hasn't broken something inside of her?" She recalled the emotions and anger that filled Kelly's face as she argued with her father. “How can you be so sure that she won't think it best that she look for her purpose somewhere else?"
Adam gave Emily a fierce look. “Because family doesn't abandon family,” he said simply. “There’s loyalty in blood that can never be duplicated.” He gave her an encouraging smile. “Kelly may be immature at times and hardheaded all the time, but she's smart and she's strong in her own way, too. She may hate us right now for sticking to our guns, and she may hate us later for the secrets we've kept from her, but she won't leave. She knows that we’re strongest together.”
“But I don't just want to be strong,” Emily argued. “I want the love, the support, the happiness that we've always had, that was unwavering and true before our time here in Woodhaven. I don't want to lose that simply because I found myself.”
“And you won't,” Adam assured. “Kelly will love you just the same after you’re able to fill her in. She’ll love me just the same, too, which is considerably less than she loves you so, I’m sure,” he quipped. “You have nothing to worry about. I promise”
Adam’s joke finally pulled a giggle from Emily, and the way his face lit up the grim darkness of the forest had convinced her—if only a moment—that everything might just be okay.
Chapter Fourteen
For the most part, the rest of the day carried on as planned. Both packs—minus Kelly—reconvened for their morning training session before dispersing to prepare for their individual tasks. Emily tried not to let Kelly's absence get to her; she worked double time to keep her mind occupied so that her guilt was not available for everyone else to see.
After they
finished combat training, Savannah proposed that they all meet back at her house to eat a small breakfast; in their rush to learn the news that Adam and Emily had for them no one had had time for breakfast. The meal was small but it gave Emily enough energy to continue with the day’s activities, plus the constant chatter of the other’s kept her mind too busy to entertain any depressive thoughts. It was as much as she could ask for on such short notice.
After the meal had finished, Nick dismissed everyone to go about their usual day before turning back to David to discuss what Emily assumed was the battle formation he told Kelly about during their argument. She shook her head, no thoughts about Kelly and Adam now she told herself. For now she must just worry about doing her job to the best of her ability and giving Forest Haven her best effort.
"You ready to go," Adam asked sneaking up behind her as she placed her used dishes in the sink to be washed
Emily flinched slightly letting out an almost imperceptible squeak. It was quite enough to not cause a scene, but Adam was close enough to hear it. Tossing her a satisfactory look, he allowed her to lean in just long enough to set Emily's heart galloping before he finally backed away.
"Of course I'm ready to go," she said. "I was just waiting for you."
"Oh?" Adam asked with a smug grin. "Were you now?"
Emily opened her mouth to answer, as embarrassment dried her throat before she could speak. She would have to rein in how thoroughly he affected her or it wouldn't be long before she broke her promise to stick strictly with business. Without saying a word she slid nimbly around Adam, tossing a wave to Savanna and Joe before slipping out the front door of the house.
By now, the sun was high in the sky with the day progressing far enough to bring a bit of warmth to the air. The rays of sunshine warmed Emily's cheeks, and for the slightest moment, she could believe that today was destined to be a good day. Sure, she didn't really know what Kelly was up to or how she was feeling, but there was nothing she could do about it not even if she were willing to tell Kelly everything about her and Adam. So for now, she set a goal to remain steadfast; she would only worry about the job, the war, and making sure that her pack and Nick’s alike made it through all of this alive. After that, she'd worry about piecing together the remaining relationships.
Nodding as if to steal her resolve, Emily stretched high, reaching her hands into the sky with renewed confidence of her mission. As Adam exited the house, she turned and gave him a determined smile. "All right!" She cheered. "Let's get this patrol started!"
They began their patrol with more energy than they had in a long while, taking each step with purpose and energy. But as they continued on the route, things began to get boring pretty quickly. They had memorized the route ages ago, something that didn't matter at the time because they always had something worth talking about. But now Emily was fairly certain that anything they talked about would somehow loop back around to the topic of their budding relationship, which they both knew was generally a bad idea given how they turned over a new leaf just earlier that day. So, despite the restlessness nibbling at the back of Emily's mind, the walk remained silent.
They were nearly at the cabin by the time one of them cracked.
"Oh my goodness," Adam groaned, drawing out the noise so that it was as long and as tortured as Emily had felt by then. "This whole not talking thing is entirely too boring. I'm done with it."
Emily let out a relieved sigh. "I'm happy you said something, I was about to lose my mind."
Adam chuckled. "Oh, I thought it was just me."
Emily shook her head. "But breaking the silence presents its own problems," she reminded. "What the hell do we talk about now? There are not exactly that many safe topics to chat about that won't break our newfound vow to one another and to ourselves, you know."
Adam nodded, completely understanding. "Yeah you got me there."
Things fell back into silence, but it was a comfortable stillness this time and not strained by the effort they both took not to speak like before. Suddenly Adam smacked his fist into his hand, an idea glimmering in his eyes.
"I've got it," he exclaimed turning expectantly to Emily. "How about we just talk about the war?"
"Just the war?" she asked with a quizzical expression on her face. It did seem strange to her to want to talk about that when they were alone, but hey, what the hell, right.
"Yeah," he replied. "I ran a bunch of topics through my head, and that's the only one that I can think of that won't stray into dangerous waters."
Emily sighed, but deep down she knew that any other topic, even if it was the war, was better than nothing at all after all the time they'd spent in total muteness. "Okay," she said, her voice a bit flatter than she'd aimed for it to be. "So, only about the war."
"Only about the war," Adam parroted.
A moment of silence hung between them before they both burst out laughing.
"Are we really this terrible at conversation?" Emily asked behind her giggle.
"Hey, I tried."
Emily grinned up at him. "It was a good try."
"Well, don't give up yet," Adam said. "We haven't really tried to talk about it yet, have we?"
Thinking on it, Emily couldn't disagree. She figured they should at least give it an honest shot before throwing the idea in the trash and falling back to that dreadful silence. "I suppose you're right."
Adam nodded before turning back baseboard. Tapping his chin a few times for dramatic effect, he nodded once to himself, his eyes flashing in relief as he found a topic worthy of discussion.
"So this morning, when we found Dominic and that guy hiding in the bushes," he began. Emily took a moment to appreciate how he'd worded the sentence, carefully stepping over all of the bits that involved them being together. "Tell me what went through your mind when you took those first few paces forward and I had to stop you?"
Emily was impressed; she hadn't expected him to actually pull a decent question out of his magic hat, let alone one that actually made her think.
"It wasn't really anything going through my head, per se," she began. "It was honestly more of an instinct than anything else." She thought back on the morning’s event and how she had sensed that Dominic had used harsh words in a punitive voice to subdue an obviously weaker bear into submission to do… She wasn't even sure yet – what? "I suppose it's always been inside of me, this innate need to help others, but I didn't really understand it — it didn't really blossom — until we came here to help out Forest Haven.” She continued striding, trying to play nonchalance, but it felt more rueful than anything else. "That's what happened out there. That lesser bear was in pain; he was in need of help. My bear simply acted out of its own free will."
Adam nodded, a new question already present in his gaze. "Why do you think you have it?" He asked. "This innate need to help those who cannot help themselves?"
Emily chewed her lip as she searched for an answer. Why did she think she had this instinct? "I think… I think it might stem from how I lost my parents, and maybe how I felt after truly understanding that they were gone forever," she began slowly. Just like that the darkness she had once been so keen to avoid wafted around her, bathing her in the nightmares she called her past. On a normal day, this would be about the time that Kelly inexplicably interrupted her thoughts, pulling her away to do something. It would almost instantly blow away all the feelings of darkness and loneliness and anything else that tried to plague Emily at that particular moment. It was refreshing, light, and open; and as she felt that darkness whirl around her as she walked with Adam, she wanted nothing more than for Kelly to peek out of the bushes, face full of forgiveness and its usual Kelly charm, dead set on telling Emily about some brand-new shampoo that finally got that woodland bear smell out of her hair."
But Kelly wasn't there, and she wouldn't be coming anytime soon. Plus, she could appreciate that the question had taken her mind completely off of the distractions that she and Adam had presented to one another. With a d
eep breath she embraced those dark memories if only to have something to talk about for the rest of the patrol.
"I know you probably think you've heard the story a million times,” she said, “but like, this is kind of a new part. A part that I never really talked about to anyone. Even Kelly only knows it in bits and pieces. So, like, it's not really a story, per se. So I'm sorry if I get, like, a bit choppy—or maybe it's blocky?—in my storytelling."
Adam chuckled. “You’re rambling,” he informed lightly.
“Oh, right,” Emily replied with the old familiar shyness that she’d always kept reserved for Adam in the days of old. She always got fretful when it came to stories about her past, so it didn’t come as a surprise. She just wished she could exercise at least a tiny bit more composure when retelling the tales to Adam.
With Kelly, it was different; she had shared dozens of stories over the years with her. They’d laughed at some, cried at others, and when Kelly raged on Emily’s behalf at the recollection of the slightest injustice, it made Emily feel more at home than she had in a long time.
Yet with Adam, she found herself slipping into the familiar role of someone with something to lose. Though she knew better, laughing and crying at long lost memories wasn’t something she was keen on doing with him; not yet. At least for now, that was a special something that she wanted to keep between her and Kelly.
She took a long, centering breath before charging onward. “Okay, so you know how my parents died five years ago.” Adam nodded, already listening intently. “And you know about how I came to live with you guys.” Adam nodded once more. “Okay, so we’re on the same page.” A waver tried to slip into her voice and she cleared her throat to quell it.
“Well, do you know about the time that passed in between those two points?”
Crush on the Alpha Bear (Alpha Bears Book 4) Page 10